by Mallory Funk
There are about four women who don’t have anyone. They said that they were homeless when they were taken. We offer to help them get back on their feet. We tell them that we could put them in an apartment together if they wanted to be away from the clubhouse, and they accept the offer. I don’t take it to heart though because after the shit they have been through, who would want to be around more bikers?
We tell them that we will set up an apartment for them in the morning, but for tonight they will just have to sleep in the rooms we have here. Some of the brothers willingly give up their beds for the night so that the girls are more comfortable. They end up sleeping two to a bed, so only two brothers are kicked out of their rooms.
It’s sunrise by the time we are able to head to bed. We end up trading shifts of who is on watch. Since everyone is fucking exhausted, some of the brothers take naps, and trade with another brother.
I take Ella to bed with me, and just hold her. I still feel the tension in my body that Demon is still out there, and that we still need to find the fucker. It takes a while before I am able to fall asleep, but holding Ella, and knowing that she is safe in my arms, makes it so much better.
The war isn’t over yet.
Chapter Sixteen
Ella
I wake up sometime around noon still wrapped up in Damien. He doesn’t look peaceful in his sleep like he usually does. That makes me frown when I look at him. There are worry lines all over his face. I’m running my hand down his cheek when he wakes up.
“Morning baby,” he grumbles with his eyes still closed.
“Morning,” I tell him softly.
When he still doesn’t open his eyes, I kiss him softly on the lips. Once, twice, three times. He kisses me back, and by the third time, he puts more effort into it making the kiss deeper than I was expecting. It’s a welcome surprise.
We kiss for a long time before we break apart. We are both breathing heavily. I look into his lust filled eyes, and smile softly at him. He returns my smile. I love the way he looks at me, especially in the morning. He makes me feel like there is no one else that he would rather wake up to than me, and that he’s glad I’m here in the bed with him. How can someone make you feel so much with just one look?
I feel like I can see the want, need, desire, happiness and, dare I say, love in his eyes when he looks at me. It’s crazy to think that he loves me, so I shake that thought from my head as soon as it enters. The question is, do I love him? Is that even possible to love someone so soon? I didn’t intend to meet someone so soon, or to feel the way that I feel when I’m with or thinking about Damien. I thought that maybe a couple years down the line maybe I would put myself out there, but not eight months after I lost my husband. The guilt I feel from moving on so fast hits me hard, and I feel my eyes well up with tears. I try to blink them away before Damien can see them, but I know he already did with his next words.
“Hey, baby. What’s wrong? You were all just so happy and then something happened, and now you look like you want to cry?” I know that I should tell him the truth. One of the things that Damien likes most about me is my honesty. He had told me one time that it was what drew him to me right away. No matter what he asked me, I was honest with him. He said that he doesn’t have to worry about me lying or playing games with him.
I blow out a breath, and when I try to look anywhere but him, he grabs my chin so that I have no choice but to look at him in the eyes.
“You can tell me anything, baby,” he says with worry in his eyes.
I nod my head. I might as well just tell him. There’s no way I can leave this room without him trying to get me to tell him.
“Well, the thing is…shit… I feel guilty, okay?” I tell him, and I already feel my eyes welling up with more tears.
He has a big frown on his face. “Okay, guilty about what?”
“Well, you!” I tell him more loudly than I intended.
“Me? What do you mean, baby. I’m not following,” he says in confusion.
Great, I’m going to have to lay it all out there, and be completely vulnerable with this man.
“The way you make me feel makes me feel guilty. I started thinking about how much you mean to me, and I started feeling bad. It has only been eight months since Jeff died. How can I move on so fast? I mean he’s still in my heart, but you seem to have wedged yourself in there and made me feel something that I didn’t think I would feel again for a long time. I didn’t expect for you to come into my life and make me feel this way. I loved Jeff so much and it still hurts to think about him, but I also think about you and how much you and this club have helped me to heal. I would probably still be in bed mourning my loss if I hadn’t met you or the rest of the club. What would Jeff think if he knew that I was feeling for you the way that I already do? Would he be angry with me for moving on so fast and not mourning him properly, or for not waiting a long time before I started to feel this way?” I tell him, and then take a deep breath. I don’t notice that I’m crying until he wipes away my tears. He looks at me with the softest expression I have ever seen on him.
“Baby, you can’t help what happened. We didn’t expect to have the mix up with the clinic, or to find each other. I didn’t expect to find you or feel this way about you either. I had never thought about settling down or starting a family when I got that call. I don’t think that you should feel guilty. We can’t help who we fall for, or when. Love isn’t something that is planned or timed. It happens when we least expect it. I don’t think that Jeff would be mad. I know that I don’t know him, and I never did, but from what you have told me about him, I know that he wouldn’t want you to be lonely, especially while you are having a baby. If you are happy and loved then I would like to think that he would want that for you because, baby, if that were me looking down on you, I would know that I would hate to see you alone and broken knowing that I couldn’t do anything about it. Love is about wanting the other person to be happy even if that person isn’t you, and I know that Jeff was the kind of man who would want that for you. He would know that you didn’t go out looking for love, that it just happened, and there isn’t anything we can do about it. I do love you, and I have for a long time. I don’t expect you to say anything back because it might be too soon for you, but I want you to know that I love you and I will always love you. There is no way that I could ever let you go,” he tells me, and lightly kisses me on the lips. He gives me a small smile in response to the shocked expression that is on my face. All I can manage is a head nod, which he chuckles at.
