by Casey Herzog
“You’ve never been a man who takes things at face value. It’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you. There are times where I thought it might be best to leave you to your work, but I felt you would be lost without me.”
My mother was standing with her two hands in the sleeves of her fur coat, which I could see was made from some wild animal. It had to be hard on her to learn to survive, but she had something others didn’t. The adventurous spirit within her made her uniquely qualified to defend and protect what was hers.
I shouldn’t have felt like she had let me down, but I couldn’t understand how she couldn’t fight for her family. Giving up didn’t seem to be in her vocabulary. I’d always believed she was the strongest woman and a role model to emulate.
“I was lost without you, Madeleine, and I had no idea how to console Gillian when she needed me the most. I figured if I gave her space, she would find her way out of the darkness, never understanding I was the one pushing her into the dark,” my father said, unaware I was awake and listening to every word spoken.
“I don’t know if I could’ve done any better, but I have dreamed about the day of coming home to both of you. Some may think I’m insane for having lengthy discussions with you when you weren’t even here, but it was really the only way I could keep myself from becoming something unrecognizable.”
I wanted to come to her defense, but I had no idea what power was keeping her against her will. There was some strange animal with three horns roasting over the fire, and what she did to kill it made me cringe. She had been through a lot, and I wouldn’t have blamed her if she wanted to make people pay for her unfortunate incarceration. It didn’t look like a prison, but any place you couldn’t leave on your own was like standing behind bars.
“I think you’ll agree this is a little hard for the both of us. It’s not like we ever thought we would see each other again. I have no idea where we go from here. How do you expect us to go back to our lives knowing you are out here? You’ve always been a fighter, and to see you give up hurts me more than you can ever know.”
He looked dejected and he shrugged his shoulders away from the fur-covered hand of my mother.
“I’m glad the both of you are here, but now I have to know the reason why you would make such a foolhardy mistake.”
I could understand her need to ask the question, but also felt founded in coming to try to help Damien.
“We came here to help a friend by retrieving the flower, which I’m sure isn’t going to be as easy as you made it out to be. I’m afraid of what we will bring back with us, and I don’t want to repeat past mistakes.”
My father was never much for keeping things in. He was the type to learn whatever information he could find before jumping into something. It was what made him a great researcher and someone to rely on for the truth. It was getting the truth out him that was more complicated.
“I haven’t had many visitors, and I gather from your reaction none of them made it back alive. What makes you think the both of you can be different when everybody else has failed on a grand scale?”
My mother was only asking the question we were too scared to mention.
“Do you really think if anybody had made it back alive I wouldn’t come looking for you? Nothing would have stood in my way. I would’ve gone through hell after everything you’ve been through. I mistakenly thought you were dead. People from outlying areas spoke of human bones found on their way to the community.”
I’d heard the same story, but each one was more like a fish tale made more interesting by how much somebody had drunk their way to the bottom of a bottle.
“I didn’t know what to think at the time. I screamed for your help, and you turned away in what I could only assume was disgust. I thought for a moment you hated me and you wanted me to hurt in the same way you did. I’ve come to some painful conclusions over the years, and ultimately, I think we would’ve been a flame that fizzled out,” she said, about to touch my father and deciding against it, most likely thinking he was in no frame of mind to go down memory lane.
“They made it perfectly clear of their intention to keep you away from me, and they threatened our daughter if I didn’t comply. The only thing to make it easier was your death was supposed to be quick. You weren’t supposed to suffer. I should’ve known there was no way I could have trusted them. They weren’t even the Elders at the time, but it wasn’t long before they took on the mantle responsibility.”
My father stormed off, but there was no way he could go far without losing his way.
“I know you’re not sleeping. You’ve always been unable to fool me, which I’m sure got on your last nerve. Gillian, coming here was a brave and noble thing, but in the end, it’s going to cost you more than you realize.”
She was really my mother, and had no problem dispensing advice, whether I wanted to hear it or not.
“Nothing is going to stop me from helping my friend. I don’t care what you have to say to convince me otherwise.”
I was not budging, and I could tell from the smile on her face this was what she was expecting.
“Whoever your friend is must be one very lucky person. Do I sense a love connection? I want only your happiness, and to be there to watch you take the necessary steps into womanhood.”
She’d gotten the wrong impression. It wasn’t like I had been very clear about who we were here to save. My father was vague, but he was always one to keep things to himself, and I didn’t see anything changing even if my mother was alive.
“He is going to make some woman very happy, but he’s a little too young for me. Damien is a young boy with a unique gift that I’m sure he would have no problem telling you about himself.”
I thought of Damien and what he was going through. Things had only gotten complicated learning about my mother.
