by Cameron Dane
“He’s a great horse,” Hunter shared, smiling as the horse bumped his shoulder as if he understood and approved. “Would you like me to walk him back to his stall and take care of his tack?”
“I’ll take care of that,” Cain replied, taking the reins from Hunter.
“What’s next?” Hunter asked, eager to get on to the next test before the sun started to set on them.
“Paperwork,” Luke said. He stuck out his hand, and his smile lit up his stormy eyes. “Congratulations. You’re officially hired. Welcome to Forrest-Hawk.”
“Really?” Feeling like someone had shot him into the stars, Hunter pumped Luke’s hand and then enthusiastically clasped Cain’s too. Only the best kind of adrenaline rushed through Hunter. This time nothing ugly killed the buzz trying to emerge. “Thank you so much. You won’t regret it.”
Like Luke, Cain’s laughter shone in his ocean gaze. “We’re happy to have you on board. Believe us” -- he exchanged a glance with his partner that silently conveyed their years of working and living together -- “beyond your ease and care with the horses, you’re one of the few people who embrace our interview process without glaring daggers like they want us six feet under. It makes a difference.” He nodded to back up his words. “We can’t have someone working for us who doesn’t have patience. Slow and steady is a huge part of what we do here. If you want the job interview over in ten minutes, you’re not the person for us.”
Can’t have someone freaking out around the animals either. Hunter knew it went without saying, but he silently vowed to continue willing himself to a better, healthy place every single day. He would never let himself get into a situation where he frightened any of these abused and rehabilitated horses, and he had a feeling it would crush him if he failed to live up to Cain and Luke’s expectations. I will reward their faith in me. Hunter went ahead and etched that into his brain for the first time today. He would repeat it every day. Just like I silently promised my brothers-in-arms every day while fighting overseas.
Will would have said Hunter had done good today, and Hunter would have swelled with pride and grown stronger under the praise. Right now, pictures of a blond-haired, green-eyed business tycoon popped into Hunter’s brain, edging out Will’s likeness. Yet Will’s southern twang still rang in Hunter’s ears too. He could hear the man saying Give that guy a shot. Tell him stuff it feels funny admitting to anyone else. He seems totally awesome and cool. Hunter didn’t know how a guy six years his junior and full of just a bit too much spit and vinegar to ever be considered a sound leader had become Hunter’s rock in the Middle East, but he had. Following the young man’s death, he had also become the voice of reason in Hunter’s head. Thanks, Will. Hunter allowed himself to remember the man. This time, aching sadness didn’t invade. I just might consider it.
“Hunter?” Fingers snapped in front of Hunter’s face, bringing him back to Forrest-Hawk. Luke stood in front of him, and in the distance Cain led Hercules to one of their three stables. “Are you okay? You looked like you spaced out for a minute. Do you need some water?” Luke looked Hunter up and down. As he did, his stare narrowed. “It’s damned hot to be in long sleeves.”
“I’m fine.” Hunter rubbed at the fabric covering his scars and worked like the devil not to cross his arms in a protective stance. “I’m psyched about the job, and I was just thinking about the people I have to call and tell about it.”
Luke scrutinized for another uncomfortable heartbeat, but then just nodded and said, “Come with me.” The man strode across the sparsely grassed ground toward his and Cain’s cabin. “I’ll get you started on the paperwork. When Cain is finished settling in Hercules, he’ll join us and we’ll figure out your new schedule.”
“Sounds good.” As Hunter fell into step beside the cowboy, he tipped his hat to his new boss. “Thank you again.”
With a nod, Luke said, “Do your job well. That’s all the thanks we need.”
“Will do.”
So Hunter had a new job. Add that to a renewed control over his need to cut himself. Beyond that, an excitement rather than crippling fear at the prospect of seeing Alex at his sister’s house two days from now.
As bizarre as it sounded -- I barely know the man! -- Hunter wanted nothing more than to tell Alex his good news.
Suddenly going to his childhood home for dinner with Sarah, Jace, and Jasper held a distinct appeal.
