by Leigh, T. K.
“We don’t have to, Marley. I don’t want you to think that you have to do anything you’re not ready for.”
“I know.” I grabbed his head and brought his lips to mine. “I want to,” I assured him. I just didn’t know if I could follow through.
Groaning, his soft lips met mine and he explored my mouth as he had been doing nearly every day for the past few months. But that kiss felt so much more electric as my mind raced, thinking about what we were going to do. I was excited and scared at the same time.
He tore his lips from me and trailed kisses down my neck. I tilted my head, giving him better access as his hand roamed my body, his motions nervous and inhibited.
“Doug,” I moaned. “Take my dress off.”
He hesitated. “Are you sure?”
“Will you stop asking me that? I wouldn’t ask you if I wasn’t sure. Now, unzip me.” I sat up on the edge of the bed and instantly felt Doug’s hands lower the zipper of my nurse costume, thankful that the darkened room hid the scars. I wasn’t ready for that conversation just yet.
Standing up, I let the dress pool to the ground and stood in front of him in just my white lace bra and boy shorts.
His eyes grew heated and I could tell that he wanted me…probably more than he had ever wanted anything before. Straddling him, I pinned him to his bed and brought my lips to his once more, his hands remaining glued to my hips.
I ran my fingers through his hair and he flipped me onto my back. He dragged his tongue across my collar bone, lowering his body down mine, stopping briefly at my chest. Gazing up at me, he raised his eyebrows. I nodded, my heart beating loud in my chest. He lowered the cup of my bra, continuing the exploration of my body with his mouth.
I threw my head back and moaned as I wrapped my legs around him.
He crushed his lips against mine and his hand trailed down my midsection, grasping onto my leg. He began delicately thrusting against me and I released the grip that my legs had on his waist.
“Do you feel what you do to me, Marley?” he asked, his voice raspy.
“Yes.”
He continued his movements and I closed my eyes as his tongue circled my neck, his teeth tugging on my earlobe. He grunted and I tensed up, but he didn’t notice it. I squeezed my eyes tighter, the image of a man moving on top of me making me tremble. Memories flooded back and I returned to that time in my life.
“Doug,” I said quietly as he continued moving against me, each motion pushing me deeper and deeper into my past. “Doug,” I repeated as he kept licking and sucking. My heart raced and flashes of everything I had endured played like a movie in front of my eyes. I tried to remind myself that I was free, but nothing worked. The burn and pain became too much.
“Get off me!” I shrieked, pushing against him, shooting off of the bed as my entire body shook.
“My god. Marley, I’m sorry,” he said, his apologetic eyes meeting mine.
“No, you’re not!” Throwing my dress on, leaving it unzipped in the back, I quickly retreated from the room, dashing down the hall and out of the house.
I had no idea where I was going, but I knew that I needed to go as far away as possible. Running down the street, the full moon the only light, I reached the end of the road, my eyes settling on a simple tree house in the yard of a property for sale. Climbing up the ladder, I collapsed, curling into a ball, and cried harder than I had ever cried in my life.
The realization that I would never be normal washed over me and I hated everyone. I hated Buck for what he did to me. I hated my aunt and uncle for thinking that God was the answer to everything. I hated Doug for loving me. And I hated Cam for being normal. I wanted to be normal, and his ability to be what I wanted and craved with every fiber of my being was like a knife to my heart.
If I couldn’t be normal, what was the point?
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
FALLING
“HEY, HANDSOME,” A SWEET voice said, sidling up to me as I watched Marley talk with a group of girls. I looked to my left and my eyes fell on Brianna in a short and tight flight attendant costume.
“Wow. You look…”
She raised her eyebrows at me. “Good enough that you’d think about joining the mile high club?”
I nodded slowly. “But you had a flapper costume on at school. I liked that one, too.”
“Oh.” She looked away. “I just thought that maybe you’d…”
I grabbed her chin and made her stare into my eyes. “It’s hot. But I’m worried about having to fight off all the guys here who are drooling over you because of how amazing you look.”
She planted a kiss on my lips. “You’re the only one I want drooling over me.”
“Well, then…mission accomplished.”
“Good!” She clapped her hands. “Want a drink or anything? Doug said we could crash here if we wanted to.”
I hesitated. “I don’t know. I mean, I don’t know what Marley’s going to want to do and if she doesn’t feel comfortable…” I trailed off, hating that I was disappointing Brianna by putting Marley first. “You know what? I’ll have a beer. I need to stop constantly thinking of Marley before me.”
Brianna held my hand and led me toward the kitchen. “No, you don’t. I think it’s sweet that you always do that. She needs it, Cam. But you need to live your own life, too.”
“May as well start doing that with a beer.”
Brianna grinned and filled two red cups, handing me one. “Want to go sit outside by the fire pit? It’ll be less noisy,” she said over the loud cheers and singing that was going on all around us.
“I’d like that.” I led her from the kitchen and out the back door, the cool air refreshing after having been inside the house that was sweltering from all the warm, dancing bodies. Supporting her as we climbed down the steps of the back deck, we made our way across the sprawling lawn and toward a stone fire pit. Just a few feet away, drunk high school and college students were stripping into practically nothing before hopping in the hot tub.
