by Casey Herzog
“I don’t want to interrupt this, but William needs to get back. He’s already pushing things a little bit too far as it is. Both of you need to be strong for one another, and the rest will work itself out.”
My father was giving us a lot to think about. I would rather William stay here to fight alongside me against whatever battle was going to present itself next.
“This isn’t my idea of a happily ever after, but it will be in the end. You have already broken the glass ceiling by introducing women to magic. It was their rightful place, but there are still some who believe that things are going to get worse before they get better. I’ve tried to keep them from doing anything stupid, but you can imagine my advice falls short.”
William tried to pull away, but my hands gripped him with my fingernails digging into the palm of his hand. I finally released him, and felt like a piece of me was going with him. It didn’t matter how far apart we were or if we couldn’t see each other. We would always be connected. My love for him soared into the sky for everybody to see.
“I look into your eyes and I see the most amazing thing. The truth is right there and there’s no way you can hide the way you feel about me. I don’t know why my father is trying to push back the wedding, but we won’t allow him the satisfaction. The very day you emerge from the monastery, in less than a month, is the day we finally stand to be recognized as a couple. The ring will surround us and the blessing will unite us.”
He walked out the door and I reached out to touch him.
“I know that was hard for you, daughter, but it was for the best. You were right about my reluctance to see you marry at such a young age. You still have a lot of living to do, but maybe I can be convinced otherwise. He is a good man, no matter what other people might think. We need to talk about what happened.” I told him everything leaving out nothing and feeling the desire to work on this together, but I didn’t mention the tiger.
“The voices you heard concern me, but we don’t have time to dwell on it. There has been a new development in Damien’s condition. It is quite troubling. He’s not responding to any outside stimulus other than your voice. If something isn’t done soon, he is going to lose the battle. I don’t want to stress urgency, but this is a matter of life and death. Whatever you’re going to do, you’re going to have to do it quickly.”
My father seemed distressed, and the look on the professor’s face standing at the door told me the seriousness of Damien’s condition.
“I still feel a need to talk to him again. There might be more he can say to shed some light on all that has been happening. I need to know what I’m doing is the right thing for him. I don’t even want to contemplate taking him away from his destiny. This could be the next chapter, and I don’t want to deny him anything. I’m not doing anything without some kind of a sign from him.”
"Friends make promises all the time, and then, they turn around and break them. You are doing what you feel is right. Talking to him is a good place to start, but I do think a cautious approach is necessary to get to the bottom of this.”
I kept hearing the voices, especially the laughter, and it was hard for me to forget something like that. I hadn’t told my father of how the voices were driving me a little mad. There was something wrong, and if I didn’t find out what it was, I was never going to be able to rest.
“I’ll know what to do when the time comes. Damien will find a way to point me in the right direction. I just need to be the guiding light for his way back home.”
Damien was caught between being a boy and a man, and I wanted to be the one thing he could fixate on to continue fighting. I would never forget how strong he was.
“I’ll take you to him and I’ll stay outside the door until you’re finished. My place is beside you and I will not let you down. I have disappointed you in the past, and I can only hope to make amends. Life is too short to keep any kind of animosity in our hearts. It’s an ugly emotion,one that cripples us when we need to be ready for absolutely anything.” I thought of the days fighting Jasper and the Elders. It was a long road fraught with many dangers, but I had managed to barely survive. However, this one felt more daunting. I wasn’t sure if surviving would be enough.
My destiny was connected to Damien’s and vice versa. I got emotional from the look in his eyes and I had to listen to my heart. He was calling out to me to make him whole again. I had no interest in saying goodbye to Damien, but I sometimes wondered if this fight was worth it. There had to be somebody more qualified to pick up the sword, but there was nothing else I could do with the greatness thrust upon me. There was nobody else, and what was happening was meant for me. I felt like I was out of my league and out of my depth.
The voices inside my head were fighting to be heard; it was this deafening echo of desperation. I had to put it behind me, but wherever they came from was now clinging to me like a second skin. My shadow tiger was lying on the bed, stretched out, and I knew I was never going to be without him. He was my secret to tell, and I had a feeling he was going to come in handy for whatever I faced next.
Chapter Eight
I was thinking about my mother a lot, but I really couldn’t remember her face. Every day a little piece of her would be lost, and the only way to retrieve it was to go down memory lane. I found myself harboring some resentment toward her for abandoning me and leaving me with a loveless father. I still felt this even if most of those hurt feelings had been mended and my father and I were in a better place.
Walking down to see Damien once again was giving me vertigo. I felt like the walls were closing in on me, and there was nobody there to protect me from whatever dangers persisted. I had a huge undertaking ahead of me: I was going to have to climb a mountain that most considered treacherous.
