by Mallory Funk
Since he wants to be in the kid’s life, I’m assuming that means he wants the baby to be a part of his club life. Would that mean he would want me to be a part of it as well, or am I just the baby making machine? I wish this wasn’t all so confusing.
For the last two weeks, all I have done is thought about my life and the direction it’s going. I had also thought about Jeff, and how much I miss him. I can’t even bring myself to sleep in the middle of the bed. Stacey has made me do prenatal yoga. She had told me that it might make me feel better. Honestly, it does. I feel relaxed and at ease when I do it. That only takes up so much of my day though, leaving me with a whole bunch of time to think. I am lost in thought when my phone rings.
“Hello?” I answer without looking at the screen to see who it is.
“Hey, Ella? It’s Damien.” His deep voice does something to me that I will continue to deny.
“Yeah, hey. How’s it going?” I clear my throat out of nervousness.
“Good. How are you feeling?” This is the same question he asks me every day when he calls.
“Oh, I’m fine. Not much morning sickness today, so I’m just relaxing.” I shrug even though he can’t see me.
“Well, that’s good. Listen, Prez wants to meet you. I put it off long enough. There’s a family BBQ tonight, and there won’t be any club whores here, so I think that it would be the best time for you to come,” Damien says so fast that it is a wonder how I even caught any of it.
“Oh, well, okay. When do you want me to be there?” I ask already getting nervous. What if they don’t like me? I’m glad that he never invited me there when there were club whore’s around because I don’t know how I would deal with that.
“Well, everyone is starting to arrive, so I could come get you or give you the address.”
“Oh, just give me the address. I will change and head over. No need for you to come all the way over here if you are already there,” I tell him already getting off the couch to head to my room and decide what I’m going to wear to a bikers’ BBQ. What does someone wear to that? I’m sure that a sun dress would make me stand out.
“Okay, I will meet you out front,” he says. After I hang up, he sends me a text with the address. I can do this. I mean how bad could this be? This is part of my life now, and I know that I can’t stall for long.
Damien
I fucking hate this. I never get nervous, and this is the second time this woman has made me nervous. Fuck.
I am waiting outside trying hard not to show how nervous I am. Prez has been bugging me the last two weeks to get Ella over here. I told him that I would on a day that the club whores weren’t around because I knew that would freak her the fuck out. I knew that he understood how important it was for me not to screw it up.
I tried so hard not to find out everything about her. Every time that I called, she would give me one-word answers like she didn’t know what to say to me. I decided that I would give her time to get used to the whole idea of me in general, and that’s not adding to the picture this fucked up situation. Not to mention, she’s the hottest fucking chick that I have ever seen. Fuck. I spent too many nights thinking about her and her sweet ass which is fucked up because I know that she just lost her husband. I don’t know if he was good to her, but there was genuine sadness in her eyes when she told me about him.
I see her white SUV pull up to the clubhouse. Fuck, I hope that she doesn’t hate it instantly, and gives it a chance. My brothers and my club are my life, but she’s also carrying my baby. I don’t know what I’m going to do if she hates my club life - it’s a big part of who I am.
I point to her where to park, and run up beside the driver’s side door to open it for her.
“Oh hi, Damien,” she says with a blush on her face. At least I know that I am not the only one affected.
“Hey Ella. Let’s go meet everyone.” When she gets out, I put my hand on her back ignoring the feeling I have that it belongs there.
We walk into the clubhouse. There aren’t that many people in here since everyone is in the back for the BBQ. We like to do a family day once a month with no club whores around. They know the rules and their place, so they don’t bother even though some of them try to become old ladies, but I will tell you this: no brother wants an old lady who has fucked every one of your brothers. You want to find yourself a pussy that none of your other brothers know what it feels like to be inside of.
I only show her the common area of the clubhouse. There isn’t much here but a bar, pool table, and couches. It’s really where we drink and fuck around. There are hallways on either side that lead to the bedrooms. Down one of the hallways is where all the ranking brothers’ rooms are- the Prez, VP, Enforcers, and Sergeant in arms.
The kitchen is huge, and has a big fucking table. A lot of brothers come in and out of here. Some of the brothers have houses, and don’t live in the clubhouse. This place is huge, and we made sure that it had everything in case we needed to be on lockdown.
I don’t spend much time giving her the tour since there’s nothing but the room where we have church, bedrooms, and the main common areas.
I lead her out to the backyard. As soon as we step outside, everything stops. It is so fucking quiet that I can hear people breathing.
The day after I met Ella, I had told the rest of the brothers what went down. There were a lot of sympathetic looks. I know that everyone was hoping that I didn’t get stuck with a bitch for the rest of my life as that would mean she would be at the club. My problem was that she would be too sweet for the club, and try to refuse me seeing the kid.
I see Prez walk up with Lily, and I hear a soft gasp beside me. I look at Ella, and she has her hand covering her mouth and tears forming in her eyes. Shit. How could I have fucked this up already? What the fuck happened?
Once Prez gets close enough to see Ella since I was blocking his view of her, he stops dead in his tracks. He actually looks like he is about to be sick, and Lily is completely frozen to her spot too.
