by Hirukuma,
“G-got it. What about this?”
Oh. The bearded man yelled at a wounded person, who threw an entire roll of candy into the guy’s mouth.
“Whafs fsh pshd be?! Pftooey! Did you just shove a roll of paper in my mouth? Some of it got inside— Wait, what is this? It’s insanely good! But it’s drying my throat out. Someone give me water! Water, now!”
When he spat it out, the paper wrapping must have torn, and a piece of candy dropped inside his mouth. How dare he enjoy the flavors when we’re on the precipice of death?
“Gah, shut up. Drink this, I don’t care!”
The bearded man tosses a cola over to the wounded man, who opens the top and makes the lowlife drink it— Ah.
“Bffhahhhhhh!”
Liquid erupts from his mouth. Lammis sees this and figures everything out.
“You didn’t mean ‘put coins in’—you meant…‘put these candies in’!”
“Welcome.”
That’s correct, Lammis. She tears open the paper wrapping and pours the entire roll of candy into the cola. It spurts out everywhere, getting the hunters soaking wet.
“Wh-what? That thing exploded!”
“What’s this sweet flavor…? Ack, it stings my eyes!”
Yes! This is the phenomenon that gained instant fame on video websites. If you put a certain kind of candy in cola, all the liquid bursts out like a geyser. Salt and Ramune would have worked as well, but this combination has the most force behind it. Also, this variety of cola reacts to it the best. The eruption spans three or four yards…or so those experienced with this will attest.
Now that she knows what they need to do, Lammis passes out cola and candy to all the wounded people and gives them a quick explanation. I see everyone has gotten some. We’ve got nothing to lose—let’s splash ’em!
Out of the Frying Pan
The fierce fighting continues, the combat drawing slowly closer. Does the frog king want to eat weakened, immobilized hunters? They do say carnivores prey on the weakest in a group.
A fair bit of distance still divides us, but the heat must be reaching us, since Lammis and the hunters are scowling.
The hunters currently fighting appear to have noticed us, but before they can say anything, the frog king heads straight for us.
We can’t escape anyway. It would be a waste not to struggle—even if it won’t do any good!
“Get ready, everyone!” calls Lammis.
“Right!”
Everyone lines up on the edge of the cart, puts their candy into their colas, and plugs their bottles’ holes closed with their fingers. And when the bubbles fill the insides…
“Aim at the eyes!”
…black streams of gushing cola fly from the plastic bottles, heading for the frog king’s eyeballs as it approaches. On contact with its flames, the liquid evaporates instantly. But we’ve got plenty more.
The frog king, looking annoyed, tries to attack us, but now that its flames have weakened, the other hunters switch to the offensive. That’s when we harass it with a second volley.
The group’s vice captain, Filmina, manages to help, slinging her own water into the fray. Thanks to her shot, our cola splash hits the thing right in the eyes.
“Gugegugegoohhhh!”
Oh, it’s blinking madly. Cola really hurts when it gets in your eyes, doesn’t it? I know that feeling.
As the frog king writhes and rages, the hunters don’t let this opening go; they begin an all-out attack.
Anyway, we’ve harassed it enough, so we can leave the rest to them. Now is our chance to beat a retreat!
“Run awaaay!”
While I bounce around on Lammis’s back as she pulls the cart, fleeing at full force, I send a few last words to the frog king.
“Please come again.”
With the frog king’s vision impaired, the hunters easily downed it. But when it was over, I had a thought.
Wouldn’t things have worked out if Lammis just used her Might to throw bottles of cola, or any liquid really, at the frog from close range…? Oh, but she’s clumsy, so it’s pretty likely her throws wouldn’t land. And I had no way to suggest that, either. That’s the excuse I’m using. Leave it to someone who’s lost his cool to come up with off-the-wall ideas, I guess.
All’s well that ends well, so I can’t complain, but there must have been a different way. Yeah. I’ll reflect on my mistake.
“I’m glad it worked out, Boxxo!”
“Yeah, it’s all thanks to you, Boxxo.”
I’m happy they’re praising me for this, but I feel conflicted about it. If I could give them anything, I could have given them gas cylinders or something. They could throw those, and the frog king would have died in the ensuing explosion. But my inventory is limited to things I’ve bought from vending machines in the past.
Products with gas in them, canisters and hair spray included, seem weak to impacts and heat, but I’ve never seen them in vending machines before, though they might actually be sold in one somewhere.
I can’t think of any other solutions at the moment, so I suppose this was the only way. Hmm. I’ll have to learn a little more about how I work.
And if we’re on the subject of things to reflect upon… Points consumption! The two-liter-bottle support and candy-roll-vending mode cost 2,000. Purchasing the cola and candy cost 40 in total, meaning I spent 2,040 points altogether.
It was enough to let us scrape by, so I suppose it’s fine.
“Don’t do anything reckless again. I felt my gut freeze solid.”
“I’m sorry, Director.”
Director Bear has walked over and offered some candid advice, to which Lammis bows deeply and apologizes. If you muted the sound, it would look like a girl begging a bear not to eat her.
