Pallas flushed with confidence as her family cheered her on. She pressed me back, blows falling with precision. Focused on blocking and parrying, I didn’t see Zeus sit up straight in his chair and frown. Pallas then issued a mighty thrust at my middle, which I easily dodged. I spun in place as I started an overhead blow. Pallas started to raise her shield to block.
“STOP!” came a roar from Zeus. Pallas froze in her tracks, shield only partially up. My swing had so much momentum that I couldn’t halt it. Too late, Pallas tried to dodge the falling sword, but it struck her at the point where her long, delicate neck met her shoulder, piercing the skin and cracking her collarbone. Pallas opened her mouth in shock, making not a sound as her family shrieked in horror. Blood spurted in a sudden fountain from the slice in her neck. Still silent, Pallas dropped to her knees, terror on her face as she realized the extent of the injury. I dropped my weapons in disbelief and sprang to catch her before she fell.
“Athena,” she whispered, her eyes fixed on mine. “Help me. It hurts...”
“Dear Gaia! Stay with me, Pallas! Stay with me!” I begged incoherently, trying to staunch the bleeding with my hands. Blood continued to ooze between my fingers as the light in Pallas’s eyes faded. The last shreds of my control snapped. I began to scream, shaking Pallas to keep her awake. “No! Stop, Pallas! Don’t go! Don’t go!”
Then Triton was by our sides, yelling his daughter’s name as he pried Pallas’s limp body from my embrace. One of Pallas’s sisters yanked me bodily away from them, taking my place by her sister’s body. Zeus had risen to his feet, but otherwise said or did nothing. I ran to him, holding out my bloody hands, stumbling in my horror.
“Father, save her!” I begged. Zeus shook his head. “Thanatos has already left with her soul. It is too late.”
“Then I shall go to my Uncle Hades and beg for her life back!” I clutched his robes, smearing them with red. He wrapped his strong arms around me and pulled me into an embrace, trying to comfort me.
“Darling, she is gone. This is not your fault,” he said softly into my hair, his friend’s lamentation in the background. “There is nothing to be done about it.”
I went stiff in his arms, horrified by his words even as I fought to pull my thoughts together. Had he shouted out on purpose to distract Pallas? I thought he had. Despite that, the main thing in my head at that moment was the realization that my first and dearest friend had died at my hand.
The Underworld
If nothing else, I was as good as my word. As soon as Pallas’s wailing family had taken her body up to our riverside cottage, I set out to beg Hades for Pallas’s life back. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and willed myself to the gates of the Underworld. When I opened them again, I was there.
The guard dog Cerberus stationed at the gates immediately realized that I was an immortal and dipped one of its three heads respectfully as it stepped sideways, out of my way. I spared a scratch for one of its panting heads as I went by. Behind me churned the river Acheron, serving as the crossing from the land of the living. The boatman, Charon, was on the far side of the river, picking up a few spirits for their journey to the land of the dead.
The “gate” to the Underworld was nothing more than a pair of black granite pillars fronting a dark tunnel that led downwards into my Uncle Hades’ realm. When my father, Poseidon, and Hades had defeated their father Kronos, they threw lots to divide up the realms of Earth and then took up dominion of their allotted realm. My father won the sky, Poseidon the sea, and Hades the Underworld. The land was essentially Gaia’s body, and belonged equally to all her creations.
I ventured into the tunnel, which was lined with flickering torches set into the rock. All that I knew was that the Underworld had three domains: the Elysian Fields that were populated with the worthiest souls, Asphodel for the commoner, and Tartarus reserved for the most evil. I was headed for Hades’ home, which was set in the center of it all.
When the tunnel finally widened into a brightly lit cavern, I ran into a queue of souls waiting to be judged. Rapidly, I scanned the line for Pallas, but she wasn’t there. At the far end of the cavern was a table with three seated judges. As each person stepped forward, the judges discussed their merits, effectively determining the fate of each soul. I walked straight to the judging table and rudely interrupted the conversation between the judges and the spirit they were evaluating.
