We had just finished dinner at the restaurant where our “reception” was held, and now we were walking onto the sand to watch the sunset.
Alara had just put our four-year-old daughter down when I heard her shout, “Autumn!” Our little girl was toddling along in the sand, her long blonde pigtails bouncing, and even though she was struggling, she was determined.
“This girl.” My wife shook her head before taking off after her. It was true, Autumn was a terror. I loved my daughter, but she was the kid you spent an hour babysitting and then left thanking God you didn’t have children.
“Are you gonna be a little troublemaker like your sister?” I asked the infant in my arms. Archer’s response was to giggle and slap my face. This was his first year with us. He’d be turning one in January.
Just as we predicted, things hadn’t always been easy. After we had Autumn, Alara fell into one of the worst depressions of her life. It was horrible, and while I’d stand by her all over again, it was something I hoped we never had to experience more than once. When we decided to try for a second child, it scared her. But like the brave woman she was, she forged on. And thankfully history did not repeat itself.
I smiled, thinking about all the vows we made on this day five years earlier. Because while we may have hit rough patches, the good times were beyond anything I could have imagined. They were perfect.
“Penny for your thoughts?” Alara asked as she walked back over, her hand tightly wrapped around Autumn’s.
“I’m just thinking about how blessed we are. And how much I love you.”
“What bout me, Daddy?” Autumn yelled. “You love me too?”
Kneeling in front of her, I reached forward to tickle her belly. “Of course. You’re my princess.”
She giggled. “And Archie?”
“Yes. I love Archie, too.”
“You ready to watch the sunset?” Alara asked as she looked down at our daughter. After her enthusiastic yes pierced our eardrums, we unrolled the large beach towel we brought with us and got situated.
Archer was sleeping on my shoulder, while Autumn was finally calm and tuckered out, lying on the towel and staring out at the ocean. Alara’s head rested against my chest as she sat between my legs.
And we watched the sunset, just like we had every year. The vibrant pinks and oranges gave way to bruised blues and purples, which would eventually fade into inky black.
“Ready?” I asked when I noticed Autumn shivering from the cold.
Alara nodded. Without a word, she scooped our daughter up, who immediately threw her arms around her mother’s neck and burrowed in close. I carefully grabbed our things without disturbing Archer and slung the bag over my other shoulder.
We both gave one last longing look toward the ocean, toward the last bit of sunset that was still stubbornly holding on. At the same time, Alara and I turned toward each other and smiled.
Out of habit, after years of living with Alara, I looked left, then right, searching for a storm. But there wasn’t a single cloud in the darkening sky.
As Alara weaved her fingers through mine and we walked up the sand, I knew it wouldn’t always be that way. We would never be free and clear. There would be clouds, thunder, and lightening. And there wasn’t a single thing either of us could do about that. But there was one thing I could guarantee…
My love. Because no matter the weather, no matter the obstacle, I would always be there for her.
Forever.
Coming March 2018…
ONE OF THE FIRST memories I had was of me holding a guitar.
I remembered sitting in my father’s lap, his Gibson too large for my tiny five-year-old body to fully support, as he taught me to strum for the first time.
Ironically, it was also one of the last happy memories I had of my father. For the next five years he made our house a miserable place to be. So when he left around my tenth birthday, never saying goodbye, never looking back, it was almost a blessing.
He simply picked up and left with the girlfriend he’d had on the side, pursuing a career in music that he felt we were holding him back from.
It had hurt. I never could pretend it didn’t. But what I hadn’t realized was that I allowed that hurt to rob me of one of the things I loved most in this world. Music.
Looking back, I could see the moment I stopped trying, worried that my love of music would cause me to run off and abandon my family like he did.
But it kept calling me back. That was what happened when something was in your blood and bones. It called to you.
My fingers unconsciously tapped out a beat against my leg as I stood in line at the grocery store. My head bobbed to the rhythm of street performers, and my feet carried me into music stores where I’d stay for hours.
Melodies would float unbidden through my heart—not my mind where they could get lost, but my heart where they remained, begging to be free. But no matter how I tried, no matter how often music taunted me, I could never put them to paper.
My fear blocked it all out. I had resisted for too long.
By the time I was ready to try again, nothing came. Nothing was there. The feelings wouldn’t translate to words, the beats of my heart wouldn’t translate to notes.
It wasn’t until Samantha Moynaha walked into my life that it all changed.
Music had been my salvation. And Sam was the one that led me back to it.
