by Jeannie Watt
She needed to get a grip.
When Grady’s headlights came on, cutting across her yard and reflecting off the barn, Lex turned away from the window and walked through her house to the kitchen, stepping over sleeping dogs on the way. She poured a glass of water, took a long drink and told herself she felt better.
Her biggest fear in going to the rodeo was probably that of crying in front of the kids. Seeing an actual bull-riding event would remind her of the fact that her father would never set foot in an arena again. That was going to be tough to deal with—but not something she couldn’t manage. She’d been fine.
* * *
PETE’S GRANDMOTHER CAME with him to transport her beloved ducks to their new home, and the cute thing was that she seemed to be more excited by their new quarters than her own.
“You should see the yard,” Nancy said as she held Channing in her arms, stroking the top of his head. Lex wasn’t certain if she was talking to her or the drake but took a chance and said, “I’m sure it’s lovely.”
“You will come by and visit, won’t you?”
“Most assuredly.”
“Maybe we could have a barbecue or something,” Peter said. “Invite your friends.”
“That would be lovely,” Nancy said with a broad smile. “You’ll come, won’t you, Alexa?”
“Certainly.” Although she was getting the feeling that Nancy had more in mind than a backyard barbecue for her and Pete. Pete also seemed to get his grandmother’s meaning. He met Lex’s gaze over Nancy’s head and lifted his eyebrows in a way that clearly conveyed that he was humoring her.
“She’s been trying to set me up with every single female in the vicinity,” Pete said as Lex helped him load the duck pen panels. “It’s getting hard to take her to the grocery store because most of the checkers are single, and you should see what Lissa has to put up with.”
Lex bit her lip so that she didn’t smile. “Probably wants great-grandchildren.”
“Do not think that subject hasn’t arisen,” Pete muttered, hefting the empty pond in the back of the truck. They both turned toward Nancy, who stood several yards away, still holding Channing. She beamed at them, and they turned back to the truck at the same time.
“Yes. Good luck with that,” Lex murmured.
“If you do come to the barbecue, bring Grady. That’ll get you out of the line of fire.”
“Uh...yeah. I’ll do that.” Although she didn’t know how long Grady would be in the area. He’d be leaving soon, but they hadn’t spoken about when. Or his coming back. In fact, they hadn’t spoken at all since he invited her to the rodeo, three nights ago. And she was good with that. Or so she told herself.
After Peter and Nancy drove away, Lex walked to where the pen had stood. Dave the Terror sniffed around the area while Lex gathered up the electric fencing that she and Grady had installed after the first time they made love.
She carried it to the storage shed, since the rabbits had already had their way with the garden during its absence, feeling sad as she dumped the stakes and strapping into a corner. It was a fine thing when an electric fence brought forth sentimental feelings.
Was she losing control here?
No. Because she didn’t lose control. And what was with the sadness? She had nothing to feel sad about.
Except that she did miss Grady.
* * *
GRADY STAYED AT Hennessey’s for longer than he’d intended, helping a couple of high school kids, and then he went out for a beer with the Hayward twins. It was dark by the time he headed for home, but he turned down Lex’s road anyway. He needed to see her, and if her lights were on, he was stopping.
The only room lit when he drove into her driveway was her bedroom, and he told himself that counted, even though it was late. But another light came on as he neared her front walk where he usually parked, and she was on the porch by the time he got out of his truck.
She didn’t say a word as he came up the steps. Instead she met him halfway across the porch, walked into his embrace, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her cheek against his as he held her tightly against him. Raising his head, he smoothed her hair back from her face with both hands, then kissed her deeply.
Lex melted into him and then it was a matter of getting into the house, up the stairs to her room, shedding clothing as they went. He felt as if he hadn’t seen her in weeks, not days, and as they fell into her bed, he was rocked by how very much he needed her. It was about so much more than sex. It was about...Lex. The way she made him feel, the way she challenged him and supported him and...completed him.
Yeah. His life felt different and more complete.
“I missed you,” he said after they’d made love and were lying entwined on top of the quilts, because neither of them had had the patience to pull them off or fold them back. Four days without her had been four very long days. What was it going to be like when he was back on the road?
“I missed you, too,” she murmured against his chest as she traced her favorite scar near his shoulder—the one from the bull in Dallas that’d managed to hook his upper arm, completely ruining his favorite shirt and necessitating sixteen stitches. There was a note in her voice, something approaching wonder.
Grady closed his eyes, inhaled the fragrance of her hair, tried not to think about why missing him would be such a wondrous thing. Maybe, like him, she was getting to the point where it was hard to imagine life alone. Their relationship had snowballed faster than he had expected, faster than he really knew how to deal with. So what he was doing was taking one day at a time, one small moment at a time. One challenge at a time.
The Bozeman Rodeo was his next challenge.
