by Mallory Funk
By the time we are done, I head to my room to check on Ella. She is sound asleep on my bed. I decide to lay beside her until she wakes up. I know that she will wake up hungry since she missed supper. I will make sure that she has something to eat as soon as she wakes up. She seems to crave different things all the time, so I don’t want to risk getting her something and having her cry because I chose the wrong thing. If there’s one thing I have learned, Ella’s pregnancy makes her cry over food and apple juice.
A couple of hours later, I feel her start to stir in her sleep. I must have fallen asleep but, the second she moves, I’m awake.
“Damien?” she whispers softly. Fuck, I love the sound of my name on her lips, even more when she says it with a sleepy voice. It makes me feel like she doesn’t expect anyone else to hold her while she sleeps. That makes me feel fucking good. It just brings me steps closer to making her mine.
“Yeah, baby. It’s me. Are you hungry?” I ask her gently.
“Mmmm… yeah, I’m hungry… I could go for pizza right about now. Maybe with a bunch of meat on it, and jalapeno peppers. That sounds amazing…” She trails off on a happy sigh. I chuckle and shake my head. I dig my hand into my pocket to get my phone. I send a text to Kid to get the pizza for Ella, and some apple juice. He responds right away that he will get it to me as soon as possible.
I spend the next thirty minutes holding and talking to Ella. She tells me more about herself, and a little about her life with her husband. I like to say that I’m jealous, but this man seemed to have treated her like she should have been treated. He showed her the love that she was missing when she was taken away from the club. He was the only family she had, and a part of me hates that she had missed it. There is also a part of me that is glad that she had someone who loved her unconditionally. He sounded like someone who deserved her. I know I sure as fuck don’t deserve a woman like her, but fuck if I’m not going to keep her. I’ve said it before, I’m selfish. I can’t let her go. I want to own her, all of her- her body, mind, heart, and soul. I just need to take care of the threat of Demon, and make sure that she’s ready for me. Inch by inch, I will get into her heart, even if it takes a long fucking time. I’m not going anywhere.
Before I can get completely lost in my own thoughts, there is a knock at my door.
“Yes, the pizza is here!” Ella says with excitement. I just shake my head and get up to open the door. Sure enough, Kid is standing there with two extra-large pizzas, two litres of apple juice, and a six pack for me. I nod my head at him and shut the door, but not before seeing his smirk.
“We can eat in here?” Ella asks hopefully.
“Yes, baby, we can eat in here. It will help us get to know each other without everyone listening to our conversation,” I tell her. She smiles. I know that she knows I’m right. There is always someone listening to us talking to each other, and it makes it hard for us to get to know one another.
“Okay, let’s get to know one another,” Ella says enthusiastically.
We spend the rest of the night asking questions about each other. I know more about her in one night than I know about any of the brothers. I was never bored of the conversation. I half expected at some point to get bored and tell her I had something to do, but the more she told me about herself, the more I wanted to know.
Shit, I ended up telling her lots about me. She asked me how I became a part of the club, and why I am still a part of it. Not once did she judge me for any of my answers. I told her about the shit that the club had gotten into a couple years back, and why I had my sperm at the clinic. She seemed concerned for me even though it was something that happened to me a long fucking time ago.
I decide to be honest with her about everything. I know that secrets tend to come out sooner or later, so I’m taking a risk by telling her everything about my past, including women. I know that it’s an even bigger risk not telling, and having someone else tell her, or having her finding out on her own. She seems to be honest with me so far including talking to me about the love she had for her husband, so I don’t see why I can’t be honest too.
I used women for sex. It’s what I did, and how I lived the club life. I never saw it as a problem, and never thought about settling down until now. Ella makes me want to be a better man, someone who deserves her. When I tell her about how I treated women, she just nods her head in understanding. Fuck, how can you be understanding about something like that. I look at her in disbelief, and she laughs. She then says, “well, it was before you met me, and you said that you haven’t been with anyone since you met me because you’re waiting on me to mourn the loss of my husband. I understand it. I have some sort of attraction and connection to you that I can’t explain, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready for anything. I don’t let myself think much about it because I’m not ready, but it would still hurt to see or hear about you fucking other women while you have intentions of being with me. I know that’s selfish, but that’s how I feel,” she tells me with such honesty that it makes me fall for her even more than I already have.
“Okay,” I tell her fighting the urge to smile when her jaw drops in disbelief.
“Okay? That’s it? You’re okay with not being with anyone else until I’m ready, because even I admit it’s completely selfish of me to ask that of you. You’re a biker, and you guys love sex. How can you just be okay with something like that?” she asks me. I blow out a breath. I know it’s my turn for honesty.
“I’m saying okay because, yes, it is selfish, but I also feel the same way. If I think about some other asshole putting his hands on you, I want to kill someone. What I am feeling for you isn’t light, and I know that it’s scary as fuck but I’m going to wait for that day you are ready. I’m not going to mess this up with you. You came into my life as the woman carrying my baby but, over time, you became more to me. I want you as my old lady. I also don’t want to scare you off since I know that it hasn’t been that long since you lost your husband. It’s just shitty timing is all. We can make it through this,” I tell her with a small smile on my face when I see the shocked expression on her face.
