by S. J. West
“No,” I admitted. “That would break me.”
“It would break me too, darlin’,” he admitted. “Don’t feel ashamed to admit you’re human. Being able to have feelings for others is what separates us from them. It’s what makes us better and will help us win this godforsaken war one day.”
We were all silent for a moment, supper quietly forgotten.
“So, why did they let you and the other scouts come to this side?” Jace asked. “Weren’t they afraid you might get captured and tell the Harvesters how to cross the barrier?”
“No, son. They’re not worried about us.” There was a knowing look on Makena’s face I couldn’t quite understand.
“Why not?” Jace asked.
Makena grinned but it was a sad gesture. “Because none of us intend to ever go back home. They fitted us all with a fake tooth that has cyanide in it. If we’re ever caught all we have to do is bite down on it.“
“So you’re stuck on this side with us?” I asked.
“Yep.”
“Did they force you to leave?” I asked, not understanding why anyone would voluntarily leave the underground paradise Makena had described.
“No, darlin’, I volunteered to come here.”
“But why?”
Makena took his hat off and sat it down beside him on the cement floor before continuing.
“Way back when they were gathering people up to take down south,” he began, “things were just plumb crazy. My wife and daughter and I were waiting in line to get on one of the planes and a riot broke out. People were scared. They just wanted to get out of Dodge before all hell broke loose. In the confusion, only my daughter and I made it on the plane. I thought my wife would make the next flight, but we never saw her again.”
“Did you ever find out what happened to her?” Jace asked.
Makena shook his head. “No. That’s part of the reason I’m here. My daughter’s grown now and married to a good man. I figure I raised her how my wife would have wanted. She can take care of herself now. I volunteered to come here, so I could try and find out if my wife’s still alive.”
“Do you think she will be after all these years?” I asked.
Considering Makena had to be close to fifty, I could only assume his wife was around the same age. If she had been captured by the Harvesters, her organs would have been harvested a long time ago because she was too old to be in a breeding farm.
“Well, you kids have made it this long on your own,” Makena answered. “Ya’ll give me hope she might be running around somewhere out here too. I have to try to find her. If I don’t, I’ll always wonder. One day, you’ll understand what it means to love someone else more than you do yourself.”
“I understand why you had to come back,” Jace told Makena.
When I glanced over at Jace, I immediately regretted it. He was staring straight at me, and I saw the emotions behind his words. I looked back at Makena and soon realized that wasn’t any better of a place for my eyes to rest.
Makena was smiling at us. Apparently, he understood the non-subtle implication behind Jace’s words too.
Luckily, Zoe saved me from complete mortification.
“I need to use the bathroom,” she whined to no one in particular.
“I’ll take you,” Jace volunteered, standing up.
I watched Jace and Zoe walk out of the building hand in hand.
“I thought you said he didn’t have any memories of his own?” Makena asked me.
“He doesn’t.”
“Then, why is he in love with you?”
“He thinks he’s in love with me,” I grumbled. “There’s a difference.”
“So why does he think it?” Makena asked, leaning forward slightly, waiting for me to answer.
I briefly explained to him why Jace seemed so sure of his love for me.
“I keep telling him the memories he has of me aren’t real but he seems convinced they are, which makes absolutely no sense at all.”
“Well, you have a point, but you said he kept saying something about having found you before he passed out. Seems like maybe he knew who you were before he ever met you.”
“But that makes absolutely no sense,” I said in exasperation.
“No,” Makena agreed. “It doesn’t.”
Makena fell quiet. He studied my face for a while as if he were trying to figure something out about me. It was making me feel uncomfortable.
“You look like you want to ask me something,” I finally said, no longer able to take his curious scrutiny. “What is it?”
Makena smiled. “I’m just wondering why you’re so riled up about Jace liking you so much. Most girls I know would be over the moon to have a handsome guy like him fawning all over them.”
“Jace isn’t fawning over me,” I argued.
Makena’s smile grew wider. “Darlin’, that boy loves you whether you like it or not. And I think you’re starting to care for him more than you’re willing to admit.”
“I’ve only known him for a day!” I protested. “I’ve known Ash almost my whole entire life!”
“Ahh, now we’re gettin’ to the heart of it. Is it this Ash you’re in love with then?”
“I think so,” I said, wondering why I was hesitant in my answer. “I mean we’ve been together forever. He’s my best friend. I’ve had a crush on him since I was seven. He’s always been there for me.”
“Reminds me of a quote I heard once. Can’t remember who said it but it was something like ‘Love is friendship caught on fire.’ Is that about how you feel when you’re with Ash?”
“What, like I’m on fire?” I asked, confused.
Makena chuckled. “Something like that.”
“Is that how you felt when you were with your wife?”
“Every day we were together.”
I sat there silently contemplating what my true feelings for Ash were.
“Ash always made me feel safe,” I finally said. “I knew when he was around I didn’t have to worry about anything. He always took care of me, even if he had to make a sacrifice. We never had any one place to call home, but it didn’t matter to me because Ash was my home.”
