Yi remembers her manners. ‘N-Nice to meet you.’
‘Likewise. Dani’s generally got good taste with people so I don’t think I’ll have anything to worry about.’ Said with a smile. She certainly has a strange way of talking. And you know, it’s strange, but Janelle sort of reminds her of….no…That other Janelle was white.
Janelle’s eyes linger a little on Yi in a way that makes her feel uncomfortable: over her uniform, on her white shirt…
‘I know you…’ Janelle finally says with her eyes crystallising, then turning wide. She takes a little step back and murmurs, ‘We go to the same school; I saw you with your sister on Monday…I saw you that night again, in the alleyway.’
Yi-Ting feels her heart sour and chill. No no no, don’t turn, don’t lose faith in me! I won’t hurt you. Yi tries for words but Janelle cuts her off, says, ‘You need help.’
Dani asks, ‘I think there’s a story here, but for now, we should go.’
Yes, time to go. Yi risks a look outside but Macaque has eyes only for trash. So they move from their table and cut outside. Dani attacks the security chain of a white motorcycle nearby; Yi moves in beside the women, not wanting to face the Macaque, trying to veer away from the laneway. Dani reveals two spare helmet sheets and Yi copies Janelle’s practised manoeuvres as she unfolds the material to dome size. Three squeezed on the seat with Yi at the back holding onto Janelle. Yi turns to the monster on top of the garbage can and watches it as it watches her back. Droopy pizza slice in hand.
It’s only just realised. Eyes locked. Dancing. Motor roaring into life. Motion. Macaque falls away in the small vision of the near distance. Lesser and lesser. It is gone.
Yi raises her head to the heavens and thanks God for this beautiful day.
She tries and fails not to cry.
Sister & Saviour
Sister
The Macaque didn’t follow them. At least, from what Yi-Ting could see of the blue-glassy world beyond the helmet visor. But she isn’t certain of whether the creature’s disappearance is a true marker for celebration. Deep down, she knows that it has the capability of snapping back to her side. Somewhere close by, somewhere uncertain. Future or present does not matter. Even though she cannot see it, even though there is no evidence to contradict her senses, the Macaque is a pernicious creature. She sees him flash before her eyes and remembers her weightless fall to asphalt. Those horrid, piercing, calcite teeth carving her flesh open. Powerful hands nailing her shoulders to earth. Earthworm pinned. That utter hopelessness. Embarrassment. Shame.
But if her new friend wasn’t lying about seeing Macaque – and what reason would she have to co-fabricate anti-reality – then surely she possesses some innate power to keep the spirit at bay? Maybe? Perhaps this is why Macaque did not follow. Yi likes that idea, and for a brief moment her anxiety is dispelled as the three glide effortlessly through the city corners and lanes. Yi has never been to this district before. Low and rundown commercial joints packed against wide lots of depots, facilities, buildings without feature or colour. Cloud stacks churn out the atmosphere nearby. A strange place. Definitely Power Down territory – dark territory.
They turn from the main roads and enter down low suburban streets with tiny houses pressed together. Urbane and quaintly poor. But being poor isn’t cute or quaint, is it? No. If the houses could speak of their occupants, that would be the first thing on their lips to tell you, I’m certain. Don’t romanticise poverty. Don’t profit from people’s suffering (but please buy the special edition of this story: $24.99 USD – wow, that’s such a good price, excellent value).
Dani lives above a suburban grocer. She parks along the side wall and they all pop off, helmets folded. The woman rolls down a shutterbox attached to the walls and locks the mechanism into the ground, shielding the cycle from sight. Yi subconsciously finds a telegraph pole nearby but there’s no beetle underneath. Strange. So she looks to the grocer instead. A funny sign sprawled across the top: funny in that she cannot read the words. She strains her eyes but the foreign language is no sharper. Inside are stuffy little aisles – no more than three in total – with all sorts of strange and colourful things. A man behind the counter reads a paper to the soundtrack of Middle Eastern music. Yi hears the voice of Janelle and turns.
‘Sometimes Dani buys us snacks here. They’ve got all sorts of dips and breads and minty vine leaves. And Turkish Delights and baklava, of course; that kind of goes with the territory. See that?’
