by Cat Porter
I stepped through the doorway, thrumming somewhere between anxiety and excitement. My skin tingled, my pulse pounded. The motel room was dark, and the door thudded and clicked shut behind me. A deep, ragged exhale released next to me.
I reached out. “Finger?”
Strong arms embraced me. “Baby.”
I held onto him, squeezed him, smelled his skin, sweat, soap, and cedar. I turned and buried my face in his throat, took in his breath, reveled in the press of his body. His lips found mine and we kissed. My heart thundered in my chest, I couldn’t breathe right.
He lifted me up in his arms. The need to touch his bare skin overwhelmed me. I didn’t want to think. Need and desire flung us all around the room like a bottle rocket.
I pulled on his T-shirt underneath his hoodie. I only wanted to consume him, us, before anyone could take it away again. Before I was told to stop, to leave, to not look back. Would this be the last time for a long time? Would it be a disaster and then he’d never contact me again? Would he still want me?
Would I be able to handle all this?
I squirmed away from him and tore off my jacket, my shirt, my bra. He hit a switch, and a dim light further in the room by the bed popped on. He stood there, watching me like a hungry creature of the night, his jaw tense, eyes shining, his built chest rising and falling quickly. Those once ugly scars on his face had become a part of his skin. A short beard now covered his chin and the sides of his face, his hair was still long. He was gorgeous. I lunged at him, pushing him back onto the bed which creaked and squeaked under our weight. I kissed and tasted, I dug my hands in his loose, long hair. He was beautiful, so beautiful.
All mine, all for me.
I sucked on an earlobe, tugging on it while I moved over his body, finding his erection and rubbing a hand over it.
“Baby, wait.”
No, no waiting.
Hands gripped my hips, stopping me. “Serena—”
What?
“Babe, wait! Hang on.” His hands cradled my face, his legs anchored mine on the bed, holding me still.
My breath was tight. My chest hurt. I blinked at the haze. “What? What is it? What’s wrong?”
“Just slow down, honey. Slow down.”
“Why? What are you—”
“Listen to me.” His voice was firm, yet tender. His eyes searched mine. “Are you listening?”
My shoulders tensed, my grip on his flesh tightening. “Yeah?”
He smoothed a hand down the side of my face, my neck, and a small moan escaped my lips at the sudden gentleness.
“There’s nothing to worry about,” he said. “I want you bad, too.”
Heat unfurled inside me at his words, at the care in his touch. “Okay.”
“I want you to know that you don’t have to convince me or rush anything,” he said. “I don’t want to rush. I want us to feel everything. We can stay in this room all day and all night and just fuck if you want, but I don’t want to rush. I want you, not someone you think you have to be for me. I wanted you to know that.”
My chest caved in, a cool shiver raced over my bare flesh.
“You came in through the door just now and suddenly it felt like a first time, a new time,” he said, his voice a rough whisper. “We’ve been through a hell of a lot to get to this very second, and from now on, I want it to be good for you. I need it to be good for you. And after what you’ve been through—”
“And you.”
“Yeah, and me. I know it’s gonna take time, and I want you to know that I’ll listen. I’m going to do everything I can so that this won’t get taken away from us, if that’s what you still want. An ‘us,’ I mean.”
I held onto him tighter. “Justin—”
“You don’t need to prove anything to me,” he continued. “And you don’t owe me anything, I need you to know that. I get you being nervous and wanting to get it over with right off the bat. Is that what this is?”
I swallowed. “Maybe. A part of me was worried about freaking out on you.”
He let out a small laugh. “Look who you’re talking to, baby. I’m the freak.”
“No, no you aren’t.” I pushed up on his chest. “Are you nervous?”
His Adam’s apple plunged up and down in his throat. “I guess, yeah. A little.”
“Justin—”
“You mean a lot to me, Serena. I want—so much. But mostly I want to help you get to a better place, no matter what you choose.”
“There is no choice to make. I want you.”
He lifted his head on a slant, his eyes watery, his lips tipping up in a slight smile, and my heart squeezed. He was relieved. Happy.
I kissed his lips slowly and curled up on his chest. “I missed you so much.” I gave the words to the darkness, to his skin.
“I missed you too.”
We lay there in silence, him stroking my bare back, his heartbeat a steady rhythm beneath me. He ran his hands through my hair and a few moments later sat up, taking me with him, keeping me steady against his body. “Tell me how much you missed me.”
I met his gaze. “It’s an ache in the pit of my stomach. A thud in my chest.”
“Me too. Exactly.” A hand cupped a breast. “Tell me more.”
His lips took in a nipple gently, and my body sang a delicate melody.
My head fell back. “I think of you every night in my bed, and every morning when I wake up.”
“You touch yourself when you think of me?” He nipped at my flesh.
“Yes, and it feels good, but then I wonder who you’re talking to. If you’re laughing or smiling, if you’re mad, how your scars are feeling, if you’re screwing someone else.”
“I haven’t touched nobody else. Don’t want to. Only you, Serena.” His breath heated my skin, his arms wrapping around me. “You and Tania? Have you two…”
“No. No.” My legs rubbed against his. “No.”