Lex fell silent after saying that she missed him, and they lay together, idly caressing and thinking deep thoughts. But Lex didn’t push him away or withdraw, so when he finally got up to head home, Grady felt everything was okay between them. He wasn’t fool enough to think that going to the rodeo was going to be easy for Lex, regardless of what she said, and he was no longer fool enough to ask her about it. Sore subject. So they would simply deal with it together when the time came. No sense fighting the battle early and sparking a few more along the way.
* * *
LEX WALKED GRADY to the door, kissed him good-night then leaned her head against the oak frame after closing the door. His boots echoed on her porch and then his truck started and still she stood, leaning her forehead against the aged wood.
She was scared and working so hard not to be.
She had missed him over the past four days. Missed him so much that when she’d heard his truck drive in, she practically raced down the stairs.
How was this a good thing? What was she setting herself up for?
Lex pushed off from the door and sat on her sofa, staring across the dimly lit room. She cared for Grady. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t be sleeping with him. But it was a temporary thing. They both knew that. He’d go back on the circuit. She’d stay here. Yes, he said he was wintering on his sister’s property, but she’d believe that when she saw it. Oklahoma would call—better weather, more opportunities to practice.
A small part of her, though—the part that stirred up trouble and gave her anxiety attacks—whispered that if Grady said he was going to do something, he was going to do it. He wasn’t leaving.
She pushed the thought down. Buried it as deeply as she could.
As much as she was enjoying their time together, it was transitory. It had to be. Grady was fun. He was a good friend. He was her lover for now. Not someone she’d lie awake nights worrying about because of what he did for a living.
Especially because of what he did for a living. She’d grown up in the business. How many bull riders did she know who’d had great careers and retired hale and hearty? Maybe a little creaky in the joints and scarred up, but
alive and well? Lots. So it wasn’t his career.
Much.
Those damned scars.
Lex got to her feet and stalked into the kitchen. She’d get a handle on this. Oh, yes, she would. And once he was on tour in the fall and not readily available, she’d develop a new perspective. One that wasn’t colored by his proximity. A more realistic view of the situation.
And on that thought, Lex turned off the kitchen light and headed upstairs to the bed the man who was driving her crazy had so recently vacated. She pulled the quilts back and climbed under the sheet...then buried her head in the pillow and drew in Grady’s scent.
Chapter Thirteen
The twins talked nonstop on the drive to the rodeo, and Lex was impressed by Grady’s patience as he good-humoredly answered their many, many questions. She was feeling more positive about the trip, about Grady, about everything. After her late-night talk with herself, she’d fallen asleep and woken up feeling better. More centered. More in control. The feeling had continued for the entire day and when Grady had picked her up early this morning, she was certain that the anxiety she’d felt after he drove away two nights ago was caused solely by her repressed concern about watching a bull-riding event.
Which in turn convinced her that she needed to be more honest with herself.
After arriving, the twins wanted to do about fifty things—see the bucking horses, go to the carnival, eat everything that Annie had requested they not eat.
“Sometimes one must cave in the name of survival,” Grady said as he handed each girl a caramel apple.
“Agreed,” Lex said with a laugh.
Moments later they were helping the girls mop sticky goo off their chins and their new Western shirts.
“I think Annie knew what she was talking about,” Lex murmured.
“Uncle Grady! I lost a tooth!” Kristen pulled a tiny white nugget out of her apple and held it up.
“Cool.” He took the tooth, wrapped it in the tissue Lex automatically handed him and tucked it into his shirt pocket.
“Snap the flap,” Kristen directed, pushing her tongue through the space where her tooth had been.
“Will do.” He nodded at Katie. “Try to keep all your teeth, all right?”
Katie laughed and bit deeply into her apple, giving Lex the distinct impression that she was trying for all she was worth to lose one of her teeth.
“The line’s getting long,” Lex said. “Let’s grab some seats.”
They each took a twin by the hand and then, since they had nothing to do with their free hands, they joined them, walking to the ticket line with the bouncing girls. They were lucky enough to get seats under the awning so that they weren’t baking in the sun and almost as soon as they were settled, the twins announced in unison that they had to use the bathroom.
“I’ll take them,” Lex said. “If you don’t mind saving the seats.”
Even though they protested, she talked the twins into taking off their pink cowboy hats and setting them on the seats they’d just vacated. “You do want to sit by Uncle Grady when we get back, right?”
“Yes,” Kristen agreed.
“But we won’t sit right next to him,” Katie added. “’Cause that’s where you’re supposed to sit.”
“Right.” She’d tried to sit on the end, thus hemming the girls in, but they’d have none of that.
“Are you going to marry Uncle Grady?” Kristen piped up as Lex shrugged out of her jacket to leave it on her chair.
“I...uh...” She met Grady’s gaze and found that she couldn’t read his expression.
“That’s not a question you ask people,” he said to Kristen.
“Why not?”
“Because,” he said with an easy smile, “that’s something people tell you when they’re ready and not before. So there’s no sense asking early.”
