by Casey Herzog
Chapter Three
The only person remaining was Julian. He was helping to tidy up and basically, being the only person I could depend on. I was numb, not feeling anything, and just wanting to get on with the rest of my life. It seemed so selfish to wonder about my future, but I had made my case with the Elders and they agreed I should stay on for one more semester of high school. They also conceded and decided I could stay in the house for one month. I tried to convince them that it was my home, but they reminded me that I was not exempt from the law.
There was no laughter in the streets. They were barren. It was foolish to go against curfew and those who enforced the curfew took a dim view of anyone who violated what they saw as the natural order of things.
“It looks like I’m going to have to stay the night. I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted. I’ll go upstairs and make up the guest room,” Julian said as he was looking out the window.
“I don’t even know why these ‘people’ call themselves my father’s friends.”
“Those people were so fake! They only came here because they felt some sort of misplaced loyalty to your father. They wanted to make a good first impression with you, so I would be very careful about their offers of friendship. I hate to be cynical, but I’ve learned the hard way that not everybody is altruistic.”
“I’m just going to sit here and think for a bit. It’s hard to believe my father is not going to walk through those doors.
“It wasn’t right that I had to bury him that way! They only found bits and pieces that could confirm his DNA. I couldn’t even have an open casket!
“The only light in all the darkness was that burying him next to my mother was like reuniting them in death.”
I had heard of black magic that could bring back the dead, but what came back would not be the person that you remembered. They would be a mere shell of what they once were. This was one of the reasons the Elders had forbidden the use of magic.
He put out his hand and tried to touch my cheek. I turned away to stop him from initiating any kind of passion between us. I’d always thought Julian had a crush on me, but I tried to refrain from giving him any opportunity to think there could be something between us.
“I know this has been a trying time and I hope that having me here has given you a shoulder to lean on. I will always be your friend and I hope you never forget that. This tragedy could have been avoided.”
I felt the same way. Had my father been home where he belonged, then the explosion wouldn’t have taken his life.
“I will always need you in my life, but not in the way that you want me to be. I wish I felt that way, but I don’t, and you deserve so much more than unrequited love.
“Don’t waste your time on me because I can’t give you what you want. I would only be fooling myself if I tried and that’s not fair to either of us.”
I heard the clock ticking. It was a deafening sound that made me want to cover my ears.
“I haven’t even begun to fight for you. You can say whatever you want, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to give up on you. There is something here between us and it doesn’t matter how much you fight it.
“I was the only person your father allowed to get close to you, and he told me he thought we made a good pair. I feel it’s my duty to take care of you in your time of need.”
He had his hands on my shoulders, and I should’ve released him from the burden of taking care of me, but it felt nice to have somebody in my corner, and I wasn’t ready to excise him from my life.
“I know exactly how my father felt about you. He never let me forget it. If it had been up to him, we would have been married and having his grandchildren already, but I’m too young to settle down.
“I have a lot more I want to accomplish in my life before even considering any of that. You can go ahead and pine for me all you want, but it’s not going to change anything. You’re very dear to my heart and our friendship means more to me than you can ever know, but friendship is where it stops.”
He nodded his head and then went upstairs to leave me alone.
Suddenly, I heard a noise and saw movement in the study that shouldn’t have been there. I went to the door and saw Mr. Coleman searching in a mad panic to find something. The door was ajar and I could hear his voice as plain as day.
“Where did you hide it? You can’t possibly expect to keep it hidden forever. It’s here and I know it. I will not allow Gillian to have what is rightfully mine.
“I will turn this office upside down. Don’t think that I won’t do it. You’re a bastard for keeping it to yourself because it belongs to both of us. I’m sorry you think I can’t handle the power, but you’re not around to send the guardians to police my actions.”
I stepped into the room while his back was still to me.
There was no rhyme or reason to my father’s organizational skills. I often heard my father saying he knew where exactly everything was, and that was all that mattered. He had his own way of thinking.
Dysfunctional was not a strong enough word for our relationship.
“Is there something that I can help you with?” I said.
He almost jumped out of his skin. Then, he turned to face me with the same menacing glare that had made me feel like I was in danger.
“I’m sure that if you describe it I could help you.”
The flush along his neck and the way his eyes shone with mischief made me believe that being in this study was not a good idea. This man had ulterior motives, and I had just about had all I was going to take. I had no patience left.
“I’m just looking for something your father would have given me anyway. I don’t see it here, and it baffles me in a way that has me scratching my head.
“Anything of worth to him was where he could get his hands on it. Why do you think that he insisted you live underneath this roof until you were 18? He felt that there was little chance of you doing something you would regret under his watchful eye.
“You may not believe it, but he loved you in his own way. He confessed to me in private that everything he did was for you.”
I still didn’t trust Mr. Coleman. He was two-faced and would say anything to get his hands on whatever it was he was looking for.