“Well, okay then,” she says on a whisper. We both go to bed with lots to think about. We both were honest with each other, and put our hearts on the line.
Chapter Twelve
Ella
Two months later
Time seems to pass by quickly. I had spent a lot of time at the clubhouse getting to know everyone better, but Damien took it upon himself to move in. At first, it made me frustrated, but then he had reminded me about Demon’s threat. They told me that was his name. The threat he made has been taken very seriously. Even though it will be a couple more months before the baby is born, I still don’t spend a minute without a brother by my side. The only time that I can really get some alone time is when I’m in Damien’s bedroom at the clubhouse. Usually, I go there for alone time. I spend a lot of time in their reading. Stacey was reluctant at first to accept this new change of a bodyguard constantly being with me, but she agreed once I explained to her why I needed to be on watch. My dad had given me permission to tell her since she lived with me, and her life might be in danger too.
My baby bump has certainly gotten bigger. I think my belly is the size of a watermelon at this point. Damien doesn’t seem to mind since whenever I am near him, his hand is always on my belly. It bugged me at first, but I think that I just got used to it at this point. I still have my meltdowns when it comes to food or apple juice, but I can’t really help it. My hormones take over, and I usually know what I am saying is silly or something I shouldn’t be crying over, but I can’t help the waterworks that come.
No one has heard anything from Demon, but I know that it’s just a waiting game. It’s only a matter of time until I have the baby and he will make his move. This makes me scared and nervous. I hate feeling like he is watching me, or getting someone from his club to watch me. Every time I think about it, I get shivers. Not the good I-want-to-take-off-your-panties shivers. No, thi
s is the creepy-I-can-feel-someone-staring-I- want-to-puke kind of shiver.
The closer it gets to my due date, the more scared I have become. Since Damien has been in my bed, I haven’t had any nightmares. I know that I have strong feelings for him, but I don’t know if I’m ready to find out what they mean.
It has been six months since I lost my husband, and not a day goes by that I don’t think about him. Sometimes I’m sad that he’s gone and missing this, but with him being a lawyer, I wonder how he would have coped with this. Would he have done everything in his power to make sure Damien wasn’t a part of the child’s life? I’d like to think that he wasn’t that kind of man. There are times that I remember the good memories. I spend a lot of time focusing on that. Telling my dad, Lily, Torch, Steal, and Damien about him. They ask me so many questions, but he was a part of my life for a time when they weren’t, so I know that they are just curious. I had showed them pictures of him, and of the times we had spent together as a couple. They all seemed genuinely happy and curious about everything. At one point, I would think that Damien would have been jealous of my life before him, but he didn’t seem to be. When I asked him about it, he told me that I seemed to have really loved him, and that he took care of me and loved me how I should have been loved. There was no point in being jealous of a part of my life when I never even knew him.
I have a ton of guilt because of how I feel for Damien. It becomes stronger every day. I already know that he has been patient with me, and sometimes I wonder if I am really worth all this time he has been waiting for me as I mourn my husband. I can’t get my husband out of my mind. What would he say or think about everything? Would he hate me because I have feelings for someone so quickly after he had died? I think that the guilt is what’s stopping me from actually trying anything, or even so much as kissing Damien.
I can’t think about that now. I haven’t returned to work, and it wasn’t likely that I would. With the baby on the way and the threat from Demon, I couldn’t bring myself to even want to work. I know that I wouldn’t have to with all the insurance money I have, and Damien says that no matter what happens, he will take care of me because the baby and I are his. I didn’t know how to feel about that, and I knew that he could tell because he changed the subject pretty quickly after that with a knowing look.
I found that sometimes he could be funny, but it usually was only around me and no one else. That had made me feel special. He seemed like he was a different person when he was alone with me than when he was with his brothers. I found I liked all sides of him. The one that was just for me was softer, and funnier. It filled me with warmth the way he would look at me. The side around his brothers was a tough wall he puts up so that no one really knows what’s really going on in his head. I’ve seen him get pissed at his brothers for forgetting something to do with me, or something to do with the club. The old ladies of the club only knew what their men would tell them. Sometimes it wouldn’t be anything, and other times it would only be pieces of the story. That was fine by me because if I knew everything that was going on, or every danger, I might not be able to sleep at night.
My dad had really taken to his role as my father. I loved him like a father already. He treated me like his little girl, but also with respect. He would tell me that he knew that I had been through so much alone, but that I wasn’t alone anymore. I had family. We spent a lot of time just the two of us so that I could get to know the man he was, and the man he now is. He had told me everything including how he spent all these years looking for my mom or me, but that he never came up with anything. Not a trace or picture. I had told him that we lived fifteen hours away, but that I had moved here when Jeff got a job offer in this town. I don’t miss the anger in his eyes when he asks questions about my mom, but I know that he has to hear about her in order to understand. Without talking about my mother, we wouldn’t really be able to understand anything.
