by Malone, Nana
Meet me a block north from your flat.
How the hell did he know where she lived? Muttering a quick goodbye to Tamsin, she took the stairs two at a time, nearly falling out of the front door. More sedately, she headed down Grove Park Gardens, barely even noticing the lush greenery and stately mansions. She didn’t want him thinking she’d run to meet him.
Her good judgment meter was clearly on the fritz. Everything about this guy said emotionally unavailable, and she’d just come off a relationship with someone who didn’t know the meaning of love. She needed another guy like she needed another hole in her head. Rather, she needed another handsome, wealthy guy like she needed a lobotomy. But still, her breathing grew shallow at the thought of seeing him again.
But logic wasn’t on her side. She knew how she felt when she was near Lex. Safe, but also edgy and tingly. She rounded the corner toward the row houses that hugged the Thames and slowed when she noticed a shiny black BMW sports car idling on the side of the road. When she got within ten feet, Lex climbed out, grin flashing.
“I was starting to worry that you wouldn’t come out to meet me.”
“Well, I didn’t really have a choice. This is my way to school.”
“Oh, is it now? Fancy that.”
She raised an eyebrow. “How did you know where I live?”
“Easy. I asked Jasper where Tamsin lived. Told him a friend of mine was asking about her.”
Abbie wrinkled her nose. Now, thanks to the grapevine of their group of friends, Tamsin would think some guy was crushing on her. “What happens when Tams finds out there is no guy?”
“Who said there’s no guy? My friend Nick was quite taken with her, as he is with many women. He just didn’t ask where she lived, so I did it for him. If it happened to get me access to you too, then anything in service of a friend.” His smile was infectious, crooked and so sexy. “Why don’t you hop in? I’ll give you a ride.”
She eyed the sleek, black sports car. Abbie didn’t know a ton about cars, but she knew a BMW was all kinds of expensive. Lex leaned against the car, confidence oozing off of him. He fit. The car, the setting, he belonged to a world she didn’t understand. Everything about him oozed privilege. She shouldn’t want him, but her body hummed with anticipation when she thought about his kisses. Abbie cleared her throat. “I don’t want you to go out of your way. School is in Ealing. I’ll catch the bus.”
He scrunched his face. “Come on, Abbie. Why ride with a bunch of tosser rude boys heading back to their counsel flats when you can ride in style? I promise I won’t bite. Besides, we’re friends, right? Get in.”
Abbie wavered for another second, but eventually folded herself into the sleek leather of the passenger seat. She was careful not to touch anything. “Uhm, thanks. It’s University of West London in Ealing, right next to the high street.”
He chuckled. “I know where it is, remember?”
“Right. I keep forgetting Xander’s your brother. I appreciate the ride. So what did you want to see me about?”
He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat as he pulled into the road. “Well, mostly I wanted to see you. You know, see how your photos came out.”
She breathed deeply then exhaled, unsure what to say or how to deal with him, so she said nothing.
“Okay, bullshit. I just wanted to see you. When you left yesterday, I got the impression I’d freaked you out…again. I wanted to make sure you—we—were okay.”
Abbie’s throat strangled her last intake of air, refusing to let it be expelled. Slowly, she forced her muscles to relax. “Honestly, I’m fine. I guess. Confused, frustrated. Did I mention confused? Every time we touch, it just seems to get pretty intense, you know? Then you turn around and tell me you don’t want to be with me. Then you kiss me again. I haven’t got a clue if we’re okay or not.”
He exhaled, and the tense silence stretched between them like sticky taffy for several minutes. “Shouldn’t. That I shouldn’t be with you, not that I don’t want to be with you. Obviously, I’m doing a shit poor job of staying away. I swear to God, I’m not trying to confuse you.” He laughed. “Hell, I’m confused myself. I know what I should do. Unfortunately, it’s very different than what I want to do.” He shook his head and changed the subject abruptly. “Why don’t you tell me about the pictures you took.”
