by Hirukuma,
There is a fair number of other ridiculously absurd combinations. It just goes to show how deep the world of beverage manufacturing can be.
“Think it’s broken after all?”
“Whatever. We’ll figure out what to do once we get back to the hideout. If worse comes to worst and it is busted… Gugoyle, don’t think you’re getting out of this unharmed.”
“Y-yes, sir.”
Gugoyle goes so white in the face after his boss’s threat that he looks like he’s about to faint. I have no sympathy for him, though, so I don’t care. He’s the one who told them about me in the first place; it’s his fault I’m here.
They must believe attacking me further really will break me, because they handle me rather delicately after that. I’m glad things have eased up, but what do I do now? I can’t think of any noteworthy plans. I guess I’ll just have to be flexible and respond to situations when they come up. If things get really bad, I’ll fight back with my Force Field.
After about two hours without quarrel or item purchasing, we arrive at our destination.
As the path transitions from dirt to slightly better-maintained gravel, I see a man-made building, an unnatural sight in this place abounding with nature. The fortress has big holes in its walls, every part of it on the verge of rotting away and collapsing. It’s fairly small compared to the Hunters Association HQ, but it was probably once a full-fledged fortress.
It looks as though it’s been left alone for months, with ivy crawling about here and there. Seems like a fun place—if I came here for ruins exploration.
“Bring it inside. Just give it to her to check out.”
“Right, sir, but I don’t think it’ll listen to what we say.”
“If it doesn’t, then your body will find it’s missing its head.”
“Eek! Y-yes, sir!”
I’m demoting the low-life villain to a low-life peon. Anyway, I wonder who they’re talking about. They don’t seem to trust one another, despite being allies.
That’s what I thought about as the six men laid me, a vending machine, on its side and carried me away. It takes six of them just to have a chance at moving me, which really puts Lammis’s extraordinary ability into perspective.
We pass through double doors, the hinges of which look like they would fly off if you gave it a firm hit, and we steal into the beat-up fortress. It’s tidier inside than I thought. A few sets of long tables and chairs, which look clearly homemade, inhabit the large, hall-like area we’re in.
The big sofa against the wall looks timeworn but is of decent quality. No piles of dust litter the floor; someone must sweep it diligently. For people who look like evil octopi, they seem to have a penchant for cleanliness.
We pass through the hall, and just as I think we’re going up the stairs, we instead head toward a metal door in the right-hand corner. The door creaks open, revealing a dark staircase leading down.
They carry me down like a palanquin, and then we go deeper still to find two men—probably guards—wearing metal armor and protecting a bolted door. The guard situation makes it seem like they’re holding a terrible criminal inside.
“She behaving?”
“We gave her a magic item, and she suddenly quieted down. She’s clacking around with something in there now.”
“I don’t understand that woman. Anyway, I don’t think she’ll cause a fuss when we give her this.”
I’m listening to the villains converse, but now I know even less about the person behind this door.
The guards lift the bolt across the door, and as they open it, they keep their spears at the ready. Is there some kind of magic-item-loving wild animal in there, or what?
“Hey! We brought a toy we thought you’d like. Analyze this, and if it’s broken, get it back to normal.”
“What was that? Who said you bastards could talk to me like that? You’re trash—less than trash, so don’t give me orders!”
A menacing voice fills the room. This seems to discourage the low-life peon, and he averts his eyes as they put me in a corner of the room.
“H-here’s some details. Give them a good read.”
“Heh. Didn’t your mother ever tell you to look at a person’s eyes when talking to them? Or are you scared or something? Scared of a weak little girl like me?”
The lady drawls on like an angry street punk. I stare hard at her. For a woman, she’s fairly tall—my height, or only a little shorter.
Her long hair is the hue of milk tea, and it’s tied behind her, but probably only because it gets in the way. Several clumps of hair are sticking out.
She’s staring at me dubiously with her thin, narrowed eyes. Her light-pink lips mutter a quick curse—she seems ready to spit on the floor.
She’s wearing clothes that were probably white to begin with, but now they’re a mess of brown and black, clinging to her body. I think for a moment she’s wearing a black coat on top of it, but on closer inspection, it might be a white cloak stained black. The front of it is open, and since her clothing is tight to her body, you can see her entire figure.
Her chest is so flat I do a double take. Almost nothing whatsoever.
I get it. Tall, a scary face, and a flat chest. The exact opposite of Lammis.
“The hell? They left this thing here and ran away. Guess that’s the only thing they’re good at. Now, what’s this? He said something about details.”
Annoyed, she looks at the sheaf of papers on the ground, skimming through it. This bad-mouthed woman seems the sort of person I shouldn’t get involved with too deeply. I can’t help feeling like I should continue pretending to be a harmless hunk of metal.
“Really? You’re a magic item with a mind of its own, eh? That true?”
Is that written in the papers? I don’t think playing dumb will get me far here. She may have a bad mouth, but it seems like she’s not friends with the others. The enemy of my enemy is my friend, or so they say. Hmm. I’m not sure how to respond.
