by Ivy Symone
Needless to say, that dumb ass question I asked warranted me an ass whooping when he got home that night. It also confirmed that Marcos was the one that ended Kendall’s football career.
Chapter 9
Marcena was turning two and I wanted her to have an amazing party. The only thing was her birthday was in February. Not only was it cold outside, but also it was the day after Valentine’s Day. Since her actual birthday fell on that Monday, I decided to throw her a huge birthday party at our house that Saturday before.
I played perfect hostess to the children in attendance. I catered to their every need while Marcos kept the adults entertained. I wish he had been a little more involved with helping me with the kids. I had Jovelyn, Nikki, my mom, Chrissy, and Ada helping me out but I would have preferred him helping me as a family.
“Are you okay, Nephia?” Chrissy asked me.
I continued with prepping the cake. “I’m fine.”
“You look a little sick,” she said. She stepped in and pushed me aside. “I’ll carry the cake out there. Why don’t you go have a seat for a minute?”
Lailani came up to me and placed her hand on my forehead. “You sick?”
I shook my head, although I felt like I would pass out. “I’m okay.”
Nikki came into the kitchen laughing. “Those kids are ready for some cake!”
“Here we come,” Chrissy said. “Where’s the lighter for the candle?”
I went to follow Chrissy and Nikki out of the kitchen but Ada grabbed me by my arm. She didn’t say anything to me. She just gave me this knowing look as if I knew what she was saying to me. I think I did but I wasn’t in the mood to confirm it.
I walked away to go find Marcos so he could at least be present to sing Happy Birthday to his daughter. First of all, I didn’t understand why he was so far away from the party in a whole different area of the house. Secondly, why were there so many adults present at a two year old’s birthday party?
I found them in the downstairs game room. A few were actually at our two-lane bowling alley and the others surrounded the pool table. There were men and women present, drinking, smoking, and snorting. I was not happy about it. I was beginning to really dislike the people Marcos kept around him.
I approached Marcos at the bar where I knew he had just done a line of coke. I could see it in his eyes. I had to be careful in how I talked to him when he was on that stuff. This was when he was the most aggressive. Therefore, I had to pretend the big boned heifer snuggled beside him was invisible.
“Hey, baby, we’re about to sing Happy Birthday to Cena,” I said sweetly. “You know she wants Daddy there.”
“I’ll be up there in a minute,” he told me.
I stood there and stared at him for a second. I really wanted him to be present but I knew he wasn’t going to come upstairs. I tried again. I reached out for his hand and smiled, “We’re about to do it now. I don’t want you to miss it.”
He looked as if I had gotten on his last nerve. He jerked his hand away from mine, turned to the girl, and pecked her on the lips. He said, “I’ll be right back.”
That shit really hurt. It was embarrassing and humiliating. And I wasn’t feeling good and something in me just snapped. Before I knew it I had smacked the shit out of him. I yelled, “I hate you!”
Why did I do that? Lord help me!
The way he looked at me was enough for me to piss my pants but I refused to cower under his glare. Before I could run away he had me by my throat with both hands and my feet were off the floor. Gogo and Boogie fought with him to release me. Some of the women that were present were begging him to let me go. That’s all I remembered.
I fell in and out of sleep, but I knew I was in bed. A part of me didn’t want to wake up. I lay there wishing I could disappear. Whenever someone came in the room to check on me, I pretended to be asleep. I missed the rest of my daughter’s birthday party.
This wasn’t supposed to be my life. I thought I had won but I was losing more and more each day. I hated myself for not having more control. I hated myself for not thinking I was good enough without Marcos now.
I sat up in my bed. It was dark outside. I wasn’t sure who was still in my house. I didn’t care because I wasn’t going to show my face.
I went to my bathroom and stared at my reflection in the mirror. Marcos choked me so hard, it left bruises around my neck. Although I was already blacked out, when he let go of my neck he still punched me for good measure. My eye was throbbing but it wasn’t swollen shut. There was a nice cranberry colored bruise right under it though.
