“I’m sorry,” she said, and meant it. At that moment, it was more than a polite expression. It was bone-deep true. She was genuinely deeply sorry that this had happened to him.
“Thanks,” he said.
“Tell me about him. If that’s not too painful?”
He stared at the road ahead of him for a while and she waited.
“When I was five years old, he used to take me to the station to meet his co-workers. I saw some of them at the visitation. They reminded me of Dad’s better qualities. That he was a good cop. I’d forgotten about that.”
“I researched him on the internet.” Shannon slipped off her shoes and put her sock-clad feet up on the dashboard. She leaned her head against the headrest and relaxed into this new, different version of her old caregiver role, into something that felt natural and compassionate. “I read what happened to your dad. How could he have been a good cop and yet have done what he did?”
“You can be a good cop despite sleeping around a lot.”
“What about the kickbacks?”
“That surprised me. I think Dad just liked having money to throw around. He liked to spend. He was a big man with big appetites.”
“Janey said you hadn’t seen him in twenty years.”
“Not true.” She watched him hesitate, swallow. “The first night I met you—” he emphasized that as though the moment mattered, had weight “—he came to the office. That was the first time I’d seen him in twenty years.”
“Why did he come?”
“To tell me he was dying.”
“I see. He went quickly in the end. Only last week you were trying to find him.”
“Yes. He went faster than I expected.”
Cash was silent for a long time after that.
They stopped for gas and coffee once then drove straight through until they reached Yellowstone, still on the Montana side of the border.
They went through the north entrance of the park, under the huge stone Roosevelt Arch.
“We don’t have to go as far as Wyoming.” Cash broke the silence for the first time in an hour. “Dad didn’t specify a spot.”
He continued to drive for a while until he parked the pickup in front of a small lodge surrounded by cabins and hundreds of conifers. He enquired about renting a cabin for the night, paid for it and then carried their bags to it and unlocked the door.
It was rustic and the only heat came from a woodstove. The bed had a couple of thick quilts on it. The bed. One double bed.
She looked at Cash and found him watching her steadily. What did she think of this arrangement? While running the pros and cons through her mind, he approached and took her chin in his hand.
He gave her plenty of time to stop him before leaning forward and pressing his lips to hers, kissing her gently, persuasively.
When he pulled back, he whispered, “My bed smelled like you last night. Like vanilla.”
This close his eyes were dark blue, and intense.
“I can rent you a separate cabin, if you want.”
Usually, yes, that’s exactly what she would want. If she slept with a man, she liked having her own bed to go to, so she wouldn’t have to wake up with him in the morning.
It was the sex she wanted. Not the intimacy.
But the other night in Cash’s bed, she’d felt an intimacy with him even though he hadn’t been there, and it had been glorious.
How would it feel to have him in bed with her when she woke up? She wanted to find out.
“I’m only asking for tonight. Only one night.”
She nodded. “One tonight.” She could do that without giving away her heart.
He took her hand. “Come on, let’s explore before it gets too dark.” They left the cabin. With only an hour or so before dusk, they didn’t have time to spread the ashes today. Instead they found a hiking trail through the woods, and crunched their way across layers of pine needles. They walked through a forest of lofty lodgepole pines.
The land rose steadily. With Cash every bit as fit as she was, they hiked well together, neither of them flagging or breathing heavily.
They came out on the top of a low hill and the view stunned Shannon.
“Here,” he said. “This is where I’ll lay Dad to rest.”
No wonder. The yellowing scrub on the hill sloped away to a valley that cradled Yellowstone River. Half a dozen elk had gathered at the water’s edge. Warm shards of the setting sun sparked off the river.
It took her breath away, and the peace of the spot seeped into her. They shared the silence of a perfect moment.
“We’re losing the day’s light,” Cash finally said, though he sounded reluctant. “Let’s head back,” They returned to the cabin and unpacked. All the while Shannon simmered with an underground but potent anticipation of the night ahead.
They had supper in the main lodge’s small café, a simple meal of beef stew and warm sourdough bread. They lingered over coffee while the room slowly cleared of a handful of fellow tourists.
They left and strolled in the cold moonlight, holding hands.
He was quiet. A number of times, she tried to jumpstart conversation before she realized that quiet was better. That Cash was processing his grief and just needed her close. She didn’t have to entertain him. She didn’t have to soothe and support and build him up. She just had to be and Cash was satisfied.
Her mind wouldn’t quit comparing this type of need with what she’d grown up with, with Dad’s persistent craving for attention, always pushing for more, always needing more no matter how much Shannon gave.
And her brother. Poor Tom. Judging by his actions, she hadn’t given him anywhere near close to enough, but she had always tried. She just couldn’t replace the wife and children he loved.
Then she thought of Dave Dunlop.
“What happened?” Cash asked.
She glanced up at him. “What do you mean?”
“Your hand just tightened, fast and hard like a spasm. What were you thinking about?”
