“Sounds great.” Steph smiled.
“I hope so. The change of pace will be nice. I’m also planning to get up to the Bluff to do some climbing and hopefully get out mountain biking again. Do you hike or climb at all?”
“I love to hike. I haven’t been doing enough of it, though. I’ve done a little bit of climbing but not for a few years. I don’t own the equipment and wouldn’t risk free solo climbing.”
“Come up to the Bluff with me on Saturday,” Ryan said. “I’m hoping to get Margie and maybe a couple of others up for some climbing. I’ve got all the equipment so you’d only need to bring yourself. We might do some free soloing too, but there’s no pressure to do that. We can have a picnic and make a day of it. Give us a chance to get to know each other again.”
Steph hesitated. She didn’t have a reason to say no, and it would be nice to get out of town, but getting to the Bluff meant driving the road out of Hope’s Ridge. The road. She thought back to her last session with Dan. You need to step outside your comfort zone, Steph. Avoiding car travel, for instance, isn’t viable long term. Short trips will get you back in the rhythm, and hopefully, with each one, it will make it easier. He was right. She took a deep breath. “What time are you going? I’m teaching an early morning class on Saturday. I’ll be free by nine.”
“I can work around you,” Ryan said. “Why don’t we say ten o’clock?”
Steph hesitated only for a second before nodding. “I’d love to come if you don’t mind me traveling with you? I don’t have a car right now. I’m at 4 Emerald Bay Drive.”
“Three doors down from Mom and Dad. I can probably remember that.” He grinned. “I’ve been back in town less than an hour, and things are already looking up.”
Steph found herself smiling as she walked home carrying the bread. As much as she loved the routine of her life, since the accident, she’d become more and more of a homebody. Not wanting to drive limited what she could do, of course, but she’d also found herself shying away from invites to join friends at the local bar, Traders, for drinks on a weekend or a meal. Initially, it had been to avoid conversations about the accident and to limit the likelihood of bumping into Buster. But now, over a year later, it was time to move on. As Dan said, she needed to step outside her comfort zone and get back into the land of the living. An outing with a different group of friends on Saturday might be the new start she needed. Regardless, for the first time in a long time, she found herself looking forward to something.
❖
A lightness settled over Buster as the automatic doors on his garage opened, and he maneuvered the pickup inside. He climbed out, aware that he was having a good day. A really good day. He could honestly say he hadn’t had a good day in a very long time, or more to the point he hadn’t allowed himself to. Travis’ reaction to his announcement was better than he could have hoped for. He truly was a good friend. The suggestion that Buster set up an office elsewhere wasn’t one that he was going to dismiss. He wasn’t sure if it was what he wanted to do, but having it as a possibility made the thought of selling his house and moving away less daunting.
The decision had left him feeling like something in him had shifted. When Matt suggested he go rock climbing on the weekend, rather than immediately make an excuse and decline the offer, which he’d done with most social invitations since Holly’s death, he’d felt a surge of excitement. Was he going to allow himself to get out and start living again?
His mother’s words played over in his head as he put his computer and work bag in his small home office before moving through to the kitchen and taking a beer from the fridge. You have to allow yourself to live, Henry. We’re all devastated to lose Holly, but we can’t lose you too. You’re only thirty-two, you have a long life ahead, and you deserve to enjoy it. It was the word deserve that had thrown him. He wasn’t sure he deserved any happiness after what had happened, but maybe he had to give himself a break from time to time. He swigged his beer, a wry smile forming on his lips. It was probably more the idea of free soloing that had caused the shift in him. It was dangerous, and if the universe thought he should be punished, it was the perfect opportunity.
His phone rang as he had this thought. The caller display confirmed his mother’s ESP must be finely tuned today. She’d often call when he was thinking of her. He put the phone to his ear, deciding that he wouldn’t tell her about his idea for a fresh start just yet.
“Hey, Ma.”
“Henry, how are you, love?”
“Good, how are you?”
His mother hesitated for a split second.