CHAPTER FIVE
“You’ll like workin’ at Cain and Luke’s,” Jasper said. In Sarah and Jace’s backyard, the young cowboy smiled in a way Hunter could only describe as shy. “They don’t hire too many people, so they sometimes get help from folks they trust workin’ on Hawkins’s property. Ren brung -- brought -- me along one time, told ’em I had a good way with animals, and they agreed to test me out. I go there sometimes when they need someone. Maybe I won’t now” -- Jasper shrugged -- “because they got you.”
Stopped silent for a moment, Hunter scratched at his neck while puzzling out this man he didn’t yet know very well. “I hope I’m not taking you out of a job you liked.”
“No no no. It ain’t anythin’ like that.” Jasper waved him off, and the gesture came so naturally Hunter breathed easier. “I like workin’ for Caleb and Jake’s stretch of property. I fit there, I think. I was just real proud Cain and Luke trusted me with their animals.” He slipped his hands in his front pockets and offered up a little smile. “I got a feelin’ you’ll fit real good at Forrest-Hawk, Hunter.”
Hunter found himself mimicking Jasper’s easier stance. “That’s nice of you to say. I hope I do too.” As had occurred more often recently, one-on-one encounters became manageable situations for Hunter. Successful, even. “I want to thank you again for suggesting I try for work with Hawkins Ranch. It was kind of you to put in a good word for me.”
“Oh, I didn’t do nothin’ spec --”
“Hey, Cowboy!” Jace’s voice boomed across the backyard, drawing Jasper’s and Hunter’s immediate attention. His focus on Jasper, Jace stood behind a grill, spatula in one hand and tongs in the other. “I left the barbecue sauce inside. Can you get it for me?”
Jasper gave a thumbs-up and called out, “Sure thing.” He started across the backyard, then turned to Hunter. “It was nice talkin’ to you for a bit.”
“You too,” Hunter replied, standing up straighter as he realized he actually meant it. “We’ll have to do it again.”
As Jasper jogged past Jace, the man snagged his hand and pulled Jasper in. “Thank you, babe,” Jace said. He stole a fast kiss and then smacked Jasper on the ass, sending the young cowboy into the house wearing a furious blush.
Jasper had not officially moved into the house with Sarah and Jace, but he pretty much lived at the place when not working. Hunter had a feeling the younger man would make it a permanent address change very soon. It would only take Hunter convincing Sarah once and for all that he did not intend to reclaim his old bedroom. For the sake of this threesome’s happiness -- no matter how much delving into intimate issues with Sarah put Hunter on edge -- he would make her understand he no longer considered this place his home. Emotionally it now belonged to the three of them.
Looking at this house, being inside it, stirred up scenes of a deathwatch for Hunter. Snippets of his mother ill in bed for a prolonged period invaded Hunter’s mind when inside this place, overshadowing the better memories, such as his mom letting him ride his bike inside one Sunday afternoon when it wouldn’t stop raining outside. Intellectually Hunter knew a million good days and nights from his childhood should coalesce and bring him peace, but every time he tried to conjure them, he could only hear his sister’s voice breaking in his ear, valiantly assuring him she had the home front covered while he went through basic training and then moved where the military wanted him. Hunter had come home on weekends when he could and then finally got some extended leave toward the end of his mother’s life, but other than that had not been in this house for nearly a decade.
Sarah’s wonderfu
lly joyous laugh echoed through the open windows to the backyard right then, twisting Hunter’s gut in the most acute way. As the sound grew closer, a deeper male chuckle joined in, and Hunter’s stomach flip-flopped with recognition. Alex. Hunter had not seen the man, even running, in almost a week. He’s here.
Jace left Jasper at the grill and strode straight to Hunter. A glint of steel hardened his jade gaze. With one glance to the back door, Jace stepped even closer to Hunter. “Don’t up and run out of here on Sarah again tonight. I won’t have it.”
A death glare from Jace sparked a bark of laughter in Hunter. “Damn. You really have become her watchdog.”
“You gave me the job,” Jace reminded him through lips that barely moved.
The humor fell away as Jace’s seriousness clicked into place for Hunter. Memories of too many long-distance phone calls from his little sister kicked Hunter in the gut too. After clearing his throat, Hunter said, “I know I did. I can’t ever forget it.”