She bit her lip. Should she tell him? Maybe. It was a night for sharing.
“When I was seventeen, I had a brief fling with a guy from school. His name was Dave. He was my first lover and I thought I was in love with him.”
Cash made an encouraging sound.
“I realized pretty quickly that Dave liked a lot of attention, that he had to be the star, both on the football field and off, and with his new girlfriend.”
After a moment, she said, “I got pregnant.”
“What happened?”
“Dave decided he didn’t want to have anything to do with either me or the baby.” Cash squeezed her hand. They hadn’t worn their gloves to the lodge and her fingers were cold, but her palm was warm against his large one.
“I didn’t have anyone to turn to,” she continued. “Janey was already in Ordinary married to C.J. and expecting the twins. My dad is useless in times of stress. He said I’d have to move out, just as he had to Janey. He said he couldn’t afford to feed a baby.”
Cash unlocked the door to the cabin and flicked a switch. The overhead light was harsh. He found a couple of emergency candles in holders and lit those instead before turning off the light.
He urged her to sit in the only chair in the room, an old armchair beside the woodstove, then he constructed a fire. He added a couple of small logs after the kindling caught and closed the door.
Finished with it, he stood and lifted her out of the armchair, startling a small yelp out of her. He then sat down and settled her on his lap. When he wrapped his arms around her and asked, “What happened?” his voice reverberated in his chest beneath her ear.
She enjoyed being held like this. So many firsts with this man.
“I asked Dave for help a couple of times
, but he refused. He just disappeared.”
“He was a coward.”
She sat up and looked at him. “Yes. Totally.”
Cash urged her head back against his chest, gently, and she went willingly. She wasn’t used to being pampered, to having someone take care of her, and it felt good.
“Why am I telling you all of this? It’s ancient history. I’m supposed to be here for you.”
This man who should have been crazy with need was actually soothing her, easing the pain of old memories. It turned everything she knew on its head and tumbled over all of her old assumptions, the old stereotypes she knew existed about men and women. It obliterated her experiences, leaving her new and fresh and waiting to be filled with something unique.
He was taking care of her—and she liked it.
“This should be your time,” she said.
“It takes my mind away from my dad.” His mouth and breath whispered along her neck. “Besides, I want to know about you. What happened?”
“Janey offered me a room in their house, but I couldn’t do it. She’d spent enough time taking care of her brothers and sisters after our mother died. I couldn’t ask her to take care of me again.”
Cash was easing her out of her sweater—a good thing. The fire was warming her, and the room, nicely.
“What happened then?”
“I lost the baby.” A flare of pain stabbed her chest. Oh dear Lord, it hurt. Where was this sorrow coming from? Why was she still so emotional about losing her child ten years ago? Shannon rarely thought about the baby these days and yet here was a fresh burst of grief so strong it might as well have happened yesterday.
In a flash, she understood what was happening. In the past, she’d never had anyone to share it with. She’d felt isolated. So alone. It should have been Dave. He should have been all over her trying to make her feel better, but he’d been a no-show.
She’d held it all in, had sucked it up and had gotten on with her life.
But some things needed to be dwelt on for as long as it took, and dealt with so you didn’t carry them underground for years. She dealt with it now in the comforting circle of Cash’s arms.
She didn’t cry—that wasn’t in her nature—but she did grieve, and he held her all the while, silently, waiting for any sign from her to tell him what she needed.
What was it about Cash and his caring, nurturing ways that left her vulnerable? That made her want to curl into the warm circle of his arms and let all of her troubles fade? To let him carry her burdens, even if briefly?
He kissed her. He didn’t say a word, but his gentle kiss spoke volumes about his compassion.
He’d unbuttoned her blouse. She hadn’t noticed. He slipped his big hand inside and caressed her breast.
She unbuttoned his shirt, kissed the base of his throat and felt his heart beat a strong invincible tempo through his veins.
He set her on her feet and they moved to the bed. On opposite sides, they watched each other undress.
Cash was a strong, muscular man, already partially aroused, beautiful with the candlelight playing over his skin.
They climbed into bed and met in the middle under the heavy quilts. The fire hadn’t completely dispelled the chill from the air and Shannon was happy to move into his embrace. She liked his brand of fire, needed it after the emotional moments they’d shared.
Never in her life had there been an emotional prelude to sex. It left her stunned and hungry and happy to move with Cash into whatever came next.
She started her explorations.
She ran her palms over his warm skin, memorizing the contours and the sounds he made when she touched sensitive spots.
Shannon marveled at this time of wonder, of getting to know his body, of this first burst of lust with him. This was deeper than ever before, but for some reason, with Cash she wasn’t afraid, wasn’t worried about whether she would be called on to give him too much. She’d never met a more caring man.
Something deep inside of him called to her. Pieces of herself, long dormant and seldom used, responded to him.
She asked out loud what she had only thought in the truck earlier. “What are you doing to me, Cash?”
“Touching. Possessing. Loving.”