“Ma?”
She cleared her throat. “I had a call from Cora, Eve’s mother.”
Buster put his beer down on the counter, his chest instantly tightening. “Why’s she calling you?”
“Eve’s asked to see you. She wants to talk to you.”
“I have nothing to say to her.”
“That’s what I told Cora you’d say, but she asked me to contact you regardless. Eve’s been working with a psychologist, and part of her therapy involves talking to people whose lives her behavior has affected.”
“Ruined, you mean.” Buster practically spat the words.
“I know, love. Forgiving Eve, or even talking to her, will be tough.”
“I will never forgive her.” Or myself.
“Perhaps you need to tell her that.”
Buster sighed. “What good would that do? I’m sure that’s not what she’s hoping would come out of talking to me. She’s probably going to cry and ask me to forgive her. That’s what she did for most of our marriage.” Including having affairs, flaunting them in my face, and then expecting me to forgive her. Buster didn’t add that in. His mother didn’t need all of the details.
“It might be good for you, Henry. You’re carrying around so much hatred toward Eve. It might do you good to release some of it.”
Buster gave a small laugh. “I can’t believe you’re encouraging me to rip through Eve, that’s not really like you, Ma.”
“I’m not. I just think talking to her could benefit you, that’s all. Help you move on a little.”
They were silent for a moment.
“What should I tell Cora?”
“Let me think about it, okay? I’ve got Cora’s number. I’ll call her over the weekend.”
“Okay, love. Now, when are we going to see you? It’s been weeks since you visited.”
Buster chatted with his mother for a few more minutes, promising to make the drive out to visit his parents in Tall Oaks in the coming weeks, before ending the call.
He picked up his beer and took a large swig. So much for his good day. The first day in over a year when he felt a little positive, and it was ruined—ruined by the person who’d also destroyed his life. Anger surged within him. Maybe his mother was right. Perhaps he did need to talk to her. Make her realize what she’d done to him. But as quickly as he had the thought, it was replaced with another. And what he’d done to her.
3
Steph sank into the leather seats of the Range Rover, looking forward to the day ahead.
“Margie’s hoping to meet us there later,” Ryan said, as he headed up the winding road that led out of Hope’s Ridge toward the Bluff.
Steph automatically tensed as they passed the corner, which didn’t go unnoticed by Ryan.
“Everything okay?”
Steph nodded. It was unlikely Ryan knew about the accident, which was good. She wanted to enjoy the day, treat it like a fresh start.
“You sure? You’re kind of pale.” Ryan’s brow creased in concern.
Steph forced a smile. “I’m good. Can’t wait. It’s been ages since I climbed. I hope my upper body strength is good enough.”
Ryan’s eyes traveled over her upper body before returning his focus to the road. “I think your yoga has prepared you for this.”
Steph couldn’t remember the last time a man had looked at her with the appreciation she saw in Ryan’s eyes. Or maybe she
couldn’t remember the last time she’d noticed. It gave her a confidence boost but nothing more. Asha had teased her the previous night about today being a date, but it wasn’t. She and Ryan had been friends years ago when they were in high school; she’d reminded Asha. That’s all they’d been then and all they’d be now. He was like a worn, comfy pair of jeans you could slip back on at any time and feel comfortable in. Reliable and dependable.
“I should warn you, Matt’s coming out today with a couple of the guys he works with,” Ryan said. “Hope that’s okay? I know you said there were some issues with him.”
“Nothing that affected me directly,” Steph said. “The issues were more with Asha than with me.” She chose her words carefully. “I wouldn’t mind spending some time with him.” She went on to tell him Bodhi’s plans for selling Heat Wave. “Matt’s expressed interest in setting up a wellness center for some time. The timing might not be right for him, but it would be interesting to see what he thinks.” She laughed. “I might not have him hold my ropes. I’m not sure I trust him that much.”
“No problem. I think he’s planning some free soloing anyway, so we might split into a couple of different groups.” He glanced over at Steph, his lips curling into a wicked grin. “You can always give him a little nudge off the cliff face if you think he’s up to no good.”
