by Naomi West
She went to bed but ended up staring at the ceiling for a long time, hoping against hope that tomorrow her phone would ring.
Chapter 26
When Alexa woke to the sound of ringing, her heart leapt into her throat and she scrambled to answer it. When she looked at the screen it was only Joe.
“Hey,” she said, trying not to let the disappointment be obvious in her tone.
“Heard from forensics.”
“And?”
“The gun is a match. Rucker Marshall killed Hugh Millard. Chief is playing it off like it was a miracle that new evidence surfaced leading us to the killer, rather than admit he closed the case too soon.”
“Of course he did. But whatever. We got him and that’s all that counts. When’s the trial?”
“Hasn’t been scheduled yet. We’re still choosing a prosecutor and have to give him a chance to get a lawyer.”
“Will you need us both?”
“Yup. That a problem?”
“Of course not. Thanks for the update.”
She hung up the phone and stared at it. She could just text Hawk, but that wouldn’t open the door to much conversation. She could call him, and that would be a step better, but still a little distant. Or she could just go over there and talk to him face to face. As she battled between how to get him onboard with the new information she absently strolled into the kitchen. Maybe food, she thought, thinking of what might constitute a peace offering.
Alexa went to her kitchen and whipped up a batch of bean soup. She fluffed her hair and did her makeup and when she thought she looked okay she walked over with the soup. She knocked and waited, her heart thudding loudly in her ears.
Hawk looked half asleep when he pulled open the door. “Hey.”
“Hey.” She held up the container. “I made you some food. And I have some news.”
“Thanks.”
She heard Damian whine from the kitchen. Hawk stepped away to let her in and turned from her to see what he needed. When she stepped into the hall, she saw Damian reaching for her, letting out a steady cry. She stood there, not sure what to do. Hawk put the soup in the kitchen, picked Damian up, and brought him to her.
“Want to hold him? I think he missed you.”
“Of course.” She took Damian and cuddled him close.
“What’s the news?”
“Forensics confirmed that the gun we found at Rucker’s house was the gun used to kill Hugh.”
Hawk nodded slowly, like it was taking a long time to sink in. “So he really did it. He killed my brother.”
“Apparently over drugs or those diamonds. Or both maybe.”
“I can’t believe Hugh got mixed up with that guy. He should have just kept stealing cars.” He glanced at her, then corrected himself. “The legal way.”
“I know what you meant.”
“Thanks for letting me know, and thanks for the food. I’ll bring the container back when it’s gone.”
“No rush.”
Hawk reached over and took Damian back. He started crying, but Hawk bounced him and swayed him. “So, we’ll both testify?”
“Yes. The trial isn’t scheduled yet, but I’d guess it’ll be several weeks or months from now.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
He stood there, watching her like he was just waiting for her to go but she couldn’t leave just like that.
“Hawk, I want to say I’m sorry again. I know I lied and kept things from you that I shouldn’t have. I never dreamed I’d fall for you, but I have. I’m not a cop anymore, and part of that, I realized, is because I like the rebellious nature of being a PI. You brought that out in me. I could never go back to doing things by the book like they have to. I like making up my own rules. Just remember that I’m the same Alexa you spent all that time with, who you had feelings for, too. I haven’t changed. Now you just know my past and what brought me here in the first place. But you’re what’s kept me here. You’re the reason I want to be here. I loved taking care of Damian and seeing you every day. I miss him. I really hope you can forgive me. You said how much it hurt to be wrongfully accused. I’m not saying that I didn’t act deceitfully. I wasn’t honest with you and I own up to that. But don’t hold against me something that wasn’t done with the intent to hurt anyone, especially you. Give me the mercy you wished you would have gotten.”
“I understand,” he said.
Then he reached out to grab the door’s edge and slowly pulled it shut. She got the hint and stepped back off his porch. She walked back across the lawn to her house, her head hanging low, her chest about to implode. She couldn’t stand the rawness of it, of how much it hurt to be rejected by someone she cared for so much.
When she got home she wandered around aimlessly. She thought about working on a few projects, but nothing interested her much. Any time she tried to change her mind to something other than Hawk and Damian it ended up coming right back to moments she’d spent with them.
Eventually, she sat down with a hot cup of tea and just cried. There was nothing else to do but to give in to it. The thought that kept running through her mind was that she’d screwed up. She’d lost him forever. The man who had seemed like her total opposite at first, but who had brought out of her this other part of herself. A part she hadn’t even known she was missing, but was now so vital to her. She thrived on the feeling of adrenaline pumping through her veins, and she’d gotten used to feeling it when Hawk was around.