Loving. She couldn’t do that. Shouldn’t do that. But she did. She loved this solid, honest man with the sun-thatched hair and brilliant blue eyes, with the caring, family-loving tenderness, with the high morals and ethics she rarely saw anywhere, not even in many of the cops she knew.
His hands roved her body, set tiny fires burning on the skin he touched. Her nipples rose to meet his rough palms. They shot a message to her belly—excitement and passion.
Shannon touched his stomach and he hissed in a breath. She moved lower and took him in hand. Like the rest of his body, he was generous.
She opened her legs and cradled his hips, directing him, wanting to take him into her and love him. Wanting to give herself to a man, really give herself, for the first time in her life. Fully, without restraint. He rested his weight on her and filled her. She sighed. He fit perfectly.
Cash raised himself onto his elbows and looked down at her. “Your skin is like gold in the candlelight.”
“So is yours.”
She loved men’s collarbones, the way they stood in relief from muscled biceps and shoulders. She caressed his.
Cash didn’t pound into her as a lot of men would, as though staking a claim. He entered her slowly, dragging out the anticipation, making her crazy with want.
She wrapped her legs around him and squeezed. He took one of her ankles and lifted it to his mouth, her athletic body flexible enough to accommodate him.
He kissed her ankle, her calf. “I love your legs.”
She ran her tongue along his collarbone, moved against him so he stroked inside of her.
They set a rhythm and she’d never felt anything so good, or honest, or real.
“Take care of me, Cash.” Don’t break the promise of partnership, of equality, that I sense in you. Don’t disappoint me and ask for more than I can give. Don’t come to need me so much that I lose myself.
“I’ve got you, babe.”
She believed him and because she did, she gave more of herself to him than to any other man.
There was nothing clinical or detached or cool about their lovemaking. It was passionate, became driven, became hot and hard and fast and explosive. Became a baptism, washing away her doubts when they came together.
Dear God, she’d found her man.
CHAPTER TWELVE
SHE AWAKENED ALONE in the morning, missing Cash’s presence in both her heart and her bed.
They’d spent the night exploring, playing, exciting and then soothing. They’d taken turns stoking the fire, both the one in the stove and the ones in their bodies, first Shannon taking the lead and then Cash, in a partnership of passion that was so new it left her stunned.
She wasn’t sure, but thought it might have been close to dawn when they fell asleep. She’d looked forward to waking him up. With kisses. Slowly.
He’d started a fire in the woodstove before he left to go who knew where.
She remembered the huge, impossible thought she’d had after they’d first made love—that Cash was her man. She hadn’t expected to have a man in her life and was blindsided.
This trip was changing her. She didn’t quite know what to think or what to do about it, but she wasn’t ready to leave, to quit. After her first awkward steps in a new direction, reaching out to a man, and offering to come here with Cash, she wanted to see where things would take her.
The door opened and Cash stepped in, bringing with him a blast of chilly air.
He carried in a couple of foam containers that smelled sausage-greasy. He also carried a couple of
coffees.
When Shannon sat up the quilt fell to her waist.
Cash looked at her and groaned. “I’m hungry, lady, but how am I supposed to resist you when you look like a slice of heaven?”
He set the containers onto the bedside table, whipped a flannel shirt out of his bag and tossed it to her.
“If you stay like that, we’ll get nothing done today.”
The fun, easy camaraderie that she’d felt between them before Cash’s father died was back and she reveled in it.
She slipped on his shirt and buttoned it up. She sipped at the coffee he handed her. “Aaaaah, that’s amazing. You got the sugar and cream exactly right.”
“I pay attention to details.”
“You sure did last night.” So many details.
His lips slowly curled into a smile that nearly knocked her out of his shirt. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” She smiled and drank her coffee.
“Here.” He opened a container and handed it to her. Sausages, ham, eggs, toast, sliced tomato. Her appetite huge this morning, her stomach wouldn’t wait and she dug in, all but inhaling her breakfast.
Satisfied, she leaned back against the wall behind the bed and sipped the last of her coffee.
“Happy?” Cash asked.
“Insanely so. My boss had to nag me for months to take a holiday, but I wouldn’t. Now I’m glad I finally did. This place is wonderful.”
Cash unbuttoned his shirt. “You don’t mind that it’s so rustic?”
“Nope.” She tilted her head and enjoyed the intriguing bits of skin Cash was revealing. He pushed the shirt off his shoulders and threw it on the armchair.
Next, he unzipped his jeans and stepped out of them. Shannon had been to strip clubs, had hooted and hollered with all the other drunken women, but this… Cash removing his clothes as simply as the sun rises, this was potent. Powerful.
He crawled under the quilt and lay beside her. Her body responded full force when he nibbled her breast.
“What are you doing?” she gasped.
“Having dessert.”
* * *
THEY HIKED THe trail together, in hats and gloves and heavy coats. The day was colder and darker than yesterday.
No Ordinary Sheriff Page 16