“Holy fuck, she looks just like Bianca,” I hear a voice say. I look over and see Bear. He is a big mother fucker, and one that you don’t want to mess with. He is also Prez’s best friend, and has been in the club as long as Prez has.
“What’s your mom’s name?” Prez asks hesitantly, looking at Ella very closely.
“M-my mom’s name is Trish Fisher, wha… who…holy shit…” Ella stumbles out her words, and starts digging through her purse. I know her hands are shaking, but I honestly don’t know what the fuck is going on, so I just stand there.
She takes out a picture that looks like it’s been through a-fucking-lot. With a shaky hand she flips it over, and I fucking go still.
In her hand is a fucking picture of Prez. He looks like he’s in his twenties, but I know that’s him. He hasn’t aged much. He has some wrinkles and grey hair now, but that’s definitely, fucking, him.
Prez grabs the picture from her, and the colour drains from his face. His sons come up to see what the fuck is going on.
“Why the fuck do you have a picture of our dad?” Torch asks.
“I-it was in my mom’s stuff when she died. I had gone through everything with her when she was alive, but she would never let me look in that box. When she passed away, I packed it with my stuff and opened it as soon as I was put in the group home,” she says looking down. I already have an idea where this story is heading, and I’m not sure if I’m going to like what I hear.
“That picture was in there with my birth certificate and my baby picture. There was also a letter addressed to a guy named Derek Knight, but I never opened it. I just carry the picture around because it must have been important to her.” She looks at me with questioning eyes, but all I can do is shrug.
I look at Prez, and he swallows hard. Everyone is looking at Ella with wide eyes, but she has no idea what the fuck is going on, or the can of worms she just opened.
Prez clears his throat a couple times. “Do you still have the letter?” I
know he’s looking at Ella searching her face for answers.
“Yeah, I keep it on me in case I ever ran into him, I guess,” Ella says digging back into her bag.
“You did,” he whispers. I don’t think she heard him since she is looking in her purse, but I know that everyone else did.
Ella hands him an envelope that has seen better days. Hopefully, the letter will have the answers he needs.
“Here’s everything that was in the box. I mean everything except this key chain that has the initials D.K. on it, but I have always kept it on my keys. I can give them to you too if you’d like.” She looks at him with confusion, but he hasn’t said much, and I know that he won’t until he reads the letter. Ella looks so lost and innocent right now, but I don’t know what to say to her without giving everything away.
He looks at the key chain, and I see a ghost of a smile on his face. “No, that’s okay. You keep it. I’m just going to read this letter. Can you give me a minute?” He looks at me, and the look he is giving me is telling me that I better not let her go anywhere, but also not tell her what’s going on until he reads the letter. I nod my head, and pull Ella over to the grill. Cook piles her plate full of food and winks at her. “For the baby,” he remarks. She chuckles, and goes to sit down on one of the benches. I don’t think she even realizes that everyone is looking at her and Prez trying to figure out what the fuck to do. I sit beside her and bury my face in my hands letting out a low groan.
Chapter Six
Prez ‘Derek’ Knight
Derek,
You have every right to hate me right now. I know that I did what I thought was best. I tried to keep my emotions out of it, but I couldn’t. I also couldn’t sit by and watch you with Lily. When you had come and told me that she was pregnant too, I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I was competing for your love and attention. I knew the moment you met her that it was over between us, but I spent so much time in denial. I couldn’t see past anything but my own hate. That day I heard her tell the brothers that she was having a boy, I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I knew you were going on a run the next day, so I decided to wait until then. I left knowing that you would try to find me. I had my name changed to the name of a friend of mine. That’s why there are no records of me anywhere.
Now I am writing you this letter because I am sick. I have breast cancer. Ella is only ten, and I know she won’t understand anything, but I barely understand it as well. I thought I was doing the right thing keeping you from her, but now I’m not so sure. Now she will be left alone with no one to take care of her. I’m sorry for all the pain that I’ve caused, and all the years I made you miss out on. She’s an amazing kid. All I have to do is look at her eyes, and I see you.
I wish I could take it all back, but I can’t. I know that it would still hurt to see you and Lily be the happy family that I’m not a part of. I was always just the woman you messed around with until Lily came along. I made my peace with that, and one day I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me.
Bianca
P.S. If she ever finds you, keep her safe.
I crumple up the paper throwing it across the room in my office. I came in here to read this letter even though I already knew what it would fucking say. If that bitch wasn’t already dead, I would kill her for taking so many years from me. Twenty-six years have been stolen from me, and then suddenly, my daughter is walking back into my life. I wasn’t prepared for this. When I wanted to meet the newest woman of the club, I had no idea that I was waiting to meet my daughter. Fuck. I have never been so pissed and relieved at the same time. Now my unanswered questions of what happened to my kid, and who my kid was, are answered. I don’t want to let her out of my sight now.
I look outside the window that overlooks the backyard. Ella is sitting on a picnic bench beside Damien eating Cook’s food. She looks so fucking clueless, and I’m about to turn her world upside down. Fuck, it’s already a mess from carrying Damien’s baby and never having met him. I found my baby girl, and found out that I will be becoming a grandfather, all in one day.