A month after I met her, I picked up my guitar for the first time in years. She brought it all back. The notes. The lyrics. The music. Sam and my music quickly became intertwined, until it felt like one couldn’t exist without the other.
We played in secret. The heartaches of our pasts were linked to the one thing we’d always loved: music. And we’d never found another person to understand, not until each other.
I met her a year ago when her older brother moved into my apartment, and I’d been falling for her ever since.
I have feelings for her. I care about her. I like her. Someday I want to love her.
There. I finally admitted it.
Everything was stacked against us.
She was the little sister of one of my best friends.
She was seven years younger than I was.
She was pure class whereas I’d been called trash more than a few times in my life.
But she was my best friend, and just like music kept calling to me, so had she.
So as I stood on her front porch, finally ready to tell her that I wanted more, that I wanted her, a feeling of complete dread washed over me as I listened to her own confession.
“You’re leaving?” I repeated. The words sounded ripped from my throat. They felt like it too. They hurt. They burned like acid, like neither had a place in my body.
“Yeah.” Sam frowned and looked down at her shoes. “I… I’m sorry.”
Shaking my head, I took a step back, away from her scent, her pull. It didn’t work. “When?”
“In two days.”
“What?” This time I fell back a few steps, the force of her words physically knocking into me.
She grimaced. “I’m sorry I waited so long to tell you. I just… I didn’t want everyone making a fuss.”
I didn’t know what to say. Could I still admit my feelings? Would that be fair to either one of us? A long distance relationship wasn’t what I wanted, but a part of me knew I’d take whatever Sam would give. I would do anything—
“I’ll miss you,” she whispered.
“You will?” My feet carried me forward, like they did into those music stores, like they did every time I was around her, like they knew there was nowhere else I belonged. It wasn’t my nervous system controlling them, it was my heart, my soul.
“Of course. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.”
She smiled, looking expectant, like the words should make me happy. When I said nothing, her smile slipped a degree, making everything around me feel colder, despite the scorching heat of the Arizona sun in early September.
Friend.
Sam sealed her departure with the kiss of death, putting me in my place. It was where I belonged. She was destined to do great things, and I would only bring her down.
Friend.
It stung, but maybe it was for the best. Someone like me didn’t deserve her. I didn’t deserve much of anything.
“What about your dog?” I asked. She looked stunned for a moment. It wasn’t the best sequitur, but I couldn’t exactly tell her my feelings now, could I?
Sam frowned. “I’m still trying to figure that out. I—I didn’t think it through when I got her. I just heard she was going to be put down and I had to adopt her. I figured my dad wouldn’t mind, but…” She shrugged.
I knew this already. Her brother, Gabe, had recently moved out and I was about to offer her the empty room. Her new Pomeranian, Rory, had been a convenient excuse. But now…
“What about your music?” I was grasping at straws, anything to make her stay. “You love it. Besides you’re too good to do anything else.”
She smiled sadly. “Sometimes what you want isn’t what you need, just like what you love isn’t always what’s good for you.”
I swallowed roughly. For some reason it felt like she was talking about me. And while I knew I wasn’t good enough for her, it killed me to hear her confirm it. To know I’d never stood a chance and never will.
A year ago, I hadn’t been ready for her. Who’s ever ready for their soulmate, though?
And now she was being snatched away, and again, I wasn’t ready.
But that wasn’t quite right. She wasn’t being snatched, there was no forcing her to go. She was choosing to leave. Just like my father. They wanted to pursue a different path, a better future for themselves. One that didn’t include me.
“We’ll stay in touch, right?” she asked hopefully. Nodding my head, I weakly accepted the hug she offered. But I knew we wouldn’t. She’d get busy, and I’d fade away.
At least I got a goodbye this time.
She left.
And I could already feel the words slipping through my fingers, and hear the melody floating away from me.
Just like that my world became completely, and painfully, silent.
Jeannine Allison is an author of contemporary and New Adult romance. After waffling between many degrees in college, she finally graduated with a BA in English Literature from Arizona State University. She loves writing and reading—obviously :)—but when she’s not, she enjoys playing with her two dogs, watching her favorite YouTube beauty bloggers, drinking coffee, googling new tattoos, and pretty much anything else that allows her to wear yoga pants and a sweatshirt.
The Unveiling Series
Unveiling the Sky
Unveiling Chaos
Unveiling Ghosts
Unveiling Fate
Pure Hearts
Unveiling Forever Page 7
