Clara made a thick pad with a towel and secured it in place with the roll of gauze as she wrapped it around his arm. He sucked in a quick breath as pain lanced through his wound again.
Clara stopped and looked up at him. He read the worry in her beautiful eyes and something more. A deeper emotion. He lifted a hand to touch her cheek. She didn’t flinch or shy away. “I’m okay,” he assured her softly.
* * *
Clara bit her lip and looked down to continue wrapping Ethan’s arm. She didn’t want him to see how his touch unnerved her. Or how much she was starting to care about him. He needed a friend to help him, not a weak-kneed woman to swoon over him.
“A widow-maker could kill you,” Micah said.
“It’s just an expression.” Ethan adjusted the pad Clara was trying to secure.
Clara glanced at the boy and saw fear clouding his eyes. It wasn’t just an expression to him. “Your onkel is fine, Micah. Go check on the children for me, please. They’re playing on the swing set out back. Why don’t you take them to the cornfield and gather a few roasting ears. I’ll make corn on the cob for supper. How’s that?”
“Okay.”
Micah left and Clara concentrated on Ethan. His corded muscles were rock hard beneath her hands as she worked, yet his skin was soft and warm. She grew warm in turn. She had never touched a man like this. Forcing her mind away from the intimacy of the situation to the urgency, she knotted the bandage in place and went to wash her hands.
He examined her handiwork. “This is as good as any Englisch doctor can do.”
She quickly dried her hands. “Ethan Gingerich, you will see a doctor if that gets infected, and I don’t want to hear another word about it.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Are you telling me what to do?”
For a second her courage wavered, but she knew she was right. “If you are too stubborn or too foolish to look after yourself, then someone needs to tell you what to do. There may be more bits of wood in there that will fester. If you were one of my grandfather’s lambs with such an injury, he would be the first one to send for the vet. A man deserves as much consideration as an animal. Sit down before you fall down. You look done in.”
She waited a second for further protests from him, but none materialized. She went to his bedroom and found a clean shirt. He’d managed to put it on, but she had to button it for him. It was such a wifely thing to do. Her hands began to shake.
* * *
Ethan captured Clara’s trembling hands with his good one and held them pressed to his chest. “I’m sorry I upset you.”
“Accidents happen.” She pulled away, carried his torn shirt to the sink and put it in to soak. “I’m not sure I can mend this.”
“I have others.”
“I received word from the school board.” Clara stood with her back to Ethan as she finished filling the sink.
“And?” he asked, although he figured he already knew the answer from the way she wouldn’t look at him.
She picked up the dish towel and turned around as she dried her hands. “I got the job.”
He wanted to be happy for her, but he wasn’t. “I know it is what you wanted. Congratulations. Have you told the children?”
“Actually, I was waiting until you came home. I thought we could tell them together.”
“They were just getting used to you.”
She sighed deeply. “You knew when you hired me that it might not be a long-term position.”
He turned away. “Ja, I knew it.” Could he help it if he had hoped it would turn into something more?
“I can help you find someone else.”
“No matter who it is, it won’t be the same. For the children, I mean.” It wouldn’t be the same for him, either. He had grown accustomed to her in the few short weeks they had been together. Would he feel as comfortable having another woman in his house? It wasn’t likely. He glanced her way. He would miss her deeply. In spite of his determination to remain friends, he could feel the pull she had on his heart.
Clara folded the dish towel into a small square. “It won’t be the same for the children, but they will get used to someone new the way they got used to me.”
Could he talk her out of taking the teaching job? How? He couldn’t afford to pay her more. He didn’t see any reason for her to stay. He was wishing on the wind. The Lord had chosen a path for her. Ethan would have to respect that. He dreaded telling the children. Lily was going to be crushed. “We should get it over with.”
“Why don’t we wait? You should go sit down.”
“I’m fine. Is there any coffee?”
“Of course.”
Ethan took his place at the table. She set the cup in front of him and sat down with one of her own. He would miss this, too, talking to her about the children and about the everyday ins and outs of their lives. It was impossible to imagine finding someone who fit so well with his family. Someone who made him feel...that she belonged with them.
He took a sip of coffee. “Any idea who I should get to replace you?”
“I will ask around at our church meeting on Sunday. Perhaps you could do the same.”
“I reckon that would be best.”
“You could place an ad in the newspaper,” she offered.
“If you and I come up empty, I may have to do that. How much time can you give me?”
“Another week, two weeks at the most. Greta might be able to fill in for a few days after that.”
He nodded and took another sip of coffee. His arm ached, but it was nothing compared to the thought of losing her company, her companionship, her smiling face. She held her mug between her hands and stared at it. It gave him a chance to study her face and memorize the curve of her cheeks, the way her full eyelashes lay like dark crescents on her cheeks when her eyes were closed.
She was someone very special and very dear.