Damien was going to have to give me some kind of sign, other than strange riddles plaguing me in my dreams every night. I was tired all the time, and teaching wasn’t as easy as I thought it was going to be. My friend was suffering needlessly because of my actions; it was time to put on a big girl pants.
“I hope you get what you want from him, daughter. He’s not exactly there and what he said to you might not have been him. It could’ve been somebody working through him to lure you into some sort of trap.”
The voices were giving me a lot to think about, and piecing it together was making me aware of other forces at work here.
“I’ve been to see him about a half dozen times, and each time it was more me talking than getting any kind of response. This last time was a bit of a surprise, and I have to take it as a personal victory that I reached him when others couldn’t. It could be a trap, but I have no choice but to walk into it willingly to protect Damien.”
I felt he was there waiting for me to snatch him from whatever jaws of misfortune befell him.
“I still think it would be a good idea for me to go in there with you. I’ve tried to speak to him after you left, but there has been absolutely nothing but silence. Not one utterance about the flower. It does get a little annoying talking just to hear myself speak.
“I understand the awkward silence you and Julian felt at the table, and I apologize for making things more awkward than they had to be.”
It was nice to know my father was aware of his manipulations and had decided to make good on his promise to bring back a little bit of civility to the supper table.
“I’m glad we have found our way back to one another. It’s still tenuous at best, but it is a huge step in the right direction.”
I still had this feeling my father was keeping things to himself, but these were old habits, hard to break after living with them for most of his life. I seemed to be taking after him.
“I’ve always been in your corner, and I will always be there when you need me the most. It scares me to think of what you could have become without me and your friends stepping in to bring you back. You still suffer from what you went through, which I can see in your eyes. You must use this time with Damien to unload the burden. Y
ou don’t have to worry; I haven’t been eavesdropping on your conversation. I just know it’s human nature to want to talk to someone without judgment.”
I had to believe that he would never tear away the fabric of our trust.
“I don’t mind admitting this is very hard for me. I’ve already stated publicly and privately that my main concern is Damien. I don’t care what other people might think about me, or the strange looks I get because of how easily I disposed of the Elders. You must know killing them, even under the influence of the magic eyes and the darker arts, has been troubling.” It felt like it was taking forever to get to Damien’s room, and I had this feeling my father was taking the long way around to get there.
“Some people may say life is what you make it, but I’ve always believed that fate plays a hand in everything we do. The one thing you need to know before you go in there is that Damien is waiting for you. He needs you to be the strong and confident leader he knows you can be. It’s a matter of priorities, and keeping things straight in your head, which you have always been able to do since you were young.”
He stopped with those thoughts. I had let people down by giving in so easily to the evil. I had always stressed magic was nothing to be feared, but I had done the worst possible thing to attract too much attention in my direction. Jasper, the hunter,would eventually call me out for a rematch. I had to wonder what he was doing, and what kind of pain he was inflicting on others because of my inability to destroy him.
“I know I have the responsibility of Damien’s care, and I don’t take that lightly.” I walked in to find Damien, exactly as I left him the time before. He was a blank slate staring like he could see something through the wall. Damien wasn’t moving an inch, but I could see him breathing on his own.
“Damien, what you said to me was not enough for me to put my life in peril. I need to know this is the right course of action to take. I can’t take it at face value that you mentioned the flower and how not to touch it and to touch it at the same time. It was a little strange. I need you to clarify what your intent is.”
I had to take a moment to wipe some involuntary drool from his chin. Then, I watched him intently to see if he was blinking or showing any signs of life. It was disconcerting to know we had all these people fighting for him, and it didn’t seem to make a damn bit of difference.
I remembered how my mother would sing to me when I was younger, but the melody really didn’t register. I hummed it until I got the hang of it; some of the lyrics even came back into my memory. If I was able to grab that, then it was a possibility the things I had forgotten about my mother were still there, lying dormant.
I listened to the melody in my head and it created a relaxing calm. I couldn’t explain it, but everything about her voice brought me peace. The sound of her voice stayed with me. Her face might have been obscured, but I reminded myself by looking at her photograph every morning and when I went to bed.
I seemed to recall the melody in my head was from some nursery rhyme. I couldn’t remember the context, and the lyrics were a little jumbled in my head to make much sense out of it. It had something to do with an animal getting trapped and having the forethought to ask for assistance from the one who had caused his misfortune.
It was funny, but I knew the animal was a dragon and that somehow it convinced its attacker to show mercy. I was getting to the best part where the dragon and its attacker became fast friends without the necessity for battle. They had found fighting didn’t solve anything; it was one of those lessons parents past onto their children.