He stroked my thigh. “I don’t want there to be any distance between us during sex. The last time we were real good there, amazing, but we had Tania as a buffer.”
“A buffer?” I asked.
“That night in the motel, the three of us said fuck it to everything. Getting Tania off, getting each other off, was this mutual goal we shared, and it morphed into a whole lot more. It was a perfect ice breaker and an awesome distraction.” His thumb rubbed the corner of my mouth.
“It was.” I flicked my tongue over his thumb.
“But now you and me alone is gonna be intense on a whole other level. I know I’ve built it up in my head.” He cleared his throat. “You know, it’s cool if you’re not ready. We can do other stuff, go slow.”
“I don’t want to go slow.”
“I can tell.” He rubbed my back, a dirty smile enlivened his face. “Whichever way you want it. You call it.”
I’d rarely felt lucky in my life, but I felt lucky now. This wonderful man wanted to give to me, help me reclaim myself, my sense of worth.
His thumb tugged at my lower lip. “You been sleeping through the night? Because I haven’t been.”
“Not really.” I sucked on his thumb and released it, and he let out a hiss of air. “It’s getting better, though. I can’t wait to sleep with you again tonight, after we exhaust each other first, of course.”
His hands pressed over my ass, squeezing. “You feel so good.”
“So good.” My body moved against his again, needing more. I bit his upper lip. “Now fuck me.”
He let out a groan. “You want to stop, you stop. Don’t worry about me, you hear?”
My eyes held his. “I want it to be good for you too.”
He pushed my hair back from my face and whispered, “Right now, I want to make you come.”
Laughing, I raised myself up and brushed a breast across his mouth. “Make me c
ome, baby.”
He licked and nuzzled my nipple, scraping it carefully with his teeth, making my limbs weaken, my insides melt.
“Take my clothes off,” he said, his voice gruff.
My pulse kicked up at the urgency in his command. I moved into action, unzipping his pants, yanking them down his long legs, tugging off his shirt. My hands ran up and down his beautiful, sculpted chest. He found my clit and stroked hard over it as I ground myself against his hand, holding onto his shoulders. The wave built and built inside me.
I wanted to come.
I wanted to come for him.
I wanted to come out the other side and still be me, not some wounded, stiff creature.
He pushed me back on the bed and licked a trail down my body, his eyes on me. “Going down on you.”
“Yes, yes…”
I raised my hips, and his face sank between my legs. He explored me with his tongue, a tight grip on my hips. His hands slid to my inner thighs, pressing them apart, the flat pad of his tongue stroking hard over my clit. The intensity set my every nerve ablaze. There was no escaping his gifts.
My hands clenched into fists at my sides. I held my breath. I fought with memories, shrill laughs, the sound of liquor dripping to the floor from between my legs, a cold, hard table underneath my bare body.
Finger sat up and, taking his dick in hand, rubbed his thick length over my slick pussy. Up and down. Up and down.
“We’re both so wet, baby. Wet as fuck.”
That insane pressure built over my sensitive flesh, electrifying me. My heart went into overdrive. It couldn’t keep up. I couldn’t keep up. I was coming, coming hard.
He clutched at my leg, his hard length continuing its steady and slow pace along my slit.
“Ahh!” My head twisted back. A thumb passed over my mouth, and I tasted myself on him.
He leaned over me, his voice deep, rough. “Say it, say, ‘I’m wet as fuck for you.’”
I raised my head off the mattress meeting his harsh, gleaming eyes. “I’m wet as fuck for you. For you, Justin.”
His eyes gleamed, his mouth curled into a grin. Satisfaction. Utter lasciviousness. The sensations overtook me, and my head fell back again.
The crinkle of plastic. Rip.
My eyes blinked open, and I grinned. Finger fitted himself with a rubber. He yanked me down to the edge of the mattress and spread my legs wide.
“Hold my hands down,” I said, raising my arms over my head.
His eyes narrowed as he bent over me and did it. I brought my legs up high the way I’d always done with Med. That was his favorite first position of any session. Open to him and his assault. Holding my arms down, he’d enter me on one fierce thrust, and jackhammer away at different angles, then take me from the side, then squash my face into the mattress and take me from behind. Always commenting about my jiggling tits, always asking me questions. A constant stream of chatter.
“You feeling it, Reen? You feeling my cock? Take it deep, Reen, Take it. Take it.”
I wanted Finger to blow that all to bits.
Finger entered me slowly, smoothly, his eyes closing. “Oh damn, baby.” He pulsed long and slow, going deeper with each thrust. “You feel so good. So beautiful. Your cunt is smooth as silk.”
Gilded torture.
Again and again.
“Faster,” I said through gritted teeth, fighting that voice, that body from my mind and soul.
He moved faster. My one leg arched over his hips, clinging to him. We were linked together, the bed shuddering underneath us. Sweat glistened on his chest above me. His thrusts became harsher, his kneading my tits more aggressive. Full possession. This perfect combination of rough and pleasure kept me focused on him, on us.
“Shit.” His face twisted in a dark scowl, the curve of his shoulders tense. He grabbed one of my hands and brought it to his chest. “Need you…” he breathed.
He needs me.