Steph laughed. “Don’t tempt me.”
An hour later, as she breathed in a lungful of the fresh mountain air, Steph couldn’t help but laugh at Matt’s jokes as he and Ryan prepared the harnesses and climbing equipment. He’d arrived with a helmet under his arm, gloves, and expensive La Sportiva climbing shoes on his feet. He was serious about the climbing, but not so serious when relaying stories of a climb he’d done a few months earlier.
“I finally got to the ledge we’d been aiming for and nearly had a heart attack,” he said. “A massive mountain goat was sitting down on all fours watching me. I pulled myself up over the ledge and was about to climb up for a rest when I saw it. It just stared at me.” He laughed. “I nearly wet my pants. To be honest, I was lucky to be harnessed, or I probably would have fallen straight off the rock face and plummeted to my death. This was about a month before the debacle with Asha and the cafe, so she’d probably be wishing we were free soloing that day.”
“How did the goat get down?” Steph asked, causing Matt to laugh harder.
“That’s your question? Not how did I survive, and were we all okay? You want to know about the goat?”
Steph shrugged. “Just wondering how he got there and if he was able to get down.”
“There was a small track leading off the back of the ledge. He must have got there that way, so I assume left that way too.”
“Who do you normally climb with? The climbing club?”
Matt shook his head. “No, occasionally with Travis Moore.” A black pickup drove up next to them as Matt spoke. He gave a little wave. “Here he is now. Hopefully, we won’t encounter any goats today.”
Steph smiled. As funny as the story was, she wasn’t keen on a goat encounter either. Or a mountain lion, black bear or any other dangerous creature. She didn’t know Travis very well, but it was nice to be doing something with different people, even if Matt technically was the enemy. In Asha’s eyes, anyway.
The doors to the pickup opened, and Travis climbed out from the driver’s seat, dressed similarly to Matt. The passenger door opened, and as Buster stepped out, Steph’s heart sank.
❖
A twinge of nerves fluttered through Buster’s stomach the moment he saw Steph’s smile disappear and her face pale. Her eyes flitted to the ground. She wasn’t happy to see him. The exchange didn’t go unnoticed by Ryan either, who looked from Steph to Buster, the question in his eyes.
Buster gave his head a gentle shake. He needed to speak to Steph without anyone else around. He held out his hand to Ryan. “Good to see you, bro. It’s been years.”
Ryan shook it, his smile broadening. “You too, Buster. I’m so glad Matt got you and Travis to come along. I’ve only been back a few days, and from the moment I arrived,” he glanced over at Steph and continued, “I knew it was the right decision to come home. Everyone’s been so welcoming.”
Buster couldn’t help but swallow the lump that had formed in his throat. It was a shame Steph wasn’t so welcoming of him.
“Let’s get moving,” Matt said, rubbing his hands together. “I’m looking to free solo, who's with me?”
“Definitely,” Travis said.
Buster looked over to Steph. “How about you, Steph? Game?”
She shook her head but didn’t meet his eyes. “No, the harnesses are for me.” She turned to Ryan. “I think I might head off and do a bit of a hike, let you guys do some free soloing first. I can climb after lunch if there’s time.”
“Don’t be silly,” Ryan said. “We just got the harness ready for you. Why don’t you climb Bear’s Drop first and then we can work out the rest of the day? Matt can take the boys off and do a bit of a warm-up climb.”
Steph stood, and Buster could see her leg trembling. She wasn’t in the right frame of mind to climb. She shook her head. “No, I think I’ll go for a walk. I’ll meet you back here later.” She didn’t wait for Ryan to respond. Instead, she picked up her pack and headed toward one of the trailheads.
Ryan turned to the small group. “What just happened?”
Buster sighed. “Me. I didn’t know Steph was going to be here, and I assume she had no idea I would be, or I’m guessing she wouldn’t have come.”
Ryan raised an eyebrow. “You guys date or something?”
