“Ooooh yeah, the secret weapon!”
“The secret weapon, brother. You remember, in Venice Beach, California, when we were hangin’ and bangin’ with the greatest intensity we’ve ever had, getting ready for the SummerSlam, we had everybody on Venice Beach watching us. And all of a sudden, when our secret weapon came struttin’ down the beach, you remember what happened.”
“Oooooh yeah, remember, yeah. Elizabeth with her canary yellow high heels, yeah. Uh-huh. In her yellow polka-dot, French high cut, itsy-bitsy string bikini, yeah, everybody turned their eyes and was hypnotized. And they were put into a state of shock. And you know what? Nobody cared how much weight Hulk Hogan and Macho Man had on the bar. In fact, Hulk Hogan, you and me, we were hypnotized also, weren’t we?”
“That’s right, Macho Man. When we saw Elizabeth in that string bikini, not only were all the people on Venice Beach hypnotized, but you and I were frozen in our tracks. That’s why I say, brother, if the tide turns the other way. If we’re up against unsurmountable [sic] odds in the SummerSlam in Madison Square Garden, that’s when we’ll give Elizabeth the high sign. And when she undoes the Velcro fly on the back of her skirt and takes her skirt off, underneath the skirt, with that French high cut, itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny yellow polka-dot bikini, she’ll come up on the apron, man, she’ll walk the apron, just like she won the Miss America contest, and as André the Giant turns around and freezes like a big redwood in his tracks, so will the Multi-Million Dollar Man. He’ll turn around and freeze. And when that happens, brother, I’m gonna sneak up behind the Giant and I’m gonna chop him down just like Jack and the Beanstalk!”
“Oooooh, yeah. And I’m gonna pickpocket the Million Dollar Man and get a roll of silver dollars out and knock him out!”
“You know something, brother? No matter which way it goes, we’re gonna beat ’em. If we have to use our secret weapon, that’s cool. But the payoff, we’re gonna be rewarded for working real hard. We can beat ’em that way too. But the last thing, brother, they’re gonna see as they’re lying frozen in their tracks in the center of the ring, defeated, is our arms raised in victory, brother, in the Summer-Slam. And Elizabeth will be giving ’em the kiss of death after we give the Mega Power handshake and leave the ring, brother.”
“Oooooh yeah!”
They shake hands as “Real American” plays, and then put their secret weapon up on their shoulders.
Hara Arena, Dayton, OH
THE BROTHER LOVE SHOW W/THE MEGA BUCKS
“My guests this show are the men who are involved in the main event that evening. The men who will demolish the team of ‘Macho Man’ Randy Savage and his partner, Hulk Hogan. Please welcome my guests, the Mega Bucks, Brother André the Giant, Brother Million Dollar Man Ted DiBiase, Brother Brain Bobby Heenan, and Brother Virgil.”
The Mega Bucks come to the stage. “Brother DiBiase, it all comes down to this Monday night.”
“That’s right, Brother Love,” says DiBiase. “This Monday night, Madison Square Garden, the so-called Mega Powers versus the Mega Bucks. It finally comes to a head, it finally comes full circle, Hulk Hogan. You know what I’m talking about. This goes all the way back to an offer, an offer of a lifetime. I offered you a king’s ransom, Hogan. All you had to do was hand the title over to me and retire. Live the life of luxury. But no, not you, Hogan. Not you, Hogan. Too much stubborn pride. Too much concern over a bunch of little brats, your little Hulkamorons. Well you know what, Hogan? All the little Hulkamorons are jumping ship. They’re jumping off your train, why? Why? Because they don’t want to support a loser, and that’s what you are now, Hogan, nothing but a loser. A three-time loser . . .”
André grins over DiBiase’s shoulder, his fingers intertwined, choking an imaginary neck.
“. . . You wanna talk about Mega Power? This is Mega Power [pointing at André]. And with the combination of André the Giant’s power and my money, we are an unbeatable team. And you crawl out from under a rock to team up with the so-called Macho Man, the so-called undisputed World Wrestling Federation Champion. Let me tell you something, Macho Man. You’re too busy looking over your shoulder. You’re jumpy now. You’re jumpy because you took the dive off the podium. You ate the concrete, and the Giant choked the life out of you. Now you’re hiding behind the skirt of a woman. That’s right! André? What’s it gonna be, André?”
The Giant laughs maniacally. “It be the most beautiful Monday night I ever have, ha ha ha ha!”
