I rang the doorbell again, then peeked through the window and frowned. I knew she was at home because her Mercedes was in the driveway.
I was worried about Trinette. I’d been calling her for the previous three days with no answer. Her job said she had been calling in sick. Said she had some kind of flu bug. I wasn’t buying it. If Trinette was sick, she would have called me whining like a baby until I agreed to bring her spoiled ass some soup. Tristan said he spotted Trinette in the mall last weekend shopping her tail off, but as far as I knew no one else had seen her since.
“Trinette, I’m not leaving, so you might as well open this door!” I screamed and banged on the door at the same time. If she was asleep, then her ass needed to wake up. Knowing her, she probably had some man in there, but I didn’t care. Dammit! A couple of years ago, she had given me a key, but for the life of me I didn’t know where it was.
I knocked again and hoped she hadn’t done anything stupid. As quickly as I thought about it, I pushed that ridiculous thought aside. Trinette loved herself too much to try anything stupid, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t thinking about it.
For the last couple of weeks, she had been trying to act like her breakup with Leon didn’t bother her, but I knew better. That girl was hurting, and I don’t care how much dick she tried to ride, that wasn’t going to change the fact that Leon walked out on her. Trinette had this hard exterior wall she had put around her heart years ago to keep from getting hurt, but like I told her, money and sex didn’t make up for what her life was missing. At some point, she was going to have to face her demon and let her guard down in order to love and be loved.
I was preparing to walk around back and break a window or something when I finally heard the lock turn. I flinched when I saw her. Trinette was standing there with her weave matted to her head.
“Damn, bitch! Quit ringing my doorbell,” she barked, then turned and walked back through the house. I followed.
“If you’d answer my phone calls I wouldn’t have to be ringing your damn doorbell.” I followed her inside. Eeew! It was funky. It stunk like old food. I glanced around the house, which was a complete mess. Photo albums and pictures were all over the living room floor. I moved into the kitchen and discovered the smell. A package of catfish nuggets was in the sink thawed out. On touch the package was warm; there was no telling how many days it had been sitting there, stinking. I turned my nose up and went up the stairs to Trinette’s bedroom. At the door, I had to take a step back. Her room was also a disaster. Clothes were everywhere. Dresser drawers sitting open. Closet doors as well.
“Girl, what’s up with you? Why haven’t you been answering my calls?”
Trinette climbed back in bed and curled into a fetal position, staring off in the opposite direction. “I don’t want to talk to anyone.”
I moved over to the side of her bed and took a seat. “Why not? What’s going on with you?”
She wouldn’t look at me. “I miss him.”
“Who? Leon?”
Pinning me with a hard look, she spat, “Who else?”
“Shit, I don’t know. You said you were seeing someone else.”
Trinette looked away, and I could tell she was trying to fight tears. “I fucked up, Nikki. I really fucked up. How could I have been so stupid?”
I placed a comforting hand at her back. “Have you talked to him since you took all his money?”
She shook her head.
“Well, why don’t you start with a phone call?”
“I can’t call him, because if I hear the rejection in his voice, I-I’m gonna lose it.” She practically choked on a sob.
It was nothing worse than seeing my best friend behaving as if she had no reason to live. Some people could handle the pressure. Unfortunately, Trinette wasn’t one of them. “How about sending an e-mail and telling him how you feel?” I suggested. The sooner she talked to Leon, the sooner she would get back to her normal vain and self-centered self, because I couldn’t stand the pitiful Netta.
Trinette rolled onto her back. “I don’t want to put myself out there so I can be rejected.”
“That’s your problem. You’re always worried about looking bad. You’ve got to let your guard down and quit trying to be so hard.”
“Nikki, I don’t know how to be anything other than the way I am.”
“I’m not saying change who you are. Hell, for some reason Leon fell in love with your crazy ass just the way you are.”
“Forget you,” she mumbled.
