by Casey Herzog
“Gillian, you don’t have to tell me, but I think you just did something without consulting us. This is exactly what I have been talking about! You don’t seem to listen; it’s as if what I say is nothing but noise,” my father said in disgust.
He had every reason to feel like I had overstepped my authority.
“I should’ve…said something…but I didn’t know how to say it without sounding like a crazy person.”
I got up slowly, holding onto Julian, who didn’t exactly look pleased by my decision. I wasn’t sure it was the right thing to do, but there was no going back.
“I don’t know what your father is talking about, but I’m your best friend and you should have said something before you did anything. I’ve always been able to talk you down, but if you don’t even give me the chance there is no way I can help,” Julian said, holding my arm and not letting go like a good friend should.
“I wasn’t foolish enough to let them all in; I figured one would be a good starting point to find out if their motive was pure.”
The voice was now bottled up inside, with the evil reaching out and me preventing it from accessing the voice. I knew it was there, but I did not hear him, which was a little concerning.
“You’ve already done it, and there’s nothing more to say to change anything. Had you consulted us, we might have been a little vocal in screaming a difference of opinion,” my father said, giving me a cold shoulder, which made me feel like I was letting him down all over again.
“On further thought, I believe it would’ve been a good thing to discuss this matter with you both. I can only apologize, and unfortunately, it means we’re going to have to deal with what comes from it.”
I was clever and intuitive, but sometimes I acted without thinking, which always landed me in hot water. I wanted to show my father I was better, but making this insane leap of faith was only causing him to watch me more carefully.
“There’s nothing we can do about it right now, but we will have to decide what to do when we get off of this mountain.”
My father was being pragmatic, but still holding me to the fire as some kind of punishment for my behavior. I didn’t think much before making my decision, and I’d briefly weighed the pros and cons to come out favorably on the pro side.
“Looking at the ice wall makes me feel small. There really doesn’t seem to be anything more we can do other than to climb.” I had to believe what the voice said to me. It was a matter of not looking too hard and seeing the simple answer staring right in front of me.
We found a way to incorporate my mother by strapping her to my father’s back. Though this was only going to be a detriment to my father’s health. He stepped up to the ice, breathing deeply and then slamming the axe in as far as he could get it. He did the same thing with another one Julian handed him. He started his ascent; it was going to be slow going with no relief in sight.
The voice was repeating in my consciousness, and there was no way to ignore it. I stepped away from Julian and walked with purpose towards the wall of ice. I stood within a few inches of the icy surface and looked up to see my father only a few feet above my head. It wasn’t my fault. The voice had made a compelling argument, and now I was responsible for giving them hope.
I closed my eyes and I reached out, thinking there was nothing there in front of me. I heard Julian and I opened my eyes to see my hand was inside the ice. I moved it back and forth. The more I thought it wasn’t there the more it wasn’t. I looked back at Julian, and then smiled with one arm penetrating the ice.
I stuck my leg in, and then back out, with Julian standing near enough to witness something out of the ordinary. He could only stare, amazed and no doubt wondering what this could possibly mean. I didn’t have all the answers, but the voice in its infinite wisdom had given me the correct tools to see past what was obviously an optical illusion.
“I don’t know how this is possible, Gillian, but I can’t deny what my eyes are seeing. We might want to inform your father before he gets too far up. It doesn’t look like he’s going to make it very much further. He’s determined and headstrong, but his body is being taxed to the limit,” Julian said, not quite knowing this was something both of them were going to have to believe in order for it to work for all of us.
“I want you to convince yourself this wall of ice isn’t there, no matter how much it seems impossible to do so. I’ve done it, and I know you’re strong enough to do it, which only leaves my father, who can be quite stubborn and stuck in his ways.”
We got my father’s attention, and I don’t think he was very upset to come back down when it looked like he was very close to losing his balance and grip.
He was standing beside us and touching the ice like it was solid. When he saw I could reach through like it wasn’t even there, he grew quite alarmed by the possibility the evil was behind all of this. I proved differently when I grabbed my mother’s sled and pushed it up against the ice to see it disappear, half of her body still emerged, which seemed unlikely by conventional thinking.
“You need to dispel your disbelief and take my hand with your eyes closed. I will believe for all of us, but you need to do your part, which isn’t easy for somebody with a scientific curiosity. Believe in something completely out of the realm of possibility, and you might be able to see for yourself something extraordinary,” I said, grabbing his hand and then turning to Julian and doing the same thing.
“You know how difficult it is for me to lose control, yet you are expecting me to trust in something which doesn’t seem possible,” my father said, letting me know this was going to take amazing trust on his part.
I hoped I wouldn’t have to say the same thing for Julian.
“If you have never believed in me in the past, then it’s time for you to finally let me take my baby steps. I know what I’ve done, but you need to forget all about that and let what you believe drift into the ether.”
