by Leigh, T. K.
“Of course we will, Mar. We’re unbreakable…inseparable…indivisible…”
“Don’t start quoting the Pledge of Allegiance now.” She laughed and the sound filled the night sky over Myrtle Beach, the only other noise that of the crashing waves of the ocean a few blocks away.
“What I meant to say is that nothing can change this. No one can ever touch this.”
“Even a beautiful brunette named Brianna?” she teased, pinching me.
“No. Not even a beautiful brunette named Brianna. She has a boyfriend, anyway. She’s dating Mason,” I said sadly.
“Not anymore,” she responded, her voice sly.
“Well, how about a tall, gangly guy named Doug?” I asked, changing the subject to Marley’s relationship status.
“It’s not serious between us. We’ve only gone out a few times.” Her answer was hesitant and I knew it was because she was scared of becoming intimate with anyone, her fears of having her trust betrayed still present.
“I doubt I’ll be able to ask Bri out,” I said, clearing the air. “I mean, she dated my teammate and friend. They were together for nearly two years.”
“Word is that he cheated on her…with Jessica Harper, I think. Apparently, Grady was hitting on Diana Greene and, well…Jessica and Diana are pretty much attached at the hip.”
“So are Mason and Grady,” I replied. “But Grady has a reputation, and not a good one. So much for being the police chief’s son.”
“From what I’ve heard, Mason’s getting a bit of a reputation, too. He’s getting around. So this is the perfect time for you to finally make your move on Brianna. Be her knight in shining armor,” she said dramatically, her blonde hair waving in front of her face.
“Every time I see her, I clam up. It’s like my tongue is dead weight in my mouth and I can’t put a coherent thought together.”
“Just grow a set already, Cam!” she exclaimed. “She could use someone like you in her life.”
“I know. I just suck at this stuff.”
“You need to make the first move, especially with Bri. She’s not like a lot of girls at school.”
“Look at my kid sister, dishing out relationship advice.”
She punched me playfully in the arm. “Younger by five whole minutes.”
“But five minutes, nonetheless, Miss Bowen.”
I could feel her roll her eyes at me. That was the thing about having a twin. We felt each other. Even when I wasn’t near Marley, I could still feel her…her heart, her soul, her livelihood. Everything she felt, I felt. Everything that upset her, upset me. There was a connection between the two of us that not many other people would understand or grasp, and it was that connection that amplified the guilt for what would happen later in the school year.
CHAPTER TWO
PERFECT
WE BURIED GRAMS TODAY. I still don’t know how to feel about it. I miss her smile. I miss her laugh. I miss her voice. But mostly, I miss her heart. I feel closer to her than I do to anyone else…besides Cam, of course. Grams was the one who was horrified when she found out what Cam and I had to go through after Dad died. She was beside herself with guilt over it all, wishing that she had pushed harder to stay in touch with her daughter, our mama, but she had already begun to fight the cancer that would slowly kill her.
Those years after Dad died and before we were sent to live with Uncle Graham, my dad’s brother, and Aunt Terryn still haunt me. And I think they still haunted Grams up until she died. I’ve tried to move past it all and, over the last few months, put on a smile for Grams so that she could go to her final resting place knowing that I’m okay. But that’s not the real me and I think she knew it. Her sickness took a toll on her and she no longer had the strength to call me out on everything like she had been doing the past few years. She’s one of the few people who could see through the façade.
I appreciate everything that Aunt Terryn and Uncle Graham have done for us, but I sometimes feel like I have to put on a show and a smile. Uncle Graham is a pastor in the local Presbyterian Church, and Aunt Terryn was a high school beauty queen with a substantial trust fund. She’s now a stay-at-home mom and takes care of my two little cousins, Meg and Julianne. God is his religion; beauty and pageants are hers. I go to church every Sunday, and put on a smile and allow people to objectify me in the multitude of pageants that Aunt Terryn signs me up to compete in. She can’t comprehend why I hate these things.