Damien
I can’t believe that I just told Ella all of that. It makes you feel so vulnerable, and so fucking exposed. She put her heart on the line even if she didn’t realize it, so I knew that I should do the same. I saw the nervousness and hesitation she had from wondering if I was feeling the same things that she felt.
I can honestly say that I have never felt this way about someone who I haven’t slept with. It’s been eight months since I fucked anyone. I don’t think I have gone that long since I lost my virginity. It’s shocking as fuck, but I also have a feeling that Ella is going to be worth the wait. I will just have to stick to extra long showers every morning until I know that she’s ready. I can tell right now that she isn’t because it took a lot for her to tell me how she felt. I know that she loves me. She was walking around the word, afraid to say it. That’s okay though. I know that one day she is going to be ready to say it, and I want it to be her choice and her decision. On that day, she will realize that she shouldn’t feel guilty about finding love. Like I had told her, it’s not like she went out looking for love, it came to find her. We both were caught unaware.
We lay in silence for a little while, and eventually I get up to have a shower. All this thinking about Ella and holding her in my arms is doing nothing to help me from wanting to take her right there and now. I get out of bed before I end up pushing her for more than she’s ready for.
After I am done in the shower, Ella hops right in.
I wait until she is done getting ready before we head out to get something to eat. I know that she has to be starving, but her thoughts are running so wild that she probably doesn’t realize it right now. I know that once she smells food, she will realize it.
As I expected, Cook is at the grill outside with burgers and hot dogs. It’s simple to make. The old ladies have taken it upon themselves to make the salads. Ella offers to help, but no one will let her. She’s so close to her due date, she should know that no one will want her to do anything.
The four ladies that we rescued last night are all sitting at a bench together observing us. I know that they haven’t seen how a real club works. It’s not what those sick fucks do.
Torch makes Ella a plate piling it high. We all know that she isn’t going to eat all that, but it doesn’t stop everyone from making her mountains of food like she will actually eat all of it.
She just chuckles softly shaking her head at him. Kid comes running out with a big glass of apple juice. Fuck, she really has everyone wrapped around her finger.
I see the four women watching how everyone is interacting with Ella. Prez sits with her, and puts an arm around her shoulder. He says something to make her laugh. Fuck, I love her laugh. It’s so natural and free.
I hear one of the women mumble. “Wow, does that happen a lot?” I look back at them, and when they see me look at them their eyes widen. Fuck, I don’t want them to be scared.
Carefully I walk up to them trying my best to give an easy smile. I take a seat at their table. “Yes, that happens a lot. Ella is the club princess. Her dad is the President, and I’m the Vice President. She’s carrying my baby. She gets treated with respect, and everyone loves the fuck out of her. We treat our women differently than the other club that you were at does. Know that not all clubs are the same. The women here are all here by choice. Even the club whores here. They are all here of their own free will. We don’t force anyone to stay here, or do anything that they aren’t willing to do. Not all clubs run that way. It seems like it’s only something those sick fucks are into, so you don’t have to worry about us. If you see anyone wearing a Vicious Snakes cut then you know you are protected. You ladies are now under our protection for as long as you want to be. You have no need to fear us. We won’t hurt you. We don’t take kindly to anyone who makes a woman, or a child, do anything they don’t want to do, you understand?” I ask them. I know some brothers stopped to listen to what I said, and I don’t mind. The women’s eyes all fill up with tears. They all give me small smiles and nod. They look like they have more hope than they did last night. Good.
When I get to the table that Ella and Prez are sitting at with my own plate, they look at me with smiles.
“Very good, VP, very good,” Prez nods his head at me in appreciation. Ella grabs my hand kissing the back of it lightly, and then gives me a smile.
We set up the apartment right across from us for the women. We own the building, and a lot of the brothers end up living there if they are single. We have a three-bedroom apartment that the girls say they don’t mind sharing. They feel safer knowing that we are so close in case anything happens. The master bedroom is big enough for two beds, so we pick up furniture for them. Four beds, a couch, a table, chairs, and some pots and pans. We also stock the fridge full of food. We make sure that they know they can come over for anything. The fridge will be stocked whenever they need it. There is no rush for them to find jobs. They will need a bit of time to heal; not just physically, but emotionally as well.
