Well. They’d address that when the time came, because it hadn’t. Yet. For now, he fully intended to enjoy every moment he had with her. Preferably in bed, rather than standing here staring at her bathroom mirror.
He rinsed his hands once more, dried them, and went back into the bedroom.
She’d turned on her side, the sheet covering her from the waist down, one elbow on the pillow and other arm draped along the curve of her hip. When he met her gaze as he crossed the room, her grin promised that they hadn’t gone their last round tonight.
He lay beside her and pulled the sheet up over both of them. “I keep thinking we should do something besides fuck.”
“We do.” She grinned, sliding her foot along the back of his leg. “We go to dinner, don’t we?”
“Uh-huh. As foreplay.”
Alyssa laughed. “It counts, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah, I guess it does.” He lazily stroked her hair. “To be honest, sometimes I think we should do something normal like watch a movie or whatever. But then I get here, and…”
“And we fuck anyway?”
“Pretty much.”
“You’re not getting bored with—”
“Not even a little.” He caressed her face. “I guess I’m just worried that after a while, you might get tired of me showing up, banging your brains out and leaving.”
Alyssa smirked. “Sounds like a pretty good deal to me.”
“Me too.” He smiled, but it quickly faltered. “I guess what I’m trying to say is, I do enjoy spending time with you. If you’d rather take things out of the bedroom once in a while, that’s fine with me. And if not…that’s fine too.” In fact, it’s probably safer that way.
“I’m happy with what we’re doing.” She laced their fingers together beneath the sheet. “Honestly, this is exactly what I’ve needed for a long time.”
“Is it?”
Alyssa nodded. “Relationships just get so…complicated. Sometimes it’s nice to have somebody who can handle sex without quite so many strings attached.”
But is this still just sex? “Yeah, I know what you mean.”
“What about you?” She searched his eyes. “Do you want more than…this?” Her forehead creased with a hint of alarm.
“Not…not like that.” But can either of us stop it? “I just don’t want you to get bored with me.”
“Oh.” The alarm vanished in favor of a grin that made his breath catch. “I don’t think that’ll be a problem any time soon.”
“Good to hear.” He kissed her gently, and for a while, they just lay there, arms wrapped around each other beneath the sheets.
As he trailed his hand up and down her arm, his mind wandered back to the first time they’d met, and all the nights they’d spent together since then. He still couldn’t believe they’d been seeing each other this long—just a few weeks, though it felt like a lifetime—and still managed to steer clear of the minefield that was the past. They knew nothing about each other aside from a few minor details—where they lived, what they did for a living—and what they liked in bed.
And yet…he felt like he’d known her forever.
This was so bizarre. They’d intended to be fuck buddies, to fool around and only open up as much as two casual lovers needed to in order to explore some of their kinkier fantasies.
So why did he feel closer to her than he had any woman in recent memory? Or ever, if he was honest with himself? For the first time, he wanted someone to know about his past. He wanted to bare that side of him, let her in where he didn’t let anyone else.
But what if he did? What if she didn’t feel the same way? What if the truth scared her away like it had scared away every woman before her?
On the other hand, she was levelheaded and easygoing. What if she was the kind of woman who could deal with a guy like him? See beyond his past.
Maybe they’d get there. Eventually.
For now, the only way they could get closer was like this—physically.
And physically, sexually, he trusted her. Maybe more than he should have, but there it was. And he wanted to know how far that trust could take them in this realm. How far could she push his limits before they hit a line they couldn’t cross? And what would that mean if they did?
He took a deep breath. “So, a while back, you suggested…” He hesitated. “You hinted that you might consider anal if I let you do it to me too.”
Alyssa held his gaze. “Yeah?”
“I’ve…” He swallowed. “It’s new. Not something I’ve ever even thought about doing. But if you…”
“I wasn’t completely serious.” Her forehead creased. “I mean, I want to. I think it would be hot. But if you don’t, we don’t have to.”
“I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me a little nervous, but I’m curious. Have been ever since you mentioned it.” He brushed a strand of hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear. “But I’ve never been with anyone who I could trust enough.” A hint of panic flickered across her face, and he quickly added, “Not to freak you out or think I was less of a man, I mean.”
“Less of a man?” She smiled, the panic gone as quickly as it had come. “It takes one hell of a secure man to let a woman fuck him up the ass.”
His heart sped up. “Is that a challenge?”
“If you’re willing to accept it, yes.” She pointed at the dresser where she kept her floggers and such. “I have everything.”
“You do?”
She grinned. “This ain’t my first rodeo, cowboy.”
“Oh, isn’t it?”
“No, it isn’t.” Alyssa licked her lips, but her expression turned serious. “You sure about this?” She raised her eyebrows. “We don’t have to, you know.”
No. No, I am not sure about this at all.
He swallowed. “Just, uh, take it slow?”
“Of course I will.” She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. “Same safe word as always. Say it, and we’ll stop.”