Yi follows Janelle’s brown finger to a very strange sight – what is that? Like an ornate teapot with a silver cap and two arms ending in pipes, like oboes or clarinets. Janelle explains, ‘It’s called a Shisha, a waterpipe. Sort of like a giant bong, I suppose, but you can put all sorts of flavoured water into the bowl and use it. We tried it a few weeks ago with some hash. It’s a great way to get high!’
Jan smiles. Yi smiles back, weak. It’s like another world out here. There’s a little door wedged into the side of the Turkish supermarket with a tiny bank of letterboxes laid out in disorder. Dani fumbles with the front door locks and heads inside, Janelle next, Yi-Ting last and closing the door behind. They climb up a narrow flight of stairs with strawberry wallpaper to guide them. Yi watches her two new acquaintances ascend, watching how close they walk together and how very unlikely a pairing they may seem. This older young woman with the crazy sea hair and the younger young black girl all in white and pink who talks as if she has had her voice ripped out and replaced wholesale by a supernatural entity. Kind of like a white girl? Yes, an unlikely pairing. But listen. What are they talking about? Janelle shares a joke – something about Dani amassing a horde of young girlfriends who have all been touched by the supernatural. Yi sees how they both laugh together. So easy. Just like that. Sisterly and pure.
Dani’s apartment is at the end of the landing beside a window looking out over the back lot of the shop and into the neighbouring restaurant. Smoke rises in the very near distance from all the cloud stacks. Are these the assembly lines? Maybe. This really isn’t Yi’s domain, though. What a place. Yi turns and follows the two women inside. Modest: one main room with old television plugged into the digital-HS converter opposite a defeated but homely sofa, a solar fridge on the right side wall next to sink and cooker, bedroom yonder. A little smell of dishwashing liquid to warm the place.
Janelle’s already making herself at home in the fridge. Yi sees a whole plate of multicoloured dip boxes appear in her arms as she lays it out on the coffee table beside the sofa. Janelle turns and asks Dani, ‘Hey, can we do our study a little later this evening after the movie?’
Yi-Ting sees the small stack of exercise books on the kitchen bench – perhaps enough curriculum to make up for a few years’ worth of minimal effort in school. Dani flicks off an alarm system by the fridge and replies, ‘You’re a keen bean! Sure we can.’ As she slips out of her leather jacket to reveal white, slender arms, Dani turns to Yi, says, ‘I’ve got some spare sheets we can run over the sofa. You’re tall but not too tall – it’ll be a good sleep for you.’
Yi nods her thanks but walks up to Dani and says in a low voice, ‘Um, c-can I have a shower?’
‘Course!’
‘And some spare clothes.’
‘I’ll see what I’ve got. Need anything else?’’
‘…A pad.’
Dani walks to a tiny linen closet at the lip of her room and replies, ‘Yep, under the sink. Bathroom’s just over there. Hang on a tic, I’ll get you something to change into.’
Yi feels her cheeks flush.
With an armful of towels and clothes, she stands before the bathroom mirror with the door locked. A little ventilation fan purrs over her head. Beside the shower a frosted window shows how the colours outside smile at deep dusk.
It feels so strange to be in a foreign, semi-safe place with strangers. A very uncertain weight rests on her heart…but if they meant her any harm, surely it would have happened by now?
Yi strips and kicks t
he mess into a neat pile. Flow, water. Down upon the wastelands and carrying away the grime, the dirt, the pee, the smells. Body gel all scratchy and nice. Yi rests her head against the old tiles and closes her eyes for a very, very long time as the water crosses down her back. She wishes. It is a wish with infinite and heart-slow poise: to have Carrie beside her once again. It is a greedy wish to replay the events of last night, like a glutton who can’t get enough of a simple pleasure. But no pleasure is simple when love guides the actions. Fingers through hair and gentle hands over skin that wants and craves. That feeling takes hold of her heart. More and again.
All finished.