“My lords, I am the goddess Athena. I must see my Uncle Hades immediately,” I said in my most dignified voice.
The head judge, Minos, looked at me in irritation, but answered me politely enough. “Lady, you are welcome to your uncle’s domain.” He gestured to one of the white veiled figures lining the wall, which glided forward to stand by my side. “Timos, take the goddess to her uncle’s villa.”
Timos was a man’s name, and thus I assumed it was a male who escorted me to one of the tunnels branching off from the judging chamber. I couldn’t actually tell, because he was swathed in so many layers of veils that one could see nothing of him but his hands. Together, we wordlessly entered the tunnel. It was only a short walk before the tunnel ended in yet another cavern. A glowing ball hung motionless at the roof, shedding an even, golden light over everything. Soft green mosses covered the floor, mimicking the effect of grass. Our feet sank luxuriously into the moss as we moved towards the white villa in the center of the cavern.
The villa itself could have been found on a mountaintop. Built out of white and gray stone, it was three sided, with an open courtyard in the middle where a large tree grew. It wasn’t large, but the walls were decorated with colorful murals depicting the world above.
Timos gestured silently to a bench in the courtyard before withdrawing, presumably to look for his master. Instead of taking a seat, I took a step up to a gallery to inspect one of the murals. It was an ocean scene with a fisherman mending his nets as he floated in his boat. A number of fish and exotic sea animals cavorted under the boat. The murals were finely detailed, and would not have been out of place in a palace. If it wasn’t for the strange light and the stillness of the air, this home would have been very pleasant indeed. As it was, it was a sad imitation of life above the earth.
“Athena. Niece,” came a surprised voice behind me. I spun around. In front of me was a tall, lean man dressed in violet robes bordered with gold. Unlike his brothers, Hades did not look middle-aged. He looked young—or perhaps ageless would be a more accurate term. His dark hair was close-cropped and he wore a simple gold band on his head as a diadem. His appearance came as a bit of a surprise, as I was expecting someone burly like my father. Instead he looked lean, powerful yet quietly elegant.
“Welcome to the Underworld, Goddess,” he said, his voice a pleasant tenor. “Timos told me that you have an important matter to discuss.”
“Uncle, I need your help. My friend Pallas is somewhere down here. I need you to release her back to the land of the living!”
“I’m sorry, Athena, but that is not possible. Death is the final certainty, and I cannot bend the rules—even for family,” he said gravely. “It is part of the balance that we the gods all maintain.”
“But you could, if you wanted to?”
His lips thinned. “I am the Lord of the Underworld, so yes. But I would not, as it would undermine the balance. I must be fair and treat everyone equally, just as death is impartial.”
I poured out the tale of Pallas’s untimely death, but Hades remained unmoved. “As an immortal, you will see many mortals pass on. That is why it is wise not to get too close. You should surround yourself with your own kind, Athena.”
“Then may I at least speak to her,” I blurted out. He paused with his hand on my arm.
“I would not recommend it,” he said. “After each soul is judged, they are given water from the river Lethe. At that moment, they forget their human lives and start a new life down here. Meeting Pallas could reopen old wounds and jeopardize her peace of mind.”
“We were very close, Uncle
. She would want to see me,” I said. He considered for a moment.
“Very well, but in return, you must do a favor for me in the future. Unquestioningly.” I considered it for a moment. A divine favor is no small thing but honestly, I was not in the right frame of mind to make a smart decision.
“I agree.” With a nod, Hades placed his hand on my arm and we dematerialized.
When I opened my eyes, I stood beside a green-banked stream with Hades beside me. Flowers bloomed all around us, but the sunlight looked muted. The air was completely still. Pallas was frolicking in the river with several other nymphs, engaged in a water fight. They ceased their splashing when we arrived and exclaimed when they recognized Hades. Pallas, however, showed no recognition of me. To my relief, her body looked perfectly normal, with no scars to tell the story of her injury.