“Good to know.” He gnawed his lip as they both sat up. “So, what exactly do I do?”
“Right now? Nothing.” She kissed him once more, then swung her legs over the side of the bed. She moved to the dresser and pulled out the top drawer as she said over her shoulder, “Then all you’re going to do is get on your hands and knees, relax, and let me do all the work.”
Relax. He gulped. You say that like it’s easy.
She turned around. Shane’s eyes widened—the black leather harness looked complicated and foreign, but the dildo was what made his heart skip. It wasn’t one of those hyper-real ones, flesh-toned and molded with veins and a realistic flared head, but it was imposing nonetheless. It was longer than his own dick. Not thicker, thank God. It was bright blue, and that put his mind weirdly at ease, as if this would somehow be easier to take if it wasn’t too similar to an actual penis.
And then there was the bottle of clear liquid.
Lubricant.
Oh God.
Alyssa flashed a toothy grin. “You ready for this?”
He cleared his throat and managed a grin of his own. “Bring it on.”
“Just let me put it on, and we’re good to go.” As she put on the complex harness, maneuvering the straps and buckles as if she had indeed done this a few times before, he tried to tell himself he wasn’t nervous about this. Yeah, right.
Seeing her wearing that rubber dick didn’t bother him. It was where she planned to put it that made him a little uneasy, and why the hell had he thought this was a good idea again?
This would be the limit. The extent of what he could handle with her. And that would be a good thing—realizing there were lines they couldn’t cross as easily as they’d crossed all the others, that would bring this whole thing down to earth. Prove to him their relationship was normal. Imperfect. Finite.
“You’ll probably be more comfortable facing away from me.” Alyssa climbed back onto the bed beside him. “On your hands and knees.”
Shane nodded. He moved into that position, and focused on breathing. Not what she was about to do, not how weird it might or might not feel, not how much it could very well hurt…just breathing. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.
“Lube first. This will be a bit cool.”
Sounds familiar. “Okay.”
Her hand drifted over his ass and between his cheeks. He reminded himself again to breathe, and forgot about that completely when a slick, warm-cool fingertip pressed against his anus. Alyssa didn’t move it—she held it there, applying steady pressure, neither backing off nor pushing in.
“Breathe,” she whispered. “Relax. I’ll stop if it’s uncomfortable.”
Now that he was in this position, Shane couldn’t begin to imagine how it could be comfortable, but he closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. Inhaled. Exhaled. Relaxed. Inhaled. Exhaled. Relaxed some more.
The pressure increased. He concentrated on not tensing up, and…
Oh God.
Her fingertip slid inside him. She withdrew it, pressed it in again. At least she didn’t have long nails. That could’ve been…unpleasant.
She worked a second finger in, and the burn intensified. The friction was minimal—she didn’t skimp on the lube at all—but the stretching sensation was oddly addictive. It felt…not good, but not bad either. Just incredibly intense. Completely alien. Weird, to say the least. He wanted more, and he wasn’t sure he could take any more.
“I think you’re ready.” Her voice sounded a million miles away. “If it’s too much, just say so.”
He nodded. Didn’t speak. Couldn’t.
Her fingers slipped free. Though he knew it was coming, the thick, blunt presence against his ass was unnerving. And exciting. And terrifying. And…
Inside him.
He gasped.
Like she had with her finger, she withdrew, and then pushed in again, and his whole body trembled as if it were the first time he’d ever felt it. The third stroke, same thing—it was like the second the toy pulled free, his brain couldn’t comprehend that those feelings had actually happened until they happened again and blew his mind all over again.
“This all right?”
“Yeah.” He wasn’t even sure where the word came from. It sounded like his own voice. But…whatever. He was too caught up in this bizarre feeling of being fucked and…and liking it.
“This isn’t too much?”
Oh, it was definitely too much, but not in the way he expected.
“It’s…good. Just like that.” He paused, moistening his lips. “Faster?”
She didn’t speak. She did, however, fuck him faster, and Jesus fucking Christ, it was incredible. The burn had turned to something like the tension leading up to an orgasm. The stretching sensation made his eyes water, and he just wanted more, more, more.
A few times, he was sure it was just about to get painful, but she seemed to catch on to that, and she’d slow down. Back off. Add lube.
The more he relaxed, the better it felt. It was still foreign and overwhelming, but the weird feeling was gradually becoming pleasure. And, fuck, Alyssa knew how to make it even better. Sometimes she took long, slow strokes. Sometimes she withdrew almost all the way and just pressed the head in, pulled it out, pressed it in again—that more than anything drove him insane. The sensation of the toy breaching him was unbelievable. Overwhelming and deeply erotic in a way he’d never even imagined.
Alyssa shifted, leaning down and sliding her arm over his stomach. When she took the next stroke, he almost lost his fucking mind. So that was what they meant by the male G-spot. Jesus.
“How’s that feel?” she asked.
