Lexi lay there, the chant running through her mind:Crack an egg on your head,
Let the yolk run down,
Let the yolk run up,
Let the yolk run down.
The last time they’d played, Lexi had pulled her nightgown over her head and held it in front of her chest while Anabelle ran her fingers over Lexi’s bare back and arms. And then, to Lexi’s surprise, Anabelle had done the same with her nightgown. Lexi had gone extra slow to prolong touching Anabelle’s smooth skin.
Squeeze oranges on your shoulders,
Let the juice run down,
Let the juice run up,
Let the juice run down.
Yes, that’s exactly what we should do, Lexi thought. We should play that. But all she did was keep silently reciting the words to herself.
Stab a knife in your back,
Let the blood drip down,
Let the blood drip up,
Let the blood drip down.
Crisscross applesauce,
Spiders running up and down ...
No, she thought before she even got to the end. This isn’t right. It’ll take too long. At this late stage it was probably best to be direct. Maybe start by admitting to Anabelle that she’d lied about losing her virginity during her trip to Boston last summer, that there was no hot coffee-shop guy named Jamie. That, yes, there was a Jamie, but Lexi had known this person a couple years ago and not from Boston and they hadn’t actually done it and, and, and ... she was a girl. Yes, a girl.
Maybe Anabelle would be intrigued, would have questions about it. And maybe she’d admit that she’d always wondered what kissing a girl would be like. Maybe she’d want to try it. Or just lie there holding each other.
Or maybe she’d never want to talk to Lexi again.
But maybe that didn’t matter—she’d be leaving in a month anyway. There wasn’t really anything to lose. Except, of course, if she really did keep dating Matt forever and ever. And then they’d be in the same family. And boy, would that be awkward.
Lexi tried to come up with the right words. She tried to memorize them. But she had to memorize them in such a way that when they came out they’d sound spontaneous, as if this thought had just occurred to her, as if it hadn’t been weighing on her constantly.
Just as she felt ready to say something, Anabelle got out of bed.
“Where you going?” Lexi asked.
“Bathroom,” Anabelle answered in a tone that said, What’s it to you?
Okay, Lexi thought. When she gets back. No more excuses.
Minutes passed. Many minutes. More minutes than it should take to go to the bathroom, no matter what you were doing in there. Lexi listened for a flush. She didn’t hear one. But she did hear voices. Hushed voices, coming from her mom’s room. She tiptoed down the hall and stood by the cracked-open door.
“It’s so confusing,” she heard Anabelle say. “I just don’t know what to do.”
“Well, I’m not going to tell you to break up with Matty or not—that’s your decision,” Lexi’s mom said.
Wow, Lexi thought, she’s really going to end it. She was tempted to bust into the room and start jumping on the bed like she did when she was a kid, back when her parents were still together.
“But if you do break up with him,” her mom continued, “which I think is fine, it should be because it feels like that’s what has to happen. Not because you’re curious about someone else.”
Curious about someone else? What? Was Anabelle really telling Lexi’s mom about this? About what was going on between the two of them? How embarrassing. She didn’t want her mom to know about that. Not yet, at least. At the same time, it was a relief to know Anabelle was feeling just as confused as she was. She had to get Anabelle out of there so they could discuss this privately.
“And besides,” her mom added, “I can’t really see you and Jonah together anyway. He’s too tall for you.”
The words hit Lexi like a bowling ball in the stomach. Anabelle had been talking about Jonah. Not her. Of course she had. They’d been flirting like crazy lately, but then, Jonah flirted like crazy with everyone. But she’d been an idiot not to have seen it for what it was.
Anabelle was heterosexual, just like everyone else. Every one else except Lexi, who was the only girl in this town to ever be a maybe, probably lesbian.
Lexi needed some air.
She ran down the stairs and practically bashed right into—surprise, surprise—Jonah, who was heading up as she was heading down.
“When did you ... what’re you ...” she started asking, not sure what her question was. Her head was all over the place. It felt like it was crawling with ants.