“I don’t know why, but I felt like you had somebody special in your life. Maybe it was wishful thinking. The man you end up with is going to have to be something special to handle you. You are exactly like me. Don’t take that as a compliment because it wasn’t meant to be one.”
I didn’t know how she could say that when growing up I was drawn to coloring outside the lines.
“I do have somebody special, and like most men, he has good traits and bad ones. We work amazingly well together and my heart is empty without him near me,” I said, wondering how I would break the news and introduce him to the woman I admired most of all.
“I’ve always believed a person is capable of starting over and learning from their mistakes. I don’t know much about you, Gillian, but I fear you have walked down a dangerous path. You still feel it inside trying to rob you of your innocence,” she said, as she walked over to me within mere inches of taking me into her arms.
“I’ve no doubt had my fair share of problems, but somehow I have managed to get along without you. It wasn’t easy, but I had no choice; it’s a burden I bear alone. I don’t know how, but I’m going to do what I can to get you out of this mess.”
I could hear the voice of the one reasonable shroud . He was there, but his voice was not strong enough, like something was preventing him from getting his thoughts across.
“It’s exactly what I would’ve expected from you. All we can do in this life is to try to make the world a better place. I was hung up on freedom and I didn’t understand how others may perceive what I do.”
My mother had magic, and I could feel it deeper than most. It was a dark and foreboding feeling which left me with more pieces of the puzzle to put together.
“I want to be angry with you and father, but how can I when my dreams are coming true? I thought there was no way for you to be in my life, no matter how much I wanted you to help me get ready to join with William. I know you’d like him and I want you to meet, but I have no idea how to make that happen.”
I sampled the fare on tap for morning breakfast, and to say it was an acquired taste would be an understatement. The meat was not tender, and it took a lo
t of effort to swallow. It felt like I was chewing the bark off the side of a tree. My mother’s body had adjusted to whatever sustenance she could find, and becoming primal was necessary.
“You’re going to need all the strength you can get to finish what you started. I will be more than happy to come with you since I’ve been there more times than I can count. Coming here at this time of year is only going to give you one chance. One flower blooms and survives the weather, but the same flower flourishes when the weather is nicer.”
I didn’t realize there was any time the weather could be nice up here with the ancestors watching our every move.
“I don’t know what my father is going to say to your proposition, but I wholeheartedly accept the invitation to show us the way.”
My response was unilateral, and I didn’t consider what my father was going to have to say on the subject. It didn’t seem to matter. If he wanted me to be happy, then he would hold onto any time we could have with my mother.
“It’s not up to your father whether or not I come along on this expedition with you. If you want me there, then he won’t be able to stop me no matter what he says. I knew you were going to be a strong and resilient woman. How could you not with a role model like me,” she said, as she lifted a piece of the meat, tearing it off the carcass and eating it with the ease of a tiger tearing into its prey.
“If anybody would know how my father will react to certain things, it would be you. The love between the two of you has always been a battle of wills. Nobody could stand against you without feeling your wrath.”
I helped her to get ready and found myself draped in one of her discarded fur coats. It was far warmer than anything we had brought with us. We made quite a sight when my father returned to look at his family standing stubborn and together as a unified force.
“I know I’m not going to like this. You both have the same look when you think you have me where you want me,” he said, as I offered another fur coat for him to wear.
I had to wonder how he was going to take having my mother tell him what to do.
“Your daughter wants us to be together for as long as possible. I don’t think you can even deny her that request.”
My mother was standing by my side and she was the one giving me the courage to continue on.
“I’m not even going to bother to argue. It wouldn’t do me any good anyway. I’ve learned a long time ago not to get in either of your ways. The reason I wasn’t there for our daughter was because she reminded me too much of you. I couldn’t bear to look at her without feeling like I had lost my best friend,” he said, taking both of our hands and giving me the impression family really did come first.
“I can’t believe how much you haven’t changed, Michael. Of course, I can’t say the same thing for Gillian. She was so young when I last saw her. I was afraid she would never remember me. I can only hope you did your best to keep my spirit alive. I’m sure you’ve told her some of the stories, but maybe you were too afraid to give her ideas,” my mother said, as she took the lead. After all, she knew where she was going.
Chapter Seventeen
The fur coat I was wearing made me feel like I was being cradled by warmth itself. I felt like things were finally going our way. The one thing I’d learned, the painful way was happiness was usually short lived.
My father was looking at me over his shoulder from time to time, and for some reason, I felt it was necessary to give him the cold shoulder. I knew he was in a tough position, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t show me the courtesy of being honest. It was just one of many times he had done things behind my back without my knowledge.
“Gillian, I know you think I could’ve fought harder for your mother, but you have no idea what you’re talking about. Had I done anything at all, the Elders would have made it impossible for me to stay in your life. They made it very clear, and I didn’t want to take away both of your parents.”