“No, but I need to talk to her.” He clenched his teeth. Today was about putting everything out of his mind and enjoying the freedom the climb was supposed to bring. He turned to Travis. “Fill Ryan in. He probably isn’t aware of what happened. But,” he addressed all of them, “today was supposed to be a fresh start for me, doing something new. After I speak to Steph, I’d appreciate it if we move on with the day. I don’t want to discuss the past. At all.”
Both Travis and Matt nodded while Ryan’s eyes flicked between them. The concern on his face confirmed he knew nothing of the accident. Buster grabbed a bottle of water from Ryan’s stash and headed for the trailhead. The speed with which Steph had departed had him question whether he’d even be able to catch her.
❖
“Steph, wait up.”
Steph quickened her pace to match her heart rate as she heard Buster call out. She told herself she was being ridiculous, but it didn’t help. Her legs continued to pound along the track, her body operating entirely independently of her mind. She pushed along, conscious the track had begun a steep climb upward, and her legs burned as she continued on. Why hadn’t she thought to ask Ryan who was coming? Today was the first day in ages she’d looked forward to getting away from everything and just enjoying the different company and something new. The universe did like to punish her.
“Steph!”
Steph’s legs froze with the second call of her name, and she felt Buster put a hand on her shoulder. Her breath caught in her throat, even as she tried to breathe normally. Turning to face him, she saw that his cheeks were red, and he was breathing hard. He pointed to some flat rocks just off the side of the track.
“Sit down for a minute. We need to talk.”
Steph obeyed his instructions, her body tense. She couldn’t imagine being able to string a sentence together. Her tongue was frozen, or at least it felt like it was.
Buster ran a hand through his blonde hair, sweat beading on his forehead. He gave a wry smile. “Your idea of a hike is kind of like a mountain sprint. Ever thought of trail running?”
Steph stared at him. Words flitted through her brain but refused to come out of her mouth. He’d think she was mad.
“Look. I wanted to say sorry.”
A gurgling noise escaped Steph’s lips. She closed her eyes. Why was he sorry? She was the one who needed forgiveness, not that she ever expected to re
ceive it.
“Zane mentioned to me a while back that you were having a hard time over the accident and…,” he cleared his throat, “…that you blamed yourself.”
Steph managed a nod.
“Steph.” Buster’s voice was gentle, laced with concern. “It wasn’t your fault. There was nothing you could have done to save Holly. Once the car went into the lake, no one could have helped her. It was a miracle Eve got out alive. There’s only one person to blame, and that’s my ex-wife. And even she didn’t mean for this to happen. As much as I hate her at times, deep down, I know she’s just as devastated as I am, except she has a real reason to blame herself. You don’t.”
Steph forced her eyes open, tears slipping down her cheeks. “I see her every day. Your beautiful little girl’s eyes, her face. They’re always there. Always asking for my help. If I hadn’t been on the road that day, the accident would never have happened.”
“But Steph, you were just driving home. You weren’t doing anything wrong. Eve had been drinking, and she was angry. Angry with me. If I hadn’t threatened her, she would have stayed in Hope’s Ridge with Holly for longer. She wouldn’t have had any reason to speed up the winding road and veer across the road and hit you.”
Steph stared at him. Did he blame himself? “It wasn’t your fault.”
Buster pushed a hand through his hair again. “I’d just won full custody of Holly. I didn’t trust Eve because of her drinking. She was angry and upset. She picked up Holly from school early, even though the school had it on record that she wasn’t allowed to. Then she brought her to Hope’s Ridge for a special treat, a picnic in a canoe on the lake. She called me so I wouldn’t worry and wouldn’t go to get Holly from school. Instead of saying okay and letting her have this treat, I went ballistic. I told her it was against court orders, and I’d be reporting her. Then I threatened that I was coming to pick up Holly.” Tears filled his eyes, causing Steph’s heart to ache. “If I’d handled it differently, she’d still be alive.”
Beyond Hope's Ridge Page 4
