by Atieno Mzuri
In my whole entire life I had never confronted a criminal, let alone a violent one, but for some reason I wasn't scared. I loved this man. He had always been gentle with me. I saw no reason why he should act differently from expectations. So not only did I not have a game plan but I also hadn't told anyone of what I had stumbled upon. I was not going to diminish the value of my man in anybody's eyes, least of all people who thrived on gossip. The Kenyan community met once a month to raise funds, barbecue some goat meat and catch up on gossip from both abroad and home. They were all up in each other's business craving every scrap of gossip and devoured every morsel thrown at them. Nope. Not me. I would not tell anyone.
At 6.30 Matt strode in briskly. And as always my heart did a leap of joy. My man was home. I turned to smile at him then I remembered and my heart froze. I am not a good poker player, never have been. All my facial expressions tell the story, often without saying any words. My friends have often said the right words, the expected words come through my mouth but the truth lies in watching my face.
"Babe, what's wrong?” he asked. "I want to apologize first of all. I didn't mean to look through your laptop. .."
He didn't let me finish. He raised his arms in the air and I thought the worst was going to happen. This man was going to beat me to a pulp. I was standing in front of him, kind of blocking the door to the bedroom.
"Move aside..." he said " I need some space"
Jolted by the response I tried to move towards him, in the frozen atmosphere that had engulfed the little apartment.
"Don't touch me." he said as he walked slowly into the bedroom. He didn't shut the door.
I watched him from the safety of the living room as he took off his shoes and slumped onto the bed, with his face covered by the pillow. After five minutes I followed him into the bedroom and sat beside him on the bed. I gently lifted the pillow and saw the streaming tears. I lay next to him and held him as he sobbed. I spoke words of endearment as he cried, with his head on my bosom, I gently massaged his head running my fingers through his hair. Finally the heart wrenching sobs which were tugging at my heartstrings stopped.
"So what did you read?" He finally asked.
"All of them.” I said.
"Then you know what kind of pressure I have been under. That girl is wahala. She's been trying to cause trouble for me ever since I broke up with her"
"I am more interested in the crime” I insisted.
He smiled. The smile that said, don't worry about it.
"It was all a misunderstanding. I was walking in the park one day and I had this sudden urge to go to the bathroom. So I moved to the edge of the cluster of trees and as I was relieving myself a woman passed by and she screamed her head off. Babe, that was the worst day of my life. I was charged with indecent exposure, also known as flashing. I was given a suspended sentence of one year and also ordered to do some community service. That was many years ago, when I was 25"
"That's it?"
"Yes honey, surely you didn't believe those emails did you?"
"And do you have a probation officer?" I asked.
"Yes I do."
"You have a probation officer for so many years?"
"No. That's for something more recent. I was afraid to tell you because I don't want to lose you."
"What's it?"
"I am going to look very foolish in your eyes. Remember when I told you that I quit my job? Well I didn't. I was fired. I made a mistake in some orders which cost the company $50,000. It was on a day that I was really stressed. I was having anxiety attacks and I wasn't seeing right. The company pressed charges. Long story short, I ended up being put on probation again and so yes, I do have a probation officer "
"Is that whom you went to see today?"
"Yes."
We lay there in silence for a while. It was getting dark. He turned on the lamp on the nightstand. Then he moved closer to me and told me he was so glad it was all out in the open now and I couldn't even begin to imagine what a tremendous relief it was for him not to worry about it anymore.
I let him draw me closer. And we lay arms and legs entangled, clinging tightly with our thoughts. Then we made love. Note here that I said we made love. And I was never more deeply in love than at that moment. We both fell asleep. It was much later that I got up, insomnia had come screaming and I crept into the living room and turned on the TV so that I could catch up on reruns. Many a girl has been in that position. Drowning or burying their own lives under soap operas because their own lives were much too scary to pursue.
As I sat there watching and lost in the reruns, watching an old episode of the Golden Girls where Rose was being her usual cute dumb self, and Blanche was going yet after another man, I had this eerie feeling that someone was standing behind me. My hairs stood on end and I turned round. I felt his hands go around my neck at the same moment that I screamed.
When I screamed he let go quickly.
"Babe, I didn't mean to scare you. I couldn't sleep and I have been thinking. Instead of waiting two months, after all there is really nothing we are waiting on, why don't we get married in two weeks’ time?"
"Okay.” I said.
And he went back into the bedroom as silently as he had come out. That was odd, I thought. The way he had crept up to me silently. I knew he was light-footed but sometimes it still scared me.
I remembered a month ago when I had been taking a shower and I was all soapy and I was singing away and then suddenly I had had that same creepy feeling that someone was watching me and when I opened my eyes, there was Matt's face inside the shower curtain just staring at me. That day I had also screamed and he had apologized profusely and said he hadn't meant to scare me and he had just wanted to peek at my beautiful body. On that day, I was sure I had locked the bathroom door and I kept wondering how he had gotten in. In the end I had decided that I was tired and my mind was playing tricks on me. I must have left the door open.