I started crying uncontrollably until I made myself sick. I stood over the toilet retching but nothing was coming out. I hadn’t ate or drank anything all day.
The house was quiet and still when I finally decided to leave out of the room. Passing through the kitchen, I noted the time. It was almost ten at night. I couldn’t believe I had spent all evening in my room.
I made my way to Cena’s bedroom to check on her. She was tucked in her bed, clutching her newest doll. I kissed her on her forehead before exiting. I passed my mama’s room and noticed she was still awake. She rushed to her door and called out to me.
“You okay, Nephia?”
I looked back at her and nodded. “I’m fine.”
“You didn’t eat. Ada got something for you downstairs. You need to eat,” she told me.
I simply nodded and kept going.
I was shocked to see Marcos in the media room watching television alone. It was Saturday and I just knew he would be out. He was comfortable in only a white t-shirt and white gym shorts. He didn’t look like he had any intentions on leaving either.
I went further into the room until I was sure he saw me. He didn’t acknowledge me but his eyes shifted towards me the closer I got to him. I didn’t say anything. He allowed me to sit next to him. I just wanted him to love me again.
Taking a chance I wrapped my arms around him and placed my head on his chest. He didn’t move away nor did he push me away. When his arm wrapped around me and pulled me closer I smiled on the inside.
Marcos kissed the top of my head and whispered, “I’m sorry.”
I raised up to look at him. He gently touched the tender area below my eye.
“Damn, I’m sorry, Nephia,” he repeated.
I could tell he was messed up by what he did. His apologies were sincere. They always were after he took inventory of the damage he had done.
“It’s okay,” I said to him.
“No, it isn’t. I love you too much to be doing shit to you like this,” he said. “I’m fucked up, Nephia, but sometimes I can’t help it. You make me mad and I just react.”
All I heard was him saying he loved me. “You still love me, Marcos?”
“Of course I do,” he said. He frowned, “Why wouldn’t I?”
I shrugged, “Sometimes I don’t feel like you do anymore.”
“I do love you. I’ll always love you. You’re my wife. I chose you. So no matter what you think I’m doing, know that my heart is always here with you. Ain’t nothing or nobody coming between that. You understand?”
I nodded. He started kissing me with intense passion. My heart beat wildly and that connection I once felt a long time ago with him filled me and runneth over. Before I knew it he had me laid back on the sofa naked from the waist down making me squirm as he feasted upon my love juices.
I was always uncomfortable when we had sex in the house other than our bedroom. He loved it. He had taken me in just about every corner of the house. I was always afraid we would get caught which we had a few times.
He bent me over on the sofa and pounded me from behind. It felt so damn good. When it came to sex he was always loving and gentle. His strokes were driven by passion and not anger or frustration. He always whispered comforting words to me as he drove his dick deeper in me. I felt the love when we were having sex.
After he got his first nut, he backed out of me and slapped my ass. “C’mon. Let�
��s go to the room.”
I happily and eagerly obliged. And for the moment it felt like it did when we first started messing around. I would run from him as if I didn’t want to submit to his sexual needs. He would chase after me and carry me to his bedroom. I would laugh the entire time while giving him a hard time. Those were the days.
When we made it to the bedroom, his erection had started to go down. I didn’t hesitate to bring him back to life with my newly learned oral skills.
“Baby,” he groaned. He grabbed a handful of my hair and pulled me off of him. For a minute I thought I was in trouble. I thought he was about to hit me. Instead, he kissed me aggressively. He pushed me back onto the bed and held my legs apart so that he could find solace there.
I gasped and moaned as he entered me once again. His eyes closed and he lost himself as he always did whenever he made love to me.
After he came a second time, he just lay there on top of me. I lovingly caressed his back. I thought this was as good as time as ever to say what I said next.