“My father only loved his books; I was merely a second thought. I don’t really think you knew him as well as you think you did. He was a hard man to get to know.
“He worked in the research department because he knew that he would be left alone. It was a mind-numbing and tedious thing to do, but he loved it nonetheless. Retiring from teaching, not by his own choice, was like somebody stabbed him with a knife in his back, but he found happiness in the pages of these books. He tried to share his passion with me.”
I wanted him to leave, but it didn’t look like he was going to go unless I said something to force the issue. I was not opposed to raising eyebrows.
“This whole thing could have been avoided.”
That was the second time someone had said that to me, verbatim. It was like they were trying to tell me something, and I was curious to know what it was.
“It has been a long day, Mr. Coleman, and I would appreciate if you left the same way you came. I would hope you would do me the courtesy of letting me mourn for my father in peace.
“Grief comes in stages, and I’m still in the denial stage. I know they say that time heals all wounds, but I’m not sure I believe it. I give you permission to come back another time and look for what you were searching for, but only if I’m here to supervise.”
He raised his two fists, and I thought, for a moment, we were going to have a problem. His knuckles were white from how hard he was digging his nails into his palms. I could even see a trickle of blood.
“I appreciate your need to have space, but I’m not done with this by a long shot. He owes me and I’m damn well going to collect one way or the other. I’ll be back, Mr. Coleman said, with his eyes burning into me in an accusing way.
“Tha
t might sound like a threat, but it’s more of a promise. It’s very important that I receive what he left me. We had an agreement as gentlemen and I’m going to make him live up to his end of the bargain.
“More information about your father will come to light soon enough. You didn’t know him like I did. He was misunderstood, but he did the best he could.”
This wasn’t the first time somebody had told me I didn’t know my father, and it wasn’t going to be the last.
I opened the door wide and motioned for him to leave, which he did, reluctantly. Outside the door, he turned to say something, but I cut him off, slamming the door in his face. It felt good to reassert my independence. I couldn’t allow anybody to tell me how to live my life. It didn’t matter if it was Mr. Coleman or the Elders. They didn’t know me and I planned to correct that as soon as possible.
I went back into the living room and over to the open door of the study. The glass was frosted and I touched the intricate door. Whoever had done the work had not held back on creativity; the design was unique. On further inspection, there seemed to be something more than just the design. How had I never noticed anything out of the ordinary before? How was that even possible?
As I approached, I noticed a dark spot I hadn’t seen before. I took my portable light and shone the beam right on that very spot. It glowed the same way the blinking green eye had earlier. Even further, it projected some strange drawings on the wall. Unable to makes sense of the drawings, I was about to go to bed; suddenly the desk began to shake. Something inside was rattling around.
I took a few steps closer, and it stopped moving altogether. I stood still, and it began to shake again with that same rattling noise from inside the desk. I went around to the other side, and all the drawers were wide open. They weren’t hiding a damn thing.
I don’t know why, but I closed the blinds. It felt like an important and fitting tribute to my father. He taught me that not all secrets were good or bad, that there were varying degrees. In fact, the only thing I could think about when I was growing up was that he was keeping something from me.
“Come closer.”
I looked around for the source of the voice. It was a disembodied sound coming from no one.
“You know you want to.”
I thought I was losing it. Had my mind somehow snapped under the weight of my father’s demise?
“I know you’re curious.”
I should have been screaming my fool head off, but I didn’t feel the need for such an emotional outburst.
“Who…are you?” I swallowed hard, thinking about how stupid my question really was. However, there was a supernatural force at work, and I was worried the Elders would find out.
“That is not the question you need to ask. This is not the first time you have seen it. I need you to embrace the unknown and forget about everything you have learned. Isn’t it time to take off the blinders? I never did agree you were ready.”
I was having a debate with the voice without even speaking. I tried to shake out the cobwebs, but it persisted.
“There’s only one way to find out. This is entirely your choice, but I know you will make the right decision.”
I sat down in my father’s leather chair, and two pairs of green eyes looked at me from the bottom drawer.
I put my hands out and took a hold of them. I felt a tingling sensation followed by warmth that made me close my eyes. I saw visions flashing quickly, then diminishing. I placed them on the desk, remembering something my father said in passing. He mentioned that there was a vast source of magic: the magic eyes. Whoever possessed them could wield the kind of power that could corrupt those of sound mind and body.
I thought that it was a myth or legend that had been passed down from generation to generation. I was wrong.
The two orbs glowed. I moved closer and looked into them with a mesmerized stare. I couldn’t pull away. There was a force pushing against me, and I was pinned against the chair like an insect on a windshield.
“You are what is destined to be. This can be a blessing or a curse. Only you can decide this for yourself. A door has been opened, and all you need to do is cross over the threshold.
