by Ruby Ryan
I sat in the deck chair and sipped my coffee while watching the sun creep over the horizon of the Gulf.
The others would probably struggle to get up again. Partying was fun, I guess, but the others went hard. They seemed like they were trying to relive the glory days of college, beer pong and shots and getting blackout drunk. I'd done that the first night too, and the hangover the next day was so bad I'd made sure I wouldn't do it again.
So while the others went wild, I'd been taking fake shots and sipping my beer carefully. It wasn't hard: once the others were good and sloshed, they hardly saw what anyone else was doing. And while they knocked back their tequila, I knocked mine back... into the kitchen sink.
And while sitting outside, breathing in the salty air and watching the orange sunrise, I was happy with my decision.
It was also nice having some solitude in the mornings. I was a quiet guy, an introvert, and needed to be alone to recharge my batteries. Reuniting with the boys was great, but after five days I was ready to get back to my normal life.
I closed my eyes and savored it for as long as it would last.
Which, it turned out, was only another thirty seconds.
"Morning!" Andy said, sliding open the door and closing it behind him. He clinked his glass of coffee to mine and sat in the adjacent chair. "God, that's a good view."
"That's why I got up for it." I looked sideways at him. "You're awfully chipper this morning."
"I always consider myself to be a chipper guy."
"Even after getting shitfaced?"
Andy laughed. "Especially after getting shitfaced. When you're a pro like me, you need to be."
I shook my head in wonder. Andy ran a bunch of nightclubs on the east coast, and talked about how being permanently drunk 24/7 was the only way he could do business. That sounded like a nightmare to me. Not the drinking, but being around people every hour of every day.
"Anyone else up?"
Andy smirked. "I didn't hear anyone. The smell of breakfast ought to do the trick though." He smacked me on the thigh. "We've got spelunking this morning! I've been looking forward to it all week."
He hopped up and disappeared inside to make breakfast.
I was actually looking forward to the cave tour. We didn't have stuff like that back in Colorado. Plus, what was the point of coming to a beautiful country if you didn't enjoy what made it unique? We could get shitfaced anywhere. But Belize was unique.
I savored ten more minutes of the sunrise, and the peacefulness, before joining Andy.
"I heard Orlando and Roland waking up," Andy said over his shoulder while he mixed pancake batter in a bowl. "Can you go rustle up Ethan?"
I knocked politely on the bedroom door, then tried the knob. Feeling like an intruder, I poked my head inside but nothing else. Ethan was splayed out on the bed across the room, beneath beams of sunlight that streamed through the window. He looked like the chalk-outline of a dead body in a noir crime movie: legs and arms bent at weird angles, hardly moving at all.
"Hey, buddy. You up?" I whispered, but that wasn't going to do the trick. "Ethan. You alive?"
A groan answered me, and he shifted a few millimeters before going still.
"Consider this your wake-up call. And if I were you I'd heed it; Andy's all excited about the caves, so if you don't get up soon he'll storm in here and kick you out of bed."
Ethan responded with something that might have been a grunt, or might have been a groan, but it was good enough for me.
"He's stirring," I told Andy in the kitchen. "And I hear someone else's shower running."
"Good enough for me. Give me a hand?"
I helped Andy with breakfast, putting bacon on a sheet in the oven while cracking eggs over the frying pan. My stomach rumbled like an avalanche; I may not have gotten shitfaced last night, but drinking still left me starving the next day.
"There he is!" Andy said as Roland came around the corner in his boxers. His Irish eyes had more red in them than white, and he stared at us like a man who'd just received a death sentence.
"Fuck you two, mate," he said, patting me on the shoulder in passing. "If I don't get some coffee in me belly I'm gunna keel over, just see if I don't."
"Always the charmer," Andy teased, pouring him a mug.
Roland held the mug to his face with two hands, inhaling the smell. "Right. Back to bed, then."
"Don't you dare!" Andy rounded on him, pointing a spatula like a dagger. "Caves. We leave in an hour."
"If I'm alive in an hour," he muttered, disappearing.
