by Astrid Amara
A small band of light from the fires of an open kitchen across the street filtered through the slit near the ceiling. The two butter lamps in the room flickered unevenly and filled the corners with foreboding shadows. Jandu rose and pulled linens from his pack. He covered Keshan’s bedroll with his own sheets. Keshan watched him, a smile on his face.
“I didn’t know you knew how to make a bed.”
“I had to as Janali.” Jandu smoothed out the finely woven cotton with the palm of his hand. “My roommate Rani showed me how after she saw what a mess I made of my first attempt.”
“Do you think she ever suspected the truth about you?” Keshan scraped the bottom of the clay bowl greedily. He moved on to the basket of fruits.
Jandu shook his head. “No. I wasn’t a good woman, but I was consistent. I think that’s all that mattered.” Jandu sat down on the freshly made bed. “I tried to see her before we left, but she wouldn’t talk to me. Maybe she’s embarrassed that I saw her naked.” Jandu shrugged. “I’ll send her a letter. I don’t want Rani thinking I’m her enemy.”
Keshan’s fingers were sticky with mango juice. He dampened a cloth and wiped his hands carefully.
Jandu smiled at him sweetly. “Keshan, how can you be so fastidious when you’re sleeping in this shit hole?”
Keshan laughed, but continued with his ritualistic cleansing. He could see Jandu’s eyes take on his piercing gaze of arousal. Keshan sat beside Jandu on the bed.
Jandu leaned in, holding Keshan’s head in his hands. “Help me erase the bad memories with good ones.” He kissed Keshan, pushing his tongue into Keshan’s mouth.
Keshan relaxed in Jandu’s embrace. Jandu moved slowly, gently lowering Keshan onto the bed. Keshan’s body absorbed Jandu’s heat. He worried when the first stirrings of his arousal rubbed against Jandu’s thigh, but Jandu didn’t seem to mind as much when he was on top. Jandu ground his hips down to meet Keshan’s, and Keshan’s entire body slackened, melting back into the sheets. Keshan opened his lips wider.
Jandu kissed him again, and Keshan tasted Jandu’s hot mouth, hoping the warmth of his own desire could thaw the chills that had racked Jandu’s body at their first embrace. Jandu fumbled with Keshan’s waist sash, and then slid his hands around to Keshan’s backside to pull down his dejaru.
Jandu placed feather-light kisses down Keshan’s torso, and Keshan moaned. Every brush of Jandu’s skin against Keshan’s caused shivers of pleasure. It had been so long since he had luxuriated in the smell and taste of Jandu’s flesh, so long since he was able to witness how his own touch made Jandu shake with anticipation. Jandu’s body had perfected into manhood after his transformation, each muscle defined, tense with unspent power, his skin flush with desire.
Jandu gently traced the outer edge of Keshan’s nipples with his thumbs, and Keshan arched up to meet him, moaning with the delicious contact.
Keshan’s hands groped at Jandu’s dejaru. Jandu quickly undressed, and then straddled Keshan, their shafts alongside each other. Keshan saw the pulse of Jandu’s heart beating wildly in his chest.
Keshan took a deep breath, smelling and taking in the sight of Jandu’s body, his mind lingering on the erotic curve of his cock, the firmness of his thighs, the small slopes of Jandu’s hip bones, the tautness of his chest.
Jandu leaned down and brushed his face along Keshan’s cock. Arousal rushed through Keshan’s senses like liquid fire. His cock twitched towards Jandu. Jandu pulled him into his mouth.
It was that simple, really. He realized that, regardless of Firdaus’ crimes, this was the two of them. Nothing aggressive could live in the soft embrace of these caresses. Jandu swallowed Keshan into the back of his throat. Keshan moaned like he was slowly dying. Jandu’s hand flirted along Keshan’s backside, gently kneading his muscles, slipping a finger inside.
Keshan reached blindly towards his saddlebag on the floor, and extracted the small jar of rose oil that they had used years ago. Keshan handed it to him breathlessly.
Jandu opened the jar and looked inside. “There’s less here than I remember.” He smirked down at Keshan.
Keshan laughed. “Oh, shut up. It hasn’t been used since you left Tiwari.”
Jandu held the jar up to the candlelight and squinted one eye to examine the volume more closely. Keshan poked at Jandu’s ribs impatiently.