I laughed, trying to lighten the mood a little. “Seriously, though…you’ve got to start understanding that marriage requires hard work and dedication. You’ve got to quit taking Leon for granted.”
She blinked but didn’t comment because she knew good and well I was telling the truth. “You can’t think me; in a marriage it’s we. Marriage is a partnership and a commitment to each other. I’m definitely not one to talk, because after Mimi was killed I gave up caring about my marriage and all I thought about was how I felt. I didn’t even consider what Donovan was feeling. And because of it, we disconnected and our marriage was hanging by a thread, but I have woken up, and I know I love Donovan and there’s no other man I would rather be with.”
“Not even Kenyon,” Trinette teased as she brushed tears from her eyes.
“Especially not him. Donovan is my soul mate just like Leon is yours, but I gotta be honest with you….” I purposely allowed my voice to trail off.
She rolled her eyes and groaned, “Oh, Lord, what else is new?”
“Whatever…. I wouldn’t be a real friend if I wasn’t. If you’re gonna make your relationship with your husband work, you’ve got to stop fucking around.”
Trinette blew out a long breath. Hey, as I say all the time on my show, the truth hurts. She finally nodded her head and said, “I know.”
“I’m serious. Are you ready to give up your other life in order to save your marriage?” I looked her dead in the eyes because I wanted to make sure she really understood what I was saying.
She started bawling again. That was not at all the reaction I was expecting. “Yes, I-I want m-m-my husband back. I-I didn’t know it then, b-but I know it now.” She sniffled and reached for a tissue from the nightstand. “I guess it took Leon dumping me for me to finally realize I don’t want to live without him.”
“Praise the Lord!” I murmured, and glanced up at the ceiling. It was definitely a miracle if Trinette was talking about realizing and not wanting to live without someone other than “me, myself and I.” I leaned over and hugged my best friend. She had a traumatic childhood that she somehow allowed to dictate her life.
“I’m not gonna beg him to take me back. Part of me feels it’s too late, and I can’t blame anyone but myself for that. But I would like for him to know how I feel.”
I stared down into her sad eyes and tried to reassure her. “You can do it.”
“I don’t know…. Where do I start?”
“Girl, you can start by doing something about your breath, ’cause you’re killing me,” I replied, frowning.
“Forget you.” Playfully, she punched me in the leg.
I struggled to keep a straight face. “I’m serious. You also smell as bad as your kitchen. Get your butt in the shower while I go put out your trash.”
Trinette gave me a big hug. “Nikki, I don’t know what I would do without you, girl.”
I held my nose. “Smell like that again and you’re gonna find out.”
She laughed for the first time, and I smiled and left the room, heading for the kitchen.
I didn’t know what to think about that girl. If she didn’t get it together, she was going to lose Leon for good. Not that I was one to talk. Kenyon was still blowing up my phone and popping up at the bookstore. I was starting to wonder if he was ever going to get the hint.
33
Trinette
“I’m calling about an old credit card that was sent to collections.”
“What’s the
account number?”
I rattled off the number I found from an old bill. I could hear her typing on a keyboard.
“Is this Trinette Montgomery?”
“Yes, it is,” I replied.
“I must inform you this call may be monitored or recorded. The information I am about to discuss is in an attempt to collect a debt. Ms. Montgomery, we’ve been trying to reach you for almost two years since the bill was turned over to us for collections.”
Yeah, whatever. “How much do I owe you?” I already knew, but I wanted to hear what she had to say.
“$932.”
I leaned back on the chair. “Hmmm…don’t have it. I don’t even have a job, but I just got my taxes and want to spend it paying this bill. I’ll give you half.”
“Half? I’m sorry, but I only can go down thirty percent.”
She was lying. I had spent all day the day before reading this enlightening book called Debt Cures that educated me on paying debts. Ms. Netta got up this morning, knowing exactly how to play the game of debt relief. “I only have half. Either you take it or I’ll spend it at the mall, buying a new pair of shoes.”
