by Tanith Frost
“Reg?” he calls.
“Sir?”
Lachlan rises again. “Did you see where Ava went after the fight?”
“I did not. Shall I find her?”
“No, focus on our plans. I’ll find her myself. I won’t wish to be disturbed for the rest of the night for anything but an emergency.”
“Understood, sir.”
I’ve turned to ice. I couldn’t move if I wanted to. It’s only when Lachlan leaves that my muscles begin to tremble, and I sink to my knees.
They don’t know it was me. They will, though. Daniel and I no longer have the luxury of waiting and seeing what happens. The bomb has been set. The clock is counting down.
If only I understood how to defuse it.
My room seems like the worst possible place to hide. It also seems likely that Lachlan has already checked there, though, and that it might take some time for him to circle back. I’ve made it here without anyone seeming to take notice of me, and Paige isn’t around to see me and run off to spill the beans to anyone.
The truth is that there’s nowhere I can really hide—not when everyone is desperate to earn Lachlan’s approval and not one of them owes me anything. I can’t escape. He’s going to find me eventually, so it seems best not to make it seem that I’m hiding at all. I sit in front of the mirror and brush my hair out as if I’m settling in for the night, but I’m doing so much more than that.
I’m staring myself down. Losing myself again in my lies, trying to trust that the truth will find me again when it’s safe to return to myself.
Though I’m expecting it, I jump when someone knocks on the door.
I rise slowly and set the brush aside. Approaching the door feels like walking into battle.
The second I’ve opened the latch, Daniel pushes into the room. I close the door as soon as he’s in.
“What did you do?” he asks, eyes wide and panicked. His hair’s a mess. He’s thrown a shirt on, but it’s clear he’s been searching for me since the fight ended—he’s standing hunched over with one hand pressed to the side of his blood-soaked shirt.
“God, Daniel. Are you okay?”
Stupid question.
He steps closer and places his free hand on my arm. “No. But I survived that fight when I shouldn’t have. You did that.”
“It was my fire. I realized that the void becomes stronger when it’s opposed. That’s why you’re weakening here. The void in you isn’t being challenged, so—”
“You can’t do that again.” His grip tightens. I don’t think it’s a threat. More like I’m a life preserver he’s afraid to let go of. His eyes are shining, the skin around them tight with pain. “Bethany could have felt it and known you were helping me.”
“So I was supposed to let Leila murder you?”
Daniel lets his hand fall, wincing as he adjusts the pressure on the wound under his ribs. “It’s not that I’m ungrateful. I was sure I was finished. I only wanted to make a good end of it, to go with as much honour as I could manage at that point. And then I fell, and I was suddenly aware of you. You touched me?”
“I did.”
He nods. “I was ashamed of how glad I was of that—that the last thing I knew wasn’t only going to be pain, but you. And then my strength returned. I couldn’t get through to Leila before, but suddenly I found an opening. She still fought me. She’s stronger than the others I’ve faced, more aware. But I did it. I broke her.” He’s shaking now, and I can’t tell whether it’s from physical pain or some other trauma that’s catching up with him now that he’s safe. He lets out a shuddering breath. “Whatever you did, it worked. But it was too great a risk. If Bethany had felt it, she’d have told Lachlan. And then we’d both be fucked.”
“We might be anyway.” I sit on the lid of the closed coffin. “I haven’t learned anything useful yet. All I’ve learned since the last time we spoke is that Bethany’s had a human with no connection to light—”
Daniel perks up. “Where?”
“Past the interrogation rooms. But I doubt it has anything to do with their plans for Maelstrom. It’s about feeding, and even that seems like a dead end.”
“It’s a start.”
“Sure. But that’s as far as I’m likely to get, because…” I pause to steady my voice. “Lachlan found out what happened before I left Maelstrom. He knows their old plans have been exposed, so he’s pushing the next phase ahead, whatever it is.”