“Come on, come on,” Keshan said. “Don’t stop now.”
Jandu dipped his fingers in the oil and circled a finger inside Keshan, moving slowly, and then with more urgency as Keshan bucked against him. Keshan wanted to return this favor, get his hands on Jandu and please him, but Jandu resisted his touches. Keshan realized that Jandu needed to be in control of this moment, reinstate his dominance, and this was more important than Keshan’s own desires to stake claim to him. Keshan’s vision blurred as tremors shook his body.
Keshan shifted to roll over, but Jandu stopped him, holding Keshan down on the bed by gently pressing his shoulders. “No,” Jandu whispered. “I want to see your face.”
Jandu lifted Keshan’s legs onto his shoulders. He stared at Keshan intensely. “All right?”
Keshan nodded, anticipation fluttering through him.
Jandu opened Keshan wider and then slowly, carefully, pushed the tip of his cock inside of him.
Keshan gasped. Jandu immediately froze, a look of concern on his face.
“Does it hurt?”
“No! God no… do it some more,” Keshan whispered. He put his hands under him to tilt himself higher, to take more of Jandu into him.
Jandu grabbed the small pillow from the bed and put it under Keshan to open him wider. He sank deeper, moving slowly, watching Keshan’s face carefully.
Keshan’s body stretched and tightened, filled with Jandu’s thick heat. The feeling was so good Keshan thought he would ignite from pleasure. Jandu stretched his body along Keshan’s, his body trembling, his breathing rapid, desire flushed across his face.
Jandu moved rhythmically within Keshan, and Keshan’s body constricted around him, clenching tight. Jandu buried his nose in Keshan’s hair, and began to make the small, inarticulate whimpers that Keshan longed to hear. Jandu sank deeper, and Keshan’s cock rubbed tightly between their stomachs, engorged with the pressure.
Jandu thrust powerfully now, matching the thrusts with kisses, his tongue deep inside Keshan’s mouth, and it was all Keshan could do to hold back the mounting orgasm flushing through his body. He wanted to extend this feeling forever. He had waited a long time for this. He had suffered for this. This was everything to him now.
Keshan’s fingers dug into Jandu’s back. He came in an explosive gasp, his eyes closed, his whole body tensing, clenching down on Jandu. The warmth of his orgasm poured between their bellies.
Jandu reached down to push Keshan’s legs further apart and then thrust impossibly deep into him, until he came in one long, sweet moment, his body arching with ecstasy. He lay on Keshan, eyes closed, and stayed inside of his lover.
They held each other silently, panting, and the rest of the world seemed to grow silent. The noises of the street disappeared, all of the bird calls died, the neighbors moved away, the flies landed. Even the smells faded. The only world left was theirs, their chests rising and falling in the aftermath of their romance. Jandu slowly slipped from inside of Keshan, and rolled onto his back.
Keshan rose and used a cloth to clean Jandu and himself. He shook out his dejaru, wishing it were cleaner. He ran his hands through his hair to bring it to order, wincing as the motion caused a shock of pain on the backs of his hands.
Jandu sighed and stood as well, returning once more to his pile of supplies. As he walked across the room naked, Keshan admired his tight backside, the loose hang of his genitals.
Jandu tied his dark green dejaru loose, like a long skirt. He wrapped a green and gold sash around his waist, and pulled on a white silk vest. He strapped on his sandals and then smiled shyly at Keshan. Jandu looked so beautiful, strong and sleek.
Once Jandu was fully dressed, he reached back into his sack and pulled out a black cotton shirt. It was long and looked like it belonged to a Marshavi tradesman. The fringe frayed slightly, but it otherwise looked and smelled clean.
Jandu handed it to Keshan.
“I can’t wear that if it isn’t from a dead body,” Keshan said.
“So tell people it’s from a dead body. People won’t really notice unless it looks nice, and this looks old.” Jandu raised an eyebrow at him. “Don’t tell me after a lifetime of lying you have suddenly chosen a path of honesty?”
Keshan pulled it on, relieved by its cleanliness and the warmth. It had been weeks since the top of his body was covered; he hadn’t realized how vulnerable he had felt since he had been stripped back in Afadi.