Lily, my dad’s wife and old lady, has been nothing but kind, and I could tell that she has a huge heart. I could see why my dad loves her and chose her over my mom. After everything that my mother did, I would have chosen her too. Sometimes I feel guilty for wishing that I had Lily growing up, wishing my mother didn’t run so that I could have gotten to know her. It’s obvious that she loves my dad and her sons more than anything.
My brothers were quite the pair. Torch, his real name is Tyson, is the older of the two. We are only three months apart. He is the more serious and quiet one, but seems to have a soft spot for me. I know that I could always count on him to watch over me. Steal, or as he told me to call him, Aiden, is only younger by a couple years, but he seems to be more easy-going and funny. Sometimes you wonder if he could take anything seriously, but when times call for a serious discussion, he knows to let the jokes go. Growing up in the club, he could probably tell by the expression on his brothers faces when the time was for joking or being serious. He also had a habit of treating me like a little sister even though I was older than him. I liked it because it made me feel like part of the family having protective brothers.
The last two months had been a real eye opener for me. I was able to see what everyone was like, and get to know them a lot better.
The first time that the baby kicked strong enough for Damien to feel it, I screamed which probably wasn’t a good idea since we were at the clubhouse at the time. He came running in looking ready to murder someone. I just smiled widely at him, and told him that the baby was kicking, and I wanted him to feel it. The shock didn’t last long as he came right to me, and felt his son for the first time. After he had felt the baby kick, my dad had literally pushed him out of the way to feel his first grandchild. I had started laughing at the look of shock on every one’s face, but it really was a sight to see- these rough bikers trying to feel a baby kick.
We are all currently enjoying a family BBQ with each other when a scream fills the air. The brothers don’t waste any time to go and check what’s going on. It sounds like it came from the front of the clubhouse. Damien tells me to stay put, and I know that I have to listen. The scream sounded like one filled with pain and fear.
Damien
My brothers and I run to the sound of Sasha screaming. Sasha is Bear’s old lady and has been a part of the club for a long time. Fuck, I hope that something didn’t happen to her.
We get into the front of the clubhouse, and we all stop cold. Nikki and Sam are both dead in our driveway. The horrible image in front of me is of them both naked with knife marks all over their bodies. There is so much blood that I know without a doubt that they are no longer alive. Someone grabs Sasha and rushes her inside so that she doesn’t have to look at the former club whores in front. When we get closer to inspect them, they both have Ella’s name carved into their backs. That alone stops me in my tracks. I feel my blood run cold. I know this is a warning. He wants my woman, but he can’t fucking have her. I know that he’s doing this to mess with us and let us know that he’s watching. He doesn’t want us to forget the threat of him wanting Ella for himself. Prez tells everyone to clean this up before anyone sees. Fuck, if the cops came by now, the whole club would be questioned.
It’s almost like this sick fuck knew that it was family day, and decided to give us a little surprise. At least now we know how he found out about Ella. Nikki and Sam probably went looking for another club, so that they could still be club whores, but Demon saw them for who they were. If you are a club whore of a club then you have the protection of that club until you are no longer wanted or needed. It’s cold, but club whores aren’t usually known for being lifers.
I know that I’m going to have to tell Ella something about what happened here, but I just don’t know how much I should explain to her. Prez orders an immediate lockdown. We don’t know if any more of our women are in danger from Demon. The lockdown means that no one leaves the club, and no one comes in. Brothers make plans to head out and grab clothes and shit for their women. Prez makes a call to get all of the club whores to the club for l
ockdown. Since it was family day, we didn’t have any of them here. Kid already tells me that he will go out with me to grab shit for me and Ella. Before we leave, Prez stops me and tells me to bring Stacey back. Since she is Ella’s best friend, there was no telling what Demon would do to her in order to get close to Ella. The women in the back are escorted inside, and told to stay in their rooms until further notice. I leave Torch to deal with Ella so that I can run out and grab some of her stuff. We will have to start keeping shit here in case this ever happens in the future. I already don’t think that Ella is going to like being in lockdown, shit, I already know that Stacey won’t like it. I won’t risk the life of Ella or my baby. I will drag Stacey here kicking and screaming if I have to. We take off in Kid’s truck since we will need to grab a few bags, and Stacey. Who knows how long this lockdown will last.
Just as I predicted, Stacey wasn’t too happy about having to stay at the clubhouse, and not being able to return to work. When I told her that it was for her safety, she laughed and said that she wasn’t part of the club so whatever we were dealing with shouldn’t matter. I had to tell Stacey that we needed to keep her safe so that we had better chances of keeping Ella safe. She seemed to believe me when Kid explained that they will do anything to get to Ella even if that means they go through her. That scared her enough to run to her room and quickly pack a bag.
It didn’t take long to get everything ready, and head back to the clubhouse. There was enough room for the brothers and the club whores had to share rooms with four of them to one room. Torch had told Stacey that she was staying in his room. I think that she was too shocked to really do anything but nod. Torch ended up being the one who saved her from that bad date. I don’t know what’s going on with them, but it’s not my business to get involved in it.