For days, Alexa couldn’t bring herself to leave the house. She moved from her bed to the couch and back again and couldn’t even initiate an interest in work. The dishes piled high in the sink, her laundry became a heap on her floor, and she stopped showering. And she didn’t care. Nothing seemed worth it. Nothing seemed to matter. Finally, on the fourth day, she got an idea and after showering and preparing a healthy breakfast rededicated herself to getting back on track.
“Hi, this is Alexa Reynolds,” she said when the woman answered the phone. “You just sold me a house not too long ago.”
“Of course! Hi Alexa. Are you loving your new home?”
“That’s why I’m calling. I need to sell it.”
“Sell it? But you’ve only been there a few months.”
“I know, and it’ll be a real loss, but something has come up and there’s no way around it, Alexa said. “I can’t live here anymore.”
“Did something happen? Is there something wrong with the house?”
“No. Nothing at all. The neighbor is great, too. I just… need to be in a different city. It’s hard to explain, but it’s related to my job, and there’s not much I can say about it.”
“Ah, I understand. Well, I hate to say, but I think you’ll end up losing some money. With the closing costs, and all the transfer fees, and commission—”
“I know and I wish there were some other way around it, but I’ll just have to take what I can get.”
“Sure. I understand. Well, I can stop over later tomorrow to take new photos, and we can set up the listing.”
“Sounds perfect. Thank you.” Alexa hung up the phone, then went to the basement. She still had many boxes that she hadn’t unpacked yet. The ones she had unpacked were flattened and resting against the basement wall. She picked up the stack and took them upstairs with an air of dejection.
Chapter 27
Hawk looked out the window for the hundredth time. So much of him wanted to go over to Alexa’s. He couldn’t deny that he missed her. And Damian seemed to be missing her badly, too. Every time someone came to the door, he looked up and started reaching for the door.
He had sold two of the diamonds and that had gotten him a handsome hundred grand on an online auction. He had enough money now that he didn’t have to worry about working and he planned to take that time off to regroup, to be with Damian, and to find a new babysitter. But instead he’d spent most of it milling around the house listlessly with no focus. He played with Damian and took care of him, but his mind seemed to always be elsewhere.
A few times he’d walked to the door, put his hand on the knob, and turned it. But before he could pull it open, he always walked away. He couldn’t get the lump out of his stomach. For months, she had been in his house, taking care of his baby, sleeping with him. He had been with her, and he hadn’t even known about her past. If that was true, perhaps it meant that it wasn’t a big part of her anymore. It didn’t come into her day-to-day life. She worked from home doing her PI work, and if she interacted with the police, it was nothing major.
When he really thought about it he had to admit that her past, her whole set up of moving to be close to him, to investigate Hugh’s death, all of her deceit, had ended up being for a good cause. Can the ends justify the means, then, he kept wondering.
She’d found Damian quickly after the kidnapping, and though he wasn’t sure if her involvement had caused it in the first place she had done all she could to get him back, and had succeeded. With all of his distrust of the police, circumstances had forced him to reexamine his prejudices.
He paced across his living room floor off to one side Damian played with some blocks.
Other than the obvious complications involved in dating a cop, there were other considerations. Trust was a two-way street and he hadn’t been straightforward with her either. Blame went both ways, and he had to admit that if their positions were reversed things looked quite similar, no matter which perspective you were using. But what about his MC? They didn’t always uphold the law, and having a PI – however rogue – on his arm was a contentious issue.
He picked up his phone and texted Blade. “What’s the club’s verdict on Alexa?”
He waited for a minute, then got a response.
“She’s a cool chick. I told her to come by with you anytime.”
Hawk stared at the text in shock. He had invited her to the headquarters? Women weren’t always allowed in there. Even with their men. It took time for them to be accepted.
He sent back, “Thanks.”
“Any chick who does all that for her man is okay by us. And Dugout is hoping she can get him out of a few speeding tickets.”
Hawk chuckled. He looked out the window again and saw a woman walk up to Alexa’s door. The woman looked slightly familiar, but he couldn’t place her. Alexa came to the door a moment later and seemed happy to see the stranger.
The longing in his chest stirred. For almost an hour he paced back and forth, looking to and fro, and at last the door opened again and the other woman came out and walked down to her car where she pulled out a large sign. He suddenly recalled the face; it was the woman who had sold Alexa the house. She walked the sign to the end of the driveway and stuck it in the ground. Then she got back in her car and drove off.
Hawk stared at the “For Sale” sign like it was a death sentence. She was selling the house. Moving away. She didn’t want to be near him any longer. Maybe this whole time, he’d been thinking about it wrong. She wasn’t sitting over there, heartbroken, waiting for him to come and save the day. He sat down in the living room and stared blankly at Damian for a while. He crawled over and held up a block to Hawk.