“Thank you. For everything,” Keshan added. “For the food, the clothing… bringing clean sheets, for God’s sake.” Keshan looked down at his tunic. “I don’t know what I would do without you.”
Jandu hugged him. “You’re suffering this because of me. But I swear I will fix this. I will make it right for you once more.” He tenderly stroked Keshan’s face.
“I have to go see Iyestar.” Keshan steadied his resolve. “I have to tell him what happened.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” Jandu asked.
Keshan shook his head. “I think this will be less horrible if it’s just my brother and I.” He pulled from Jandu’s embrace.
“What do you think he’s going to do?”
“I don’t know.” Keshan took a deep breath, and then opened the door.
“Be careful. I’ll be here when you return.”
“I’ll be back soon.” Keshan hesitated in the doorway. In here, despite the gloomy atmosphere and smell, he was safe. Outside, he was hated once more. But waiting would not make Iyestar any less angry.
Keshan slipped outside, and made his way home.
◆◆◆
The news of impending war already passed from house to house, and as Keshan walked down his old street, he saw more neighbors than usual outside, discussing the impending battle with their fellow lords.
Keshan cursed his own popularity. As he slunk from shadow to shadow, he tried to go unnoticed, but his face was too recognizable, and too many lords and ladies caught sight of him and whispered.
At the Adaru townhouse, activity filled the brick courtyard. Chezek was there, obviously just back from some task for Keshan’s brother. He lounged against the chariot, chewing betel leaves, and barking orders to the stable hands. When he turned and saw Keshan at the gate, his face broke into a smile and he ran to open the gate for Keshan.
“My lord! Welcome home!” Chezek leaned down to touch Keshan’s feet.
He quickly stepped back, so Chezek would not touch him.
Chezek straightened, looking hurt. “My lord?”
Keshan straightened his arms. Chezek grabbed his lantern and hovered the light over the backs of Keshan hands. Even in the dim lamplight, Keshan saw Chezek pale.
“My lord! I can’t believe… So it’s true.”
“Would you fetch my brother for me?” Keshan asked anxiously.
Chezek closed his eyes and shivered. When he looked back at Keshan, he had tears in his eyes. “I’m so sorry, my lord.”
“You have to stop calling me that,” Keshan said quietly. God, he was going to have to go through this painful moment a hundred times or more. “Call me Keshan. I’m not a lord anymore.”
Chezek licked his lips. “Keshan.” He seemed uncomfortable with the word. “I’ll fetch Lord Iyestar for you.”
“Thank you.”
As soon as Chezek left, Keshan moved to the front of the chariot and stroked his horse’s face. The horse snorted and nuzzled Keshan’s palm affectionately. His other stallion bent his neck and gave Keshan big soft eyes, begging for attention.
“Oh fine, hello to you too,” Keshan cooed to them. As soon as he heard the front door open, he stepped back quickly. He wasn’t sure if Iyestar would forbid him from touching their animals.
Iyestar stormed out of the building, his hair wet from his ablutions, his eyes blurry with alcohol. When he saw Keshan at the gate he smiled widely.
“About time!” Iyestar scolded him, hands on his hips.
“There’s going to be a war between the Parans and Darvad,” Keshan said.
Iyestar stopped smiling. “So I’ve heard. Will you fight with Darvad?”
“No. I won’t be fighting at all.” Keshan took a deep breath and held his hands out for Iyestar to see them.
At first, Iyestar didn’t believe it. He kept shaking his head. “This is one of your sick jokes.”
“I wish it was.”
“It’s impossible!” Iyestar suddenly exploded. “Keshan! You fucking idiot! What have you done?”
The stable hands all froze in place, watching the confrontation.
“I think we should discuss this somewhere more private,” Keshan said quietly.
Iyestar stormed towards the house. Keshan reached out to touch him, and then stopped.
“Wait, Iyestar.” Keshan sighed in annoyance. “I can’t go in there.”
“Damn you! God damn you!” Iyestar had tears in his eyes. He raised his fist as if to strike Keshan, thought twice about it, and instead reached down and took off his sandal. He threw it at Keshan’s head. It glanced off of Keshan’s arm. “You fucking idiot!”