Fuck. How the fuck did it happen? The kid I always wondered about was carrying my VP’s baby. Whatever it was, I’m fucking glad that it brought her to me.
When I first saw her behind Damien, I didn’t get a good look at her until I was almost face to face with her. She is the spitting image of her mother, except for her eyes. Fuck, she has my eyes. I have this urge to ask her everything I have been dying to know, and getting to know the person she is. All I can remember is Damien telling me that she’s a sweet girl who was too innocent for this club.
What the fuck does “keep her safe” mean? Of course, I would always keep her safe. She may have just come into my life, but she is my baby girl.
Fuck, she’s a part of my life now. I’m not going to let her go now that I finally have her back in my life. I blow out a breath. It’s time to get to know my baby girl. Fuck. I pick the letter back up so that I can show her what it says.
Chapter Seven
Ella
I don’t know what’s going on, but everyone is looking at me. I know that they are all trying to be subtle about it. but they really aren’t doing a very good job.
The way everyone stared at me when I walked in, and when the President of this club looked like he was going to be sick seeing me, I was sure that there was something wrong with me. I recognized him from the picture, but I never knew who he was. I always thought it was mom’s old boyfriend. I had hoped it was a picture of my dad which was why I carried it around. I had a feeling all of that stuff meant something to her, so I never got rid of it and always carried it with me.
It’s not until I am almost halfway through my plate when he comes back outside. He looks so pissed that I immediately stiffen. It’s not until he makes eye contact with me that his eyes go soft. What is that about?
He grabs a plate and sits down at the table with me. I notice a lot of the brothers come and sit close to me. I look at Damien, and he just nods his head at me. I have a feeling that there’s something going on that they aren’t tell me.
“Ella, tell me what happened when your mom died. Where did you end up?” he asks looking at me curiously.
“Well, I ended up in a group home, and then to a couple foster homes until I aged out. I met my husband in a foster home, and when we were both eighteen, we found a place and moved in together.” He is looking at me in a certain way that makes me feel like there’s something specific that he wants to know, but he’s not going to directly ask me. He nods his head.
“You didn’t have any other family?” I shake my head and start picking at my food looking down. There are too many eyes on me, and if I look at anyone I will become nervous. They all seem to want to know about me. Is this normal?
“No, it was just me and my mom growing up. We never really left the house, so we didn’t have many friends.”
“Wh-what about your father?” he asks clearing his throat. I look up at him, and he is looking at me with sadness in his eyes. That can’t be right, is that for me? If he knew her then maybe he knew my father. A tiny sliver of hope comes to me.
“Well, I never knew him. My mom told me that when he found out she was pregnant that he told her to get an abortion because he already had a son, so she left,” I tell him, and I hear a few gasps. I look around and notice most of the men look pissed, and the woman look shocked and horrified.
I look at the president, and he looks murderous. I can tell with the tension in his shoulders and arms that he is clenching his fists. I look at Damien, and he actually looks pretty pissed as well.
“What?” I ask when no one speaks.
I can’t look at everyone at once, but I see a bunch of head nods.
“Ella,” the president say softly. Everyone else is silent.
I look up at him. He has a pained expression on his face indicating that I’m probably not going to like what he is about to say.
“I’m Derek Knight. That is me in
the picture, that is my key chain, and the letter is from your mom. It says you’re my daughter.”
I feel tears well up in my eyes, and put a hand over my mouth. I realize that I am shaking my head.
“B-but…” My lips are trembling. I can barely talk.
“I’m so sorry. I never said that to your mom. I still search for you every day. Your mom took off while I was gone- the day after she heard I was having a boy with Lily, my old lady. I was seeing your mom before I met Lily, so they both ended up being pregnant close together. I never even knew what she was having because she said she wanted it to be a surprise.” I know I’m shaking when he hands me the letter. It’s already crumpled, so I know that he was mad after he read it.
I read the letter and I can feel the anger bubble up inside of me. How could she? She not only took something from him, but from me too. Growing up, I had always asked her where my daddy was because other kids had daddies. I mean, the main reason I gave Damien a chance was because everyone deserves a chance if they want one. I had went on thinking that my dad didn’t want one, but this whole time he did.
I don’t even know how to process everything. I’m angry at my mom for taking something from me that I wanted. He wanted it too. He wanted me. He didn’t want her to get rid of me. When that thought comes to mind, I burst into tears. Immediately he comes over, sits beside me, and puts an arm around my shoulders. He starts whispering in my ear.
“I’m so fucking happy that I finally have my baby girl back. We are going to make up for lost time, don’t you worry. I can’t believe that I’m going to be a grandfather. You were meant to have this mix up at the clinic, you hear me. It brought you to Damien, and it brought you back to me.” All I can do is nod my head into his chest. I can’t stop crying. I feel relief that I wasn’t unwanted after all. Now I know that my baby will have a family. There is no way that the baby will feel the loneliness that I have always felt because all these people seem to genuinely care.
