Her eyes rounded, her mouth forming a perfect O. Unintelligible noises came from her lungs. Her hands started shaking, her body rocking back and forth in the chair.
“Shh, it’s okay, Julia. I’m not here to hurt you. I’m here to apologize. I didn’t make the connection until the other night. Jake told me about you leaving with…Snake. I didn’t know Dylan went by that name with his…friends. He’d never introduced me to any of them. He and I were…he was my boyfriend.” She stammered, wanting to get to the apology before Julia went into a panic attack. “When I saw him in the car with another woman, well, you heard me. I didn’t stop and look at the situation objectively. I looked at it with only my best interests, or what I thought those were, anyway. I’m so, so sorry.” Rachael wiped her eyes with her hands and returned them to hold Julia’s. “I wish I had done something to help you. Stayed around to make sure you were okay.”
Julia’s body shook as she rocked back and forth, but she didn’t pull her hands from Rachael’s.
“I suffered for five years living with him. He beat me up mentally and physically until my brothers rescued me. But he hurt you so much worse than he hurt me. If I had stopped to think about someone else, about you, the innocent victim in the car, I could have saved both of us. I’m so, so sorry, Julia.”
The woman was a pillar of beauty and innocence, her life taken from her in one brief moment. A moment Rachael could have prevented had she not been so self-centered. Remorse, guilt, anger, and waves of sadness crashed over her as tears flooded down her cheeks.
“Had I not been so selfish, I could have protected you.” She was repeating herself, but she needed to make sure Julia heard her. That she understood Rachael’s involvement, her guilt. “I should have stayed to make sure you were okay. That you were able to drive. I didn’t think about it at the time, but he used to slip drugs to me through his mouth as well. I never wanted them and he thought they’d lighten me up. My God, Julia. I’m sorry I didn’t protect you from that monster.”
She replayed Jake’s hurtful words from the other night. Words that were true, but that he had no right to say to her. Rachael lowered her head to the table and sobbed.
Julia released her hands and stood. Not knowing what to do, Rachael stood as well and was welcomed with the sweetest, warmest hug she’d ever received. They embraced and cried, soaking each other’s backs with tears, which then turned to laughter.
“He…hurt…you…too.”
Rachael nodded. “My scars are hidden where yours are visible. In the end, I’m the one who had it easy. He stole five years of my life, but I’ve been rid of him for over a year. He can’t hurt me anymore. You, though, Julia.” Rachael stroked her long, dark hair and smiled sadly into gorgeous chocolate eyes that mirrored Jake’s. “He stole more than one night or a few years. I could have—”
“Sh.” With a force she hadn’t seen or felt before, Julia pulled Rachael back into her arms and held her as they shed more tears. A tsunami of emotions tore at her body. Her core shook with rage and her head throbbed with guilt while her arms squeezed Julia’s in hope of forgiveness.
When their bodies relaxed and Rachael feared Julia’s legs would tire, she pulled back. “Your shirt’s a mess. I’m sorry.”
“What have I told you about pointless apologies?” The deep growl from behind startled them both.
Afraid to turn around, Rachael kept her back to Jake and focused on Julia. “I should go.” Julia shook her head. “I’ll be back though, okay? I promise.” Julia hugged her one more time before nodding to Jake and stepping away to find her field hockey stick.
“When did she learn to hold her stick again?” he asked, his voice hoarse.
“This past weekend,” she said softly.
“You helped her?” Jake came up next to Rachael, standing shoulder to shoulder, but she avoided his stare, keeping her gaze on Julia.
“No. She told your mom she wanted to play. I’ll leave so you and Julia can talk.” Not wanting to see his beautiful and devastated face, she kept her eyes lowered as she brushed past him. She raced around the side of the house instead of going through the kitchen and risking bumping into Lesley.
Angry at herself for taking flight instead of calling Jake out on his out-of-line and out-of-character words the other day, she paused at her car, hoping he’d chase after her so she could read him the riot act. How dare he put the burden of Julia’s accident on her shoulders?
Could she have possibly prevented the accident? Maybe. Who knows, they could have had words. Julia could have said she was fine to drive and the drug wouldn’t have kicked in until later. She was ten miles from Dylan’s apartment when she crashed. If Rachael had delayed her she could have crashed into another car, killing innocent people. Or Julia could have been killed.
One thing Rachael learned from her time in therapy was that you can’t repeat the past. Living every day thinking if only was not healthy. Instead of berating yourself for your mistakes, you had to prove yourself with your current actions.
That was something Doreen and Keith had instilled in all six kids. Maggie reiterated the sentiment, as did Rachael’s other therapist. And she thought Jake believed in the mantra as well. He’d spoken those words during his self-defense classes. Many times.
Jake started and ended each class with a feel-good message, making sure the women didn’t blame themselves for any trauma they’d experienced in the past, but took control of their lives and made the best of their futures.
Hypocrite. Rachael got into her Jetta, still smelling like new car and Jake, and drove back to the inn. Once in the safety of her room, she changed into running clothes and jogged down to the beach. Most tourists had packed up and headed home to get their kids ready for back to school shopping, with only a few diehards still in Maine. Mostly elderly couples who didn’t have young children. Rachael looked forward to the slower, more leisurely tourist season coming up. Leaf peepers would come in mid-October and head north or inland toward the mountains.