“Well, there’s no doubting you love him,” Makena said, “but you can love someone and not be in love with them.”
“What’s the difference?”
Makena grinned. “It’s not something I can tell you. You’ll just have to experience it for yourself.”
Zoe and Jace walked back into the building just then, and I knew Makena and I would never be able to finish our conversation.
Makena took the first watch and told Jace he would wake him up when he got tired.
Just as Jace and I were settling our blankets on the floor, we all felt the ground tremble beneath our feet.
I looked over at Makena who was standing by one of the broken-out windows, staring out into the dark. A faint orange glow illuminated the distant sky.
“Was that the bomb?” I asked, already knowing the answer but wanting it confirmed.
“Yes,” Makena answered, never taking his eyes away from the fading light of departing souls.
Zoe and I lay down on my blanket with Blue lying against my back.
I watched Makena for a while, wondering what thoughts were going through his mind. I wasn’t sure how I would feel being the one who marked so many people for death. Even though they were living in a breeding camp, they were still people. How does someone live with so much innocent blood on their hands?
CHAPTER NINE
The sound of whispers woke me up sometime later. I remained motionless, not wanting to give away that I was awake until I figured out if the people who were talking were friend or foe. After so many years of sleeping in strange places, I’d become used to waking up but not physically showing I was awake until I knew my surroundings were safe. My sleep-addled brain finally filtered the voices, identifying them as belonging to Jace and Makena.
When I opened my eyes, I saw Jace standing with
his back leaned against the wall behind the checkout counter, arms crossed over his chest with eyebrows knitted together in thought. Makena’s back was to me as he stood on the other side of the counter, body leaned forward with arms resting on the countertop, whispering something I couldn’t quite make out to Jace. Jace responded in a low, quiet voice, but the only word I was able to hear clearly was my name.
My body tensed. Why were they having a discussion about me? I forced myself to relax and realized I was probably just being paranoid. Odds were I was only a small part of what was being discussed between the two men.
The fire from the night before had died down some but still radiated enough heat to provide a bubble of warmth around Zoe, Blue, and me. The dim early morning light spilled through the shattered glass openings at the front of the store, filling the space around us with its murky gray welcome. I had expected Jace to wake me sometime during the night so I could take over the watch but, for whatever reason, he hadn’t. I appreciated the extra sleep but hoped he wouldn’t suffer for it later in the day.
Zoe was still sleeping soundly, having flopped over onto her back sometime during the night. She was the closest to the fire and had probably become hot with me warming her back and the fire warming her front. I heard Blue behind me softly snoring and knew if I got up, the movement would wake him. I closed my eyes only intending to give Blue a few more minutes of rest.
The next thing I knew, I was waking up for the second time that day. When I opened my eyes, I saw Jace on the other side of the fire cooking something on the small pan Ash kept in his backpack. From the smell wafting over to me, I surmised it was fish.
“Smells good,” I whispered, trying my best not to wake a still slumbering Zoe.
Jace looked at me and smiled but said nothing, returning his attention to the fish sizzling in the pan.
I slowly got to my feet, being careful not to touch Zoe. Blue lifted his head and looked at me but stayed lying in his cozy, warm spot, only turning his head and resting it on his front paws to keep an eye on me.
I looked out the broken windows searching for Makena since he wasn’t in the building.
“Where’s Makena?” I asked Jace, turning my full attention to him.
“He left.”
“Without saying goodbye?”
Jace shrugged, turning a piece of filleted fish over on the plate to cook the other side.
“He said he wasn’t much for goodbyes.”
Even though I had only known Makena for a short while, leaving without saying goodbye seemed like something he would do. Whether I liked it or not, I felt a connection to him, since he had saved my life. I couldn’t help but feel somewhat abandoned but knew his mission in the Eastern Kingdom wasn’t one in which he intended to survive. I felt sure his abrupt departure was a way for him to distance himself from us. Why would he want to make new emotional ties when his life expectancy was so short?
“I see you found the collapsible fishing pole in Ash’s pack,” I said, coming to stand beside Jace, letting the succulent smell of freshly cooked fish fill my lungs.
“I thought you and Zoe might like something fresh to eat,” Jace replied, flipping the fillets over with the fork in his hand.
I knelt down next to Jace with my legs folded underneath me.
“At least you can catch fish. I only catch one every once in a blue moon. Ash was the only one of us who could reliably hook a fish.”
“Were you better at shooting things?” Jace asked.
I felt myself frown at the question.
“Makena said you shot one of the Harvester’s in the middle of the forehead while the guy was running down the hill,” Jace explained, awe in his voice. “You must be really good with a gun if you made that kind of shot.”
I shrugged. “If you want to eat, you learn how to aim and fire fast. Most animals won’t just stand still and let you kill them. So, I had to learn how to hit running targets.”
“Makena said he couldn’t have made the shot.” I could hear the pride in Jace’s voice over my accomplishment. I didn’t want it. You should never be proud for taking someone else’s life, even a Harvester’s.