“I’m pregnant.”
______
At seventeen, going into my senior year of high school I gave birth to twin boys. Marcos was ecstatic. Words couldn’t describe how happy he was about his boys. I wanted to be happy too. I faked it. During the pregnancy, Marcos had avoided me like the plague. It was a high-risk pregnancy and I was placed on bed rest early on. I couldn’t even have sex after the third month. Instead of being there for me and suffering through it as well, Marcos continued to do him.
Marcos spent more time at the condo close to town than he did at the house. No one had to tell me, but I knew he had plenty of women keeping him company. I was sad and depressed the entire eight months.
“Why you named them that?” Corvell asked. He was snickering.
“Because that’s how I feel,” I said sadly. I looked over at the two glass bassinets that contained my babies. Corvell had come to visit me at the hospital. We were standing outside the NICU looking at them through the window. I had just left out of there after their feeding. For the most part they were healthy. They were a little underweight and was having trouble maintaining the proper body temperature.
“Bleu and Azul?” Corvell asked. “Does Marcos know you named them after a crayon color?”
“He doesn’t care,” I said flatly.
“Where is he?”
I shrugged. I hadn’t seen Marcos since I pushed Bleu and Azul out.
“He’s pitiful,” Corvell said shaking his head. “So, when are you gonna be able to return to school?”
“I guess by the end of September,” I said. I looked closely at Corvell’s neck and noticed a bruise. Any other person would have assumed it was a passion mark but I was familiar with the way bruises looked.
“What happened to your neck?” I asked.
His hand subconsciously went to his neck and covered the mark. Uneasiness settled over Corvell and tried to dismiss it as if it was nothing by shaking his head.
“Did Cory do that to you?”
“No,” Corvell said with a slight laugh.
“That’s not a passion mark, Corvell,” I said. “Who did that to you if Cory didn’t?”
“It’s nothing,” he insisted. He offered me an empty smile. “C’mon, let’s get you back to your room.”
I was still sore and moving slow but I was determined to snap back into shape. I didn’t have time to be lying up and letting the fat just accumulate.
I waited until my room door was closed before I went in on Corvell again. “What’s going on and you better tell me the truth! Who’s putting their hands on you?”
“It’s no big deal,” he said.
It was sad because he was sounding like me. I asked, “Was it the guy you were seeing?”
Corvell sat down at the foot of my bed. “He gets a little crazy.”
“A little?” I questioned. “That on your neck don’t look a little crazy.”
“We had a fight the other night,” he said.
“And he had to hit you?”
Corvell turned his lips up at me. “You’re one to talk.”
“Well, just because it happens to me doesn’t mean I want it to happen to my friends,” I stated. I sat down beside him. “What happened?”
“I sort of threatened to tell his girlfriend about us,” Corvell said meekly.
I threw my hands in the air. “Now why would you do that?”
Corvell shrugged. “Shit, I don’t know, Nephia. I really love him but he don’t want nobody knowing about us.”
“Why do you mess around with down low dudes anyway?” I asked. “They’re dangerous.”
“Cause it’s what I like,” he said.
“Why don’t you find someone more like you who’s open with his sexuality?”
“Why don’t you find someone who’s more like you who know how to treat people?” Corvell retorted smartly. I couldn’t even be mad at his comeback.
“It seems like we’re both in messed up situations,” I responded.
“But I hate Marcos,” Corvell said. “You’re too good for him. He treats you like garbage while he does whatever with whoever. And now you got three kids by this nigga.”
“Corvell, you’re not making sense right now. Isn’t that what dude is doing to you?”
“But at least I ain’t got no kids by his ass!”
I laughed because that was hilariously impossible anyway.
About ten minutes later, Nikki and her cousin Penny showed up bearing gifts. Nikki was out of breath. “Girl, I had to go to two different Targets cause I had to make sure they both got the same thing.”
“Thank you but you know they got enough already,” I told her.