“You can’t trust anyone with the secret. There will be those who covet what you have, and they will do practically anything to get it. They will tell you what you want to hear to lull you into a false sense of security.
“You are stronger than you think. The Lockhart blood runs through your veins. That is a powerful tool and one you should not squander.”
The voice was a little clearer. It was my father. It sounded foreign, a different man than the one I remembered.
It was like a recording, but what had struck me and pinned me against the chair was a revelation. An ancient and falling apart book began to flip pages on its own accord. I gazed toward the pages and suddenly all the knowledge within book was now a part of me.
I didn’t know how it was possible, but a part of myself that had long been dormant was awakening. The orbs were absorbed into my hands with a rush of endorphins unlike anything I had felt before. The experience was too powerful and I spun out of control.
Then, I lost consciousness.
Chapter Four
“Gillian…have you slept here all night?”
Julian was shaking me. I awoke to find myself curled in my father’s chair like he was with me the entire night.
“I have to get to school. They are having an assembly to commemorate your father’s legacy. I know you have bereavement leave, but don’t you think you should get out of the house? I think it’s important you be there.”
I looked down at the desk and I could tell it had moved a few inches. The dust had settled around the legs. “The one thing I don’t need is people feeling sorry for me. I got enough of that at the wake. Everybody was so nice, but you could tell in their eyes they thought I was a broken doll. I won’t give anybody the satisfaction of falling apart,” I said
“You don’t have to feel that way with me. What would you do without me?”
“I’m going to stand strong and be the kind of daughter he would be proud of. I don’t even know why I should care. I still have a lot to do, so don’t worry about me. I used you to hold me up, but I don’t need that anymore.” There was something inside me burning like a candle in the wind. I was imbued with an unshaken confidence, something I had been missing my whole life.
I glanced down at the bottom drawer and the two orbs were mysteriously absent. I remembered something, but … it couldn’t be. There was no way I had absorbed those two orbs into my body. It seemed implausible, and I wasn’t going to give my concern a voice.
“I’ve always known you were stronger than you gave yourself credit for. It’s just nice to see that you’re beginning to believe it too. I suppose the one silver lining in all of this is that you don’t have to worry about homework. You know how Mr. Bethesda gets on a tangent and has you writing a million miles an hour. Just between you and me, he’s not much of a teacher, but it’s not like we can do anything about that.”
The words I had seen in the pages of that one book had stuck with me. It was several hundred pages, yet it was like I had memorized them.
“I’ve always admired Mr. Bethesda for being a radical thinker. They tried to tell him what to teach, but he doesn’t listen to them. He makes me believe in a better future for all of us. I’m not saying that he’s not boring though. I’ve fallen asleep during several of his lectures, and I wasn’t the only one.” I had slept in the same clothes and I needed to freshen up before I tackled the many boxes I had to pack.
“Don’t let the other students hear you say something like that. They’ll begin to believe that you’re teacher’s pet, and your grade certainly does reflect that.”
“What do you mean by that?” I asked Julian.
“Sometimes it’s not a good idea to look smarter than everybody else. It leads to resentment, and grading on a curve takes on a whole different meaning.”
; He gave me a kiss on the cheek, but I knew deep down he wanted to make more of a lasting impression on me. As I escorted him to the door, I noticed the brass knocker of a lion’s head. I had seen it many times, but this time it seemed to take on a life of its own. I thought for a moment that it moved, but it had to be the trick of the light. Didn’t it?
I went over to the many boxes. It boggled my mind how I was going to get all of this done. I had to get away. I went upstairs and showered quickly; the droplets of water hitting my skin felt different somehow. I was connected to each individual drop that cascaded down my naked body, and I had the impression I could reach out and freeze them with my touch. The feeling of the hot water was enhanced, and it was striking in a way that left me at loss for words.
The knocking on the door reminded me of how Elder Masters had shown up in the middle of the night to lay the bombshell in my lap. My father had died; I wasn’t ready for any more bad news. I got dressed and went downstairs to open the door, ready to tear into anyone standing there. It didn’t turn out that way.
“I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I would’ve come by earlier, but I thought you would have had your hands full with all those well wishers.” William had his hat in his hand, an English cap that had become a fashion statement because of him. “I know you probably don’t believe it, but I know exactly how you feel. My father died and left me with a hole in my heart I couldn’t fill..” He was lanky and tall, but there was a muscularity underneath he was trying his best to hide.
“I would say that you’re supposed to be in school, but I don’t think you really believe in it. I’ve only seen you a handful of times, and I’ve heard the teachers comment on your absence. They might have done something more than talk about it, but your grades didn’t slip in the very least,” I said
I could feel something happening. Thoughts of my father were building against my will. I felt overwhelming grief strangling me, and I fell to my knees with my hands outstretched on the banister.