The outside door opened and the children trooped in, their arms loaded with ears of corn. Micah was in the lead. He stopped short when he met Ethan’s gaze. Amos and Lily crowded in around him and brought Clara their prizes.
“I found the biggest ears,” Amos said proudly as he laid them on the table.
Smiling at him, Clara said, “You did a fine job picking them.”
Lily added several smaller ones to his pile. “I couldn’t reach the big ones.”
Clara straightened Lily’s kapp. “I reckon you found the sweetest ones down low.”
Lily grinned broadly. Clara could always do that. She could make each child feel special, and she did it without seeming to try.
Micah stood by the door without moving. His eyes narrowed as he stared at Ethan. Finally, he spoke. “What’s wrong?”
“Come sit down, Micah. All of you take a seat. Clara and I have something that we need to tell you.”
“What is it?” Amos took a seat.
“Are you going to die?” Lily asked. “Micah said you might die.” She stared at her brother standing by the door.
“Nee,” Ethan said quickly. “I was hurt by a falling branch, but I’m not likely to die from it.”
“That’s a relief.” Lily climbed into the chair beside Clara.
Micah hadn’t moved. Ethan said, “Come sit down.”
“I’d rather stand.” The boy put his ears of corn on the counter and faced them with his arms crossed.
Ethan shared a glance with Clara. She shook her head slightly so he let the issue slide. He addressed the two smallest children. “Do you remember when I told you that Clara might only work here for a little while?”
Lily shook her head.
“I think so,” Amos said slowly.
Micah didn’t say anything so Ethan continued. “As it turns out, Clara has to go to a new job soon. She’s going to be a teacher.”
“That’s just great,” Micah snapped. “Make them like you and then go away. I’m glad I never liked you.” He ran out the door.
Lily and Amos looked confused. Lily stared at Clara. “Why does Micah say you’re going away? You’re coming back, right?”
* * *
Giving the news to Ethan and the children was much harder than Clara expected. “I will be coming back for a few more days, but once school starts, I have to be there every day to teach the children.”
Lily looked at Amos and then back at Clara. “But we’re children.”
“We can still visit each other. Your onkel can bring you to visit me at my grandfather’s farm, and I can come here to see you on some of the off Sundays. We will continue to be friends, won’t we, Ethan?” Clara looked to him for confirmation.
He nodded as he met her gaze. “We’ll always be friends.”
Amos wore a puzzled frown. “Who is going to take care of us when Onkel Ethan goes to cut trees?”
“He is going to find another nice woman to cook and clean and look after you.”
Amos got out of his chair. “I don’t want someone else.”
“Will she read me a story?” Lily asked.
“I’m sure she will read you lots of stories. Your onkel Ethan can read you stories, too.”
Lily shook her head as she got down from the table and took her brother’s hand. “He doesn’t read them as good as you do.”
The pair left the room. Clara sighed deeply and looked at Ethan. “That didn’t go so badly.”
“Except for Micah.”
“Except for Micah,” she agreed. The boy’s words hurt.
“He didn’t mean it, you know,” Ethan said gently.
“Didn’t he?”
“If he didn’t like you, he’d be glad to see you go. He likes you, but he’s afraid to show it. He likes you much more than he can admit,” Ethan said softly. He rose and went to his bedroom.
There was something odd in his voice. Something that made her wonder if he was talking about Micah or himself. She pressed her clenched fist to her chest as the ache of loss overwhelmed her. God had chosen a different path for her, but she didn’t know why.
* * *
Finding someone to take Clara’s place as a nanny turned out to be easier than Ethan expected. Word got out quickly. Three days later, he studied the young woman sitting across from him at his kitchen table. Her name was Deborah Stutzman. She had applied for the teacher’s position, too, but was passed over. Apparently, Clara had suggested she come and see him.
Time was growing short. He needed to find someone to care for the children before Clara started teaching. Someone who understood the children as well as Clara did, but someone who didn’t make his heart trip over itself when she walked into a room.
He cleared his throat. “Have you any experience with children?”
“I have six younger brothers and sisters who I help care for.”
“I would say that qualifies as experience.” He made a note on the paper he held. She wasn’t as pretty as Clara. That was a good thing.
“If I would have to be gone overnight for a job, would you be able to stay here?” he asked.
“Oh, nee, I could not spend the night.”
“Would your parents object if the children had to go home with you?”
She frowned and tipped her head to the side. “I’m not sure. I’d have to ask. Betsy Barkman mentioned that the children had stayed with them before. Perhaps they could stay there again if you need to be gone overnight.”
“Are you friends with the Barkman girls?” he asked, wondering how well she knew Clara.
“Betsy and I are becoming friends. My brother Alvin has taken her home after the last few singings. I think he’s getting serious.”
“I hope for his sake that she returns his feelings.” He realized that he wasn’t as bitter as he once was about his broken engagement. Was time healing his wounded heart? Or was Clara the cause?
“Betsy likes him, but she says she’s going to take her time choosing a husband. She doesn’t want to make a mistake the way Clara did.”