The coast would be beautiful with the gold and red leaves as well, but people came to see the mountains and the leaves reflecting off the rivers and lakes. Still, Rocky Harbor kept busy. Often travelers would stop and stay on the coast to break up the ride or for lobsters and clam chowder.
Pushing her legs faster than they’d run in months, if not years, Rachael worked on clearing her mind of the crap Jake put her through. No, that wasn’t fair to him. She knew him better than that. It was a knee-jerk reaction to finding out Rachael’s connection to his sister’s accident. She would be furious too if the situation was reversed.
Julia’s response, her immediate forgiveness, gave Rachael the strength to fight for her integrity. She needed to confront Jake, to see what this would mean for their future. If they had one.
Luke had called her Sunday and said the same thing. He was mad at Jake for blaming Rachael, but Luke said he would have reacted the same way had he been in Jake’s shoes. If Rachael was the one hurt, she knew her brothers would fight until the end for her. Jake had been an ass, there was no question about it, but he spoke out of hurt and love for his sister. Jake was hurting. While he had said some cruel things to her, he didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.
Rachael had hoped he’d come apologizing by now, begging for forgiveness and telling her how much he loved her. She’d read the troubled look in his eyes and the flicker of guilt when she’d backed away from him. It was instinct. A loud, angry man directing his harsh words at her usually resulted in a blow to the head or a kick to the stomach. Jake wouldn’t have hurt her physically; she never feared for her safety, but she couldn’t help her body’s reaction.
Slowing her pace as she approached the Inn, Rachael thought back to her therapy sessions. She wouldn’t let another man direct her fate and make decisions for her. If they were going to break up, Rachael would be in on the conversation as well. She and Jake had a mature, loving relationship that had hit a rocky patch, that was all, and they’d get through it. How they g
ot through would be the challenging part.
Chapter Fifteen
Rachael
The next morning Rachael ran errands, did the grocery shopping for the week, and gathered her thoughts and courage. She picked out one of her favorite T-shirts her brothers gave her, hoping Jake would appreciate it. The cloud cover lowered the temperature for the day, so she tugged on jeans instead of her usual shorts, and laced up her running sneakers.
Jake wouldn’t want the distraction of a serious discussion at work. When she’d stopped by before it was for a surprise picnic lunch or a quick visit, and that was when he couldn’t keep his hands off her. If yesterday was any indication as to his feelings toward her, he’d be keeping those strong, callused hands to himself. Unfortunately.
Not knowing when he’d call it a day, she packed her cooler with the food she’d prepared and drove out to his house. She brought a book and attempted to read on his front steps. Even though she had a key, she didn’t know how he’d receive her using it now.
When the wind picked up and rain started to fall, she ran back to her car and played too many games of Candy Crush. She flipped through the pictures on her phone, pausing at the one of her and Jake at Pemaquid Lighthouse. Their bodies fit so perfectly together; their smiles were genuine, as was their love. If only it was enough to heal their broken hearts.
It had to be.
Another hour past and the sun began to set. Still no Jake. Maybe she should have texted him? No, he would have avoided her. Checking her phone for the zillionth time, she jumped when it vibrated in her hands.
Jake: Where are you?
No, Hi, Rachael. I’ve missed you and still love you. Just a plain ‘ol Where are you?
Fuming, she texted back:
Right here
After she hit send, she realized he could interpret her text as playful and she was in anything but a playful mood.
Jake: Where exactly is that?
He should be the one kissing her butt, yet here she was sitting in his driveway for three freaking hours with a thoughtful dinner in the backseat, and he wanted her to answer his questions? Bring it on.
Rachael: In the comfort of my bed. Alone. Exactly how I want to be.
She tossed her phone on the passenger seat and started up the car. The rain came down in buckets. She couldn’t see a damn thing and would have to wait it out before trying to back out of Jake’s driveway. Her phone dinged again.
Jake: No you’re not.
Annoyed that he was right, she huffed and fired off another text.
Rachael: How do you know?
She didn’t have to wait long for Jake’s reply.
Jake: Because I’ve been sitting on it for the past two hours waiting for you.
Goosebumps—from the cold? From Jake?—covered her flesh. Rachael wanted to run to him. To jump in his arms and feel the warmth and solidness of his chest and his heart beating against her skin. No, she was still mad at him. He owed her an apology and an explanation. And then he texted her again.
Jake: Where are you? I’ll come to you.
Nibbling on her bottom lip, she counted to ten. Then to twenty, not wanting to seem too eager to see him again. Another ten count for good measure before she replied.
Rachael: I’ll meet you at your house.
He replied immediately.
Jake: On my way.
Rachael’s heart beat erratically as if she’d just finished her morning sprints. It took twenty minutes to get to Jake’s house from the Inn on a good day. Tonight, with the howling wind and torrential downpours, it would take at least a half hour. She hoped he would drive safe. The last thing she needed on her conscience was another accident.