Jace glanced over his shoulder once more and then came back to Hunter just as Sarah stepped out the back door. “Look.” His voice barely held sound. “I know you’re not entirely pleased with the result of the years Sarah and I spent living toge --”
“Wait.” Hunter grabbed Jace’s arm, his insides suddenly seizing. Jace’s diatribe had taken a severe left turn for Hunter. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“You avoid us like we have the plague,” Jace practically hissed. “Don’t try to deny it.” He opened his mouth and then pursed his lips, creating thick silence between them, until finally the hardness in his face softened to show Hunter’s childhood friend. “Listen, I understand it’s difficult enough to integrate back into society after being in a war zone for so long. I know it must have done a number on you to come home and find your sister and best friend in a relationship with another man, but for Sarah’s sake you have got to find a way to deal. She would never want you to know” -- Jace’s stare slipped to licking flames inside pure ice -- “but the distance between the two of you is killing her. She hasn’t said anything out loud, but I see it in her eyes. Jasper does too. Hell, Jasper even thought it might have been him you didn’t like. That maybe you always wanted Sarah and me together, and he ruined it by turning us into a ménage that makes you uncomfortable. I don’t like to see hurt in his eyes any more than I like it in hers.”
Taking one more quick look over his shoulder, Jace added, “I’ve located some people.” He dug a scrap of paper out of his pocket and palmed it into Hunter’s hand. “These are the names of some good therapists in Billings who’ve helped men and women cope with returning home from the Middle East.”
“Wait… What… No.” Without even looking at the folded paper, Hunter tried to give it back. “You’re wrong about everything you just said. I’m fine. About everything.”
Jace shoved his hands in his back pockets and stepped out of Hunter’s reach, leaving the list in Hunter’s hand. “I think you’ve been alone and quiet with your thoughts for too long.” His eyes got a little too watery to blame on smoke from the grill, and it stabbed at Hunter’s heart. “We love you, but if you won’t let us help you, then please let someone else in.”
With a glance toward the sky and a couple of dozen blinks, Jace pulled himself together. Hunter, on the other hand, didn’t know what to say. A silent voice screamed through every part of his body to get to a place of privacy and make one good cut into his flesh that would bleed out all the volatility churning inside him right now.
“If you need a few minutes,” Jace murmured, “I’ll say you had to go take a piss. I’ll keep the others busy. Join us when you can.”
“Thank you.” Rusty nails had nothing on the scratch in Hunter’s tone.
Hunter watched Jace join the small group. Alex, who looked so approachable and stunning with his perfectly wind-tussled hair, dark jeans, and crisp white shirt, stood among them, fitting in better than Hunter did. Christ. Hunter ached for a life free of this debilitating train ride that forced him to remain isolated or risk a total breakdown in public.
Without knowing it, Jace had afforded Hunter a neat excuse to hit the bathroom. Every humming nerve ending inside him wanted to accept. He had his pocketknife, but the draw of getting his hands on a razor blade so he could make just a few precise, neat nicks into his flesh, that he could then easily clean, pulled Hunter to take the first steps toward the house like a starving man offered a steak dinner. No! Hunter willed his legs to halt. Stop this. He had the knowledge and the will to overcome taking that bite of food that would become a feeding frenzy if he allowed himself that first taste. Remember to breathe. Think about how you can’t even look at yourself in the mirror without wanting to vomit when you give in to the cutting.
A quick glance to Hunter’s left showed Jace making a big show of telling a story about something that had happened at work, corralling the full attention of the other three as promised. Unwittingly Hunter found his focus on the house again. As if he could see through the walls, he knew right where to train his gaze to envision the bathroom. Only instead of the stark white bathroom of his apartment, Hunter could only see Sarah’s, Jace’s, and even Jasper’s clutter vying for valuable real estate on the sink and shelving above the toilet. Too many towels shoved onto the too-small rack, and magazines Hunter didn’t read stuffed into a basket on the floor, filled his mind’s eye. That bathroom is saturated with the three of them. Even if Hunter did go in there and lock the door, he would still feel three sets of eyes on him, watching every little cut he made.