Nevertheless, as I sat there this night, I was greatly spooked. It was at that point that it occurred to me that I hadn't believed the story Matt had given me of him being a flasher. I would have to, nay, must investigate before I tied the knot.
I alternated between despair that something wasn't quite right and certainty that I was doing the right thing. Matt was a good man, I said to myself as I watched him faithfully make our meals, do our laundry, clean up after me. I was being treated like the queen bee and being smothered with love and attention. At some point I did begin to think that he was watching me too much.
If I was in the bathroom for more than a minute he would knock on the door and ask me if I was alright. I tried to go for a walk alone one morning, leaving him in bed, so I would have time to compose my thoughts and be clear on what plan I had to get the necessary information that would give me peace. I wanted to get onto the national database on criminals and dig up the information but that required a credit card and I didn't have one. As I rounded the bend in the cluster of trees, I had suddenly found him standing before me. Apparently, he explained, he had also left the apartment right after me because he was restless and he had taken another route. In my mind, I was thinking he had followed me but I quickly dismissed the thought. And I couldn't reach out to anyone because I didn't want to give them fodder for gossip.
That Wednesday morning an opportunity I had not anticipated, presented itself. Matt had to go see his probation officer. He couldn't put off the meeting because he would be in deep trouble. So he left, after beseeching me to stay home. I told him I would have to go to the video store.
"Will you be going anywhere else?"
"Nope"
After he drove off, I took a quick shower and slipped into jeans and a t-shirt and practically ran out of the suffocating apartment. I ran and walked the two miles to his brother Jack's jewelry store. Lucky for me, he was there and the shop wasn't busy.
He ushered me into his office and asked if I wanted some water or a Pepsi. I accepted the Pepsi gratefully for I was all hot a
nd sweaty from the run.
"You don't look fine. What's wrong? "
Quickly I told him about the emails and expressed my fear that Wahala was making up so many lies and was trying to put Matt into trouble and she was trying to break us up. I then asked him what Matt had done.
He said that I needed to ask Matt about all that stuff. As for him and his family they had forgiven him and they were trying to move forward.
"Forgiven him for what?" I persisted.
"I am afraid you will have to talk with him about that. It's not my place to do so."
I finished the Pepsi and left. This time I walked slowly. When I got to the apartment I found that Matt had returned and he was busy preparing lunch.
"So did you see anyone interesting today?" He asked.
I guessed that his brother had called ahead of me, so I told him that indeed I had seen his brother. Matt clenched and unclenched his fists. I could see he was clearly agitated.
"Don't worry. He didn't say anything. There seems to be a conspiracy of silence. But tell you what, Matt I am not getting married until I know everything. Allow me to make an informed decision. Tell me what happened. "
Matt looked relieved.
"This is really hard for me. Please promise you won't leave me after I tell you. I love you so much"
"I can't make that promise”
"Okay. I totally understand that. Anyway, when I was 25 I met this beautiful girl. She was 16 and we were totally in love. We had consensual sex. I never forced myself on her. I would never do that. Unfortunately we were a bit careless and she became pregnant. She told her mother about it and that's when the shit hit the fan. I was charged with defiling a minor and everything went downhill from there. Please forgive me. I didn't know what I was doing. I was in love with her and she with me."
"Was she your brother's child?"
"Technically no. She was the daughter of his exwife by another man. My brother married her when the girl was already fifteen. I knew her for a year before she became my girlfriend. After this incident my family, all my brothers and sisters and my parents put me out to pasture. I have been on my own since then. It's really tough on me. I feel terrible that my brother and his wife divorced after this misunderstanding. I do take responsibility for that ."
"I see."
Silence followed. I was trying to wrap my mind around this new story. A week ago it had been about a flasher. Today it was consensual sex with a much younger girl. I thought about it and I remembered having read somewhere that having sex with a girl under seventeen was an offense, whether she had said yes or not. The American law was an ass I thought. A man couldn't have sex with a woman legally until she was eighteen.
"You're sure that's all?"
"Yes."
My heart was at peace. I would be getting married in a week and a half. But there was still one loose end to tie up.
Out there somewhere, was the lunatic Wahala. I would have to call her and talk to her about leaving us in peace....I would settle this once and for all.
Chapter Eleven (I Confront Wahala) After a great deal of thought and going back and forth I had finally sent Wahala an email message through my own email account and explained the situation. I had decided to open my heart and just talk to her woman to woman. Therefore, I had told her that I had accidentally read her emails to Matt and I was concerned that Matt had a horrible past and I didn’t want to get trapped and if as a sister from another mother in Africa, she could help me, I would forever be in her debt.
Wahala had replied and given me her telephone number and she had said I could call her. We had talked about the technicalities and she had said that she understood that I could be in great danger if Matt knew I was calling her. Anyway, we had agreed on the time and it was therefore with great trepidation that, as soon as Matt was out of the apartment, I dialed the number she had given me.
“Hello?” I said. “Hello my sista, who is this?” she asked in a very soft voice.
At long last I was speaking to Wahala. I had waited till Matt left for a dental appointment before I could get the chance to speak with her. I had sent an email to her and explained why I needed to talk to her and she had promptly given me her number, which in my book was bad. This girl truly wanted to break us up. I knew she would tell me bad stuff about my man, I just needed to know how far she was prepared to go to ruin him.