I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. They’ve both tried so hard to make sure that we became well-adjusted teenagers and, for the most part, we are. But I still wake up screaming. I still cower in fear every time I hear footsteps outside my bedroom door. I don’t fit into the mold in which they want me to be. So I put on an act. I smile. I wear a nice dress and wave in all the pageants. I work hard at making sure the public perception of me is fucking perfect because if they all knew what was going on inside my head every hour of every day, they would realize how far from normal I am. And I want to be normal. But what is normal?
My one constant is Cam. He knows. He sees the pain. He sees the torment. He sees the fear. He still hears my cries during the night and climbs out of his window and into mine, comforting me as he did all those years ago. I thought that after six years, I’d be okay, but I’m not. Maybe if I were allowed to go into therapy, I would be. But then word would get out that their niece had psychological problems and they would never hear the end of it. So Uncle Graham tells me to pray to God and everything will work out in the end. Aunt Terryn says that my mood swings are just a result of me being a hormonal teenage girl, and not because I suffered from sexual and physical abuse on a nightly basis for three years of my life. That has nothing to do with it. No one would still suffer from trauma over six years later, would they? (Cue me rolling my eyes.) Everything is swept under the rug so that they don’t have to hear people whisper about their maladjusted, crazy niece. That would cause quite the stir at the Sunday church potluck and the Wednesday afternoon ladies tea.
Cam is my life. He’s actually the one that encouraged me to start keeping a journal to express my feelings. I don’t think I’d still be here today if it wasn’t for him. Up until Grams died, I felt that living with the constant nightmares of my past was a curse, but the pain I felt from losing her was unlike anything I had ever experienced. And I’ve experienced a lot of pain. At that point, I realized that if anything happened to me, Cam would feel that pain. I hate the thought of him enduring any pain at all. Because of Grams’ death, I’ve found new life. I’ve decided to treat every day as a blessing, as a gift. That’s how Cam looks at everything. I need to do that, too.
I just wish it wasn’t so damn hard to act like everything in my life is fucking perfect when it’s anything but.
CHAPTER THREE
BRIANNA
“YOU’RE NOT GOING TO spend every Friday night of our senior year of high school working, are you?” Marley huffed as she plopped down on my bed a few weeks later. She seemed to finally be bouncing back after Grams’ death. I was thrilled to finally see the old Marley again.
Shrugging, I looked at her through the full-length mirror on my bedroom door. “I’m not going to work every Friday, but I do need to keep saving money for college.”
Her happy expression turned sad once more. I had forgotten how much she was dreading finishing high school. She knew that we would most likely be going our separate ways once we graduated. I hated the thought of not seeing her every day, too, but I wasn’t taking it nearly as hard as Marley.
“Cam,” she said in warning. “I told you…”
I put my hands up in defense. “I know. I’m sorry, Mar.” Sighing, I joined her on the bed. “But you have to come to terms with it eventually. There is a chance that we won’t go to the same college. You know that, right? You need to go somewhere that’s going to be good for what you want to do, and I need to go somewhere that’s got a great political science program.”
Holding her head high, she waved me off. “I’m not
going to think about it because then it won’t happen.”
Marley always had this thing where she would will something away. It never worked, but no one would ever stop her from doing what she wanted. I can’t even count the number of times that we had been down at the beach and the sky started turning gray in the distance, storm clouds rolling in. Everyone else knew that the sky was about to open up and a typical summer thunderstorm would soon drench all of us, but that never discouraged Marley. She stood her ground. “I’m willing that it won’t rain so it’s not going to,” she had said with the most serious expression she could muster. It always rained, but that never discouraged her from trying the same exact thing the next time.
Grabbing my wallet off the dresser, I glanced at her before heading downstairs. “To the moon and back, Mar.”
“From the stars to the ocean, Cam.”
“I mean it, Mar. No matter what.”
She plugged her ears playfully. “La, la, la, la,” she said in a sing-song manner. “I can’t hear you.”