“The flower is the answer. The answer for everything is found within. Climb to the highest heights and you’ll see.” It sounded like him, but once again it was riddles meant to make me scratch my head and go screaming into the night. “I need you to be strong. Listen to your heart and follow your instincts.” This sounded more like him, but it was possible two sides of a different coin were playing for dominance.
“I’ve always followed my heart and my instincts, Damien, and it has never failed. You need to give me something more, but I’m not sure you’re able to. I understand, and I would never try to force you to say anything without fully comprehending what is being said. I just need you to show me it’s really you and not something else trying to use you against me.” I was warming up to the idea that maybe Damien was there.
I was waiting for the clouds to part and for his mind to become cognitive of what it was saying. I wanted him to come back to me. I was foolish to let him leave, but it was not my choice. I knew that giving magic to everyone, including women, was a good idea. I just never took into consideration that each action has an equal and opposite reaction. Damien was the price I had to pay, and I regretted it every day of my life.
He grabbed my hand and force-fed me an image of the mountain with the waving flower beckoning me forward. There were also shadows moving around me in a circle. I was going to go up against insurmountable odds to give Damien the fighting chance he deserved.
I certainly didn’t want to, but the answer was pretty damn clear, not to be mistaken for something else. Damien had found a way to communicate in his own way, which was more than I could ever ask of him in his current condition. The community would need to be kept in the dark. The only people I would take into my confidence were my father and Julian. If I had the chance, I would speak to William, but getting close to him was not as easy as it sounded.
I patted his hand and he fell back into a kind of seizure, making him shake and look in dire need of someone to come to his rescue. I tried to hold him down, but I was literally thrown clear and rebounded against the wall like I weighed nothing. The magic inside him was strong, and it was fighting with everything it had to break free of whatever prison he was in.
Chapter Nine
“We stabilized him as much as we could, but his prognosis is not the best. If the flower is the answer, then it needs to be retrieved as soon as possible. Julian has been making progress in getting the other ingredients, but it’s going to be up to us to do the rest. You can’t possibly believe I was going to allow you to do this on your own? Had I been around when you needed me, this whole thing could have been avoided, which is my cross to bear.”
I was kind of elated my father was taking an interest in my life, but I was wondering if having him around wasn’t going to be more of a nuisance. The darker arts were still with me and there was a tendril of its existence clawing at my consciousness to awaken something.
“The only thing you have to remember is that I’m your daughter, but I’m also an independent woman with a mind of her own. Don’t go thinking because you’re my father you can tell me what to do. Experience does go a long way, but you are far in-between the generation gap.”
“I’m always going to consider you my little girl, and that’s never going to change. We’ve had this discussion before, but I do know you can take care of yourself. You may have gotten lost, but I think anybody in your position would’ve done the same thing. It would’ve been a greater risk for anybody else, and I doubt they would have had the same success in breaking free. I want you to know I am very proud of you, and I live through you. I’ve always had good intentions, but sometimes I naively think I am the answer when nobody really knows the question.”
I was prepared to sacrifice my life, but I really didn’t want to walk down this path alone. Unlike the last time, my father was going to be with me, and we would face everything together. Between the two of us, we had a vast intellect and a wealth of experience that would take us a long way. Having him back, set me free and stopped the nagging insistence of second guessing myself.
We had our supplies together and gathered at the school for the gifted. They were not very happy with my temporary sabbatical from teaching. Penelope and Tabitha were glaring at one another, and I tried to make them see working together was far more important than any misunderstanding. It wasn’t easy, but there was a temporary peace. But how long it was going to last without me around to kee
p them in line? Julian was taking over with consultation from other professors, including professor Bethesda, who was going to pop in from time to time to see how things were going.
I felt a tug on my sleeve and I looked down to see Tabitha pleading with me. “I’m just starting to learn the basics and you’re leaving me with no female guidance. Julian is fine, but he doesn’t have your patience. I would never presume to tell you what to do. I just hope this trip is uneventful and you come back soon.” She was very brave and strong for a little girl, but I wouldn’t have expected anything less.
“This is the one time Tabitha and I agree on something. I’ve been very close to crossing the invisible line. The only thing preventing me was you. I doubt seriously Julian is going to have the right words to sway me from doing something bad. I do hope you find what you’re looking for. Friendships have never really been for me, and I’ve never been able to trust anybody besides myself. You might be the exception, but then you pull this stunt. I’m not going to let you go without giving you a piece of my mind.”
Leaving had its disadvantages, and there was the possibility of coming back to see things had gotten worse instead of better.
“You can rest assured everything will be taken care of. I’m not you, but I do have my own style, which has worked for me. The more advanced and stubborn students have been keeping me busy. I’m going to have to split my attention to include the women who have shown magic can be trusted in their hands.” Julian was ill prepared, and there was nothing I could say to build his confidence when he was dealing with members of the female species.