“This is Atieno on the line. I sent you an email that I would contact you, remember?”
“Ooh ooh, yes, I now remember but you know I don't want to get myself involved in any trouble at the moment. I am done with Matt. That man is an evil person with wicked spirit, which I can't deal with.”
“Well, I appreciate you taking the time to speak with me. I am really disturbed about the emails that you sent and I really do need your help in getting to the bottom of this mystery. Nobody will say anything on this.”
“Yes ooh my dear, nobody will know about it ooh. Trust me on this now ah ah! I learned the hard way around, like how now tell me: Shaybee you know dey I like to know it all.”
“Well, can you tell me about it?” I asked her.
“It is a long story my sista and I am going to class now. I am really busy. Do you mind if I call you back after I am through with class?”
Obviously I minded but I couldn't object. I just hoped she would call back before Matt came back home. I said it wasn't a problem and implored her to just make sure to call me back. She hang up and I wiped the sweat off my forehead. It had taken a lot to make that call. I hadn't known what to expect. From the emails she had sounded really hard-core so I had been startled to speak to a respectful girl who sounded fairly young.
One and half hours of nail-biting and floorpacing followed before she eventually called back. I answered the phone on the first ring. I needed to get this over with before Matt came back home.
She quickly started to tell her story and I listened without interrupting.
“I met Matt in church, that church on Wayside Drive, the All Africans Church. I was in the choir there. And I also used to go for youth fellowship every day. That's where he came also. He gave a testimony that moved me. He said that for some weird reason the devil was keeping away friends from him and he was very lonely and he knew that he had come to the right church and he would be blessed and he would make friends. Later, after the fellowship, as we stood outside the church greeting each other, he came up to me and introduced himself and after a bit of chitchat, he said, that he had never met anyone like me and connected so quickly, so immediately like this. He said that God was really on his side this time because he had been fasting about it and he could feel the blessings pouring on him from heaven. I said Amen with him. He then asked me out and he took me to McDonalds which was about 200 meters from the church. He left his car in the parking, after showing it to me, it was the red Corvette he had come with. We walked there and he bought lunch. I continued to see him on a daily basis after the fellowships and we grew closer. Then he asked me to move in with him after two weeks. I was going through a rough time at my sister's house, she is very strict, she was really keeping track of my movements and making noise so I thought, oh ok, good opportunity, nice guy, I can spend some nights at his place. Slowly I moved in and gradually after four months I had completely moved in.”
She paused. I thought she had disconnected then I heard her voice over the line again.
“My sista, you are from Africa, just like me, that's why I am telling you all this. I want you to avoid what I went through. I have suffered so much at that man's hands. When I moved in, Matt was all sweet, you should know that. He did all the work, he cooked, he did the laundry. He used to work those days but he would rush home from work to attend to me and we were like we were in Heaven. I am telling you ooh. I was on honeymoon.
Then one day, Matt came home earlier than usual. He found I had not cleaned the house. He got very upset and slapped me. A very hot slap. I was shocked! Then he quickly apologized but I was so mad, I told him no n
o ooh, I was going back to my sister's house. He said I wasn't going to go back and I asked him how he was going to stop me. He said he would make sure he destroyed my life completely, he was tired of girls making use of him, taking advantage of him and then leaving him. From then on, my life became hell, he watched my every move. I couldn't go anywhere or do anything. I became a prisoner in that apartment.”
“But wait a minute,” I interrupted. “Why didn't you just leave? Surely he wasn't locking you up in the house. You could have just walked away.”
“Oh my sista, he didn't lock the house. The door was open ooh. But there was no way I could leave. Somehow Matt had hacked my email address, and my Facebook account and he had read everything there. I was shocked when he told me that he knew I was an international student out of status. As in my student visa had been cancelled because I didn't have money to pay for two semesters and I was in danger of being deported.
I had never told him that. I know that for sure. I never tell anybody that because my sista you don't know who is Interpol now. He said he had known from the first week and that if I left him, I would be on the next plane back to Nigeria. I have nobody there to go back to. My sister, she lives over there next to your house. And my brother is in California. All my other sisters and my parents died. Both of them died five years ago.
I feared I was going to be deported so I obeyed everything he said. I just wanted time to plan my next move and get out of the lion's jaws. I stayed and did a lot of nasty stuff for him using my body. In fact, I feel very dirty when I remember some of the things.”
I had been listening silently. Everything she said seemed to make sense. Little things that Matt had mentioned in passing.
“Well, what about the rape story? What happened there? Who was the victim?”
“Oh my dear, I don't have too many details about that. One day, Matt hadn't turned up for his counseling sessions, and the next day I was in the bathroom and Matt had gone out. A policeman came to the door and I nearly died from shock, I thought he had come for me. My heart dropped to the floor but I pretended to be cool about it. I asked him how I could help him and he said he was looking for Matt. Obviously Matt wasn't there so he said he would come back later if he was unable to contact Matt on phone.