Unsure of what to say, she told him what he wanted to hear. “The photos came out great, actually. I’m headed to campus to do some light touching up with Photoshop and grab some large prints.”
Lex zoomed up to the stoplight on the Key Bridge, and she learned very quickly not to watch the road if they were moving. He drove like a maniac. If she had a car like this, she’d never drive it. And if she dared it would be at a snail’s pace.
“You know, your eyes light up when you talk about your work.”
His intense focus on her made her want to squirm. No one had ever looked at her like that, like he really saw her, like he was dissecting her soul. Back to awkward and uncomfortable. “You have a way of making me edgy.”
His voice pitched lower, and he started the car forward again. “Edgy bad or edgy good?”
“Honestly? I’m not sure. I don’t really know what to do with you.”
He grinned. “So you know, the feeling’s mutual.”
The hell it was. There was no way she made him edgy. “Yeah, right, says the guy who probably has women dropping at his feet all the time.”
“You’d be surprised. I don’t date much.”
Now that was curious. “Why not? You’re certainly good-looking enough. Smart, engaging. What deep dark secret are you hiding?”
She might have imagined the shadow that crossed his face, it was so brief. But the tension surrounding them thickened.
“It’s complicated, but I guess no one’s ever made me want to share my secrets.” He frowned. “On Friday, you were talking about things you’d left behind. I’m curious. Did that include a boyfriend?”
Heat suffused her face. She wanted to open the window for some air but couldn’t figure out which of the tiny buttons it was. “It’s complicated.”
“Ah, I see. A little tit for tat.”
She rushed to explain. “No. No, it’s not like that. I just—It was sort of messy. Basically he kept my dream from me. I’d spent the last five years with someone who made me feel like I wasn’t good enough.” Not to mention abusive asshole.
His voice was calm, modulated, and he stared directly ahead. “Five years is a long time. A lot to let go of.”
Abbie winced as the memories swirled on the edges of her consciousness. “Tell me about it.” She didn’t want to go into it, but wanted to talk to someone. She was exhausted from holding it all in, so she told him what she could. “Turned out I had him pegged all wrong. Once I figured out my mistake, I sent him packing.”
“So when did he figure out that you weren’t going to take him back?”
“Probably when I changed the locks. I left a note letting him know he couldn’t get back into our place.”
Lex coughed. “Oh, shit. What did the note say?”
A smile pulled at the corners of her lips. “You have a week to move out. Call my sister for a key.”
“That’s it?”
She shrugged. “Yep. He knew I was excited about the program. He hid my acceptance letter.” She used the back of her knuckles to rub at her jaw. “I hate liars.”
Lex frowned as he swerved around a garbage truck. “I wasn’t sure if I should believe you when you said you’d just packed up your things and showed up here. And pardon me for saying so, but he was a total wanker.”
She shrugged. “Don’t I know it?”
He slid a glance toward her as he pulled the car into traffic again. “How do you know it’s the right thing to do? Coming here?”
“I feel it. In my bones. For the first time, I’m really following my dreams.” Her heart skipped faster as she spoke. “I’m making it happen on my own terms, and it feels fantastic. I’ve n
ever been happier.” And that was the truth. Here, she didn’t feel like she was shutting away who she really was.
“Your parents haven’t called, begging you to reconsider?”
She chuckled. “Oh, they’ve called. Mom has called so often I’m wondering what London’s stalking laws are. My sisters have called too. Dad sent an email or two, but he’s more worried about my school work than anything.”
Lex smirked. “Let me guess, they can’t believe you’re making such a rash decision. And they’re convinced you haven’t thought all of this through.”
Laughter bubbled out of her chest. “It’s like you have our place bugged or something. Hell, have you been speaking to them directly?”
His grin was quick and made his gray eyes crinkle at the corner. “No. I’m not James Bond after all. Don’t let the accent fool you. I’m just dealing with my own rendition of the same song. I’m likely about to be disowned if I do what I want to do and not what my father demands. Problem is, I couldn’t really give a shit.”