“Wanna go for a dip?” Brianna asked.
“I’d rather not.”
“I was hoping you’d say that,” she retorted, sounding somewhat relieved.
“I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’d love to be in a hot tub with you, Bri, so long as it was just us. I’m having a hard enough time trying to not punch every guy in the face who’s looking at your legs. If you got in that hot tub with a bathing suit on, I don’t know what I’d do.”
She lowered her head. “I’m sorry. I can go change.”
I stopped abruptly and pulled her body into mine, lowering my lips to hers as she moaned into my mouth. My hand grazing her back, I gently pushed against her so she could feel how turned on I was and she gasped.
“Don’t you dare go change.”
She giggled. “Okay.” Her teeth began to chatter.
I shrugged out of the black jacket that went with my vampire costume and slung it over her shoulders. “As much as I hate to cover you up, you need to keep warm. My aunt will have my ass if you get sick and can’t make it to the Thanksgiving Day parade in a few weeks.”
She rolled her eyes and I grabbed her hand, leading her to the fire pit. “Yeah. God forbid only eleven girls are on that stupid float instead of twelve.”
“It’s a rather grave offense,” I joked.
“It is to some people.”
We sat on the stone benches, the warmth of the fire heating our skin in the chilly fall night air. Everyone else was either in the hot tub or in the house drinking and dancing. It was just Brianna and me, and that’s how I liked it.
“This is my favorite time of year,” she said, drawing a long breath.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. All the leaves changing color. The burning smell in the air. Everything going to rest for the winter knowing that, in spring, it’ll be a rebirth…a new start. Makes me hopeful for my own new start, I guess.”
“Like in college?”
“Yeah, like in college,” she re
plied rather softly.
“Have you been accepted anywhere yet?” I asked.
“A few places. I’m still undeclared as far as my major goes. It just seems like a whole lot of pressure to put on a seventeen-year-old to ask them to decide what they want to do for the rest of their life. I have no idea what I want to do. All I know is that I want to get out of this town.”
“You and Marley both,” I muttered. “You guys are a lot alike.”
“Please don’t tell me that’s the only reason you’re attracted to me.”
“God, no,” I said quickly. “I mean, you’re both fed up with this town, but I guess a lot of people we go to high school with are. Who wouldn’t look forward to finally being able to go to a new place and have some independence? That’s what college is all about, isn’t it?”
“Yeah. I guess.”
“You’re nothing like Marley. Believe me.”
She reached over and grabbed my hand in hers, not saying a word. She didn’t have to. In that one simple gesture, she spoke volumes. We sat there for a while, listening to the crackling of the fire in front of us.
“Know what I like about you, Bri?” I said finally, facing her. “You’re selective with your words. You don’t speak much so when you do, I know it’s important. I’d rather hear three meaningful words out of your mouth than three thousand insignificant ones.”
“Like… I love you?”
My heart stopped in my chest when I heard those three amazing words leave her mouth, surprised at her forwardness and inhibition in saying them.
“I don’t care if you don’t feel the same way about me. I’m pretty sure that you don’t…”
“What makes you think that?” I interrupted her.
She shrugged and pinched her lips in that adorable way she always did when she was thinking hard about something. “How could you? I mean, we’ve only been dating for two months. Love doesn’t happen that quickly. I’ve been crushing on you for as long as I could remember, even when I was dating Mason. And I always loved you as a friend. But now I love you as more than a friend.” She smiled, a carefree expression crossing her face.
“There you are, Bri.” My voice was quiet and thoughtful.
“What?”
“There’s the Bri that I knew in sixth grade. I knew you were in there somewhere beneath this hard exterior that you’ve had up the past few years.” I leaned toward her and hovered my mouth near her lips. “Because that’s the Brianna that I fell in love with.”
“Oh, Cam,” she sighed, reaching up and running her fingers through my shaggy hair. “I hope you’re not just saying that because…”
“I’ve loved you for longer than I think you realize, Bri.”
“Really?”
I grinned wide. “Really.”
“Cam!” I heard a voice shout, tearing me away from Brianna’s lips. We both turned to see Doug running down the slope of his back yard, panicked.
“What’s wrong?”
“It’s Marley.”
I eyed him cautiously. “What do you mean?”
“I took her up to my room so we could be alone…”
My nostrils flared and he could sense my rage over his admission.
“It’s not what you think,” he interjected quickly. “I had every intention of being respectful, Cam. Honest to God. But things got a bit heated and one thing led to another and, well…long story short, she completely freaked out and then ran. I’ve tried looking everywhere for her and I can’t find her. I don’t know where she could be and I figure you’ve got to have some crazy twin-sense, right?”
“She wouldn’t have gone far. Let’s go.” I grabbed Brianna’s hand and led her, rather quickly, up the back yard and into the house. After a few minutes of navigating our way through the crowd of people, we finally pushed past the front door and piled in my Wrangler. I took off down the road, driving slowly in case she was walking in the darkened night.