“Are you sure about this?” Hades turned to me. “I cannot predict her reaction when I restore her memory.” I nodded, still looking at Pallas. Hades gestured to her, drawing her dripping wet from the river.
“Pallas, you have a visitor,” Hades told her quietly before placing one finger on her wet forehead. Pallas gasped, staggering back as her memory flooded back. The color drained from her face, lines of confusion and stress etched on her brow.
“Pallas!” I sobbed, throwing myself on her and hugging her with all my strength. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you!”
Pallas stood in my arms like a doll, unresisting, her arms at her sides. I pulled back from her.
“Athena, I know that I’m dead,” she said slowly, as if processing what had happened to her. She lifted her right arm to feel her bare neck. “I felt the blade...” A note of pain entered her voice. “What are you doing down here?”
I took a deep breath. “I had to explain myself, at least once. It is my fault that you are dead.”
She cracked a brief smile, but it held none of her usual exuberance. “No, it isn’t. It was Zeus’s will that I die. I knew it the moment he shouted. I know that you would never have hurt me intentionally. You became the tool of his vengeance.” She bowed her head. “Or perhaps this is my just reward for dallying with someone too high above me.”
“Can you forgive me?” I whispered.
“Gladly.” She took my hand. “I loved you as a sister, but our paths are separate now. I have a new life here and although it isn’t as pleasant as my old life, it’s good enough.” She turned to face Hades. “My Lord, I would like to beg a boon of you,” she said formally. “When Athena leaves, please erase the memories of my previous life again. I don’t wish to remember any of it.”
I was deeply hurt at her words. I had not expected a warm welcome, but it was still distressing that she didn’t want to remember anything of our days together.
Hades raised his hand once more to touch Pallas’s forehead, and it was done. When next her eyes flicked to me, there was no recognition in them. “Go back to your friends, my dear,” said Hades, nodding towards the other nymphs playing in the water. Pallas flashed a quick smile and darted away without another word.
Tears welled in my eyes and one overflowed to slide down my cheek. Hades raised his hand as if to wipe it away but paused, letting his arm fall back to his side.
“I’m sorry,” Hades said. “The moment of death leaves permanent scars on everyone. That is why we purge their memories when they arrive: to give them the ability to put that experience behind them, once and for all. You have tried everything in your power to repair this separation. Let that be your consolation. She will be happy here, I promise.”
I wiped away the tear, looking away from him in sudden embarrassment. “Thank you for allowing me to speak with her, Uncle. I should go now.”
“Let me escort you above,” he replied gently. “I don’t see enough of the waking world.” Taking my arm again, we vanished.
When we were back beside Triton’s river, it was empty and quiet. The sun was setting over the horizon, the last rays sparking on the water as it gurgled past us.
“I’ll leave you to your grief.” Hades released my arm and stepped away. “It was good to finally meet you, Athena.”
“Uncle. Your favor—I will not forget.” Hades inclined his head and shimmered away. I turned to face the river and watched the sun go down, alone with my churning thoughts. Zeus had killed Pallas, even if he had not wielded the weapon himself. He had cost me my mother, and had condemned me to a life alone to punish me for a show of independence. Was I doomed to lose all my loved ones to that man? No, this was partly my fault. I had ignored my mother’s admonition to eclipse him for the sake of a little easy living by Triton’s river, and the shame of that ate at me. For the first time in my life, I felt a hard resolve solidify within me.
As the stars came out that night, I shimmered away to Gaia again to make another solemn vow in her august presence: I would work to bring my father down, to avenge the two precious lives that he had taken from me. So here, dear readers, is where the secret story of Athena truly begins.
The First Woman
Zeus, Hera, and Ares came to Pallas’s funeral to honor Triton’s loss. The look Ares gave me chilled me to the bone. I had made an enemy there, and the most logical response was to protect myself with allies that I could later use to undermine Zeus’s leadership.