Keshan made his way back behind the stables. It was one of the few places where the Jegora were allowed to come and go freely. Several other Jegora were there working and they cowered as Keshan rounded the corner. Iyestar followed him, cursing the entire time, and then finally took off his other shoe and hurled it at Keshan.
Keshan leaned against the wall behind the stable and slid to a crouch on the ground.
Iyestar looked around, broke a low branch off the nearby banyan, and swung it at Keshan. Keshan blocked the blow, but Iyestar was fast at hand-to-hand combat, and whacked Keshan a second time in the face.
“Are you done?” Keshan snapped at him.
“No!” Iyestar was crying now. He beat at Keshan. Keshan huddled into a ball and curled his arms around himself protectively. “You are such a bastard! What are we going to do now? What are we going to do?” Iyestar’s voice broke with a sob. He dropped the branch and went to pieces, collapsing to the ground and sobbing into his hands. Keshan watched him cry, his body stinging from his brother’s blows.
Iyestar’s performance attracted all of the nearby servants. “Go away!” Keshan hissed at them. They scattered immediately, leaving the back entrance to the two brothers alone.
Iyestar’s whole body shook. Keshan wanted to hug him. But he couldn’t. The fact that Iyestar was actually abiding the rules of his brother’s casteless state knifed through him. He had hoped for more loyalty. He had hoped Iyestar would embrace him and offer him his old room back. It was the ultimate irony, Keshan thought, that of all people, only Jandu ignored Keshan’s brands.
Everything was over for him. He knew it was vain to care about how people thought of him, but that was just the way he was. And now the people whose respect he wanted the most were staring at him like he was trash. It was too much to see. Keshan lowered his gaze to the ground, grateful that his hair hung over his face, obscuring it from sight.
Iyestar finally wiped his eyes and stared at Keshan. “I’d heard rumors, but I truly thought it was some joke of yours. Tell me what happened.”
Keshan explained about Firdaus, Jandu, and the curse. Iyestar seemed to calm down slightly as Keshan finished the story.
“Jandu has asked me to be his charioteer in the war, and I accepted. Until then, I will live in rented lodgings,” Keshan said. “If Yudar becomes king, he will elevate me to Triya once more.”
Iyestar’s eyes were red. “If there’s a war, I have to fight on Darvad’s side. I’m his ally.”
“I know.”
“We’ll be fighting on opposite sides.”
“I know.” Keshan
swallowed.
Iyestar shook his head. “I can’t believe Darvad let this happen. He can change you back right now. I’ll beg him to change you back.”
“It won’t matter what you say. It was part of his conditions, he has to stand by them.” Keshan sighed.
“So you would fight for that bastard Yudar?” Iyestar asked.
“No.” Keshan needed his brother to understand. “I would fight for Jandu.”
“And what of your mission, Keshan?” Iyestar sneered. “I thought that was all that mattered! Our entire life, you have risked everything for your cause. You have driven us all mad with your singular purpose. And now you have forgotten everything? You will go and fight for a man who opposes the very equality you have fought so hard for?”
“My powers are gone,” Keshan said. “I can do little now, in the state I am in. Everything is gone. All I have left is Jandu.”
Iyestar grimaced. “And what about us? Ajani, and mother and I? Your family?”
“Will you let me inside?” Keshan asked.
Iyestar closed his eyes. “Don’t ask me to do that.”
“Will you?” Keshan’s fear and sadness gave way to his sense of betrayal. “I am still your brother, am I not? Will you open your door to an untouchable, and let the world see that the Tiwari household continues to love his noble son?”
“We’ll be ostracized,” Iyestar said quietly. “We’ll be disgraced.”
Keshan’s heart felt pulverized. “So it doesn’t matter, does it? I’m dead to you anyway.”
Iyestar shook his head. He wiped his eyes once more and then motioned towards Keshan’s brands. “I hope Jandu is worth it.”
Keshan nodded. “He is.”
Chapter 47
TAREK AWOKE TO WARMTH.
The smell of almonds, warm hair, sun-burned flesh. Dark and musky smells, masculine smells. Tarek looked at Anant’s sleeping face, and something light and joyful ignited in his heart. It wasn’t fire—this was not like his all-consuming, bone-shattering passion for Darvad—this was weaker, quieter. It didn’t glow, but it was present, persistent, safe.