We plated all the food: a mountain of bacon, two dozen scrambled eggs, and four towers of pancakes that leaned from all the weight. Andy and I were halfway through our first plate when Orlando joined us.
"You're looking better this morning than you were last night," Andy said around a mouthful of eggs.
Orlando did look fresh, his black Dominican skin almost bright with energy. He wore safari shorts and a T-shirt, and had already put on his hiking boots.
He took a seat and began serving himself pancakes. "It's amazing what a shower can do. You look just as fresh, in spite of the five shots I watched you pound." He pointed his fork at me.
"A shower, like you said."
"Plus, the caves!" His eyes widened with excitement. "Been waiting all damn week for these. I slept like a kid on Christmas Eve, alcohol aside."
"Should be an awesome time," Andy agreed.
Roland joined us after his own shower, and judging by the sunglasses he wore indoors it hadn't helped him much. But he ate his food, and rubbed his belly after, and a smile began to appear.
"Fifteen minutes til we leave, gentlemen," Orlando said, hopping up. "Someone go make sure Ethan's alive."
"He groaned when I checked on him an hour ago," I said.
"I'll go kick his ass out of bed." Andy disappeared down the hall.
The rest of us went outside, where a jeep was waiting. Orlando spoke to the driver in Spanish, then nodded. "We're all set for the tour."
"How're we all gunna fit in that?" Roland asked.
"Someone'll have to ride in the very back, but we're not going far. It'll be fun!"
"Wee sardines in a tin," Roland muttered, looking at the sky and then wincing at the sun from behind his sunglasses.
Ethan did get up in time, though he looked like he'd been hit by a bus. Orlando took one look at him and said, "If you get sick on the ride, hombre, speak up so we can pull over."
"Why... why would I get sick?" he stammered.
"The road to the caves aren't exactly paved."
Orlando was right; we crammed in the jeep and made our way into the jungle, and calling the thin opening in the foliage a "road" was generous. It was barely more than a game trail, with jutting tree roots and rocks that sent us careening into the air. I eyed Ethan; he looked like he really might vomit all over us. The next five minutes were a battle for him, as he visibly tried to restrain himself with each rocking motion. Twice I almost yelled out for the driver to pull over, but in the end it wasn't necessary.
We reached a clearing in the jungle at the edge of a ravine, the land sloping away from us. A walking trail wound into the thick foliage toward a vertical rock face, which was marred by a long black crevice.
"I got out of bed for this?" Roland muttered.
Andy scolded him while we followed the guide to the trail. He handed out the gear we'd need, harnesses that were similar to what I'd wear rock-climbing, but with helmets and flashlights too.
"No picks or climbing equipment?" I asked.
"Dude," Orlando laughed, "no. It's not that tough of a cave."
"At least, not the part we're exploring," Andy added. "There are some expert tunnels, but that'd be a death sentence for anyone in your current state."
"Amen!" Ethan said, which made me laugh.
I fantasized about the more expert parts of the tunnels while the guide gave his instructions. Spelunking was awfully similar to rock climbing, it turned out, so it was
all standard to me. But I stayed quiet, not wanting to sound like the know-it-all on the trip.
The others went into the breach first, and I waited and took up the rear.
I immediately noticed what made this different than rock climbing: there wasn't much room. Yeah, I know, that sounds obvious, but it's not something you truly understand until you're squeezing through a rock opening barely wide enough for your shoulders, the weight of the mountain pressing down on you. I was used to being on the outside of the mountain, with it beneath me.
I wasn't claustrophobic, but I was beginning to feel uncomfortable with the narrow passage when it finally opened up ahead of us. Ethan's shape stepped to the side, allowing me inside, and I looked around with wonder.
"It's like being inside a sports arena," I muttered.
The space was huge. Like a basketball stadium, with the ceiling high above, barely visible even with Orlando's flashlight aimed at it. Tiny shapes that were probably bats clung to the surface, everywhere the light touched. Air rushed along my legs, a steady breeze.
