by W L Knightly
He stepped out onto the balcony and held out his arms. He remembered when he was six years old, standing out on the roof of their old rental house on Delaney Street. All he had to do was step out of his bedroom window to escape the yelling that went on there. It didn’t matter how many houses they moved into or how many promises that things would be better, it always ended up the same. Him trying to find a way to cope with the shitty life he’d been dealt.
He loved that house the best. Not only because it was the first time he’d had his own room, but because of the roof’s access. He’d crawl out there and sit, resting his chin on his knees. Sometimes, when the yelling got too loud or the sounds of shattering glass were just too much, he’d hold his arms out, lift his chin to the heavens, and pretend to fly away.
After one of the neighbors told his mother, he wasn’t allowed to sit out there anymore, but it had been nice while it lasted.
He lowered his arms and caught the railing. Looking down, he spotted his car and breathed a sigh of relief that he could check on his baby anytime he wanted. He should have kept driving. He could have been halfway through a different state by then.
It wouldn’t matter, though. No matter what he did, he would never have a good life. It just wasn’t in the cards for him. He closed his eyes and thought about the day he got his mark.
“Bite this stick, and remember that it will only hurt a second.” Bay had passed him a stick they’d wrapped with leather. The thing was dimpled with the teeth marks of the others, and seeing that calmed him for some reason and made him feel like he wasn’t alone in the world. He had friends. True friends. Not some deceiving uncle who was going to lie and sell his pictures online and take half of his money back.
The Capricorn symbol was glowing brightly when Bay took it out of the fire, and before it even touched his skin, he felt the heat. Logan and Finn had held him up by his arms, and when Bay touched the fiery iron to his arm, he screamed out in pain, though his teeth clenched the stick so hard, he could have sworn it would snap in two.
Bay had smiled as he did the deed, and the stench of burning flesh filled the walls of the millhouse ruins.
It took some time before Tad stopped biting that stick, and then he spat it out and pulled away from the other boys who hadn’t let him go. “Fuck!” He turned his chin and glanced down at the mark, which looked puffy and white and was already starting to blister around the edges.
“That one will heal nicely, my friend,” Logan said as he took Tad’s arm and pulled him close for a better look.
“That’s some of your better work, Logan,” Ethan said, whose own Virgo mark was damned perfect.
“Thanks, man.” Logan blushed and seemed to always get the same look on his face when someone praised his work. He was a great artist and had supposedly learned everything he knew from his mother who was an artist, too. Bay liked to tease him for being so close to her, but she’d allowed Logan to have the supplies needed to make the brands and had encouraged his artistic ability. It was more than Tad had ever gotten from his own mother, so he was always envious of the guy.
Bay laughed. “You can’t take all the credit, Mama’s Boy. That steady hand of mine gets half the credit.” He walked over and leaned closer to Tad. “Tell me, how does it feel?”
His arm was burning like crazy. The pain was so much more intense and relentless than he’d imagined, but knowing the others had gone through the same thing made him feel like a part of something bigger than anything else he had in his life.
He felt important, like he could actually be something.
“It hurts like hell, doesn’t it?” Carter asked. “I had tears in my eyes the whole time.”
“Not me,” Bay said with a cocky smile. “I got an erection. As soon as the iron touched me, I got as hard as a diamond.”
“Leave it to you to pop a boner from pain,” Finn said.
“Leave it to you to be caught looking.” Bay’s tone had diminished.
He and Finn exchanged an awkward look at that moment, but the others didn’t so much as laugh at Finn as they continued to share their stories. After the pain had died down a little, they passed around a few pictures of the camp counselor they lovingly called Tits and talked about all the ways they’d like to fuck her as they shared a bottle of wine Bay had stolen from his house and brought along for the special ceremony. That was when Tad learned that each year, another Zodiac was selected, and would be until they had their twelfth.
Bay lifted his glass. “Once the circle is complete, we’ll have a big ceremony and seal our power with a sacrifice. It’s going to be epic. We’re a family. We’ll always have each other’s backs and look out for each other as we make our way in life. We’re a brotherhood, Tad. Welcome to the circle, Capricorn.” Tad smiled and felt his heart burning with joy as they drank down the wine and then threw their plastic cups into the fire.
Tad watched his melting in the embers, the heat consuming it slowly until there was nothing left. That was how his entire life felt now, like he was being consumed slowly with no way out.
23
Tad
A knock at his door turned his head, and his heart pumped so hard in his ears he didn’t hear his own footsteps as he crossed the room. He stood a minute to see if he could hear anything.
“For fuck’s sake, man, open the fucking door.” Bay’s voice was just as pleasant as ever, and Tad breathed a sigh of relief.
He opened the door and had never been so happy to see anyone in his life. “Thanks for coming.”
“Yeah, well, I figured I could always say you called your attorney.”
“You don’t know what it means to me.” He broke down, hating his tears and that Bay could see them.
“Stop leaking everywhere. You’re making me nervous. Now’s not the time to fucking fall apart, Tad. It’s time to man up and think of how you’re going to get yourself out of this mess.”