“Oh.” Kristen gave a shrug. “Okay. But you’ll tell us first?”
Grady smiled. “When we’re ready.”
And Lex found she couldn’t meet his eyes after that. She edged past him; then when she reached the stairs, she took a twin’s hand in each of hers and headed for what would no doubt be a wait for the restroom. Plenty of time to think and possibly fend off curious questions. But while the twins had plenty of commentary, they took Grady’s words to heart and didn’t ask anything about her and their uncle.
When they made it back to their seats again and settled, Grady put his arm around Lex. The girls exchanged glances, hunching their shoulders and smiling as if they were party to a glorious secret.
Lex sighed, and Grady’s arm tightened around her. She gave up and leaned in to him, telling herself that in the name of honesty, she needed to admit that she liked being held by him.
“Sorry about that,” he whispered into her ear, his breath fanning over her cheek. She nodded without looking at him. It was no big deal, after all. Of course the twins thought in terms of marriage. That was how all their fairy tales and movies ended. The guy and girl get married and live happily ever after. She only hoped they weren’t too disappointed if it didn’t work out that way. The little girls had kind of wormed their way into Lex’s heart.
She relaxed once the rodeo started, enjoying both the action in the arena and the twins’ commentary. They had to go to the bathroom again during the second section of team roping, and then they tried to talk Grady into a hot dog but he told them they’d eat on the way home and they didn’t want to spoil their appetite.
“I’m going to be a barrel racer,” Katie announced, which pleased Lex no end—not because she wanted to run barrels, but because she was so much more confident about her horsemanship.
“Not me,” Kristen said. “I’m gonna rope.”
“Okay,” Grady said to Lex. “I’ll go home and tell Annie she needs to start saving for two thirty-thousand-dollar horses so that the girls can be competitive.”
“I guess that’s the beauty of rough stock,” Lex agreed. “All you need is your saddle. Or rope.”
“A decent set of spurs.”
“Medical insurance.” She felt herself sober after that. Grady touched her chin and when she turned her head, he kissed her lightly before taking her hand in his and setting it on his thigh.
“Don’t get ticked with me for asking, but do you want to leave early? Before the bulls.”
Lex swallowed. “I think I’ll be okay.”
“I’m right here.”
Yes, he was. Right there. Propping her up, when Lex had been raised with the notion that people shouldn’t need propping up, and that tore at her almost as much as the thought of watching the bullfighters.
But she was going to be strong for the girls. “I’ll be all right.”
And she was—to a degree. She tensed up when she heard the clangs of metal as the bulls were loaded into the chutes. Tensed up even more when the bullfighters came out and started doing their bit. One of them mugged for the crowd. The other stood quietly near the chutes, which was what her father had done. He wasn’t there to entertain. He’d been there to save lives. And he did. A number of them.
Lex blinked a few times. Cleared her throat.
The announcer came on with a blare of music and announced that the final event would start in a matter of minutes. “And by the way, folks, I’ve just gotten word that we have a pretty danged famous bull rider here in the crowd. Local boy, too. Grady Owen! Give a wave! Let the people see you!”
Grady gamely raised his hand as people craned their necks to get a look at him.
“Heading off to New York City pretty soon, aren’t you, son?” the announcer asked. “That’s right, folks. Grady is going to represent us at the Bull Extravaganza. As you know, they only let the best of the best into that competition. Let’s give old Grady a hand and wish him good luck.”
Th
e audience clapped, and the people sitting behind them reached forward to pat his shoulders. Grady’s fingers tightened around Lex’s, and she felt as if she were about to hyperventilate.
Why?
She was tougher than this. Why was everything getting to her all of a sudden?
“Let’s go,” Grady said.
“I—”
“There’ll be more rodeos in the future.” He got to his feet and Lex did the same, feeling like a loser, but also feeling the need to escape. It was hard to breathe and she felt light-headed.
“But—” Kristen caught the look Grady sent her and abruptly stopped speaking.
“We’ll see the bulls at the next rodeo, pumpkin.”
“All right.” The disappointed words came out softly, breaking Lex’s heart.
“I’m sorry about that,” Lex said once they were in the truck. Grady looped an arm around her neck and kissed her. “I don’t know what happened.”
“It’s okay,” he said, putting the truck in gear. “Right, girls?”
“Right,” they said unenthusiastically.
But it wasn’t right. Lex knew it in her gut. Today had been a perfect storm of emotions, past and present, coming together to devastate her. She’d never once questioned the fact that Grady would resume his career. Had lain awake thinking about it, trying to contain her growing anxiety, convincing herself that it was natural to be concerned. Who wouldn’t be? Grady was her friend. Her summer lover.
So why did she suddenly feel a hole opening up in her life? A hole that felt very much like the one she’d experienced when her dad died?
A hole that had taken her years to only partially fill.
Did she want to go through that again? Keeping busy so that she wouldn’t think? Filling her farm with animals that needed her?