“Oh, you think I’m one of them, do you? They kidnapped me and locked me up here. I’m a victim. I may not look like much, but I’m actually a famous magic-item engineer. I think they brought you here so I could investigate you.”
If that’s true, then that means they’re treating her like this because of me. It would be incredibly cowardly of me to keep up this “I’m just a vending machine” charade.
“Welcome.”
“You really can talk! Whoa. I’ve never seen a magic item that understands words before. I guess one good thing came of getting captured.”
Her narrow eyes open wide, and her languid attitude from before dissipates as she starts breathing heavily, observing every last part of me.
“Mind if I ask some questions?”
“Welcome.”
“It says here that means yes. Then, as for my question… Wait, I guess I should introduce myself first. It’s only polite. My name is Hulemy.”
Wait, I’ve heard that name before. Who’d have thought I’d meet her here before even Lammis. This must be the magic-item-engineer friend Lammis wanted me to meet.
The Magic-Item Engineer Hulemy
“I took a quick look through this reference. Is it true you can communicate your intent by saying ‘Welcome’ and ‘Too bad’?”
“Welcome.”
“I see. I’ve never heard of anyone creating a magic item with a human level of intelligence. But did you know that it’s not actually rare to find weapons and armor that can understand human language and speak?”
“Too bad.”
I guess when she explains things, she gives off a more intellectual vibe, and her tone softens a bit.
“They come up in the historical record a lot. They were once called the Wise Weapons. But only the weapon’s owner or specific people could hear its voice, and others would think they were crazy people who talked to themselves. Nobody knows who made the Wise Weapons, and it’s one of the reasons the whole story isn’t very reliable.”
I’ve co
me across weapons described like that in video games and novels before. Does this mean the same sorts of weapons and armor exist in this world?
“I’m a magic-item engineer, too, though not much of one. I’ve done a bunch of experiments to see if I can get a magic item to have intelligence, but…I came to the conclusion that it’s impossible with our current level of technology. So then I changed how I thought about it. What if a human soul could inhabit one, rather than an artificial life-form somebody created?”
What? She came to that conclusion by herself? Doesn’t this mean she’ll realize I’m self-aware? Hopeful of the possibility, I focus on the conversation.
“Sealing souls is something people have been doing with magic and Blessings for a long time. The basic ones involve bringing a dead person’s soul into a body temporarily, or using heretical magic to control dead corpses using someone’s soul temporarily. Hmm, oh, sorry, I need some water…”
She’s trying to pour water from a cheap-looking, rusted jug into a cup. You don’t have to do that—I’ll treat you. What should I choose? Maybe the warm milk tea, the same color as her hair. We’re underground, so it’s a little chilly. Something warm would be good.
“Hmm? What was that? Oh, is this one of your products? Can I have it?”
“Welcome.”
“Oh, all right. Thanks… Mmm, aaahhh! That sweetness hits the spot. I was getting burned-out. And it’s the perfect warmth, too. You’re pretty good, you know that?”
Wow, when her expression softens, she gives off a whole different impression. She smiles like a pure, innocent girl.
“Thanks—that’s a relief. Anyway, it says here your name is Boxxo. Is that correct?”
“Welcome.”
“All right then, Boxxo. Would you happen to be a magic item with a human soul inside it?”
I never thought I’d see the day when someone asked me that. I thought I was lucky enough just to have Lammis, someone I could communicate with even though I can barely talk. Now someone has even figured out what I actually am.
“Welcome,” I answer, at a louder volume to make my feelings clear.
“I knew it! I guess my powers of insight work after all! I see, I see. Pleased to meet you, Boxxo.”
“Thank you.”
I’m so happy. It must be a trick of fate that Lammis’s friend was the one to realize this. But everyone she’s close with is generally a good person. I thought it was a coincidence, but if that’s the power of her charm at work, maybe this meeting was inevitable.
“I’m going to suggest several things based on the information in these documents, so if I’m wrong about something, speak up. The magic item Boxxo has a master.”
“Too bad.” Vending machines don’t have owners. God might qualify, but that’s a stretch.
“Oh, you don’t? Then do you remember when you were a human?”
“Welcome.”
“Really? Huh. I see. This is my biggest question. Nobody refills your items, but you never run out. I’m thinking you’re pulling from extra-dimensional storage using spatial magic or some kind of special ability. Well?”
In a way, she’s right, but she’s not completely correct. I don’t understand how I work at all myself.
“Welcome Too bad.”
“That’s not completely wrong, then. Does that mean it has to do with your product prices? Without a master, a magic item would have no means of using the money it collects. If your only purpose is to sell goods, you would be able to lower the prices more. But they’re set a little high, in my opinion. In other words, money serves an important purpose for Boxxo.”
“Welcome Welcome.”
Hulemy is amazing. Lammis makes accurate guesses with her good heart and intuition, but Hulemy is coming to the right answers from limited information.
“Right on the money, huh? I don’t know how, but…you use the money you gain to buy items. Well?”