“But I’m grateful for your help. It was our failure that exposed you all to danger. I am sorry.”
“N-no, I’m sorry for acting recklessly.”
The bear and the girl bow to each other. It’s a surreal but heartwarming sight.
We had casualties, but nobody was wounded gravely enough that they’d never get back on their feet. Seeing Director Bear’s relief leaves an impression on me.
“Excellent work, everyone. Once we’ve rested up, we’ll start on the way home. But it’s a long way to the settlement. Don’t let your guards down.”
Director Bear’s words marked an end to this battle.
Nothing noteworthy happened after the battle. Everyone was exhausted that night and lacked the energy to cook, so my vending machine sales probably reached the highest point of my career so far.
Oh, right. Cola seems strangely popular now. I think the ones who were splashed by the cola are drinking it not only because they were interested in the taste but also because it’s the drink that saved their lives.
Incidentally, I’m sealing away the candy that made the cola explode, at least for a while. I have to change my vending machine form to sell them, so I can’t stock anything else.
One night passes in the forest, and we all arrive safe and sound at the settlement a little after noon the next day.
Relieved at the thought of finally being able to rest our worn-out bodies, what greets us is…a settlement with smoke rising from all over the place. Wait, wait, wait!
Part of the wall, which was just pieces of wood with nails in them, has collapsed. The wooden gate is trashed, too… Where are Karios and Gorth, the gatekeepers?! Please be safe.
“Wh-what is this?! I’m sorry to ask this of you all while you’re exhausted, but it looks like we’ll have to give one final push.”
The majority of the team, leaving the hunters in the cart who hadn’t yet recovered, run toward the settlement.
I hate not being able to move on my own. I would follow right on their heels, burst into the settlement, and go straight to the inn to see if the mistress, Munami, and my regular customers were safe.
But I can’t move unaided. I can’t even walk, much less run…
; “E-everyone… Munami, the mistress…”
Lammis’s voice snaps me out of it. She sounds like she’s about to cry. What good will me being depressed do? Lammis has known them far longer than I have.
And there is something I can do for the girl who called me a friend!
“Get In sert coins.”
“What? Boxxo?”
“Thank you Please come In sert coins.”
I’ve been thinking for a long time about whether communication is possible. I can say only certain phrases, but I thought about whether I could put them together to have a conversation.
These are the only things I can say: “Welcome,” “Thank you,” “Please come again,” “Get one free with a winner,” “Too bad,” “You’re a winner,” and “Insert coins.”
I can’t pick out specific words I want to say from the phrases, but I wondered if I could start one of the phrases, then say the next one over the first and say something different. I put sentences together in my mind, over and over, staying up late at night, repeating the process while nobody was around—and learned how to cancel words and sounds by interrupting them, and how to change the speed of my pronunciation.
The first time, all I did was start to say, “Get one free with a winner,” stopping after the get and then saying “Insert coins” but delaying everything after the in. The second time, I spliced more phrases together to say, “You Please come In.” I wonder if she understands what I mean.
“You’re right. Nothing will happen if I don’t do anything! Let’s go, Boxxo!”
“Wel come.”
The fragmented speech is unsatisfying, but I’ll just have to be happy that I can converse with her at all. One day, if I can take pieces out of the middle of phrases, I might be able to put single letters and sounds together. I’ll just have to train every day.
When we enter the settlement together, we see that the tents and the few buildings near them have been brutally destroyed. Something must have attacked. I lower my gaze and see a giant groove in the ground.
It’s as though a huge rope or something was dragged along the ground… When I take a closer look at the ruined buildings, I see they have traces of something squeezing them from the outside in. In other words, the culprit must be…
“The inn… What happened to the inn?!”
Lammis runs with such speed no one would believe she’s carrying a vending machine on her back. I understand how she feels, but it’s possible that whatever did this is still here.
I can’t put words together to warn her about that. With the way I’m doing it, I need to memorize intelligible phrases beforehand. It’s too difficult to come up with something on the fly in this situation.
If I can’t warn her, I’ll just have to keep an eye out in her stead.
Ninety percent of the tents are wrecked. We don’t see a single soul on the path to the inn, which concerns me. If people were killed, their corpses would be lying about, but even those are absent.
What’s going on? If everyone evacuated, that would be best, but…
“Th-there it is! But… What?! This is awful! Mistress! Munami!”
Lammis, giving a grievous cry, looks at the inn. It’s almost entirely collapsed. The wooden structure, once two stories tall, is unrecognizable; the roof is blown off, and a section between the two floors is crushed, twisted inward.
The door is warped as well, and doesn’t serve the function of a door anymore. The fact that the rest of the place hasn’t collapsed is strange—it looks like any impact could send the whole thing toppling down.
At this rate, Lammis might dive right in. I have to do something to calm her down. My only choice is to combine the right words for the situation.
“Answer me! Both of you!”
Is she about to run inside? Crap, I need to do something! Then I say the first words that flash across my mind…
“You’re Too bad.”
“B-Boxxo! That was mean!”
Oh, the lady is quite cross with me. But it looks like that got her to calm down a bit. She takes a few deep breaths.