His gaze jumped to Deborah’s face. “Clara was married?”
“Nee. The family came here before the wedding took place. Betsy won’t talk about the details. She’ll only say that she’s glad Clara threw him over.”
Ethan stood and walked to the window. Clara was out on the porch reading to the children.
She had been engaged and had broken it off.
Some poor fellow was heartsick because of her. The same way he had been heartsick over Jenny.
His feelings for Clara had grown steadily since they met. He told her he wanted her friendship, but as soon as he had that, he wanted more. What a fool he was to let his heart lead him. Hadn’t he learned anything? He couldn’t believe how close he’d come to making the same mistake all over again. Daring to believe a woman might love him. She was no different than Jenny or his mother. Did she even care about the hurt she caused?
He turned to look at Deborah. “The job is yours. When can you start?”
Chapter Twelve
Clara heard the door open and watched as Deborah came out. She waved but didn’t stop to visit. As Deborah drove away in her buggy, Clara put down her book and spoke to the children, “I’ll be back in a minute.”
Inside, she saw Ethan pouring himself a cup of coffee. “So Deborah didn’t work out?” she asked.
He didn’t turn around. “I hired her. She starts tomorrow.”
“Oh. Why didn’t you have her come meet the children?” Clara had hoped to have another week with the family. Another week with Ethan. She wasn’t ready for it to be over.
He turned slowly and stayed where he was, leaning one hip against the counter. He took a sip of his coffee. His face had a cold look that worried her. A feeling of foreboding slipped across her nerve endings. “I thought it was best that she meet them without you present.”
“Why? Have I done something wrong, Ethan?”
“You never told me that you were engaged and you broke it off. What was his name?”
Clara suppressed a shudder. “I’d rather not talk about it. I don’t see why it’s important.”
“I think it speaks to your character. To pledge to marry a man and then break that pledge shows a lack of integrity. A woman caring for children should be above reproach.”
She was being judged for something he knew nothing about. An unexpected rush of anger filled her. “I think this conversation speaks more to your character.”
“How so?”
“You have known me long enough to judge my character for yourself. My broken engagement has nothing to do with you, nothing to do with the kinder. It’s in the past, where I want it to stay.”
He turned and poured his coffee down the sink. “You should say goodbye to the children.”
Clara started to open the door, but she stopped and looked back at Ethan. Her anger drained away. “I do not want our friendship to end this way. If you see what I did as wrong, then I beg your forgiveness, but I know in my heart that I made the right decision.”
She waited for him to speak. When he didn’t, she went outside. The children were eager for her to read another story. Tears welled up in her eyes. She prayed that God would give her the right words for this goodbye.
She took her seat in the wooden rocker, but she didn’t open the book. “I have some news for you. Starting tomorrow, you are going to have a new nanny spending the days with you. Her name is Deborah, and she is a very nice girl.”
“You’ll be here tomorrow, too, won’t you?” Amos asked.
She shook her head. “I won’t see you tomorrow. We will see each other again, for we are friends, but not tomorrow. Now, I want you to th
ink about ways that you can make Deborah feel welcome in your home. Lily, what special nice thing can you do for Deborah tomorrow?”
“Pick up my toys?”
“That’s a nice thing to do for her. Amos, what can you do to make Deborah feel welcome?”
“I can sweep the porch and steps without being asked.”
“Excellent.” She looked at Micah, who was sitting on the railing at the far end of the porch, not really a part of the group but not too far away. “What about you, Micah? What can you do that will be special for your new nanny?”
He jumped off the railing and landed on the grass. Thrusting his hands in his pockets, he said, “I’ll think of something.”
He walked away with his head down and his feet scuffing through the dirt. She didn’t know whom to feel sorrier for, unsuspecting Deborah or one hurting little boy.
After kissing Amos and Lily goodbye, she hitched up her pony. She hoped Ethan would at least come out to see her off, but he didn’t. She drove away knowing she wouldn’t be coming back. Once she was out of sight of the house, she burst into tears.
* * *
Clara made it through the rest of the week by dogged determination. Sometimes she found herself thinking that she should check on Amos and Lily, only to remember it wasn’t her job anymore.
Leah came by and left Clara the teaching guides, some back issues of The Bulletin Board and a complete set of the textbooks she would be teaching from throughout the year. It had been many years since Clara had studied history. It was never one of her strong subjects, so she spent hours poring over the course book she would be using. She was eager to begin her new job, but she was more eager for Sunday to arrive. Then, she would have the chance to ask Deborah Stutzman how the children were doing.
What she wouldn’t be able to ask was how Ethan was doing. Her heart ached every time she thought of him.
When Sunday finally rolled around, she rushed her family to get ready and get to the service early. Her efforts to be there before Deborah arrived were rewarded. She saw Deborah and her family getting out of their buggy and she went to help them unload the food they brought.
The Amish Nanny Page 14