“I don’t want to turn myself in, but I can’t get out of here in that car. I think I should call a cab and just go as far as I can get. Did you find Hannah? Is she safe?”
Bay nodded. “She’s safe and at work, and no, don’t get a cab. A cab driver could tell the cops where you went.”
“Are you sure? About Hannah?” He knew the killer was fucking with him, but he had to know that they couldn’t get to her later.
“Fuck, yes. I told Darek that they were threatening her. He’ll put someone on it.”
“Then let me have your car, or get me a rental.”
“For one, you’re not taking my fucking car anywhere. For two, again, you go renting cars, they’ll know. You need to lay low. I’m the only one who knows you’re here.”
“What about Darek?”
Bay sighed. “I repeat, I am the only one who knows where you are. Unless you blathered on to your sister about it.”
“No, I offered to send her the room number, but she was so upset, I didn’t think I could trust her not to tell the cops.”
“Good man. Don’t trust anyone.” Bay walked across the room to the minibar and then stood in the doorway looking out to the balcony. “I can’t believe you left your car where everyone can see it. What’s wrong with the garage?”
“It was full, and I didn’t have all fucking day to find an open spot.” He figured Bay would have a response, but before it came, his phone made another ping.
“Is that the killer?” Bay crossed the room quickly. Tad hadn’t seen him move that way before. “Let me see it.”
Tad looked at his phone. “Yeah, it is.”
Bay crowded around as he opened the text and then read it aloud. “There’s only one way out. Kill yourself to save your sister.”
Tad’s blood turned cold, although he’d had a feeling all along it would come to that. “They’ve been toying with me. They’ve wanted this all along.” He shook his head and gripped the phone so tightly he thought it might break.
Bay walked back to the window.
“They’re coming for all of us, you kno
w?” Tad asked. “That name Logan found on the list. Someone is out for revenge, and they’re going to take us out one by one. You’ve got to find out who, Bay.”
He waited for Bay to speak up, but the guy just stared out the fucking window.
Tad laughed bitterly. “You know, when I met you, I was so torn apart from my shitty existence that I felt like you picked me up and put my pieces back together. I knew what we were doing was wrong, Bay, but I wanted you all to like me so much that I just went along with it. Maybe I deserve to be hunted down and tortured, too. Maybe I should give myself to this killer. Let them finish me off.”
“Otis Gough may have had a family. A son. A brother. Someone we didn’t know about that wants revenge. I’ll look into it.”
He noticed Bay didn’t seem to need his help with the task. “Do you ever regret it, Bay?”
“If I have any regrets, it’s only to have waited for a better Capricorn. A better Sagittarius. Stronger men. I thought by choosing needy little fucks that you would always be under my thumb, but I never thought you’d all be this hard to control. Your fucking problems, your addictions, and having to worry if you’ll run your fucking mouths. That’s all a pain in my ass.”
Tad looked at the floor. He couldn’t bear to look the man in the eyes as he continued.
“Now you’re telling me you knew it was wrong? Asking me if I have any regrets? Killing that girl might not have given you a fucking ounce of power, but it proved to me that I could accomplish anything I put my mind to.”
“And it showed me that I was nothing but a fucking tool. A puppet for your amusement? Is there any one of us that you cared about? Any fucking one?”
“Caring is an emotion I have little time for,” Bay said. “Does that make me a monster? Does it make me horrible that I don’t even care about my own wife? Or your sister, for that matter.”
“You’re an asshole. I wish I had seen it sooner. Is this what you came here for? To let me know you don’t care and that you have no intention of helping me or my sister?” Tad had a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He felt trapped. “I think I’ll just turn myself in. Tell the cops all about Camp Victory and just how twisted you are.”
“If you’re going to start talking crazy, then I might remind you that it won’t only be me you’ll be taking down. There are ten others out there who need you to keep your mouth shut. Ten men who have actually done something with their lives. You see, me? I’m well aware that I was the mastermind, but them? They’re all just as innocent as you are. What kind of team player would you be if you fucked things up for them? Just because your own life is shit? If you did that, then I wouldn’t be the worst of us. You would. It would be you who they hated for the rest of their miserable lives as they sat rotting in prison. And just how long do you think you’d last, pretty boy? You think everyone used to think you were gay. Just wait until you’re on your knees with a mouthful of cock and there’s no fucking Bay Collins to save you. You’ll be so used to the taste of salt and sweat, you’ll happily let the others use you, just like you did your uncle. Because you might have yourself fooled into thinking that you were his victim, but I know that you liked the attention. You fucking loved it.”
“No, not when I got old enough to understand his intentions.”
“Oh, yeah, even then,” Bay said. “Poor little pretty boy. Mommy and Daddy didn’t love you, but along came uncle, your knight in shining armor to make it all go away. Tell me, what exactly did he have you do to yourself? Did he even give you any lube?”
“Fuck you!” Fat tears rolled down Tad’s face, and he balled his fists. He was two seconds from charging at Bay when the phone pinged again.
“Go on, look at it. I’m not the only one who thinks you’ve wasted enough of everyone’s time and energy.”