Jonah’s face turned the color of that ugly hoodie Anabelle had been wearing lately. “Whoops,” he said, running back downstairs. “Forgot Matt was still gone. I’ll come back tomorrow.”
“Liar,” Lexi said, leaning over the banister to keep herself steady. “Why’d you really come?” Just say it, she thought. Say you came for Anabelle.
“Actually,” he said walking up to her. “I came for you.” Another lie. He never came looking for her.
“Yeah, right.”
“Well, for you and Anabelle.”
Now we’re getting somewhere, Lexi thought.
“I wondered if ... if maybe you wanted to break into one of the McMansion pools,” Jonah said. “I found a wicked cool one last night on my way home from a party.”
She could tell he was making this up as he went along, but the excitement of trespassing actually sounded good right now. A much-needed release. “Yeah, let’s do it,” she said. “Hang on, I just have to get Anabelle.”
“She sleeping?”
“No, she’s in my mom’s room. Having some sort of heart-to-heart.”
“Oh yeah? What about?”
“Boys, what else?”
Jonah shifted on his feet and rubbed his hand nervously through his five-o’clock shadow. Lexi got why he was jittery; it was the same reason she had been, just minutes ago.
She decided right then: there was no way she was letting Jonah and Anabelle be alone tonight. If she couldn’t have what she wanted, then neither could they.
Lexi had thought she’d never find herself in a stranger pool than the heart-shaped one last summer that belonged to the couple with an unusually large collection of miniature poodles. But this one that Jonah took them to was definitely weirder. In fact, the only thing that tipped her off to knowing that this little body of water was, in fact, a swimming pool was the diving board on the end. Otherwise, it looked like a pond. Instead of concrete around the edge, there was slate and the sides were made of varying levels of smooth rocks.
The house itself was pretty spooky. It looked like an old castle, even though it was brand-new. And there were giant bushes cut to look like animals all over the lawn. The whole place felt like a movie set, which Lexi found sort of fitting. She had a sense that something dramatic was going to happen tonight and this seemed like the perfect setting for things to go down.
The three of them stood at the foot of the pool, checking to make sure nobody was watching them. All of the lights in the house seemed to be out, which either meant the people who lived there weren’t around or they were asleep. It was always better to err on the safe side and keep quiet. Which was also way more exciting.
Jonah untied his shoes and threw them into the grass, then tossed off his shirt and shorts until he was just in his boxers. He lowered himself into the water on the long wide rocks arranged like steps. Lexi was going back and forth over whether or not to go in in her clothes. She was starting to regret having laughed at Anabelle back at the house for saying she didn’t want to go swimming because she didn’t have a bathing suit. The truth was, even though Lexi wore bikinis, she hated them because they made her lack of womanly features so clear.
She looked over at Anabelle, who was unbuckling her sandals at a glacial pace. And as uncomfortable as Lexi was with her body, it occurred to her that right
now she had the opportunity to make Anabelle look like a wuss in front of Jonah. She tore her clothes off as quickly as possible and stepped into the lukewarm water in her bra and underwear. Even though it was dark and she was pretty sure nobody could see anything, she had to fight an urge to cross her arms over her chest. She ducked down, making sure the water covered her shoulders. You’re in a show right now, she told herself. A show starring a fearless heroine who didn’t give a damn if anyone saw her in her soaked, natural-color bra.
Anabelle walked up to the edge of the pool and curled her toes over the slate. The spot between her eyebrows was all wrinkly.
“What’s your problem?” Lexi whispered up to her.
“I’m not stripping,” Anabelle clipped back. It seemed like she didn’t want Jonah to hear.
Jonah waded over to them. “She need a push?” he asked Lexi with a grin.
“She needs some guts,” Lexi answered.
Anabelle crouched down. “What’d you say?” she challenged.
“Anabelle,” Lexi said. “You’re so amazing. But you know what would make you even more amazing?”
“What,” Anabelle said, through clenched teeth.