There was a three-second pause before she replied, “Hold on while I talk to my supervisor.”
My lips curled in a smile. Her mama obviously ain’t raised no fool. I held the phone and stared out my kitchen window and thought about the past few days.
The last week was hell for me. After Michael made me feel like a ho, I just shut down. No phone calls or personal appearances. I was so ashamed I didn’t want anyone around me. Michael personally delivered my car to the house, but when he knocked at the door I pretended I wasn’t at home, and he left the key in the mailbox.
The rest of the week, I hung out at home by myself, and I realized I didn’t like the person I had become. I had everything, but in reality nothing I had was worth having. I had said to my clients so many times, “No one can change the way you’re living your life but you,” and that what I was trying to do. Make over Netta into someone I was proud to be. Today, I had negotiated five debts, and it felt good. Damn good. Two more debts and I will have covered every derogatory item on my credit report. In the process, I had put a dent in the money I took from the joint account, but that didn’t matter. Not anymore. It was time for me to start living on my own two feet.
“Ms. Montgomery?” The customer service representative returned to the phone. “You still on the line?”
“Yes.”
“Well, I have good news! I spoke with my supervisor and she has agreed to $466 if you can pay that today.”
I smiled. Not for a moment did I doubt they would accept my offer. “Sure…as long as you agree to remove this debt from my credit report as well.”
“T-That shouldn’t be a problem.” I guess my request caught her off guard. What’s the point of giving them what they want if they can’t do something for me in return?
Crossing my arms, I strolled across the room as I spoke. “Wonderful. Fax me a copy of the agreement and I’ll give you my bank information.” I gave her the number to my personal fax and agreed to call her after I received the information.
I hung up my phone and was heading toward my office when the doorbell rang. “Who the hell could that be?” I wondered as I moved through the house. No one knew I had taken time off from work except my job and Nikki. As soon as I peeked through the peephole, I swung the door open and asked, “What do you want?”
Darlene had the nerve to be standing on my doorstep with her hands buried deep inside the pockets of a navy blue trench coat that as far as I was concerned had seen its better days. Her shoulder-length hair was pulled back in a bun that looked too severe for her thin face, not that I really cared.
“I came to talk.”
Out the corner of my eye, I saw Travis’s Escalade parked in front of my neighbor’s house. I rolled my eyes in Mama’s direction and spat, “We don’t have anything to talk about.”
“Yes, we do.” She then had the nerve to walk in my house and move over to the couch and take a seat. It was obvious she wasn’t leaving until she had a chance to say whatever was on her mind. I thought I might as well get this shit over with.
I slammed the door shut, then moved over and stood in front of her with my arms folded against my breasts. “Okay, so talk.”
Darlene unfastened the button of her coat and slipped her arms through. She was wearing a yellow short-sleeved blouse. I gasped at the sight of her arms. She’s light brown like me so the purple bruising was apparent.
“What happened to you?”
She followed the direction of my gaze, then held her arms out so I could get a closer look. “Dialysis. I think they’ve stuck me in every place possible.”
Thinking about what she went through on a weekly basis deflated some of my anger. I lowered onto the love seat across from her. “How often do you go? Once a week?”
Shaking her head, Mama gave me a sad smile. “Try three times a week.”
I forced my eyes away. I didn’t want to care, and the fact I was feeling sorry for her only made me madder. “What is it that you want?”
She shrugged and looked nervous again. “I want to clear the air between us and give you a gift.” I hadn’t noticed the book in her hand that she now held out for me to take. I stared down at it as if it were cursed.
“What’s that?”
“Something I want you to have.” I made no attempt to take the book. Darlene eventually gave a defeated sigh and placed it on the couch beside her.
I sat there for what felt like forever waiting for her to speak. Taking in her features, noticing the dark rings around her eyes. She looked tired…and weak.