“Well, you need to have a plan. I have plans going all the way to Plan F—which I call failure.”
He raised his brows. “That’s a lot of planning. Tell me what Plan B is?”
“Finish the program and get a regular job here in London. Even if I’m not doing my dream job, I’ll still have a Masters. That should be enough to keep me going for a while.”
“Going home isn’t an option?” he asked.
Her jaw smarted again. She wasn’t going anywhere there was a chance she’d run into Evan again. She shook her head. “You know, I’ve probably been holding on to it as a possibility, but the longer I’m here, the more I realize that I don’t want to give up my dream for anyone.”
“A woman determined to find her own path. I like it.”
“And what about you? What’s your path?”
“How do you mean?” He hedged.
“Well, I realize I don’t actually know anything about you. Except you volunteer and you have a job. But you’re somehow privy to all my deep dark shit.”
His lips curved into a tight smile. “How about you play hooky with me today, and I’ll tell you.”
Abbie’s heart thumped faster. She wanted more of that feeling of time standing still that she’d experienced with him on the roof and in Brixton. With him, she could spend hours and have them feel like minutes. But he wasn’t part of the plan. And he made her uneasy. He seemed nice enough, but then so had Evan. “I wish I could, Lex, but I have work to do. Lots of work.”
“Well, do you have an actual class tonight?”
“No, but…” Her voice trailed as he deftly pulled in to a parking space. “What are you doing? I really do have to work today.”
He grinned. “Then let me help. I’m good with my hands, and I’ve always been curious about photography. You can show me the ropes.”
He wanted to hang out with her? A rush of blood heated her skin. You’ve just escaped domineering and smothering, is that really what you want again? She shook her head to dissipate the errant thought.
Lex was not Evan. He was someone completely new. She didn’t have much dating experience, but even she knew she couldn’t let her past dictate her future. It didn’t matter that the two men had that same air of sophistication. They were not the same.
Still, she and Lex in a confined space wasn’t a good call. The way the energy crackled around them both tempted and scared her. “Are you serious? It’s pretty boring.”
“I’m serious. Besides, I like spending time with you.”
Oh, great. How was she supposed to say no to that?
Before she answered, she needed to know something first. “Can I ask you a question?” She licked her lips nervously.
His lips tipped into a lopsided smile and she couldn’t help but smile back at him. “Depends on the question, but go on.”
“What deep dark secret are you hiding?”
Chapter 16
For several hard-fought breaths, Lex wondered if Abbie had seen past his carefully constructed walls to the monster beneath. Could she see the darkness locked inside?
He frowned. When he spoke, his voice was even. “What do you mean?” A layer of frost dusted each of his words.
Abbie cleared her throat, and her fingers played with the strap of her camera bag. “You’re different than most of the guys I know. You’re attentive and charming sure, but you’re also really paying attention to what I say. And you seem deeper than some of the other guys I’ve met here so far. But you won’t talk about yourself. And maybe it’s my limited experience, but most guys I know would relish the chance to talk about themselves. Instead, you probe into my head.”
She dragged in a deep breath and tucked one of her slim braids behind her ear. “And I’m sure you’ve seen yourself in the mirror, and you’re not a total douche bag about it. Hell, you even played superhero for me. So, in light of all these things that make you seem pretty great, I’m looking for your fatal flaw.” She smiled sheepishly at him.
Lex expelled the breath he’d been holding. That was what she meant? She hadn’t guessed that she should probably stay miles away from him? Well, he certainly wasn’t going to be the one to tell her. She thought he was too perfect? Too nice? It was certainly the last thing he’d been expecting her to say.
“I’ve got flaws. And most of them aren’t too pretty. But for the most part, I just keep things close to the vest. Opening up is a little hard for me.” Especially with secrets like he had.
She chewed her lip. “It is for everyone.”