“If you’d just take a risk once in your life.”
Major eye roll.
Lexi knew she’d won a point there, but this one didn’t make her feel good.
“Ladies, hey, this is supposed to be fun.” Jonah stuck his face in Anabelle’s. “Look, here’s what we’ll do,” he said. “Lexi and I will go underwater for, like, ten seconds. That’s how long you’ve got to get in.”
“Or what?” Anabelle said, all sassy.
“You don’t want to find out,” Jonah flirted back.
“Maybe I do,” Anabelle said, hands on her hips.
Jonah turned to Lexi, gave her a nod, and disappeared underwater. Lexi followed his lead and began to count Mississippis. She was sure this was a ploy to get her out of the picture for a brief moment while the two of them made out. She came up two seconds early, convinced she’d catch them with their lips locked. But all she saw was Anabelle sitting on the side of the pool with her feet dangling in the water. Still fully clothed.
Jonah’s head surfaced all the way in the deep end. He shook out his hair like a wet dog, then spotted Anabelle across the water. “You’re gonna regret this, Seulliere,” he said quietly, swimming the crawl over to her.
“Wait,” Anabelle said when he was about a foot away. “I just need to know something.”
Jonah glided up and wrapped his hands around her ankles. “Make it quick,” he said, giving her feet a tug. “Lexi and I have to take care of your punishment.”
Lexi hoped Anabelle’s punishment didn’t involve getting out of the pool.
Anabelle braced herself, gripping the slate. “Why’d you come over so late while Matt was gone?” she asked Jonah.
Jonah pushed his legs out behind him and flutter-kicked to keep himself afloat. “I don’t know,” he said. “Habit, I guess.”
Anabelle dipped her hand in the water and spritzed Jonah in the face.
What’s she doing? Lexi wondered. He wasn’t going to admit he’d come over to see her. Not with Lexi right there.
“You knowwhat?” he said, creeping his fingers like tarantulas over the backs of Anabelle’s legs. “I came over because I had something to say.”
“Yeah?” Anabelle sounded hopeful, as if she knew deep down that this big thing Jonah had to say was for her ears. Lexi felt invisible. As if they didn’t notice that she was right there, practically naked beside them. Part of her wanted to jump out of the pool and run away and another part wanted to barge in between them and push them apart.
“If you must know, I had to tell Jeanie something,” Jonah said, dropping his feet and standing.
“Jeanie?” Anabelle sounded shocked.
Yeah, Lexi thought. Jeanie? What’d you want with her at two in the morning?
“She’s been giving me advice about this situation I’m in.” Jonah turned around with his back to Anabelle and bowed down, placing her feet over his chest. “Or was in.”
“Why is my mom everyone’s therapist?” Lexi asked. But she was relieved in a way that his goal hadn’t been to find Anabelle. Or was this just some crazy excuse to hide that?
“So,” Jonah said, ignoring Lexi, “I’ve kinda been seeing this woman. An older woman. Well, not seeing her exactly. It’s complicated. Anyway. I got the good sense to realize it was no good for me. I came to tell Jeanie that.”
“How old?” Anabelle asked, scrunching her nose.
“Too old.” He grabbed Anabelle’s hands and put them on his head. “Now hop on before I drag you in against your will.”
Anabelle slid off the side of the pool onto his shoulders. She steadied herself as Jonah carried her out to the center of the water.
Lexi couldn’t get Anabelle’s judgmental look out of her head. So what if Jonah was seeing an older woman? Big deal. It wasn’t something to make faces about. Lexi was glad she hadn’t made her confession earlier; she didn’t think she could’ve handled Anabelle making a similar face when she found out Lexi used to make out with a girl.
Jonah walked deeper and deeper. When the water was up to his chest, Anabelle leaned over and whispered something in his ear, which Lexi couldn’t hear but made Jonah smile. And then Anabelle raised her arms and started flapping them gracefully, as if she were an exotic bird. Jonah bobbed up and down along with her movements.