I stood apart from the others, excluded by Triton’s family as they consigned Pallas’s shell to the river. After the brief ceremony, I watched Hera speak quietly with Triton, offering her condolences. It was at times like these that Hera’s power shown forth. As the patron goddess of the family, defender of marital and familial values and as divine mother, her touch could bring consolation to the bereaved. Even as I watched, Triton straightened under her touch, still deeply saddened but not the broken man I had seen before. They spoke more before she bowed in acknowledgement of his loss and walked to me.
“Athena, child...” She took my limp hand. At her touch, I nearly shattered again. A firm squeeze of her hand and then her arm wrapped around my shoulders, the balm of her compassion flowing over me. We stood there for a few moments, watching the river flow by as the other attendees moved away to the funeral feast set in a nearby grove.
“You will come back with us to Olympus,” Hera said. “You’ve grown up and it’s time for you to take your place there and help us rule.” I nodded, mute. There was nothing for me here. Pallas’s sisters had made it clear that I was no longer welcome to live with them by Triton’s river.
“We have an experiment that we could use your help with,” she said cryptically.
“Wo-man. I want you to create a female version of the men on Earth,” said Hera to her son Hephaestus as we all stood in his workshop.
Before you all get confused, let me explain something. The gods had created a race of immortal men after Zeus banished his father Kronos, but stopped there. The men they created were brutish creatures who seemed bent on proving their masculinity by hacking each other up. Gaia was rightfully disgusted by the mindless waste, and turned the men mortal, letting them die off naturally (or unnaturally, as the case may be). The Earth seemed in danger of being de-peopled fairly quickly.
Hera and Aphrodite had a better plan: provide mates for the men of Earth and give them a civilizing influence. As a side effect, the women thus engineered would naturally worship their creators, thereby feeding them power as they multiplied. An ingenious solution that would be beneficial for all.
“Hephaestus, Athena, you are in charge of creating this woman. Aphrodite and I will speak to the others and ask them all to provide her with divine gifts.” With a regal nod to both of us, Hera swept away, leaving Hephaestus and I staring dumbly at each other.
“My mother and my wife, plotting together,” Hephaestus groaned. “This is not going to end well.” An incorrect prediction as it turned out. I, for one, was excited by the idea of creating new life.
“What should we make the woman from?” I asked eagerly, looking about. I saw metal machines, a furnace, bellows, and miscellaneo
us leather harnesses and armor.
“I have gold and silver,” said Hephaestus reluctantly.
I clucked my tongue. “Would you enjoy embracing a metal creature? No, it needs to be something softer, more lush. Wool, maybe?”
“Too soft. It wouldn’t hold its shape and would probably rot after getting wet.” Hephaestus finally got into the game. “Soft, but durable…” He looked down and then crouched to touch the earthen floor of his workshop. “Pottery...”
“Doesn’t pottery crack easily?” I asked doubtfully, thinking about the violent men on Earth.
“Unfired clay, then. Malleable but durable.”
“That might work. Where can we get some?"
Later, when Hephaestus had brought in a load of clay from the isle of Lemnos, we set to work shaping the woman. As I had never done anything like this before, I observed Hephaestus closely, watching how he manipulated the clay and then replicated his actions. It was clear that Hephaestus was a natural artisan—everything he touched became more beautiful, as if he willed it to do so. He was also good company as it turned out, telling me humorous stories of his dealings with the other gods as we worked side by side. The only person who didn’t make an appearance in his stories was his wife Aphrodite, who had married him most unwillingly. And yet, Aphrodite surfaced unconsciously in the body that Hephaestus shaped for the woman. Voluptuous, yet graceful.
For my part, I used Pallas as my model, shaping the eyes with my thumbs and using my nails to create the delicate feathered brows above them. The corner of her lips, I tilted upwards as if she was about to break into a friendly smile. And yet, it felt wrong. This woman was to be the mother of a new race, and I was creating her as a copy of another. She deserved better. She deserved uniqueness. So, I started over.
My Life as Athena: The Private Memoirs of a Greek Goddess Page 5