Fresh girl before the mirror with her river-lank dark hair to shoulders. Yi pulls open the cabinet and finds a box of unopened pads next to the U-bend, sees the dazzling boxes of prophylactics and condoms and pills and tampons. Yi blushes and shuts away the intrusion. Clothes: baseball top (the Mets) and a pair of gym leggings that fit nicely over simple underwear. Yi steps out from the bathroom and finds the host on the sofa. Girl takes up a space beside Dani and notices the sky outside as black as Black Friday. But where did all that time go? Time indeed passes and skips when lost in memories, no?
Janelle’s over at the microwave with her head bowed to the window. For a second, Yi sees two Janelles staring at each other through a thin layer of glass. Beep! She takes out a bowl of warm glowing kernels. Corn. Always corn in this country. As she makes her way over the girl opens her mouth and sings, shakes her hips:
♫ I got popcorn
♫ I got movies
♫ I got my friends
♫ Can’t ask for anythin’ more…
♫ …except maybe some weed.
Jan continues, ‘Dani, hit me up.’
Dani leans back and replies as Janelle plonks the popcorn on the TV altar, ‘Nope, fresh out.’ Turning to Yi, she apologises, ‘Not much of a singer, this one. Good dancer though.’
Yi-Ting brings her feet up on the sofa and asks, ‘Can you dance for us?’
Janelle beams and takes off her hat to rest beside the popcorn. ‘Love to. Dani, you pick the song.’
Dani thinks for a moment and then tells the TV to turn on. It ignores her, so she finds a remote and powers on manually like a fucking dinosaur, finding the media menu.
‘Taken 2 soundtrack it is. “Car Chase Sequence” gets me every time, very stirring.’
‘Boooo. You suck. Play something vibrant and illustrious.’
They argue over song choice for a little while. Yi sinks back into the sofa and enjoys the spectacle, relaxing, letting her coil unwind. The bickering sisters finally settle on a song after much finger-pointing and argument on the finer points of action movie soundtracking, and Janelle begins to dance for them. Completely unashamed. Total focus inside her world with live feet on the carpet. Yi watches with a hint of jealousy as the young creature moves her body and arms in snaky motions to the RnB thumper. This creature is designed for the very purpose of moving her still-developing body like a sine wave. Mathematical and fluid. The slow rise of hips, arms coming together and hands branched over her head of sun hair, eyes working low. Fingers networking. Dress fanning out in perfect unity. She could be a professional, this one. Yi can definitely imagine her standing on a stage and having people watch as she speaks of the eloquence of human movement.
Jan finishes with a bow and the audience claps.
‘You’re really good,’ Yi says as Jan takes a seat next to her.
‘Years of practise. I used to be a dancer at the club where Dani works.’
‘Used to?’
Janelle brushes it aside. ‘Oh, I still work there, just in a job that doesn’t require me to be in the limelight all the time. I can’t honestly say I prefer my new job over the old, on account of the lack of dancing, but…’ Janelle shrugs and continues, ‘as long as Dani’s there with me, I think I can get by all right. She likes my dancing and doesn’t have to pay me for it. Speaking of,’ Janelle pinches her fingertips together and slides them around – the universal sign of ‘pay me, pay me’. And the creature laughs; Yi undergoes a sudden re-evaluation of Janelle and Dani’s ‘work’.
But she can’t judge. And doesn’t. There is no reason to, is there? For these people are her saviours.
They watch Spirited Away. Yi’s already seen the movie once but doesn’t mind re-watching the story of a young girl trafficked away from her home and sold into sexual servitude. Um. Hang on. No, it’s the story of a young girl who finds herself in a mysterious land and has to take up an uncomfortable job in a bathhouse cleaning floors and tubs and guests. Vast difference. Don’t confuse the two. Yi wishes she could be Chihiro – vanishing away to a magical land, leaving her human problems behind. Soon, they come to a festive scene where the bathhouse workers are engaging in a tug of war with a nasty piece of rubbish lodged in the heart of a customer who is made entirely of garbage. Everyone bands their strength together and works to clean the beast. Janelle says quietly to Dani, ‘Reminds me a bit of the clients who don’t wear any deodorant,’ and giggles a bit. Dani puts an arm around her sister and they watch on.