Daniel’s eyes widen. “Does he know you were involved?”
“Not yet. But if they’re getting details, it’s only a matter of time.”
Daniel crouches in front of me and rests his elbows on his knees, his forehead in his hands. “This is good.”
“Was that sarcasm?”
He looks up. “No. Lachlan and Tempest have kept us so focused on survival that there was little room for anything else. Now that things are moving faster, we have no choice but to do the same. We don’t have the luxury of time.”
He’s right, but this also fucks everything up. If we’re out of time, so is Lachlan. I crafted my confession hoping to get ahead of his questions, assuming there would be some punishment but that I’d still be of value to him in his distant future plans. But now those other plans are more urgent than his need for me as an asset or a source of information. He can’t afford distractions. He’ll likely execute me himself without a second thought once he’s squeezed the useful details from me.
Make it a matter of days. There’s a chance this could all be over before I’m found out. I just have to keep bluffing for that long. Or better yet, avoiding Lachlan entirely.
“We can’t afford to be cautious anymore,” I say quietly.
“And maybe their rush means they’ll slip up,” Daniel adds. “Whatever happens, our focus has to be on figuring out what’s going on and making sure one of us gets out of here to warn Miranda.”
My stomach sinks. “You don’t think we can both make it out?”
“Maybe. But that can’t be the goal. If we’re going to take risks like you did tonight, they have to be to serve the mission, not—” Daniel takes a long, slow breath. “Promise me you won’t risk exposing yourself to save me again. Not when you could still finish this and beat him.”
Fuck.
I want for him to be wrong. He’s not. Saving him at the fight would have been the end of everything if I’d been caught. I was lucky. I don’t regret it—given my position with Lachlan, it seems likely that I’ll be found out. Daniel’s the one who will probably survive this. My risk paid off.
But my risk was also selfish. I’m stronger with him. He’s clearly, demonstrably stronger with me. But Bethany’s right—our difference, what we feel for each other, has to be a source of strength, not weakness. I believe that’s possible. I can love him. I can do everything reasonably within my power to make sure we both survive this, but we both need to be able to walk away if doing otherwise would compromise the mission.
If I want to have a chance to create my own version of heaven on Earth, I have to risk losing the very thing that, for me, would make that world worth existing in.
What a sick fucking Catch-22.
I draw a long breath and brush my fingers through his hair, smoothing it back from the bruised and broken skin of the face I’d give anything to wake up to every night for the rest of my time in this world. “What if—”
Another knock at the door. This one is harder. Demanding, as is the intention I catch through the incredible power perceptible even through the thick wood panels.
So much for avoiding Lachlan.
I can’t confess. Can’t lie. Can’t run.
“One second,” I call, and am surprised to find my voice reflecting my lies rather than the reality of my current situation. It’s smooth, confident, maybe a little irritated at being interrupted. As if I have no idea that I might be in trouble.
Daniel stands, fists clenched. He’d have no chance in a fight, but he’s ready.
I place one hand on hi
s chest and push him into the bathroom, then reach up to rest the other against his cheek, guiding his gaze down to meet mine. “I have to go to him. If I’m found out, you have to promise you’ll keep going. Don’t let me have come here for nothing.”
Daniel squeezes his eyes closed and nods. “I’ve had plenty of practice recently in not caring,” he whispers, then ducks his head and brushes his lips over mine. He tastes like salt and blood. His shoulders slump. “After everything I’ve seen and experienced here, how is letting you go the hardest thing I’ve done?”
I want to pull him close, but Lachlan will smell the blood on my dress if I do. Instead, I make myself smile bravely. “Have some faith in me, would you? I’ve been well trained. Let me handle this. You get yourself patched up and focus on our mission.” Another lie, and one I’m not sure he believes any more than I do, but he doesn’t follow as I leave him and close the bathroom door as though I’m not terrified.