“Honestly, I’m not sure how I made the shots I did. I mean, I’m good but I have no idea what happened to me in those few seconds,” I said, trying to play off the praise, but realizing my words were true. “I guess you never know what you can do until your life depends on it.”
“Speaking of what happened at the hill…” Jace’s tone suddenly changed from praise to disapproval. “You should have told me your plan. I should have been the one who stayed behind to use the gun to slow them down. You could have been killed.”
“If I had said anything out loud, they would have known what to expect. They would have heard me with their freaky super-hearing. Surprise was the only thing we had going for us. And to be honest with you, Zoe’s safety was all I was thinking about at the time. Between the two of us, she would have been a lot safer having you around to protect her than me. I think you proved that to be true with the Harvester who attacked the two of you.”
I saw Jace’s eyes wander to his hands, looking at them like they weren’t really a part of him. I understood the feeling.
“I’m still not sure how I did it,” he quietly admitted. “I know I’m strong, but…ripping a man’s head off? Who can do something like that?”
“I read things whenever I get a chance.”
Jace looked at me confused by my change of subject.
“I read a lot of books when I can find them and most anything that’s printed,” I continued to explain. “I have a photographic memory, so things stick with me forever. I read in a magazine once that when people are under a lot of stress they can do things with their bodies that no normal person should be able to do, like I read about this sixty-year-old woman who lifted a car off her grandson because he was pinned underneath it and was about to die. Now, I don’t know if that story is true, but I’ll bet that’s what happened to you. Your body just got so full of adrenaline you ended up being able to do something that was superhuman. I don’t think it’s anything to be scared of, Jace. I’m just glad it was the Harvester who lost his life and not you or Zoe.”
A half-grin appeared on Jace’s face.
“Thanks,” he said.
“For what?”
“For trying to make me feel better about what I did.”
Jace’s grin faded, and I knew he still felt guilt over killing the Harvester. It was a bond we both shared.
I put a comforting hand on his shoulder, causing him to look back over at me. I immediately wanted to wash away the guilt and sadness I saw in his eyes.
“You did what you had to do,” I said, making sure he heard each word. “You shouldn’t feel any guilt for killing that Harvester. He would have killed you and Zoe and not felt an ounce of remorse afterwards. Don’t pity them. They don’t deserve it. You have to realize they aren’t human anymore.”
Jace put his free hand over mine, not saying a word, but I knew he was grateful for my attempt to comfort him.
Jace held me with his gaze. It was the first time I actually noticed the color of his eyes. They were a mixture of the blue sky that used to cover the world and the gray clouds we now lived under. Small flecks of silver seemed to be embedded in his irises, making his eyes almost glow from the flickering flames of the fire. I felt his thumb gently start to rub the side of my hand on his shoulder in a soothing circular motion. I tried to look away but felt myself being drawn deeper into him. He didn’t try to hide how he felt about me, and I felt the muscles of my heart tighten at the unconditional and inexplicable love written in his eyes. No one had ever looked at me the way he was looking at me now, not even Ash. A yearning to accept what he wanted to offer me suddenly filled my body and for a moment I began to wonder what it would be like to let myself enjoy the comfort such feelings might bring.
“You guys aren’t gonna start kissin’ and stuff are you?”
Zoe’s innocent ques
tion abruptly shattered the moment. Reluctantly, Jace let go of my hand as I drew it back down into my lap not quite understanding what had just happened. I felt dizzy and slightly out of breath.
Zoe hopped up from the blanket and stretched her small body out while letting out a loud and extended yawn.
“I’m so hungry I could eat a horse,” she proclaimed, peering down at the four fish fillets with ravenous eyes.
“Well, I don’t have a horse to feed you, but you’re more than welcome to this fish,” Jace said, grinning up at Zoe.
Zoe shrugged, causing her twin pigtails to bob in unison. “It’ll have to do I guess.”
We ate the fish for breakfast, and I added a can of peaches to the mix. Zoe wolfed hers down like there was no tomorrow. I thought Simon had been exaggerating about how large an appetite Zoe would have after being released from his protective shield. She couldn’t weigh more than sixty pounds, but her earlier statement about being so hungry she could eat a horse probably wasn’t too far off the mark considering how quickly she cleaned her plate.
It didn’t take us long to pack up our few belongings and start making our way south again. Apparently while Jace and Makena talked earlier that morning, Makena marked on our map what he thought the safest route back south would be. Since he felt sure he was the scout sent the farthest west, he marked a route that actually took us ten miles even farther to the west to ensure there wasn’t a possibility of us coming into contact with any of the fallout from the Fairmont bomb or any other scouts. We wouldn’t be able to head back down south again until after we made it to a small town called Fairview.
For the most part, Zoe did all of the talking on our walk to Fairview. She was a veritable chatterbox. Her first questions ended up being an interrogation of me. Since Jace was lucky enough to still have amnesia, I was the one stuck with telling the story of my life to a very precocious seven year old.
She made me start with when and where I was born.
“August 5, 2030 at 6:00 p.m. in Rochester, New York,” I told her.