There’s a point in the movie where the tone turns heavily introspective and quiet, about the time NoFace stops being a creepy paedo slash insane monster and follows Chihiro out along the water tracks. ‘The Sixth Station’ by Joe Hisashi plays as the movie becomes very, very special. By this point in the movie every semblance of magic has been set and taken for granted. What follows is the real magic. Janelle asks if they can pause for a moment while she fetches more popcorn.
Pause.
Beep Beep
Back on the sofa but before the movie starts up again Janelle asks Dani to wait for just a moment, if she would.
‘What’s up?’
Yi turns to Janelle and meets her eyes; the child stares back at her with a fierce curiosity. As if inside those brown galaxial heavens there is a storm brewing. A storm of thought and silly, magical ideas. Yi begins to feel uncomfortable. ‘What?’ is all she can manage to say, but Janelle doesn’t move for a few moments after. Then she digs out something from her back pocket and unfolds it. Dani peers over Yi’s shoulder to inspect the piece of paper. Jan holds it between her hands and says to the letter, but really to Yi-Ting, ‘Something in the movie reminded me of this. Maybe this piece of paper I’ve been carrying around since Monday is a charm meant for someone. But…I can’t read Chinese characters and I don’t know anyone who does. I mean, I could ask the internet, but I don’t think this letter is for me. Yi.’ Eye contact, sharp, ‘maybe you can help me out?’
And she hands over the paper. Yi nods and explains, holding the smooth parchment in her fingers, ‘I’m not going to be able to understand everything, and I only read the Traditional characters…’
It’s written in Traditional Chinese. In fact, a very familial script. There are very few people in this world who write quite like that, in this special shade of biology homework red.
No, it can’t be, surely.
Yi opens the letter. The charm reads:
Creating the Macaque was the biggest mistake of my life. You shouldn’t have to shoulder this burden, and it was wrong for me to give my grief a form and let it loose on my family. The result wasn’t worth it. Not having you here is breaking my heart, worse than losing Mother. I miss you more than you can ever, ever know.
So know this: the Macaque will never leave until you stop taking on the responsibility of shouldering it. Let it leave. Let the pain of it go from your heart, just as I learned to do. If it comes back to kill me – then that is my fault and my responsibility. You cannot stop it. Not even if you hold on to it for years and years. Not even if you kill yourself. It will gain an immeasurable strength and win. Please, don’t destroy your own life for the sake of mine. You are far too precious for that.
Mum wouldn’t want to see us like this. She would want better. So please, dear sister, come home. I’ll be waiting for you. Let the Macaque go.
I love you.
Yi finds her fingers shaking. The paper works a strange magic across her hands. Tingling warm and sweet and creamy on the tongue too. Such power. These words from the heart touch her very core. Like waking up in a friendly home. Like showering with a lover. New kisses. Such a deep rivulet of force in her mind. Yi crumples the edge of the paper. And wails. Open-mouthed and loud. Ignoring the tears as her friends come in beside her and ask what is wrong but she just shakes her head. Dani catches her and brings her into her breast and Yi finds solace in the dark, perfumed world. Calm hand on the back, infinite circles. There, there.
Dani murmurs into her ear, ‘That letter obviously meant something dear to you.’
Yi nods, sniffs.
‘There was magic in that paper. A little anti-hex.’
Yi looks to Janelle for confirmation and she nods. ‘As you were reading, I saw it light up across the back in strange circles and squares. I’ve seen them before.’
With energy restored to her body, Yi finds her way to her feet and explains, ‘I’ve caused my family a lot of pain…I think I want to go back to them in the morning.’
Dani nods, comfortable with the decision, but as she stands up and starts to say something, Yi finds a strange pull overcome her body. Like she were a puppeteer’s latest plaything, like the universe was writing fate onto her neurological lines. She is out of control. Dani’s voice fades to nil and Yi…
Turn. Here.
Yi can’t hear anything else, see anything else, as her eyes go slowly to the window showing Stallwind at night, smokestack frenzy and dark. But, oh.
There you are.
There you are.
What do you think you’re doing? glares the Macaque from behind flimsy glass, What do you think you’re doing here with these people, gathering little charms to protect yourself?
After Hope Dies Page 23