I make myself forget him. There’s only Ava here now with nothing to hide. Cool. Calm. Worthy. Heartless. For the first time, she doesn’t feel like my enemy. She feels like my protector—a true version of myself who has what it takes to make it through this.
As I let her take over, I only hope that’s not a lie, too.
23
Lachlan closes the door to his rooms tight and locks it behind us. He hasn’t said a word since I stepped out into the hall upstairs and he motioned for me to follow—not to me, not to anyone we passed on the way here. I had to scurry to keep up with his long strides, and his scowling expression and determined gait sent others darting out of his path.
There’s nowhere left to go now. Nowhere to run. But still he doesn’t speak. He just watches me, head lowered, eyes narrowed, a cold-blooded predator stalking his prey.
The questions are coming. He’s just trying to figure out where to start.
There was a time when I would have trembled before him. That part of me is still alive, but it’s not my master anymore. I’m Ava, and I’m in control. Not my fear. Not my uncertainty. Not my weakness.
Lachlan wants me defensive? Fuck that. If attacking first will give me the advantage, so be it.
“What’s wrong?” I ask. “You seem tense. Is it because of the fight?”
I’m treading a fine line here, not technically lying, but implying ignorance that’s not remotely true. We’ll see whether he can read questions as well as he does answers.
“No.” He steps closer, then brushes past me and pours himself a drink from the bottle he takes from a cupboard in the corner.
I let myself feel a little more of the fear that could so easily overwhelm me. “Is it—did I do something wrong?”
“You tell me.”
Magicians practice sleight of hand, manipulating their audience’s attention so as to distract from what they’re really up to. They don’t need true magic to do it, just skill. If I can manage a deft sleight of thought and emotion, I might just make it out of here in one piece.
Distractions are going to be important. I let my void power rise, knowing it will be at its most desirable to him now that it’s been exposed to fire. It’s strong. It’s different. Even if he can’t feel it as directly as Bethany might, he’ll recognize it. I dismiss my own experience as I might dismiss an uncomfortably realistic dream and focus instead on a truth I didn’t let myself dwell on when it seemed dangerous to do so—one that might save me now if it turns out to be the lesser of two evils.
“Of course you’re not going to tell me.” Shame and anger I buried just a few nights ago rise in me, and I let them come. “God, I’m an idiot. I believed you when you said I’d be an asset to this clan. I knew you wouldn’t trust me. I was fine with that. I honestly thought we could work together, though. I thought we were going to do great things, and you can’t even tell me why you’re brooding like… like…” I cover my face with my hands and laugh.
“What?”
He doesn’t sound uncertain, but this obviously isn’t going as he planned. Good. But I need more distraction before he reorients himself.
I brush my hair back from my face. “You could have been honest with me.” I step toward him and slide my hand up his chest, then trace a fingernail down over his abdomen. “If all you really wanted was a new plaything, something to distract you from problems you never intended to open up to me about, you could have said so.” He’s taller than me, and I have to stand on my toes to whisper in his ear. “I like fucking. I’m drawn to your incredible power. You’re an attractive vampire, Lachlan. You didn’t have to lie about wanting to make me a queen to get me into your bed.”
Damned if all of it isn’t true. Even the last part, though I won’t add that I’d have had survival rather than pure desire as my motivation.
His chuckle turns my blood to ice. He stalks forward, forcing me through the open door of his bedroom. “You want to speak honestly? Very well. Let’s lay our cards on the table.” He grabs the hair at the back of my head and pulls me away from him, throwing me onto the bed as if I weigh no more than a rag doll. I push myself away from him and sit with my legs curled under me as he removes his jacket and tie and hangs them on the valet stand in the corner. “I’ve been as honest with you as you have with me. I’ve shown you what you wanted to see and have never offered you anything I didn’t intend to give. If.”
“If?”