I moved my hands over his slick damp skin, down his smooth back to his clenching ass, bringing him closer to me. I held onto him, climbing on him, meeting his every thrust with my own, rubbing my chest against his.
“Fuck me, Serena. You fuck me the way you want,” he said on a grunt, his lips tense.
I pushed him over on the bed, and he slid out of me, his eyes flaring. I straddled him and quickly tucked him back in, my hands planted on his chest, my nails digging into his flesh. I rocked over him, and his hold on me tightened. The pleasure built around us, my head spun, my insides swirling.
I listened, but there was no audience, no hooting, no snickering, no—
“Look at me, Sunshine,” he muttered through short breaths, a hand pinching my ass cheek.
My eyes snapped open at the sting, snagging on his fierce gaze.
“This is you and me, baby. Me and you.”
Yes, yes, you.
His hips rolled into mine, their rhythm quick and steady. “Say it.”
“Me and you.”
His hand went between my legs, the smooth nub of his cut off finger pressing on my sensitive flesh.
Everything shimmered and shattered inside me.
You. You. You.
18
We were on the way home from a charity run in Pennsylvania and had landed in Ohio for the night. At Reich’s chapter.
I wasn’t eager to spend any more time with him than I had to, but what the hell, there were five chapters of the Flames of Hell on this run together. I could continue to get lost in the crowd if I wanted to. We hadn’t spoken two words to each other in PA, just acknowledged each other’s presence with a lift of chins, a nod.
Eager for booze and loud music after hours on the road, we strode into the Peghorn Saloon, the local Flames hangout. It was after two in the morning, and there were still plenty of bikes and cars in the parking lot. The Smoking Guns logo screamed at me from the gas tank of a number of bikes. A sharp ache needled through the joints in my fingers and raced up my arms, my muscles stiffening.
Reich pushed open the old metal doors.
No music’s playing.
“Been trying to call ya, Reich. Couldn’t get through.” His glassy eyes wide, his voice shaky, Garrett, the owner of the Peghorn, stood in a bar that was barely recognizable.
Pool tables flipped over, broken cues and balls littering the floor. Shattered bottles and glass everywhere. Men and women were glued to the walls, a din of mumbling, crying, and shifting chairs zipping around the large bar.
Smoking Guns everywhere.
“It’s about fucking time.” Med slammed a hand down on the bar, a bottle of liquor in his hands.
My heart stopped. His snarl. That voice. Those eyes. A cold sting washed over me and settled in my bones. My fingers curled into tight fists, even my middle fingers that were no longer there.
“Holy fucking shit,” Drac muttered next to me.
It’d been four months since I’d been released from Med’s hellhole, but the sight of him, the sound of his voice, generated a tidal wave of nausea and fear, my pulse pounding, my blood jamming in my veins—as if I was still there, still his prisoner. Even now, surrounded by my brothers. Even now.
I hated him. I feared him. I hated him.
I wanted him dead.
He and his crew had been in Pennsylvania, too, but we’d all steered clear. Things were cool, I’d thought. I’d been relieved. There hadn’t been no skirmishes, no fights, only the usual long brooding looks and caustic threats between two rival clubs.
“Where’s the kid?” he asked.
“What kid?” spit out Reich.
“The one I made a man. The one I created for you.”
A laugh rolled through the room, one distinct ringing laugh above all the others.
Scrib.
My breathing got shallow, a cold sweat suddenly swamped my body. T
he smoke and the heat in the room was stifling, and I tried swallowing, but my mouth and throat wouldn’t cooperate. My body wavered, and Drac pressed his side into mine.
“What for?” Kwik stepped forward. “What the fuck is this?”
“Saw you all in Pennsylvania. Saw him. Got me thinking.” Med took a long swig from a bottle of expensive rum.
“Oh yeah?”
“Bet he’s the one who took something of mine.”
“Like what? A popsicle stick?” Reich said on a sneer. “You dumped him all bloodied, chopped and cut with barely his clothes on. What the fuck you talking about?”
Med’s satanic gaze found mine and drilled a sizzling hole through me. “My girl.”
My girl.
Serena’s blue green eyes formed a haze between me and Med. A blue green haze. Desire. Justice. Hate. Passion.
Reich’s head tilted at Med. A challenge. “The fuck you say.”
My brothers from five different chapters crowded around me. Shielding me. Taking my back. Not one looked at me, questioned me. There was no question.
“Got no other explanation for it.” Med’s voice thundered. “I gave him hospitality.”
“Hospitality, huh? Chained like an animal in a prison cell?” said Kwik, his voice raised.
“I let him live, motherfucker.” Med jabbed a finger in the air. “I let him live.”
“Get out,” said Reich. “Get out of our territory and don’t come through here again. I’m willing to overlook this mess you made at my favorite watering hole, chalk it up to a misunderstanding. But it’s the first and last time, you got that?”
“I want my girl back!” howled Med, smashing the bottle against the side of the bar top without even flinching.
Kwik raised his chin at Scrib. “Leave. We’re through with this bullshit, and you’re outnumbered, asshole.” He turned to Med. “Your girlfriend ran off? Cry me a river. Find yourself a new one.”