The Brain takes the mic, but André pulls it away. “I’m not finished! You know why the most beautiful Monday night I ever have? Because it’s easy money! Ha ha ha ha! It’s not just easy money, but it’ll be easy night. You know why?”
“Why?” says DiBiase.
“Look who we got in the front of us. The ex-champ and the champ-anzee, ha ha ha ha!”
André laughs, displaying his shark teeth. Heenan takes his turn. “And one good thing we all have to take into consideration. There is no team called the Mega Powers, this is your Mega Power [pointing at André], this is your Mega Bucks [pointing at DiBiase]. They do not exist! So, Elizabeth, you and your discount-store dress and your two-dollar bottle of cologne can go take a hike! Because we’re gonna wipe the mat with them and we’re gonna get a fair shake, because we have a fair referee in Jesse ‘The Body.’ And we know we can trust him!”
The Mega Bucks all laugh. Brother Love takes back the mic. “You see? Take this as a message, Mega Powers. Because when they get through stomping the mat with you, pulverizing you, and completely demolishing you, remember one thing—they looooooove you!”
DiBiase passes a handful of hundreds to André, who puts his arm around the Million Dollar Man’s shoulder and plants a kiss on his cheek.
SummerSlam 1988
DiBiase and André are the Mega Bucks. . . . Never has a more dangerous duo entered the ring. In André, there is superhuman size and strength, the frightening might of a true giant. He is the man-mountain, the colossus that looms over the wrestling ring like a volcano about to explode. . . . André and DiBiase are especially dangerous now because they are not in SummerSlam ’88 just for victory. They want much more. They are there in hopes of gaining their final gratification in the total annihilation of Savage and Hogan. Thus far, neither DiBiase’s millions and ability nor André’s mass and power have been able to bring that end about.
August 29, 1988: Madison Square Garden, New York, NY
SUMMERSLAM: THE MEGA POWERS VS. THE MEGA BUCKS W/SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE JESSE “THE BODY” VENTURA
Jesse Ventura arrives in full-fringed regalia. “What kind of referee attire is that?” questions Gorilla Monsoon.
“That’s Hollywood style, bro-ther,” explains Superstar Billy Graham, subbing for the otherwise engaged Ventura.
The Mega Bucks—total combined weight of 780 pounds—enter first. DiBiase is announced as “making his summer residence in Hyannis Port, Massachusetts.” The crowd is oddly sedate until Howard Finkel announces the Mega Powers, who enter to “Pomp and Circumstance.”
Savage is resplendent in Hogan’s red and yellow, his rhinestoned cape bearing lightning bolts and the legend “Mega Powers,” as do Hogan’s trunks. His T-shirt, however, proclaims “Hulk Rules,” just so no one gets the wrong idea as to who the star of the show is. Miss Elizabeth, “the First Lady of Wrestling,” proves the point with her canary yellow—with red trim—ensemble.
“What a beautiful robe that is,” Graham enthuses. “Probably cost $10,000.”
“At least,” agrees Gorilla.
The Mega Bucks.
André stares down Hogan, a sly grin on his face, as the Hulkster rips off his shirt.
Jesse lays down the law. “I want managers—you, you, and you— out on the floor.” André reaches out a hand, but Hogan doesn’t take the bait. Heenan, however, shakes Ventura’s hand before leaving the ring.
Jesse changes the tag ropes to the opposite corners—lower left and upper right—as the teams debate who will start the match. Hog
an taps him on the shoulder for an explanation, and Ventura bites his head off—“You get your hands offa me!”
Savage tells Hogan he wants to start. They argue. Savage sits on the middle rope, opening the door for Hulk.
He gets up and into the ring as the bell sounds and turns right into André. Savage and André lock up. The Giant punches him into the corner, chops him hard, then headbutts him before tagging in DiBiase. They circle each other, DiBiase pointing toward Hogan, telling him, “I want you.” Savage spreads his arms wide, letting him know that he’s right there, but DiBiase continues to demand Hulk. Savage decides to oblige and tags in Hogan.
DiBiase breaks the lockup and rakes Hulk’s eyes. Blows are exchanged. DiBiase attempts a kick to Hogan’s gut, but Hulk catches the boot, spins the Million Dollar Man around, and lifts him up for an atomic drop. DiBiase reels into Savage’s corner. Macho Man punches him in the forehead, turning him around into a roundhouse from Hogan. He rotates back to Savage, who pops him right back to Hulk. Another shot sends him back to Macho Man. Jesse tries to intercede, but Savage shoves him out of the way and nails DiBiase, who finally goes down.