I had both of their hands, and they closed their eyes, letting me guide them. This was only going to work if they truly believed. I didn’t even want to think about the alternative. They had to believe with all of their hearts, and I knew I was asking a lot, but it was the only way. Before we reached the point of no return, I closed my eyes and smiled, despite the possibility of dying encased in ice for all time.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
The first thing I heard was the sound of wildlife, and I opened up my eyes to see lush vegetation staring me in the face. It was exactly the opposite of where we had come from, and both Julian and I had never seen anything quite like it. I wasn’t sure if I could say the same thing for my father; his past was still something we didn’t talk about.
I turned quickly to see for myself if my father and Julian had fared well because of my courage to see things differently. My mother was still in the sled behind me and my father was down on his knees, breathing deeply, but at least he was still amongst the living.
Julian was momentarily stunned, and he put up his hand to indicate he was going to be fine. I looked around and the mountain was in the distance a few miles from where we were standing. How we had gotten here was anybody’s guess, but I was sure my father would mention something about a black hole or some rift in time, which would be the only explanation.
“I don’t know how this is even possible, but there has to be a scientific explanation. I’m not complaining, but we still have a few miles to go until we reach the community and the village. We still need to discuss how you thought it was a good idea to bring one of the shrouds into yourself. You haven’t said anything about him, and it’s high time we clear the air once and for all,” my father said, knowing full well the danger was behind us and our concentration could be on more important things.
“I don’t always agree with your father, but this time, it’s going to be a little bit different. Honesty is the cornerstone of any relationship or friendship, and making a unilateral decision on your own doesn’t instill confidence. I believe in you more than any
one, but this was out of character for you. What you have gone through changed you, and I’m not sure for the better.”
Julian was giving me his opinion; if he only knew it was exactly how I felt, but was afraid to say.
“I do feel the voice trying to usurp some control, but I think he only wants to talk to you to address your concerns. I could easily allow him to do so, but I won’t do it if you both think it’s a bad idea.”
This wasn’t my decision to make, but it felt wrong somehow not to have a say.
They talked amongst themselves underneath their breath so there was no way I could hear what they were saying about me. No doubt they had their own ideas, but they were going to have to trust I knew what I was doing, regardless that they thought I had acted recklessly.
“We’ve given this some considerable thought, and we’ve come to a decision.” I was waiting with bated breath, not sure how they were going to land on this issue, hoping they would understand the best thing for everybody was to allow the voice a way to convey his thoughts. “We decided against our better judgment that we’re going to allow you to give the voice its freedom, but on a provisional basis.”
I wasn’t sure what they meant, but I had this feeling the voice was not going to be very receptive to anything negative. I only had to breathe deeply to put myself into a self-induced trance, then, the voice could slip through to the other side to use my body as a conduit. I could hear everything going on, but there was no way for me to contribute.
“I see you feel what Gillian did was the wrong thing, but I can’t thank her enough for being courageous enough to take a chance. I do feel the evil inside her, and by being here, I can help her to fight the influence. We are together as one; what one feels, the other feels as well. We’re joined until such time I find a suitable host to take my consciousness.”
The voice was making sense, but I had to wonder if my father had the same sentiment.
“It’s weird hearing my daughter’s voice and knowing it’s not her. I understand you feel like you have been given a raw deal, but I’m not sure going about it this way is the right thing. How do you propose to relinquish your hold on my daughter without hurting her in the process?”
My father had a good question, and it was just a matter of hearing what the voice to give them some comfort.
“I know you’re concerned, and you have every right to be, but this can be a benefit to both myself and Gillian. As I’ve said before, I feel the evil, and it has no power over me. Wasn’t that one of your main concerns going forward? Getting away from my prison gives me a sense of self I’ve been lacking for a long time. I feel whole, like a missing piece has been replaced in a different way.”
I felt good for giving him life, but slightly drained from the experience.
“You still haven’t mentioned how you’re going to leave, my friend, and I think you’re purposely saying nothing,” Julian said, following my father’s lead and not exactly giving the voice the benefit of the doubt.
“I would gladly give her body back to her unconditionally, but I don’t know if there’s really a way to do that. The evil could accomplish it, but giving it any room to maneuver would only bring about the harsh reality of an Armageddon. I’m not just saying this to protect myself, but in some small part, you have to realize I’m going to do everything I can to survive. I don’t think you would do anything differently. You can’t say you would and make me believe it.”
I wanted to say something, but the interrogation of the voice had only begun.
“We will find a way to get you out of my daughter, and when we do, I’m not going to allow you to hold on. I’m doing this in the name of love. Drawing her from the darkness is my only responsibility as a father. You made reference to her mother being evil personified. What makes you think I’m going to believe you over her mother?”
My father was not exactly being kind, but I wasn’t expecting anything different because of the way he was.