“Cam, I’m so sorry,” Doug said as my eyes scanned the street. “I just… I’m a complete ass. I would never do anything to hurt Marley. I thought everything was okay and then, the next thing I knew, she was screaming at me. I don’t get it.”
I sighed, glancing at him, slamming on the brakes when I drove past a vacant property for sale, noticing a tree house in the side yard.
“What is it? Do you see her?” Doug asked anxiously.
I pulled the parking brake and we both jumped out of the Wrangler at the same time.
“Call it my twin-sense,” I responded as I helped Brianna out of the back.
We all ran across the expansive lawn, slowing down when we saw Marley’s trembling body curled up in the small doorway to the tree house. Approaching with caution, I noticed Doug stop dead in his tracks as his eyes settled on my sister’s exposed back that was illuminated by the full moon.
He turned to look at me, questioning. I felt Brianna tense up beside me when she saw what had shocked Doug.
“Is it…?”
My eyes met hers and I simply nodded.
“Oh, god…” she exhaled, her chin quivering.
I headed toward the tree house, climbing up the short ladder. “Marley…?”
“I’m sorry, Cam. I tried. I really did. I’ve tried so fucking hard to be normal and to forget, but I can’t. I want to so fucking bad. I just can’t do it. I want to go back to how things were before Dad died! I want my fucking tree house! Why can’t I have that back?” Her sobs echoed through the empty yard and my heart broke for her.
I sat next to her, pulling her into my arms. She held on to me as if letting go would mean letting go of her very existence. “It’s okay, Marley Jane. Let it out. Stop keeping it inside.”
“Marley?” We both looked to see Doug hesitantly standing at the bottom of the ladder.
“Hi, Doug,” she said, wiping her tears.
“I never meant to…”
“I know you didn’t. I’m sorry.”
“I’m the one who’s sorry,” he said quietly.
Squeezing Marley’s hand, I said, “I think it’s time.”
She looked at me, her eyes growing wide. “I don’t know if I can…”
“I know you can. He needs to know.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
THE TRUTH
I KNEW THIS DAY would eventually come. I had ignored the reality of what a relationship would mean for me…and for Doug. His love set me free, or so I thought. But no amount of love could erase the past or free me from the demons that haunted me. My existence was a ticking time-bomb and, at some point, no one would be able to find a way to deactivate me.
“Marley?” Doug said, sitting down next to me in the tree house after they had found me. “Are you okay?”
I stared into his confused eyes and wished that I could tell him the words that he needed to hear, but I couldn’t. Shaking my head, I said, “No, Doug. I haven’t been okay since my eighth birthday.”
I felt a squeeze on my hand and looked at Cam. “I’ll give you guys some privacy. Unless you want me to stay?” He raised his eyebrows at me.
“No. I can do this.”
He leaned over and planted a kiss on my temple. “I know you can, Mar.” He climbed down the ladder and made his way back to Brianna, wrapping his arms around her.
“Your back…” Doug said quietly.
“It’s not as bad as it used to be…”
“What happened?”
“Everything. Everything that a little girl should never have to endure happened to me, Doug.”
“Please, Marley. Just tell me. I need to know. I don’t ever want to hurt you again.”
“I know.” Taking a deep breath, I met his eyes that were awash with concern and sorrow. “When I was eight, my father died. Mama was depressed and turned to drugs and alcohol. We lost our house and had to move to some shitty neighborhoods. One day, a man saw me playing in the school yard while we were waiting for our mama. He taught me how to throw a softball. Mama never showed up so Cam and I had to walk home
. He must have followed because, a week later, he appeared on our doorstep. He began to date Mama and, for a minute, she stopped drinking and doing drugs. That didn’t last. He began supplying her drugs, ensuring that she would be passed out nearly every night.”
A tear fell down my cheek as I recalled that first night. “It was New Year’s Eve. Mama invited him over to celebrate. She drank and I remember seeing her stick a needle in her arm. She said it was her medicine. I was too young to realize that she was shooting heroin. We stayed up to watch the ball drop. Mama was already passed out so he put us to bed and I fell asleep pretty quickly. I don’t know how long he waited, but in the middle of the night, I felt someone climb into my bed.”
Doug wrapped his arm around me and pulled my body into his, his grip tightening on me as he listened.
“I had no idea what was going on. I was so confused. All I knew was that whatever he was doing was the most painful thing I had ever felt in my life. He kept saying that he had demons and that this was the only way he could release them. I tried to fight him, but it never worked. He would use his belt on me whenever I attempted to get away from him.”
“How many times?” Doug asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
I looked into his eyes and could see tears forming. “Practically every night for three years.”
He let out a small sob and pulled me even closer.
“Cam had to listen to my screams and cries for help nearly every night. Our mama was always unconscious from the drugs so she never stopped it. She was too drunk or coked-up to realize that anything was going on, except every few months when she promised to get her act together. She would see the welts on me and the bruises on Cam’s face and would take us away to somewhere new. Then the withdrawal symptoms would set in and she’d call him, begging for drugs, and he’d be back in our lives. Until Cam couldn’t take it anymore and found my mama’s gun and shot him.”