I shook my head and took one last look at her before heading out for work. I snapped a mental shot of my sister, my other half. I couldn’t help but think how truly blessed I was to have her in my life. I often heard people talk about soul mates, always referring to finding the love of their life. My sister was my soul mate. I couldn’t imagine my life without her.
“You better get going, Cam, or you’ll be late. And if I were you, I’d be on time tonight…especially tonight.” She winked.
I narrowed my gaze at her. “Why? I mean, I’m never late, but why are you being so…weird?”
“I’m a theater geek. I’m always weird,” she retorted dramatically. “But I just so happen to know that a certain someone will be going to dinner with her mom and step-father tonight at the fine establishment at which you happen to be a waiter. Maybe you’ll be lucky enough to get their table.”
My eyes went wide and I rushed down the stairs, darting past the living room of our large two-story house.
“‘Bye, Aunt Terryn! I’m off to work!”
“Cam! Cam! You need to give me a kiss good night,” a child’s voice called out with a slight lisp. I turned around and saw my younger sister, Meg, running toward the door, my even younger sister, Julianne, not far behind. It didn’t matter that they were technically our cousins. In my mind, they were my sisters.
“Come here, you little bugger,” I said, lowering my six-and-a-half foot frame to their level.
“Have fun at work, Cam!” Julianne said as she wrapped her arms around me, planting a wet kiss on my cheek. “When can I work?”
I released my hold on them, smiling fondly. “Enjoy your childhood while you can, munchkin.”
“Will you bring me home a can… can…?”
“Cannoli?” I asked Meg.
“Yes. That’s what I want. A cannellini!”
I laughed at her angelic voice pronouncing that word. “I’ll see what I can do. But you do realize that one’s a delicious dessert and the other is a bean, right?”
“Cameron, darling. Be nice. They’re still learning,” Aunt Terryn said from the kitchen, where she was preparing dinner.
“I was just playing.” I turned my attention back to the two blonde-haired, blue-eyed little girls in front of me, their hair and coloring identical to my aunt. “If there are some left tonight, I’ll do my best to bring one home for you. But you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to eat it. I won’t be getting home until after your bedtime. Okay?”
They both squealed with delight. They were more excited about me getting a job at Renaldo’s than I was. It was the most popular Italian restaurant in town and was run by a married couple…Anita and Renaldo. Everyone loved them. When you were there, you were family and were treated as such.
We had been going to Renaldo’s as long as I could remember and, when Marley and I turned sixteen, Aunt Terryn and Uncle Graham wanted us to get a job so that we could improve our college applications. I didn’t mind, actually. It gave me an excuse not to have to go to church every Sunday. I wasn’t against religion, but it always irritated the piss out of me that neither Marley nor I were put in therapy after going through what we did. We were told to look to God and all would be okay. Waking up several times a week from Marley’s cries reinforced my belief that it was not all okay. I didn’t know if it ever would be.
“Have a great night at work, darling.” Aunt Terryn met me at the door and planted an affectionate kiss on my cheek. “Drive safe.”
“I will.” My keys clutched in my hand, I bolted from the house and hopped into the Jeep Wrangler that Mama helped me buy, starting the engine. During the short drive to the restaurant, Brianna’s beautiful brown eyes flashed in my mind as anxiety (and probably hormones) ran through me.
Entering the kitchen, pots clanging all around, the familiar aroma of garlic and tomatoes greeted me.
“Hey, Anita,” I said, poking my head in the staff room to see what tables were mine for the night.
“Hey, Cam. Darcy’s out there now. A few of her tables are finishing up and then they’re all yours.”
“Thanks,” I said, finding my locker and putting my wallet and keys inside. I was about to walk out when I remembered my sisters’ pleas before I left home. “Oh, Anita, if it’s not too much trouble and if there are any left tonight, can I steal a cannoli for Meg and Jules?”
A gentle smile crossed her face. “Of course you can.”
I was about to head out when she called to me again, “Cam, one more thing. I had to get rid of a few staff members yesterday. Do you think you’ll be able to work tomorrow afternoon?”