“It’s…” How could she expect him to speak? He was lost in this barrage of sensations, going out of his mind stroke by foundation-rattling stroke. Words? What the hell?
Her breasts were pressed against his back, her lips against the side of his neck. He held on to the edge of the mattress with one hand, her arm around his waist with the other, and though neither of them touched his cock, he was getting close. Surprisingly close.
“Oh God,” he breathed, finally finding his voice. “That is so…” His head fell forward, and he gripped the mattress tighter. “Amazing.”
Yeah. It was. Holy fuck, it really was.
Pressing the heels of his hands into the bed, he rocked back against her, driving the toy deeper and encouraging her to move faster.
The first shudder caught him off guard. He thought he heard himself gasp, was sure he felt her whisper, “Come for me, Shane,” and there was motion, bodies moving and that toy sliding in and out of him, but he couldn’t define anything. Couldn’t hold on to any stimulus enough to name it, to understand it—all he could do was let himself be fucked and let his orgasm ripple through him like an explosion in slow mo. Intense, mind-blowing slow mo.
“S-stop. Too…”
She slowed to a stop. “You okay?”
Okay doesn’t even begin to describe what I’m feeling right now.
“Y-yeah. I’m good.”
She kissed the back of his shoulder, and then sat up. Shane was vaguely aware of her moving, and gasped as the toy slid free.
“Oh my God.” He sank down onto the bed and pressed his forehead into the pillow. “That was…hotter than I thought it would be.”
“I had a feeling you’d enjoy it. Sometimes it’s fun to expand your horizons.”
He raised his head. “Or expand other things…”
Alyssa snorted. “Oh my God. You really went there, didn’t you?”
Shane turned onto his side. “Technically, you went there.”
She smothered a laugh. “I did, didn’t I?”
“You did.” He used the leather harness—she’d already taken the toy off, but still had the straps on—to tug her closer. “You didn’t come, though.”
She smirked. “Kind of hard to come doing that.”
“No kidding.” He pulled her to him. “But I think I owe you an orgasm for that.”
“You don’t owe—”
Shane kissed her, and she didn’t protest. He slipped his hand between her thighs, and she sighed into his kiss as his fingertips found her pussy.
“I never thought having a woman fuck me would be that hot,” he whispered as he began circling her clit with his fingertips. “Should’ve known anything you did would be hot.”
She opened her mouth as if to speak, but then whimpered, closing her eyes as she rubbed against his hand. “Fuck…”
“Like that?”
Alyssa nodded, moaning softly and fucking against his fingers. Then she broke the kiss and tilted her head back, eyes closed and lips apart. “Oh, Shane. That’s perfect.”
It was. It so was. He couldn’t know how his technique stacked up to anyone else who’d ever touched her, but this—holding her to him, turning her inside out, his own body still unsteady from an orgasm no one else on God’s green earth could have given him—was perfect.
She shuddered hard, her whole body tensing and her short nails digging into his shoulder. “Oh fuck!” He kept going, kept teasing her, until she grabbed his wrist. He eased his hand off her and wrapped his arms around her, and she melted against him.
As she came down, panting and trembling against him, he stroked her hair and kissed her tenderly.
And a tight, uncomfortable feeling formed in his stomach.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. They were supposed to be casual lovers. The barest form of friends with benefits—barely acquaintances, never mind friends, but plenty of benefits.
Deep down, he’d thought this would prove to him that there were limits. That he could trust her, but not that much. They could do it, yes, but ther
e would finally be a line in the sand defining the edges of this seemingly boundless relationship.
Right. About that.
He wasn’t supposed to trust her enough to let her fuck him. She wasn’t supposed to feel like more than just a warm, willing body beside him.
But he had. And she did.
Chapter Fifteen
Alyssa’s arrangement with Shane worked beautifully. While her son was at his dad’s, she and Shane met for the sex she’d been craving for ages. When she had Nate at home, she sent Shane texts, and they’d talk quietly on the phone—sometimes talking dirty, sometimes not—after she’d put her son to bed.
A few weeks into their relationship-that-wasn’t-really-a-relationship, Alyssa was looking forward to some much-needed time in the same room as Shane. Nate was at Grant’s house for the week. Her calendar was completely clear except for Shane. They had plans tonight, and they both knew what those plans meant.
Which was, of course, why Mother Nature had to flex her sense of humor and strike a week early.
Sitting at her desk and trying not to keel over and die, Alyssa texted Shane: Going to have to bail tonight. It’s That Time.
She fully expected a response like See you in a week or OMG that sucks.
What she didn’t expect was, If you’re up to it, we could still get together tonight. DVD + Chinese.
As much as she wanted to drown in painkillers and curl up around a heating pad until she felt human again, his offer was…tempting.
You really don’t mind?
Not at all. Was looking forward to seeing you. :-)
She smiled and debated his offer as she threw back yet another over-the-counter pain reliever. Then she wrote back, Can’t promise I’ll be the best company.
You don’t have to be. See you tonight.
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