Hogan lifts him up and whips him into the ropes for a big clothesline. Basking in the applause, Hulk tags in Savage. Together they whip DiBiase into a double chop, finishing with double elbows. Heenan gets up on the apron to complain, but Ventura is on top of it, making sure Hogan gets out of the ring. Savage pounds DiBiase’s head into the neutral turnbuckle, and the Million Dollar Man goes down hard, face-first onto the canvas. A quick tag to Hogan and Savage holds DiBiase’s arms behind his back, holding him open to a kick from Hogan. Hulk brings DiBiase to the neutral corner, bounces his head on the turnbuckle, and then crosses the ring to bounce it on the opposite side. Savage extends a leg through the ropes, and Hogan, holding a handful of Million Dollar hair, slams DiBiase into the big yellow boot.
Tag is made, and Hogan locks a full nelson on DiBiase. Savage goes up top and drops a double ax-handle right between the restrained DiBiase’s eyes. Macho drops a knee and covers, but DiBiase kicks out after one. Another tag and the Mega Powers whip DiBiase into the ropes for a double boot to the face. Hogan covers, but DiBiase kicks out at two. Hogan bodyslams DiBiase, follows with three elbows, then goes for André in the corner. He swings, but André catches him and bonks Hulk with a headbutt.
Savage gets in the ring to complain. He turns from Ventura to discover André has entered the ring, and he too receives a Giant headbutt. The Mega Powers are down in the middle of the ring, but Ventura is too busy telling Elizabeth to get down off the apron.
DiBiase drops an elbow to the back of Hogan’s head and at last tags in André. Hogan rolls to the ropes so André can hold on to the top to land a series of sit-down shots to Hulk’s sternum. He then places a massive boot on the bottom rope, crushing Hogan’s throat. Ventura starts counting, and André breaks at three. He picks up Hogan by the hair, places a boot on the middle turnbuckle, and smashes Hulk’s face into his size-22 foot. Ventura tries to prevent André from keeping his hands around Hulk’s throat, but the Giant’s not big on following instructions. André squeezes Hogan’s traps, keeping things nice and legal. Hulk falls to his knees as the Giant applies more pressure. André gets behind the seated Hogan and grips the neck harder. Savage argues with Jesse, giving André a moment to strangle Hogan with his singlet strap. Macho and the Body jaw as DiBiase comes in to hit a cheap shot to Hogan’s gut.
DiBiase tags in and propels himself to hit a thrust kick to Hulk’s midsection. Deep in enemy territory, Hogan takes a beating from DiBiase. He whips Hogan into a clothesline and covers for two. He drops a few shots between Hogan’s eyes and tries again for a two-count. The Million Dollar Man locks a chokehold around the red-faced
SummerSlam 1988.
Hogan’s throat, but Ventura chooses not to break the hold, much to Macho’s chagrin. Hogan rises to his feet, but DiBiase keeps his arm clamped tight around his throat.
Ventura lifts an arm to check Hulk’s status, and he keeps it raised, signifying the beginning of his hulking up. DiBiase shakes his head in disbelief, but Hogan is now up. He nails three elbows to DiBiase’s gut, finally breaking the hold. He slingshots off the ropes, ducks under DiBiase’s clothesline, comes off the opposite ropes, and the two men double-clothesline each other as the crowd goes wild. Hulk eventually crawls to his corner and makes the tag just as Di-Biase catches him. Savage unloads with roundhouse rights, whips into the opposite buckle. He bounces off into an elbow and goes down. Savage hits a backdrop, then takes a fistful of hair, runs toward the ropes, and goes up and over, leveraging DiBiase’s throat into the top rope. DiBiase goes down as Savage scrambles to the top. Bombs away—a flying ax-handle lays out DiBiase. An elbow sends DiBiase to the corner. Savage attempts a splash, but the Million Dollar Man gets out of the way in time. Savage quickly regains control and tries to whip DiBiase into the ropes. He reverses, sending Savage instead. He ducks under DiBiase’s clothesline and slingshots off and hits a high crossbody for a two-count. They get up, and a clothesline drops Savage, giving DiBiase time to tag in André.
The Giant throws Savage into the corner. A big right is followed by shoulderblocks and a couple of back splashes. Savage falls down, but André lifts him by the throat. He punches the Macho Man back to the mat and sits on his head, pinning his neck against the rope. He pulls him up, brings him to DiBiase, and headbutts him down before making the tag.