Oh Jesus. Right where he stood, bile rose in Hunter’s throat, and the desire to hide in the bathroom no longer held the same level of appeal. His chest still pounded so hard it throbbed in his throat, denying him peace. Yet he couldn’t leave. If he did, he had a feeling he would damage his friendship with Jace in a way from which they would never recover. The mask Hunter wore continued to slip further, edging closer and closer to revealing the disgusting scene beneath. I need something. Hunter scrambled for a temporary fix, anything that would rein in the scratching inside him -- emotions demanding release -- Jace had so dangerously poked. Just a quick piercing pain to take everything away. Zeroing in on a cluster of bushes, Hunter almost lost his knees with relief. Yes. That will work.
On his way across the yard, Hunter paused to examine one of Sarah’s rosebushes and accidentally closed his hand around a branch full of thorns. Yesss. A second squeeze dug the thorns into the open cuts, shooting every thought and pain receptor in his body to his hand to deal with the physical pain. Ahh yeah please. It took every bit of Hunter’s focus to feel those thorns break his flesh and sink into his skin without flinching or shouting, and in doing so, it retracted the claws of the demons scratching him inside. I did it.
Hunter exhaled and joined the group.
AWARENESS SIZZLED DOWN Alex’s spine. Shit. Jace’s story ceased to register in Alex’s brain. He’s right behind me. Alex didn’t have to turn to know Hunter had joined them. He could feel the man’s heat radiating into his back, warming Alex’s skin on an already balmy evening.
Behind Alex, Hunter cleared his throat. “Can I get a paper towel?” he asked. “My klutziness strikes again.”
In front of him, Sarah’s face fell, and she whispered, “Oh God, Hunter. Run your hand under the spigot. I’ll go get some gauze and antibacterial cream.”
The young woman’s face, and the speed with which she booked into the house, had Alex spinning in Hunter’s direction. Hunter had his ungloved had out in front of him, palm up, showing three gashes smearing his hand crimson.
Jace raced to the spigot and had the water running before Hunter reached it. Hot on Hunter’s heels, Alex and Jasper followed, just in time to see rose-tinted water dripping from Hunter’s cut-up hand run onto the grass.
Once the water started to flow almost clear from Hunter’s hand, Alex said, “Here.” He whipped his handkerchief out of his pocket and wrapped the white linen around Hunter’s hand, wincing with Hunter
. As Alex applied pressure to the cuts, he glanced up and met Hunter’s dark chocolate gaze. “Sorry.” He cupped the underside of Hunter’s hand and steadily pushed against the wounds. “I’m trying to get the blood to stop.”
“You carry handkerchiefs?” Hunter asked. Alex couldn’t quite believe it, but he swore for a split second Hunter wore a lopsided smile. “I thought that mannerism was relegated to cowboys and their bandanas these days.”
“Someone I --” Alex snapped his mouth shut before love slipped out. He couldn’t begin to explain Mack in just a few sentences while at someone else’s backyard barbecue. His heart tugged with love he couldn’t bring himself to share. Alex instead finished, “Someone I’m close to keeps one in his pocket and taught me to always have one on hand.”
The screen door slammed against the wall right then, and Sarah rushed back to Hunter, mahogany hair flying behind her, hands full. “Okay, here we go. I have antiseptic, a towel, and gauze.” Jace and Jasper grabbed everything but the towel from her hands.
As Alex peeled back his bloodied handkerchief, Sarah wiped Hunter’s hand with the towel, dragged his hand under the water again, and repeated the process.
“What happened?” she asked.
“Tripped over my feet.” Hunter’s Adam’s apple bobbed considerably as he said that, and Alex narrowed his stare. “I automatically grabbed for the thing in reach,” Hunter went on, his focus completely on his hand, “and it happened to be one of your rosebushes.”
He’s lying. Every intuitive bone in Alex’s body, a sense that had saved him from signing on to deals he’d eventually learned went terribly wrong, tickled in his brain and down his spine. I know he’s lying. Alex’s instincts never steered him wrong. Except why would Hunter make up a story about how he’d cut his hand? It didn’t make any sense. When it came to Hunter, a voice in Alex’s head reminded him that very little of how Alex behaved around this man went in accordance to how he comported himself around other people. Maybe in relation to Hunter, Alex’s intuition was off too. No. His gut protested the dismissal. It’s not.