“Sorry, Boxxo. The building might collapse if I touch it. And if they’re not answering… There’s still a chance they evacuated somewhere.”
“Welcome.”
I can only answer her with yes or no, the way I have been.
Thankfully, Lammis is back to her usual self. I got just a quick glance at the inn, but I didn’t see any traces of blood inside it or nearby. Sure, my vision could have been clouded by my desire for their safety, but I decided to remain optimistic.
Defense
“Um, first let’s think where they coulda evacuated to… Oh, the Hunters Association! That’s right, the association!”
Rattled, Lammis slips into her accent. The Hunters Association? Now that she mentions it, I’ve never actually seen the rest of the settlement. I have no idea what kind of building the association is in. I mean, the place is for bringing together brawny hunters who do a lot of fighting, so I have an image in my mind of a fairly large, sturdy building. That bear is the director, so the inside would have to be well built, lest things start breaking.
“C’mon, let’s roll…,” Lammis says, then realizes her accent is coming out. “I mean, we should get going!”
“Thank you Please come again.”
Ahhh, the way I’m talking feels so unclear. But I’ll have to compromise.
The inn was fairly close to the gate, so I haven’t seen any of the inner parts of the settlement until now—and wow, there are a lot of pretty stable-looking buildings here.
Tents made up the majority near the inn and the gate, but this far in, wooden and stone buildings are more numerous. In fact, most of this place seems sturdily built…or at least, it was. Right now, the area is a sorry sight to behold.
Quite a few buildings avoided damage, but for some reason, there’s a narrow, curving path between a closely packed group of buildings. I’ve been seeing this groove a lot, like someone pulled a big rope along the ground. It must be about the thickness of two adults on top of each other.
“If we follow the destruction, it should lead us to survivors!”
“Welcome,” I answer.
Anyway, these grooves are clearly from a giant snake. That brings to mind the frog people. If frogs have one commonly known enemy, it’s the snake. There’s even an idiom in Japanese for it: “a frog under a snake’s glare,” which is used when someone is so scared of something that they can’t move.
I can think of several reasons a creature might break out in large numbers, but I often hear about wild animal populations exploding after a natural enemy goes away. This giant snake must be a frog fiend’s natural predator, and for whatever reason, it didn’t attack them much this year.
Or maybe it came out of hibernation unusually late. Then maybe it got hungry and attacked a human settlement—I wonder if that’s possible. It’s all mere speculation, but I feel like I’m onto something.
“We’ll arrive at the Hunters Association soon!”
Slipping between half- and fully-destroyed buildings, we burst out to see a huge fortress before us.
Wait, what is this fortress? It looks impregnable. Its outer walls, made of an unknown black material, shine with a dull glint. They look built to last. Terraces line the second story, and giant bows are fixed to them—ballistae.
All the windows are grated, preventing passage both in and out of the fortress. The main double door appears to be made of iron. I can tell just by looking at the place and its overwhelming sense of gravitas that it’s a masterpiece.
The building is the size of a school—it looks like it could easily shelter a hundred people or so. And I suppose I’m only able to calmly analyze it because of the other thing I’m seeing.
In front of the building—the Hunters Association, apparently—is a strange object, long and thick, lying on the ground. The dark-brown thing has scales and two giant heads coming out of one end. Its mouths are wide-open, sharp fangs protruding
, and its noses are simply slender holes.
What I mean to say is, it’s a massive two-headed snake, and it’s dead, riddled with arrows. And around it are the hunters who accompanied the hunting team as well as the ones who stayed in the settlement, including the two gatekeepers.
Karios and Gorth are safe. Phew. I feel the tension leaving my body… Wait, I’m not losing power, right? Now we have to find out if the residents are safe.
“Karios, Gorth! You’re both safe!”
Lammis runs over to Karios, who is busy nervously poking the giant snake.
“Oh, Lammis and Boxxo? Neither of you seem hurt, either. That’s good.”
“I’m glad.”
“Yup, we’re fine!”
“Thank you,” I say. They were worried not only about Lammis, but about me? A vending machine? I can’t quite put into words how happy that makes me feel, so in the near future I’ll have to add an item the gatekeepers might like.
“Oh! Um, and you two are, um…”
Lammis clasps her hand at her chest, hoping against hope, and stammers out a half question—and the two of them return a smile.
“Yeah, no worries. The people are all safe. Everyone’s inside.”
“Th-thank goodness!”
Lammis sinks to the ground. Phew—I feel like the relief is going to shut me down.
Still, I had no idea there was such a grand building in the settlement. They say to expect the unexpected, but this is a bit much.
“Come to think of it, you came here recently, didn’t you, Lammis?” says Karios. “There’s a rule that when we sound the magic alarm, the residents here all drop what they’re doing and head here as fast as they can. If we don’t think we can handle things at the gate, we’ll close that up, too, and flee directly to the association headquarters.”
“This is where the transfer circle is, after all,” adds Gorth.
I see. There’s so much damage that I thought it impossible everyone was safe. But with a system like that in place… This settlement is built inside the dungeon, so maybe it’s only natural they’d do this much.