“I don’t feel anything from her except for quiet peace. Something has definitely changed. The only thing I can say is to take heed and don’t trust everything she says. I told Gillian about a way to find out if she is who she says she is. You need to uncover a flaw in her genetic makeup; someone uniquely intimate with her should know the difference when they see it,” the voice said, drawing back inside and allowing me to take my rightful place as the main host.
It felt strange to have somebody inside me. Unlike the evil, this was more of an entity than a feeling. I wasn’t sure how William was going to feel about there being three in a crowd. I wasn’t even sure how to bring it up. I never thought about it when I made the decision to go through with it. I didn’t have much time, but so far the voice had been remarkably calm, and not the least bit interested in gaining control over me for any length of time.
I could tell from his emotions he was relieved and quite grateful for the chance to start all over again. There had to be a way, and maybe the magic unleashed on the community might be the answer we were looking for.
“I hope you have the answers you want to hear, because he’s not coming out anytime soon. You can speak to him through me, but this whole thing has been quite the ordeal for the both of us.”
My father had the flower, and he was holding it hostage, as if letting me see it would only cause more harm than good. I could give 1000 reasons why I wanted to see it, and none of them would remotely make any sense.
“I’m not going to give up on you, daughter and I’m not going to give up on your mother.”
I heard a groan, and we all looked down to see my mother opening up her eyes for the first time since Julian had attacked her. She was holding her head and closing her eyes with a grimace on her face, obviously suffering a throbbing headache.
“I would ask what hit me, but I think the better question would be who hit me. Strangely, I do feel better than I have in a long time, and I can’t quite explain any of it,” she said, standing up and looking around with a look that only conveyed her complete unwillingness to believe she was no longer a victim.
“You can thank your daughter for getting us all out of there alive. I don’t think we could’ve done it without her. There has been some concern about your mental health . Some even think you’re not exactly yourself.”
My father was the master of the understatement; his words made my mother go into silent deep contemplation for several minutes.
“I was knocked out cold, and I’m still trying to figure out what exactly is happening. I can see I’m free, but I have no idea how it is even possible after all this time. I promised to keep this a secret, but I did make some mistakes which I find myself regretting,” She said, sounding like my mother and not the cold and unfeeling thing which had greeted us on the mountain.
“You could be telling us what we want to hear, but there’s really no good answer without investigating further.”
My father had decided to be a little bit more open minded to the possibility my mother was not exactly herself.
“I don’t know what you want me to say. There is no excuse for my behavior when it comes to the treatment of the shrouds. I lost sight of what was important and I became something horrible, which I hope is finally behind me. If they hadn’t attacked me, I wouldn’t have fought for my survival and lost sight of the importance of being true to oneself,” my mother said, touching my hand and looking into my eyes with a compassion and love I hadn’t felt in a long time.
“I don’t know about the two of them, but I believe you and I want you to know nobody is ever going to put their hands on you without going through me first. I do have to warn you though, the voice inside me isn’t exactly one of your biggest fans.”
I could feel him wanting to wrap his hands around her throat, but this was not the same woman who had treated him with disrespect.
“I’m happy to hear that. Gillian, you have no idea what your belief in me means to me. The voice has every reason to doubt me. I never gave them any chance. I was afrai
d of what they would do to me, and I acted without thinking. It’s not an excuse, but it is an explanation, which I can only hope is enough,” she said, as we made our way to the path my father had used to get here. It was well trampled, and following it back was child’s play.
“The voice wants to know what we’re going to do to help the others, but I’m not sure what I can say to him. We still don’t know everything about the voice; he has yet to tell me his name, which I’m sure will shed some light on his identification,” I said, letting the voice understand his freedom came with a few hurdles to jump over.
“We need to take this one day at a time, and make no rash decisions without fully understanding the ramifications. I may not be the most trustworthy, but the influence of the mountain and the shrouds are behind me. I became something feral, animalistic with only survival on my mind, which turned into something ugly inside me.”
My mother sounded like she was back, but there was no way to truly know what was going on inside her head.
“There will come a time when the voice will want to return the favor to those waiting for the same hand to reach out to them. I feel guilty for not allowing all of them the same rights and freedoms like everybody else,” I said, knowing this was my cross to bear and thinking maybe I could find a way to bring those voices out of the darkness and into the light.
I didn’t know what tomorrow was going to reveal, but there was still one thing remaining on my mind.
“We went to retrieve something for Damien, and came back with something more than we could even bargain for. I want to take your mother for a magic evaluation. You should take this to Damien with the other ingredients Julian has procured for us.”
It felt like the nightmare was almost over, but there were still some questions nobody wanted to ask.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“I thought this was the answer to our prayers, and now I’m worried I have made things worse.” The flower we secured was not doing what it was supposed to.