DiBiase suplexes Savage over, hooks the leg, but only gets two. He lifts up Savage for a backbreaker, goes to the second rope, and tries a reverse elbow, only to have Savage roll out of the way. Macho Man searches for his corner and at last makes the hot tag to Hogan.
Hulk points an angry finger at DiBiase, who shakes his head, begging as he backs into the corner. Six big rights, whip across to the opposite turnbuckle, clothesline, suplex. André comes in, but Hogan is on fire and clotheslines the Giant, sending him to the mat. Hogan locks the sleeper on DiBiase while Savage goes to the top. He tries the flying elbow, but the Giant gets his boot up. Savage rolls out to the floor. André grabs two handfuls of thinning blond hair and pulls Hogan off DiBiase from behind. A headbutt knocks Hogan loopy, and André pitches him out to the floor.
Ventura starts to count as the Mega Powers reel on the floor. Miss Elizabeth gets up on the apron, and Jesse goes over to tell her that she has to get down. Across the ring, Heenan and Virgil climb onto the apron, and Jesse tells them to get down as well. The count is stopped as Jesse stands in the middle of the ring between both managers. Elizabeth removes her skirt, revealing bright red bikini bottoms. She strolls along the apron as Jesse and the Mega Bucks stare. No one seems quite sure how to respond to this new development.
Meanwhile, the Mega Powers climb back to the apron. Elizabeth throws her skirt into DiBiase’s face as Savage goes to the top and nails André from behind, sending the Giant across the ring and over the ropes. Macho goes after Heenan and Virgil, while Hogan slams DiBiase. He places a boot on the Million Dollar throat and signals for the flying elbow. Savage goes up and hits his finishing mover perfectly. Hogan then drops the leg and covers—one-two . . . Ventura pauses, but Savage grabs his arm and slams his palm onto the mat for three at 13:57.
Monsoon explains what occurred as Hogan tosses Elizabeth’s skirt into the crowd. “They were bewildered, befuddled, and bewitched.”
“And so were we,” Superstar adds. “And so were the millions of people around this nation watching this telecast.”
André prepares to headbutt
Jake “The Snake” Roberts.
13
Not only was it a huge popular success, SummerSlam proved historic—if nothing else, it marked the first time a Diva disrobed on a wrestling Pay-Per-View. In the fall, World Wrestling Federation went on its annual tour of Europe, playing to SRO crowds in Milan, Italy, and Paris, France. As wrestling’s most famous European, the mammoth Frenchman was among the trip’s biggest attractions. He played up his heel role, demanding to be ca
lled “André the Giant” after being introduced to Parisian wrestling fans as “André le Giant.” André and Tim White also took advantage of being on foreign soil to engage in some banned-in-America in-ring hijinks.
TIM WHITE: “We took some liberty when we were in Europe and I refereed a couple of his matches. It was a no-no at home, but André said, ‘Timber, we’re in Europe, I think we’ll have some fun.’
“It was the most fun I ever had. We had such a blast in the ring. One match was with Tito Santana, who André loved. They could play cards together forever. When André got along with a guy, they had some unbelievable matches. Other times it was just business.
“On another trip, I refereed André’s match with Bret Hart. The finish is André squashes Bret and gets the one-two-three. After the match, Bret, with his sense of humor, goes, ‘Timmy, what the fuck was that one-two-three? I kicked out!’
“‘You kicked out? Well, here’s what I saw.’ I said, ‘You ever see The Wizard of Oz?’ ‘Yeah.’ I said, ‘Remember when the house landed on the Witch and all you saw was two little feet dangling out? That’s all I could see when André was on top of you. There was no kicking out!’
“He goes, ‘You son of a bitch,’ and then we all started laughing.”
Upon his return, André was forced to confront the effect his physical weakness was having on his role in World Wrestling Federation. After nearly three years, André, with manager Bobby Heenan, was done with the promotion’s biggest star, Hulk Hogan. The feud, in its many permutations, was one of the most successful programs in wrestling history, but after the big blow-off at SummerSlam, it was time for the players to move on.
For André, that meant that he was no longer going to be in the promotion’s main program. Rather, he would be used as a featured attraction, his sheer star power serving to keep him in the forefront of World Wrestling Federation storylines. His new feud would pit him against a rising fan favorite, Jake “The Snake” Roberts.
Andre the Giant Page 21