We don’t hear anything about the Devil’s Souls MC except on the news that their clubhouse was burned down. It was well known that it was theirs. We made sure that it burned fast, so that they couldn’t count how many people we killed. It doesn’t seem like anyone cares if any were harmed, or if there was anyone in the building. It is very well known around this area what kind of club it was. They were very good at covering their tracks, however, so that no one questioned them. We just have five of the worst fuckers to find, and then we can get on with our life. The thing is, will we find them in time for Ella to have her baby?
Chapter Seventeen
Ella
Three weeks later (one week before due date)
These last few weeks have been so fucking difficult. I can’t help but swear at everyone all the time. I don’t remember ever feeling so miserable. I am so uncomfortable ALL THE TIME! Every time that I am able to get comfortable, I usually end up having to pee. It’s really a vicious cycle- one that is starting to piss me off.
I’m hot all the fucking time. I constantly feel a leg kicking me hard. It’s always digging into my ribs, and nothing anyone says can help. I go from snapping at everyone to crying that I’m sorry, and explaining that I can’t control it. Everyone is so fucking understanding that it’s starting to get under my skin. How can they be so understanding of me being a complete and total bitch? I can clean what they let me clean in the clubhouse. Lots of times they find me randomly organizing something. The club had a good laugh when I alphabetized the liquor bottles. Lily had told everyone that it was me nesting, and that it’s normal. I don’t know if they have any of the baby’s nursery done.
With Demon still in hiding, I will not be able to go back home. Damien set up a bassinette in his room at the club. I have a hospital bag for me and the baby ready, and enough clothes to last a while, since we don’t know how much longer we will be on lockdown. I know some of the people here are getting restless. At least the brothers are able to leave if it is important. I know that everyone understands why we are still on lockdown. Prez told everyone one night that we will be on lockdown until the threat has been handled.
Some brothers went back to their apartments across the street because of the women staying there. The ones that lived on that floor were allowed to sleep in their own beds.
They also had brothers check on the other girls who went home every now and then. It seems no harm has come to them at all, so that’s good. I hate to think of what most of those women went through. The four that were homeless did well for the first couple weeks. Last week they said that they were ready to find jobs. They were offered jobs at the diner and the salon. The club owns both. They accepted their positions, and were very thankful. This way, they can still be watched. Since these women were homeless, they have a better chance of being taken again by Demon. They are also staying close to the club so that they are under our protection.
I still haven’t told Damien that I love him. I know now that I do. I don’t know how to say it. He usually finds a way to tell me. Usually he will ease it in the conversation like, “that’s why I love you,” “God, I love you,” or, “I can’t help it, I love you.” I started feeling guilty that I never say it back, but the knowing smiles and winks he sends me tells me he already knows, and is letting me go at my own pace. That just makes me love him even more than I already do.
I just need to find a way to say it. I feel like after waiting this long, I can’t just blurt it out. I stopped feeling guilty about Jeff. I kept thinking about the talks we used to have regarding if something happened to one of us, and I also thought about what Damien said. Jeff was the type of man that would have wanted me to be happy and loved. He would have also understood that I never went looking for love. It snuck up on me. Some days, I look at his picture and think about the good memories we had. It also helps that I can tell both Damien and my dad about Jeff, and they always listen with interest. I know that they want to know about him, and I’m happy to share with them what kind of man he was, and how happy he made me. I think it makes them feel better since I wasn’t a part of the club life back then, but for ten years I had someone who loved me.
I’m also fairly certain that Stacey is having sex with Torch. She comes out of the room every morning glowing, and he started putting an arm on the back of her chair when she’s sitting. His eyes always seem to find her when she enters a room, and I also don’t miss the smiles they send each other. I plan to get it out of her today.
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I corner her in the kitchen since there isn’t a time I’m alone except when I am going to the washroom, and there is always someone in the hallway waiting for me to finish. They have taken my protection very seriously.
“You better start talking right now,” I tell her in a hushed whisper, looking over my shoulder to make sure that no one else is listening to anything that I’m saying. There are ears all over the club. You can never be too careful.
“What are talking about? Why are you whispering?” she asks me in a whisper back, avoiding eye contact.
“You know what I’m talking about. You’re fucking my brother,” I say loudly. I hear a chuckle, and I turn around to see Torch at the door to the kitchen with a big grin on his face.
“Yes, she is,” he replies. I hear her growl at him. I give her a weird look because I don’t think I have ever seen her do that before.
“Okay, big mouth. Could you let me talk to my best friend?” she grumbles.
He just winks at her, and walks away.
I arch an eyebrow at her, and cross my arms over my chest. She ends up sagging her shoulders in defeat.
“Yes, I’m fucking your brother. I mean, what did you expect? We have been sharing a bed for weeks now. It was bound to happen,” she says in annoyed tone.
“You don’t have to sound so broken about it. Sex is usually supposed to make you happier and more relaxed,” I tell her.
“How would you know? You haven’t had sex in almost a year!” she says grumpily.