He took it and looked down at the baby. “I think I screwed up big time.”
Damian sat down, as if to listen.
“What am I going to do? I want Alexa back, but I think it’s too late.”
Damian’s face fell, as if he understood. He looked over in the direction of her house and reached out a hand. Then he said, in a garbled sound, “Lex!”
Hawk’s eyes grew wide. “What?”
Damian reached again and repeated it. “Lex!”
Hawk put his head in his hands. “Are you kidding me, kid? Your first word is her name? Are you going to hate me forever, too?”
Damian crawled toward the window that faced her house. He banged his little hands on the wall below the window.
Hawk sighed. He had to try one last time.
“Okay then,” he said to Damian. “Are you going to help me make something amazing to win Alexa over?”
Damian clapped his hands together. Hawk picked him up and went into the kitchen.
Chapter 28
Alexa rolled the tape over another box and sat back to take a break. She hated moving. The whole process of putting everything she owned in boxes and taking it from one place to another. To be doing this all over again sucked. And the reason she was doing it made it suck even more. There was a knock on her door and she stood up. She wasn’t expecting anyone. Had the realtor forgotten something?
She opened the door but when she saw who was on her step, her mouth fell open.
“Hi,” she said to Hawk.
“Hi.” He looked around, like he didn’t know where to start. “So, you’re moving?”
She pressed her lips together and nodded. “I thought it was for the best.”
“Do you think you could come see Damian before you go? He misses you.”
“Did you just come over here because you need a babysitter?” Her heart was racing.
“No. I’m not going anywhere. I just thought maybe you’d like to come over for a little while.”
She thought long and hard for a moment. Was he using Damian as a cover? “You didn’t leave him home alone, did you?”
“He’s sleeping.” Hawk pulled the baby monitor out of his back pocket and held it up. “But I do need to get back over there. Will you come?”
Damian was asleep, but he wanted her to come over. Her detective skills pinged and she lowered her eyes, realizing that it was an attempt on his part to reconnect. It was clumsy, and after the way he’d treated her – after the way she’d treated him – it felt like both of them were on unstable ground, balanced on a precipice. Just trying to stand up as everything falls out from under us, she thought absently.
“Okay.” She was just in her sweatpants and t-shirt, her hair up from packing all day, and patted it down.
She grabbed her purse and locked the door behind her. After everything that had happened, she found herself being even more cautious than usual. She followed him into his yard and up to the porch. When he opened the front door, a delicious smell hit her. Steak and potatoes. She stepped inside and saw the dining room table set for two, a candle burning in the center.
He took her hand and turned to face her. “I know I can’t make up for all I’ve done. And we’ve both lied and kept things from each other. I guess we had good reason. But I’ve realized that I like having you around. The things I was afraid of if I ever got close to someone again don’t seem to be happening with you, you know?”
She bit her lip. Her chest was warm with hope and ready to bubble over.
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking the last days. And I guess you’ve decided to move on, literally, and maybe it’s too late. I realize I may have missed my chance to make things right. But I can’t deny the feelings I have for you, Alexa. I’m not perfect, and I’m guessing you know full well what kind of life I’ve lived before this. I’m trying to clean up my act for Damian, keep things straight. And I’d like a good woman by my side, standing with me, helping me raise this little boy into a good man. I can’t do it alone. I’d love for you to be that woman.” He squeezed her hands in his and looked deep into her eyes. “I think I love you.” Then he started laughing. “I’ve never said that to anyone before.”
She laughed, too, and wiped a tear from her eyes. “I know I kept things from you, and I shouldn’t have. And you’re right, I thought I had a good reason to. You came along, totally unexpected, and shook up my world. You showed me how fun life can be. I want a life like that. Not one where everything is by the book and planned and expected. I like being with you. And I know I’ve been falling for you, too. I wanted to sell the house and move because I couldn’t stand to look over here every day and know that I missed my chance at love and a life I’ve only recently started to dream about.” She tilted her head toward Damian’s room and smiled. “I love that baby, and I love you.”
He pulled her into his arm
s and kissed her. Then he pulled back to look in her eyes. “You really want me?”
“I do.”
He kissed her again for a long while. Her whole body grew warm and she wanted him to take her right there. But he stopped and paused to look at her.
“We need to have a proper date.” He gestured toward the table. “Please sit.”
She took a seat and he served the meal. They ate together, gazing across the table at each other, but it took another long while for them to break the silence, as if they might at any moment wake themselves from a dream.