“I’m sorry. I wish I could, but it’s Saturday. Marley and I have visitation with…”
“Oh, Cam,” Anita interrupted me immediately. “I should have known. Don’t worry about it. I’ll find someone else to cover.”
Shrugging my shoulders, I said, “I’m just sorry that I can’t pick up the hours.” I turned out of the office and went to get some side work done before having to take over my tables for the evening.
I finished my prep work in record time and slowly took over for Darcy so she could leave. After several hours had passed and I had given up any hope of seeing Brianna, the hostess alerted me that she just sat a new party in my section.
“Hi, my name’s Cam,” I said, looking down in my apron in search of my order book. “I’ll be taking care of you…” I trailed off, my eyes meeting those beautiful brown eyes and all I could do was stare. Words always seemed to escape me whenever I was in her presence.
A sudden loud throat clearing startled me, bringing me back from her full lips. I turned my attention to her step-dad, who looked somewhat irritated that I was checking her out.
“Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Grayson. Can I get you something to drink?” After jotting down their drink order, I winked slightly at Brianna and made my way across the large, bustling restaurant to the beverage stand, trying to control my heartbeat. She was the only girl I had ever met that made my heart explode from excitement and nerves at the same time.
I grabbed their drinks and returned to their table, concentrating as hard as I could not to trip and spill their beverages everywhere. I wasn’t a clumsy person, but I didn’t want to take any chances around Brianna.
“So, Cam,” her mother said when I approached the picture-perfect family. Mrs. Grayson was one of those women that appeared to never age. Her features were still soft and vibrant, which contrasted with the smug look that seemed to be permanently glued on her face. She kept her dark hair short and I never noticed one strand out of place. “Your uncle tells me you’re thinking about going the lawyer route like Bryant here.” She gestured to her new husband.
“Yeah. I really enjoyed my Governments class this year…” I stopped short at the scowl on both of their faces from my mention of that class, which was taught by Brianna’s biological father, Mr. Monroe.
“My uncle’s been helping me narrow down my options for undergrad,” I said, tr
ying to recover from my earlier blunder, “but I’m also trying to keep in mind where Marley’s going to go.”
“That’s probably not a smart move,” Mrs. Grayson sneered. “That girl’s a ticking time bomb waiting to happen. You, on the other hand, have a very bright future, Cameron.”
There was an awkward silence at the table while she looked at me in a condescending manner, my temper flaring. Avoiding her eyes, I settled my gaze on a Venetian scene that was painted on the wall by their table, doing the best I could to not respond to her remark.
“Please, dear,” Mr. Grayson soothed. “Now’s not the time.”
I nodded in appreciation. I always liked Brianna’s step-dad. He had an aura about him that just exuded warmth and compassion. He was quite a few years older than Brianna’s mother. His hair was graying in a distinguished way that I’m sure attracted many women to him but, for as long as I can recall, he had only been interested in one woman. He married Mrs. Grayson a few years ago and treated Brianna with all the care and affection as he would his own daughter. He was an attorney who practiced law prior to being appointed a judge, an office he retired from several years ago. He now chaired the board of trustees at our lovely educational establishment.
Her mom stayed at home and made everyone else’s business her business. I was fairly certain that most of the rumors regarding the adults in my town started from her lips. From what I knew, she divorced Brianna’s father when Brianna was just six years old. She was happy to continue collecting those alimony payments until something better and more fruitful came along…like a judge that seemed to have more money than sense. As I turned and stared into her bitter eyes, I had to remind myself to play the nice, genuine southern boy that I was brought up to be.
“Are you ready to order?” I smiled my most charming smile at them, absently wondering how such a spiteful person could raise a daughter with as caring and beautiful of a soul as Brianna.
After scribbling down their order, I excused myself and went behind the counter to drop off the ticket at the kitchen. As I was about to round the corner to go check on a few of my other tables, I nearly bumped into Brianna, surprised to see her standing in front of me.