Even in the indirect light, the smugness on Andy's face was obvious. "Didn't I say it'd be worth waking up for?"
Thousands of tiny puddles of water were spread throughout the space, which we had to tip-toe through to avoid stepping in. I wondered how the water got inside; since we were near the entrance it was possible that air entered through the entrance and condensed on the roof and walls, then trickled down to the floor. Or there were leaks in the ceiling, cracks we couldn't see. It was fascinating! I wanted to ask the guide a thousand questions, but I didn't know Spanish, so I didn't want to bother Orlando with translating for me.
The guide led us across the chamber until we came to another narrow corridor, partially hidden until we were practically on top of it. I realized then that it would be incredibly dangerous to be in here alone, even if you knew the way. I tried not to think about the horror movie The Descent.
This chamber was like the entrance, but occasionally we had to duck to avoid hitting rocks that jutted from the ceiling. Orlando called out from the front to make sure we were all doing okay, and Roland made a joke about having to take a piss. I could feel the nervousness in the banter, the unease at being in such a deep place, even though we'd only been there a few minutes.
I loved it, even in spite of the fear trickling up my spine. Like a natural roller coaster, fear and entertainment intermingling perfectly.
We wound through the caves for maybe half an hour. It was tough to tell in the dark, without any way to keep track of time. The world narrowed to Ethan's body ahead of mine, and the slabs of rock on either side. Step, duck, crouch, slide. Repeat. Even though it was a guided tour that had probably been done by a million tourists, it felt like we were descending into an unexplored tomb.
Finally, we came to another huge chamber like the first one. Our guide stood and waited until I was inside before speaking excitedly. I knew what he was going to say before he said it, because it was one of the features people wrote about on TripAdvisor reviews of the tour.
"Okay. Everyone's lights. Turn them off," the guide said in accented English.
Roland sputtered, "Do what now?"
"He's gunna show us how dark it is down here," Orlando explained.
"I know what the dark is like, thank you very much," Roland said.
"Not like this!" Andy snapped off his flashlight, then waved at the rest of us. "Come on guys! Don't be poor sports."
I obeyed, then watched the other lights wink out one by one. The moment the last cone of light disappeared, we were in complete darkness.
No, seriously. Complete darkness. We were so deep underground that there were no trickles of light: no stars, or distant glows, or anything else. There was nothing but the darkness. It felt thick, like it had physical mass to it. I waved my hand around in front of me and bumped against Andy's shoulder.
I'm glad nobody could see my silly grin.
"Pretty neat, huh?" Orlando said.
Before I could say that it was, something flickered to my right. I turned--at least, I thought I turned, it was tough to tell in the darkness--and then the light flickered again. It was like a firefly, a small mote of luminance ten feet away. For a moment I thought it was my imagination, until Ethan spoke.
"Do you guys see that?" Ethan said.
"What?" Roland said, Irish accent thick with mirth. "The whole bunch of nothin'?"
"No," Ethan insisted, "the green light."
I gave a start. "Green light?"
"Dude," Andy said, "your senses are all out of whack. Like a deprivation tank."
Ahh, I thought. That's what it reminded me of: the random flickers from a sensory deprivation tank. I'd tried one of those out as an experiment in college, and it was trippy as hell. Like being on acid. Or at least, what people described what being on acid was like, since I'd never tried it myself.
And if Ethan was seeing a green light, while I saw blue, then what we were seeing was certainly a result of that phenomenon.
But then another thought came to me. A memory of being in the tank of water, putting on headphones to dull the noise. Because, as the grad student conducting the experiment had explained, it only worked when you eliminated several of your senses: sight, sound, and the sensation of gravity.
"Deprivation tanks only work if you block out sight and sound," I said, watching the mote of blue light flicker.
"Well if Ethan's seeing something," Andy said.
Roland snorted. "More likely Ericka is fucken with us."
A flash of light blinded me. My eyes shut automatically, and I winced and covered my eyes before opening them again. A flashlight's cone of light arced through the air.