He didn’t want to lie to her, but he couldn’t tell her everything. She’d run from him if she knew what he was. A killer. There was no forgiving that. “I’m working on opening up. But my fatal flaws won’t hurt you, I promise. I’m just a regular guy.”
She climbed out of the car and laughed. “Says the guy in the fancy car.”
He followed suit and reached for her bag to help her. “Okay, a regular guy with a few more toys.” And a fucking fake girlfriend. He’d never been more desperate to tell anyone the truth before. But he knew what was at stake for Gemma, so he kept his mouth shut.
She eyed his outstretched hand. “You were serious about helping me?”
“Is it so hard to believe I would want to?”
“A little. Yes.”
“Well, I’m full of surprises.”
She slid her camera bag off her shoulder and handed it to him. Their fingers brushed, and immediately he snapped his gaze to hers. The electricity jolted his body into instant alertness.
She licked her lips and took a step away. “Surprises aren’t necessarily a good thing.”
He smirked. She’d felt it too, but she was trying to ignore it. Well, if he couldn’t ignore how he already felt about her, there was no way he was going to let her get away with it. He was going to take his slice of happiness. It might be a bad idea, but he wanted to spend some uncomplicated time with her. Before he had to expose all his secrets.
* * *
“So why photography?”
Abbie glanced up and gave Lex a quick smile before returning her attention to the printer. Bit by bit, pixel by pixel, the image of a grinning krumper appeared. “I was pretty shy as a kid. One of my aunts gave me a camera for my seventh birthday, hoping it would help me cope with being around people and unfamiliar situations. I pretty much never put it down after that.”
“From what I’m seeing so far, it paid off. You’re extremely talented.”
“You should see some of the photographs in Xander’s class. All those guys are good. This one guy has landscapes to rival Ansell Adams. I mean they’re just so vivid and rich. When Xander said his name in class, it sounded familiar, so I looked him up. He’s had actual gallery openings. I’m a newbie in comparison.”
“Well, I think you’ll do great. Just remember it’s about getting Xander to connect with the images, and you’ll be fine. It’s all about knowing what makes him tick.”
She grinned. “And what? Yo
u’re offering to give me the inside track on your brother? I bet there’s a hefty price to pay for that.”
His gaze flickered to her lips, and he cleared his throat. “Understanding my brother is easy. Xan says what he means and means what he says. Just show him something honest.”
Oh, was that all it took? She ignored the twinge of guilt. This wasn’t cheating, it was learning how to reach her teacher. Besides, she was a photographer. Her lens always told the truth.
“Can I ask you something?”
He sat on the edge of the light table and turned the full brilliance of his silver gaze on her.
Nervously, she tucked more loose braids behind her ears. “Why did Xander tell me to stay away from you?”
He stiffened, and immediately Abbie wished she hadn’t asked.
“I don’t know. But it looks like you’re not listening to him.”
She wasn’t, was she? Or rather, Alexi had given her no choice. “Well, you are stalking me.”
“Back to that again. Yesterday, you wandered into my hood, and today, I was just in the neighborhood.”
She rolled her eyes then chewed on her bottom lip.
“What’s bugging you?” he asked, a light frown causing his brows to pucker.
“I—Nothing.”
“Liar. You always chew on your lip when something’s bothering you.”
She narrowed her eyes. It made her uneasy to think he might already know her so well. “You don’t know me well enough to know that.”
“Oh, really? I saw the same thing on the balcony when you talked about moving here. I saw it again yesterday when I hugged you goodbye. And now. I’m pretty good at reading patterns. So what’s bugging you?”
She sighed. He wasn’t going to let it go. “What are you doing with me?”
His smile was quick. “Right now, I’m helping you mat a photo. Fascinating work, by the way. I’m hoping you’ll let me take a turn at the printer next.”
“Can you be serious for a minute?”
“Sure.” He dropped his end of the mat board and tried to comport his features. “This good enough?”