“Welcome.”
“Does that mean you need a lot of money to buy the items?”
“Too bad.”
I can buy the items for a tenth of what I sell them for, but I need points for other features and Blessings and to keep myself alive.
“No? Then you wouldn’t have a reason to get so much money from making things expensive… Are there other ways you can use money?”
“Welcome.”
I think it would be fastest to show her for real. I’ll use the most understandable method—a form change, into that candy mode.
“Whoa, what?! A light… Hey, wait, you completely changed.”
After changing into my candy-roll-vending mode, Hulemy presses herself against me to look. If I had a sense of touch, this would make me feel weird.
“This clear part looks like glass, but it’s not. How interesting. Is it set up so you put coins into here, and you can get the contents out? By showing the products themselves, it increases people’s buying impulses… That’s great!”
Her comment is accurate. She has a completely different eye from the other people in this world.
“Oops, sorry. I got so excited I became sidetracked. Anyway, Boxxo can use the money it saves to change its form like this… No, to change the very way it functions.”
“Welcome.”
She got the right answer, so I drop a roll of candy. You can eat that later.
“Oh, thanks. I’ll take it.”
Once she takes the candy, I go back to my usual vending machine form. I don’t dislike my candy mode, but it makes me a little restless.
“As for what else I’d like to know… Right. Aside from changing your body and changing your items, is there anything else you can do?”
“Welcome.”
I do have Force Field, after all. I think it’s okay to tell a friend of Lammis’s about it.
“Oh, so you still have a secret? Are you able to show it to me?”
“Welcome.”
“Sounds like fun. Please show me.”
I don’t mind, but you’re a little too close. If I use Force Field now, it’ll blow her away. What should I do to get her to move back? Please move back, please move back! For now, I try willing her to.
“Hmm? You won’t show me? Oh, sorry, is it dangerous? Let me back up a bit… How is this?”
“Welcome.”
This wasn’t my thoughts reaching her—Hulemy just took a good guess.
She’s far enough away now, so I should be fine. There’s a small desk nearby, but nothing is on it, so I guess there’s no harm blowing it away.
Well then, I’ll activate Force Field.
A blue light appears around me. Translucent blue walls materialize three feet away from me, boxing me in.
“Whoa, what is this? It looked like it pushed that table out, sending it flying. Is this like a barrier? Is it all right for me to touch this?”
“Welcome.”
It’s basically a super-hard wall, so touching it is no problem.
Without fear, she pokes the wall with a finger before pressing her palm to it to see what it feels like. She pours water into her cup, then flicks drops of it with her finger, watching with intent interest as it bounces off the Force Field.
“It feels like I’m touching a sturdy wall. And it seems to be pretty rock solid, too.”
Watching her cling to the wall like this makes me feel a bit mischievous. Let’s scare her a little.
I permit Hulemy’s entrance into the Force Field.
“I have to test to see how much of an impact it can withst— Huh? Eek!”
She was pushing against the Force Field with both hands, so her hands fly through the Force Field and touch me. Her excess of momentum causes her to run into me to stop herself.
If I were physically human, this would be lucky for me. But seeing a woman leap into a vending machine’s breast… From an objective point of view, she’d just be a crazy person…
“Wh-what happened? My body entered the blue walls. You didn’t undo it—you allowed me to come in. A strong wall, and yo
u can choose who can go in and out. I’ve heard of this somewhere before… Oh, where was it, I think in the empire… Oh, right! Force Field—it’s Force Field! I remember a rare ability like this being one of the Blessings!”
“Welcome.”
Hulemy has a surprising amount of knowledge. I completely understand why Lammis wanted me to meet her.
“Boxxo, that’s amazing. You can handle all shapes and sizes of products, and you can change your body and functionality. Plus, you can even use a Blessing. You’re beyond the scope of a magic item.”
I’m happy for the praise, but this isn’t my ability or anything. I just happened to receive an excellent vending machine body. Your knowledge is what we should really be proud of, because it’s something you achieved on your own.
I answer all sorts of questions, and we continue into the night until she’s satisfied.
Overcome with intellectual curiosity, the happy Hulemy is holding a health drink. She was so excited she looked like she was going to pass out, so I added an item to combat that.
It’s a fairly pricey item, too, so it produces an immediate effect. As soon as she drank it, she got really energetic. The expensive ones are the real deal. Their nutritional value has helped me many times when I was sick.
Still, it looks like she’s reaching her limit, and she decides to go to sleep. She lies on her back on a long table a short distance away and covers herself with a rag before falling asleep within moments. How bold.
Leaving herself in such a defenseless state is dangerous in a roughhouse criminal organization. I don’t know if I find it exciting or what, but I’ll have to take the watch tonight.
A Way to Fulfill Your Desires
As I watch her snore the night away in a deep sleep, I think about what the future has in store for me.
I don’t think it would be a mistake to consider Hulemy an ally. It seems like they want her alive, at least until she uncovers my secrets, so I don’t believe I need to worry about them killing her soon.