The look on his face was tearing my heart apart and making it impossible for me to stay mad at him for any length of time.
“You and I both know I will get over this in time, but these kinds of wounds don’t heal without necessary scarring. I will always remember you were the one responsible for keeping her from me, even if you didn’t have a choice.”
I didn’t want to be harsh with him, but I did leave him the hope that we would keep our relationship alive.
“I did the best I could without sacrificing my principles or the well being of my daughter, Not even your scowl is going to make me regret my decision.”
He was always a logical man, and it was a trait passed down to the next generation. I didn’t know if my child would be destined to follow in my footsteps, but I was determined to give it a normal life.
I wasn’t with child, but William and I had spoken of the possibility of a big family. At first, I was reluctant, especially after everything that happened with my father and me, but then I realized I couldn’t let him keep me from having a family of my own.
“I know you think you did what was right, but there had to be another way. You just didn’t see it. Again, I wasn’t there, so I have no idea what you went through, but it couldn’t have been anything like what happened to my mother.”
I felt like I had to come to my mother’s defense. She deserved her daughter to give her the benefit of the doubt.
I heard what sounded like a wild animal. It didn’t seem pleased by how far we had come. My mother showed remarkable restraint by standing still and shivering in place, no doubt knowing the sound, and not exactly willing to tangle with it.
“I’ve always been one step ahead, but I can imagine what this thing feels deep down inside. I didn’t exactly show mercy to his brethren, but it’s not like I enjoyed eating them to stay alive. I can see how hunting me down and killing me would give him a modicum of peace,” my mother said, with her hand up to indicate it was time to listen and become one with nature.
The sound I had heard earlier was there, very much like it was using its environment to its advantage. This was their home, and trespassing was not going to make them trust us. I was sure it was watching carefully. I would’ve done the same thing to find out if the threat was viable. He would determine what kind of enemy he was dealing with, and then, he would deal with it accordingly. It was the way of the wild, where the strong would survive and the weak would perish.
I was trembling, but what else could I do when I was feeling alone, even though my mother and father were right here to protect me with their bodies. It was like my limbs had soaked themselves in cold water up to my neck. It was that crippling fear that made me desperate to cling to my parents for safety.
Nonetheless, everything I had gone through made me learn and grow from the experiences. My father was there, but then he wasn’t, and that made me bitter and unable to see straight.
Stepping into my father’s shoes was not easy, but necessary for the betterment of magic in the community. I had cordially invited the committee to witness what I was doing with the school, but the committee had not been fully formed. My father was still making his determination and giving careful consideration to each candidate. He didn’t want a repeat of what happened with the Elders. And now, I can only imagine things will change with the reappearance of my mother.
“I was hoping if we stood still it would get bored and move on, but it hasn’t. It’s trying to make us complacent, but I can smell him in the air,” my mother said, as she took a few tentative steps forward with her head moving from side to side to alert us to any persisting dangers.
“I hate to say this, but aren’t you a bit paranoid? I know you’ve been through a lot, Madeleine, but sometimes you can be your own worst enemy.”
My father was clueless; there was no way he could possibly know what my mother went through. However, she had my undying loyalty and she deserved our trust along with our love.
“I’ve always been the optimist, but recent events have made it necessary to rely on the pessimist side
of my personality. This thing has been getting closer with each breath I draw, and I know we’re going to have to finish this. It means one of us is going to have to die and I don’t want it to be me.” My mother continued very slowly, stopping at intervals to lean down and touch the snow like she knew something was there.
“I thought there was nothing you could do to surprise me, but the way you’re acting is definitely more animal than human,” my father said, relying upon his scientific mind and not letting the will to survive talk for him.
“Michael, for once in your life, you’re going to have to listen to somebody other than yourself. I know how difficult you can be, but this is no time to give me attitude.”
I was beginning to see where I got my attitude from, and how it could be off-putting to some. It made me think of home and what was happening in our absence. Penelope and Tabitha worried me, and I could only hope Julian was up for the challenge.
“You’ve always been about what is best for you, and sometimes I wonder if I did the right thing by being with you. Believe me, there were people arguing against it loudly. It was hard to ignore them when the evidence was overwhelming. You were constantly threatening our way of life, but I thought your rebellion would open up people’s eyes to the possibilities.”
My father understood my mother better than anyone, and getting through to her was not easy.
“I’ve been wondering when you were going to bring that up. It’s not like I forced you to come along for the ride. You could have shopped around; there were other girls looking at you with admiration in their eyes.”
I had no idea my mother saw him as a ladies’ man … he certainly didn’t give me that impression. Of course, he is my father.
“I don’t know when I’m ever going to live that down. You’d think after all this time apart we might be able to get along for our daughter. I see how some things have changed, yet many things have stayed the same.”