“I wanted to talk to you about your father.”
I leaned back against the seat, heart pounding with anticipation. Since I was a little girl, I had asked my mother about my father, but she always said he was a one-night stand whose name she couldn’t remember. Even then I knew she was lying.
“I met Darren Austin when I was barely eighteen years old and he was thirty. I’ll never forget the day I brought him home to meet my mama. Jean had a fit…cussing…going off. She told me to either end the relationship or get out and never set foot at her door again. Darren was my first, and I was so in love, I moved in with him. There wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for that man and he knew it. Eventually he started putting his hands on me. If I refused to do what he said, he kicked my ass. I tried going home, but Mama refused to let me come back so I had no choice but to stay with Darren. He knew he had the control and no one could help me, and it wasn’t long before he started pimpin’ me to his friends.” Mama wrung her hands nervously in her lap as she drew in a shaky breath. “Afterward, he wanted all the intimate details, then he would beat me for not resisting.”
“Why didn’t you just leave?”
“Where would I have gone? Times weren’t like they are now. I had no money, no education and nowhere to go.” Her eyes pleaded with me to understand, but I didn’t. “By this time, he had already introduced me to cocaine, and I was thankful for anything to take my mind away from the pain.”
I pursed my lips at the mention of her first drug of choice.
“Then one night I was gang-raped. Darren tied me down to the bed, and while three of his friends took turns on top of me, he sat in a chair smoking a cigarette and watched.”
I sprung from the love seat. “I don’t want to hear anymore!” This story was just too painful and reminded me too much of what I had gone through. I could feel her pain and her feelings of helplessness because I had been there as well.
“Netta, let me finish!” Mama shouted, and I froze. She hadn’t raised her voice to me in a long time. “Please,” she pleaded, her voice softer now. Tears pooled in her eyes, and I felt that traitorous tug at my heart. “Please just let me talk, and I promise I will never bother you again.”
“Fine…go ahead and finish.” I flopped back down on the seat.
Mama wiped her eyes. “After they le
ft, Darren beat me so bad he fractured my ribs. He said I should have resisted. I knew at that point if I wanted to live I had to get away from him. I waited until he went to the club, and I went to Mama with one eye swollen shut and begged for her to let me in. And don’t you know she slammed the door in my face.” Mama gave a laugh that lacked humor and lowered her gaze to the floor. Tears dampened her lap.
“I made it to the hospital, and a nurse there gave me the address to a battered women’s shelter. I was still living there when I found out I was pregnant with you.”
I closed my eyes, trying not to think about the fact that my father could have been Darren or any of the men who had raped her. No wonder my life was so fucked up.
“I was determined to get my life together. The shelter helped me get a job and a place to live, and when you were born it didn’t matter to me who your daddy was. One thing for sure, y-you were my b-baby.” Her voice cracked. Tears burned at the back of my eyes, but I willed them away. “You were four when I started dating Travis’s father. All I had ever wanted for you was a family. I thought Trey loved me, but I found out he was married. After that I started looking for love wherever I could find it, but it was always the same thing, men taking and tossing me aside when I was all used up. Before long I had five kids and no man and a job that barely put food on the table. I started working nights and leaving y’all at home alone. You were eleven at the time and responsible enough to take care of your brothers if they needed something. Someone must have hotlined me, because I came home to find all of you gone. Social services had taken y’all away!” She sniffled. “I was willing to do whatever I had to do to keep my kids together. I worked during the day as a cashier and turned tricks at night to hire a lawyer to get y’all back. There was no way I was turning my back on my kids like my mama did.”
I couldn’t stay quiet any longer. “But you did turn your back. You left me with Uncle Sonny!”
She pressed her palms together and closed her eyes like she had taken a moment to pray. “Netta…I’m so sorry about that. Back then I had no idea, I swear to you.” She dropped her eyes. “I didn’t find out until later.”
Confessions Page 21