He removes his shirt, taking his time with the buttons, not hurrying at all on my account, slowly revealing a body that looks as strong as the void in him feels. An attractive package on every level save for his personality, but that’s enough to keep me from wanting him now. I want to feel hatred hard enough to shield me from whatever comes next, but all that fills me as he approaches the bed, tossing his belt aside as he comes, is fear.
He’s completely in control of himself—every word, every movement—but there’s something unhinged about him nonetheless.
“Come closer.”
I hesitate.
“Now, Ava.” No anger in his voice. Just pure authority that’s not accustomed to being questioned. I gather my skirt and move toward him, kneeling at the edge of the bed. He looks deep into my eyes, and I shudder as I stare into the cold, black depths of his. “If you proved to me that you deserved my kindness. You came here seeking an escape from your former clan. You came here as a fugitive seeking asylum, yet you fought back against the very vampires you sought help from.” He brushes the backs of his fingers against my cheek. “I liked that. You needed us, yet you were unwilling to humble yourself. Bethany saw power in you. I saw potential I wanted to make use of. And so I had to make a decision.” He grips my jaw tight and squeezes as a slow, chilling smile spreads across his lips. “I had to decide whether you’d respond more favourably to being tamed or being broken. I chose the former, but it was a close thing.”
I fight the urge to pull away but can’t hide whatever it is in my eyes that seems to please him so much.
“I’ve offered you everything a vampire could want,” he continues as his hand slides around the back of my neck. “Power. Position. Pleasure. The taste of death on your lips, freedom you never could have experienced in the clan that you left behind. All I ask in return is honesty and obedience. Perhaps I’ve been too kind. I’ve let you think yourself too special. Too powerful. You think I owe you the same honesty you owe me.”
“No, I only—”
He moves quickly, pushing me, tugging my legs out from under me. I could fight back. I’m as fast as he is, and strong. But it would cost too much to disobey his wishes. I lie still as he looks me over. “You’re afraid of me.”
“Yes.”
“Why? I’ve been so good to you.” There’s a hint of mockery in his voice.
Be truthful.
“Because you’re enjoying this.” I swallow hard and force myself to look directly into his eyes. “Because you call me a weapon, not an ally. I think you want to possess me and the power you sense in me. You want to own everything you see as desirable and to destroy ev
erything that you don’t.”
It’s so different from how I experience desire when I’m in the presence of powerful energies and an appetizing physical form—I want to connect, to experience, but not to take it from them or use it for myself. I think Lachlan would rip the void from my body and swallow it whole if he could.
“You should feel safe, then, if I find you desirable and useful.”
Fine words, but he’s unlacing the front of my dress as he speaks them, as I lie frozen beneath him. I didn’t see this side of Lachlan when he was trying to win me over, but like the torture of enemy vampires, like the shadows beneath the golden shine of the ballroom, it was always there.
“That’s not safety,” I whisper. “You want the full truth?”
“Always.”
“I think you’d drive a stake through my heart while you were fucking me if you thought it would bring you a kind of pleasure you’ve never experienced before. I think the only reason you’ve shown me compassion and understanding is that it made me more useful to you. The only limits you face are the ones you place on yourself, and right now, you benefit more from treating me well than from showing me what lies beneath that.”
“Hmm.” He pushes my skirt up, smiling at the fear I feel written on my face. He sinks his fangs into the flesh of my shoulder and moves his tongue over the broken skin. The pleasure of his poison is as horrifying as the unwanted pain of his bite. “You’re perceptive. An important trait in a powerful vampire. I wonder whether you’re too clever. Too reserved in offering the full truth. I may have been too kind. Too understanding.”
I swallow hard. “You were right in your assessment. I could be a powerful asset to you. Maybe not easily tamed, but I’m able to see reason and to know what benefits me. I promise you, though, that I would face oblivion before I’d let you break me and mould me by force into something you can use.”
Lachlan runs his tongue over his fangs. He’s thinking about it, weighing the costs and benefits of doing as he pleases in this moment—the short-term pleasure of power and control versus long-term gain.