What in the world was going on here? Some crazy mating ritual? Watching this thing between the two of them unfold made Lexi feel sick to her stomach, like she did that time when Anabelle’s boss was out of the shop and they overloaded on saltwater taffy. “Are you guys, like, practicing for some sort of two-person winged dragon role in a play I don’t know about?” Even as Lexi asked it, she knew she was talking too loudly.
Anabelle and Jonah both shushed her.
Jonah turned around and glided back toward Lexi. She suddenly noticed how hairy his chest was. Much hairier than last summer. Not beastly or anything. But for the first time she thought of him as a man, not a boy.
Were she and Anabelle women? Anabelle showed more signs of becoming one than Lexi did, but flapping around up there in her dry clothes on Jonah’s bare wet shoulders, she looked really young. Lexi felt relieved that Anabelle hadn’t taken off her clothes; it would’ve felt too bad to see the two of them this close together in just undergarments, with her off to the side feeling like the only one who was still a child.
Just then, Jonah gave a big jump and dunked Anabelle underwater. There was kicking and shoving, spluttering, and the holding in of laughter.
Lexi couldn’t bear to watch this any longer. She swam out to the deepest part of the deep end and wondered what would happen first: her arms and legs losing strength from treading water or Anabelle and Jonah finally giving in and kissing. Maybe you should just get out and go home, she thought. Leave them to do whatever they’re gonna do. It’s inevitable.
And then.
Alight came on.
In the humongous corner windows on the third floor.
“You guys!” Lexi whisper-shouted. “Someone’s awake in there. I think we should go.”
“What,” Anabelle said, clinging to Jonah’s back, “so now you’re suddenly not a risk taker?”
“Ouch,” Jonah said with a smirk.
“Really?” Lexi said. “You really want to go there?”
“You’re just always making me feel so lame and timid. I figured a little light in a house wouldn’t scare you. Someone probably just got up to go to the bathroom.”
Lexi’s body felt like a teakettle just before it whistles, the bubbles rippling through her limbs. “Look at me, Anabelle,” she said through her teeth. “Take a good hard look.” She swam over to the side of the pool, kicking with all her might, and hoisted herself out. She stormed around the corner and mounted the diving board.
Anabelle was still wrapped around Jonah’s back, her chin hang
ing over his shoulder. Her hair was sopping wet, her cheeks flushed. She looked beautiful. Lexi used to think she was the only one who could make Anabelle look like that. But right now, all Lexi was doing was making Anabelle’s eyes pop.
“I am in my underwear!” Lexi said, not really caring if her voice was the teensiest bit too loud. “You’ve got all your clothes on.” She walked out to the edge of the diving board and leaned forward to be sure Anabelle heard this next part. “You will never, ever be as daring as I am. You’re afraid. Afraid to do what you know you have to do. Afraid to give in to your feelings, to go after what you want.” Lexi hated herself as she was saying these things, but she felt that she had to keep going. She was a boulder halfway down a mountain in a landslide. “Why don’t you two just—”
Before she could suggest that Anabelle and Jonah just get it over with already and do it, Jonah threw Anabelle off his back. “Shit!” he said. “Someone’s coming!”
Lexi turned to see a girl—or woman? it was hard to tell—walking cautiously toward the pool. Anabelle and Jonah started scrambling out of the water, but Lexi didn’t wait for them. She sprinted over the lawn to the staircase and down to the beach, leaving her clothes behind. She ran against the wind, letting it blow against her stomach, her face. The last time she felt this electrified she’d been onstage, zipping around in the Peter Pan flying contraption.
She turned around for a second and got a glimpse of Anabelle and Jonah, two human-shaped specks just making it onto the sand.
They would never catch up to her.
{ ONE Last TIME }
matt fletcher
As soon as Matt’s dad dropped him off at home, he set out on his mission. His mission to find Anabelle. To see her, to hold her, to feel her squeeze his hand three times—their secret silent code for I love you.
The View from the Top Page 6