"There," Roland said with satisfaction. "Back to normal. Still see anything, Ericka?"
"No," he admitted.
I stared at the place where I'd seen the blue light. It was a sheer wall of rock ten feet away, completely featureless. And Ethan was staring off in a different direction.
Must have been sensory deprivation after all.
The guide pulled out an electric lantern and called for a ten minute break. Roland went off to take his piss and Ethan followed.
"Orlando, wanna go check out this tunnel?" Andy asked, shining his flashlight in another direction. "If the guide is okay with it."
"Si, is simple path," the guide said, waving them on.
"You coming Sam?"
"I'm good here," I said, sitting down on the rock across from the guide. I felt a little dizzy. "You guys go have fun."
The guide handed me a bottle of water, which I sipped on while we waited. It helped, along with sitting down. The air tasted musty and old; I wondered if that was bothering me. There was a weird tugging sensation on my head, too. Probably the air pressure down here. I stood and stretched once, and felt marginally better. Strange that something like this could bother me, but climbing a mountain at 15,000 feet didn't.
Hell, maybe that's why this was bothering me. I'd been acclimated to being high in the mountains for the last decade that being at sea level was too much.
"Ethan?" Roland suddenly shouted from across the chamber. "Is Ethan with you guys?"
"I thought he went with you," I said.
"He did. But now he's gone. Ethan!"
I turned my flashlight on and picked my way along the slanted rock toward the shape of Roland's flashlight. The rocks were slick, and I almost fell twice, but then I was standing next to Roland at the far wall.
"Where'd he go?" I asked, shining my flashlight. There was a wet spot on the wall to the left, which must have been where Roland took his piss.
Roland's eyes were wide, and the cocky Irishman sounded more afraid than I'd ever heard him. "He was just here..."
I put a hand on his shoulder to steady him. I'd seen panicked rock climbers act this way before when they were disoriented, and human touch always helped.
"He couldn't have just disappeared, could he?"
Suddenly we saw another light to our
right, down near the ground. We shone our own flashlights simultaneously, revealing a hole in the wall about as wide as a soccer ball. A hand appeared, then an arm, and then Ethan was shimmying his way out.
"Dude!" Roland darted forward, sliding down the diagonal rocks toward the hole. "Where the fuck'd you go?"
"I was right here..." Ethan said simply.
Orlando and Andy came rushing over, with the guide close on their heels. Andy stopped, took one look at the hole, and put on his best lecturing tone.
"Ethan, what did we say about--"
"I'm fine," Ethan insisted. "You guys are overreacting."
Orlando stared at the tiny hole. "What possessed you to go down there?" he said, a strange curiosity in his voice. "Good lord, how'd you even fit?"
Ethan moved his hand to his side, like he was going to pull a rock or something out of his pocket to show us. But then he flinched, and told us he was curious, and began apologizing.
Something came over me, then. A wave of dizziness from climbing the rocks so fast. We were too crammed together up in this corner, so I walked back down toward the center of the chamber where the guide's lantern sat on the rock.
And as I walked that way, I felt the same air pressure as before. It almost felt like it was pulling me in that direction, toward where I'd seen the blue mote during the darkness. And then my stomach was doing backflips, and my breathing intensified, and I knew I wouldn't be able to stop my nausea.
I reached the wall in time to spew vomit all over it.
Four sets of lights shone in my direction, hitting me like spotlights.
"Dude..." Roland said as they approached.
I wiped my mouth and stood up. I felt a little bit better now that I'd emptied half my stomach. "Sorry guys, really. Must be the aftereffects of last night."
Andy grabbed my shoulder. "No sweat, buddy. Maybe this was a bad idea."
"No, I think I'm okay!" I took a step, but wobbled a little bit. "I just need a minute."
But Andy shook his head. "Forget about it. This was fun, but I was probably overzealous. Let's get back to town and grab some food."
I wanted to argue more, but he seemed insistent, like he'd been looking for an excuse to leave. Orlando sounded disappointed, but then the guide was leading us back out the way we'd come.