Nineteen minutes later, headlights flashed in her rear view mirror, blinding her momentarily. Unable to hear anything with the pouring rain, she shrieked when her car door flew open and a pair of familiar hands hauled her out, pinning her against the car. Lips she’d memorized months ago and had longed to touch again crushed against hers.
“Damn, I’ve missed you.” Jake ran his hands up her arms and into her wet hair, pushing it back out of her face. “You taste so good.”
Sick with worry, she hadn’t eaten anything since lunch and had chewed off all of her strawberry lip gloss. “Jake.” She didn’t know what to say. What to do. They stood in the pouring rain, soaked to the core, not caring about anything but being in each other’s arms.
Jake separated their lips with a loud slurp and leaned his forehead against hers. They stood toe-to-toe, chest-to-chest while they caught their breath. “Can we go inside?” she asked when she started to shiver.
“Hell. Of course.” Jake eyed her from head to toe, stopping where her wet white T-shirt was stuck to her chest. “Nice shirt.”
“I thought you’d like it.”
“It’s white and it’s wet and it’s on you. What’s not to like?” Jake picked her up, tossing her over his shoulder, and bounded the steps to his front door. Fumbling in his pocket for his key, he finally opened the door and shoved his way inside. When he kicked the front door shut, he put Rachael down, allowing her body to slide along his, and pinned her to the door, nibbling on her ear. “Bacon is the duct tape of the kitchen. Really?”
“Blake sent it to me. I wasn’t sure how you’d react when you saw me, so I went for funny.”
“Babe.”
Recognizing the deep undercut of his voice, Rachael ducked under his arm and headed toward the kitchen. Toeing her wet sneakers off by the back door, she turned with a sigh. “We can’t jump into bed right now.” They needed to talk and Jake naked would be a distraction. It always was.
“How about the shower?”
She couldn’t help but laugh. “No. We’re talking. I brought dinner. Oh.” She pulled out a chair and began lacing up her sneakers again. “I left it in the car.”
“You’re not going back out there. I’ll get it.” Before she could argue, he’d banged the front door open and shut and fled.
Kicking off her shoes again, she peeled off her wet socks and unstuck her shirt from her boobs. She could only imagine what her hair looked like. And to think about how much time she put into ironing all the frizz out.
“This thing weighs a ton.” Jake huffed as he set the cooler on the counter.
“I packed a lot of ice. I wasn’t sure what time you’d be home.”
Jake peeked in the cooler and shut the lid quickly. “You’ve been waiting here all night?”
Damn. She didn’t want him to know that. “Sort of.” She shrugged.
Rounding the island, he braced his hands on the arms of her chair and lowered his head so he was level with her. “You’ve been waiting for me to come home?” That devilish grin that got him out of so many jams appeared and her girly parts quivered.
“Maybe. And only because I’m mad as hell at you.”
“Babe. You can’t swear at me and not expect me to get turned on.”
“Seriously.” She huffed. “Is everything always about sex with you?” She knew it wasn’t. Jake had never pressured her into anything and the crushed expression on his face told her she’d hurt him.
Jake turned serious and righted himself to a standing position. “I’ve never pushed you into anything, Rachael.”
“I know that.” She followed his retreating back down the hall to his bedroom. He reached behind his neck and pulled his wet shirt over his head, tossing it in the corner by his laundry basket.
“I need a shower. I’ve been working all day. I’ll be out in a few.” Gone was the playful Jake.
Annoyed that she’d turned their light moment into something more serious, Rachael stomped back to the kitchen and unloaded the cooler. It wasn’t anything fancy. Caprese salad, spinach lasagna, and garlic bread. Turning the oven on to preheat, she kicked herself for being so stupid. Tonight was supposed to be about them having a grown up conversation about their pasts.
About their connected pasts. She believed Jake had started to forgive himself for Julia’s acc
ident, but if he thought she was responsible, they’d have no relationship. Ever. Rachael needed to hear from Jake whether he truly believed she could have prevented the unstoppable.
She put the food in the oven to warm and set the table. After she poured two glasses of red wine, Jake emerged, his hair still wet from his shower. The rest of him was dry in a snug pair of jeans that did incredible things to his already incredible ass, and a forest green shirt that had his company’s logo on it.
“I put a dry shirt and pair of sweats in the bathroom if you want to change.”
Rachael had packed an overnight bag—just in case—but she didn’t want to bring it up. “Thanks.” It felt good to strip out of her wet jeans and shirt. Soaked to her bra, she took that off as well and hung it over the shower rod. Jake’s shirt hung loosely on her. Maybe he wouldn’t notice she’d gone braless. The sweats were big and comfy as well. She rolled the top a few times and pulled the drawstrings as tight as she could make them.
Wishing for an elastic, she ran her fingers through her hair, doing her best to get out the biggest tangles. This would have to do.
The moment she stepped into the kitchen, Jake’s eyes zeroed in on her braless chest. Quickly crossing her arms to cover up the evidence of her chilled body—or turned on body, it was hard to tell—she nodded toward the oven.
“Dinner should be ready in about twenty minutes.”
Strawberry Kisses (A Rocky Harbor Novel Book 2) Page 20