“I know but I’m their Godmother so I gotta take care of my babies too,” Nikki said. She looked around the room. “Where are they?”
“They had to go back to the nursery,” I said.
“Where’s Marcos’s retarded ass?” Nikki asked.
“Your guess is good as mine,” I mumbled.
“Well, I can’t stay too long,” she said. She started grinning. “Tomas and I are going out tonight.”
Corvell started teasing her. “You finally gonna give him some girl?”
Nikki shrugged. “Maybe.”
Penny shook her head. “She ain’t gon’ do nothing.”
“She still holding onto that virginity,” Corvell said.
“Y'all want me to be all loose like y'all,” Nikki laughed.
Corvell pointed to me. “She real loose. She done had three babies pass out her vagina!”
“Shut up, Corvell,” I said rolling my eyes.
Nikki said, “And remember what Nephia used to always say? I ain’t losing my virginity until I’m thirty and married.”
“Hey, I got half of it right though,” I joked.
Nikki stepped up to me and flipped my ponytail. “Who would have thought you’d be a mother and a wife at the age of seventeen?”
Penny said, “But she got it made though.”
Corvell, Nikki and I exchanged glances. We shared the same knowing look. I had it made alright. It also came at a cost.
I was shocked when Marcos walked in the room with Boogie, Gogo and Bridgette. I looked at her stomach and noticed she was way out there. She had to be ready to deliver her and Gogo’s baby any time.
“What’s up y'all?” Gogo greeted. He came up to me and placed a kiss on my cheek. “You’re looking good cuzzo. Don’t even look like you just had twins.”
“Thanks,” I told him.
“Hey Bridgette,” Nikki said. “It’s your turn next, ain’t it?”
“Yeah, and I can’t wait,” Bridgette said in her small voice.
Corvell rubbed his stomach and joked, “Then I’m next!”
Marcos turned his nose up in disgust. “Man, go head on with that gay shit!”
Corvell giggled. He got a kick out of messing with Marcos and his crew. Surprisingly, Marcos tolerated Corvell for some odd reason.
Boogie shook his head. “That nigga sick.”
Corvell cut his eyes at Boogie and made a face.
“Where’re my sons?” Marcos asked.
“They came and got them earlier. They in the NICU,” I told him.
“Why?”
“They were cold,” I said. “Do you still have the wrist band on? You can go down there to see them.”
“Will I be able to hold them?” Marcos asked.
I nodded.
Nikki said, “Well, let me go. I’ll see you tomorrow, Nephia. Bye y'all.”
“I’m finna walk with y'all,” Corvell said.
Boogie followed behind them. “Let me holla at you Penny.”
Marcos gave me a quick peck on the lips. “I’ll be back.”
I watched him and Gogo walk out of the room. It was just me and Bridgette.
“So how is it?” Bridgette asked.
“How is what?”
“Being a mother? You’ve seem to do it so effortlessly.”
I half shrugged. “I don’t know. It just comes natural I guess. But I got a lot of help too.”
“Yeah, I know. Gogo’s mama said she would help me out with the baby so I can keep going to school,” she said.
“That’s good. Auntie Carolyn is good like that,” I told her.
“Isn’t this your senior year?”
I nodded.
“Are you going to school afterwards?”
“Definitely. I wanted to go to Spelman with Nikki but I guess I’ll be here,” I said.
“Of course. Marcos wouldn’t have it any other way,” Bridgette said.
I fell quiet as I thought about how the plans I had laid out for me years ago had somehow dissipated. My life had been molded into what Marcos wanted for me. I appreciated that he was supportive of me pursuing my education though. He always reminded me that not only did he want me to remain beautiful at his side, but I had to be smart too.
“Do you have any regrets?” Bridgette asked.
My eyes shifted to her. “I try not to think about them.”
“I can understand that,” she said softly in thought.
I asked her, “Is Gogo as bad as Marcos?”