The anguish and anger inside Tad were so intense that it burned in his chest. He couldn’t believe what Bay was saying. He looked at the phone, and there was another message: Tick tock.
“I’ve got to warn Hannah.” He found her number, and Bay watched him as he hit the call button.
“You say one thing, and you won’t have to worry about the killer.”
Tad nodded. The phone rang and rang, and finally, his sister’s voice sounded on the other end of the line.
“Hey, Tad. Please tell me you’re at least across the state line?”
“No, I wish I could tell you where, but it’s not safe. You need to stay at the hospital and—”
“I’m not at the hospital, actually. I’m headed to the house to change, and then I’m going to the funeral home to make arrangements for cremation. I hope that asshole burns in hell for what he did to you.”
“Look, don’t go home, I’m not kidding about it not being safe.”
“No worries, I’ll be fine. You take care of yourself. Besides, I’m already—”
The background noise on the other end of the line stopped abruptly, and the call ended. Tad screamed and called her back.
“Son of a bitch!” Tad fell to his knees.
Bay circled around him. “There’s still time, Tad. You could do the right thing for everyone. I know you want to hurt me, but you don’t really want to hurt the others, do you?” Bay sipped his drink. “You’d do anything for Hannah, wouldn’t you?”
“It’s never going to get any better, is it?” Tad thought of the others. Logan had a big career ahead of him in the art world. Finn had done well for himself in Hollywood, and even though the others all seemed to have a few issues, they were all living life their way and had real dreams.
What did he have? The only job he thought was going to pay off for him had already landed him in the hospital. He couldn’t face Spencer or Tula after that, and he knew that Tula would just keep pulling him down.
God, he’d been so numb that day. He wished he had a little bit of that courage to help see him through the rest of the day. He would love to be passed out and not thinking. “Do you still have some blow?”
Bay smiled. “A day ago, it would have gone against my better judgment, but considering your tight spot, what the hell?” He took off his tie pin and then tossed it to Tad. “Knock yourself out.”
Tad gripped the cylinder and wasted no time in taking a hit. The tiny bump wasn’t enough, though, and he lined the coke on his hand and snorted it. The sting of the shit hitting his nose didn’t last long, and he tasted it as it hit his throat.
It seemed fitting that he had come down to this, being coked up in a hotel room with Bay encouraging him to end it.
The man had a point, though. There wasn’t a thing he wouldn’t do to save his sister, and he really didn’t want to live another fucking day with the guilt and shame he’d carried his entire life.
“There. Feels better already, doesn’t it?” Bay walked to the bar, and Tad heard the liquid hit the glass. “Here. Wash it down with this.”
Tad took the drink and threw it back. “Will you leave me alone?”
“You’re doing the right thing, you know? The others will consider you a martyr to our cause, and your sacrifice will be appreciated.”
“I don’t give a fuck what they think, or what you think. I made a vow, and even though I’m nothing but a useless piece of shit to you, a pawn in your game, a tool you used to feed your god complex, I’m not a fucking snitch.”
“If it’s any consolation, Tad, this is the first thing you’ve ever done that has earned you my respect.”
Sadly, Tad realized that was what he’d wanted the night of the ritual, to earn his trust and respect. So, after all the time that had passed, he realized it was all for nothing. He’d helped to end that poor girl’s life for nothing. “For the first time in forever, Bay, I can honestly say I don’t give a damn.”
Bay’s laughter filled the room. It was as creepy and maniacal as he was. “Good for you. You finally get it.”
With that, Bay took his tie clip from Tad’s hand and poured the rest of the contents onto the floor. Then he walked out of the room and left Tad
alone with his thoughts.
Tad remembered the gun he’d tucked into his bag and went to get it. He didn’t know if he had enough courage to do what needed to be done, so he hit the bar, and thanked heaven it was fully stocked. He’d let Bay worry about the bill, and he wondered if he should stand out on the balcony so the maid wouldn’t have a big mess to clean up. He thought of the gruesome scene he’d leave and tried to push it out of his mind.
He pounded another drink and then walked over to the tile where Bay had poured the rest of the cocaine. It was a thin line, but he took his keycard and scraped it into a pile. It was mixed with dust and no telling what else, but he didn’t care. He took it up his nose and then rocked back and forth with the gun in his lap.
24
Darek
Darek had left the office. With everyone on Tad’s tail, he was going to try and get some personal business out of the way, including going to see his mother. The woman may not have known if he was there or not, but his guilt was something he couldn’t take a vacation from. Besides, not knowing what would happen when Tad was caught, he needed to make sure he got to see his mother in case it was the last time.
If Tad decided to squeal, he was sure he’d be the first one of them picked up. Knowing one of their own was involved would be a kick in the ass, and no one would smile too kindly at him after that. He’d be put in holding just like any other criminal, and too bad for him, so would his lawyer.
He didn’t even like to think of what would happen after that, and he needed to consider a decent representation if it ever came down to that.
He was just leaving the freeway when his phone rang. “Yeah, Bay. What’s up?”
“I thought you might like to know that Tad is going to off himself. He got a call from the killer, and they said it’s either him or Hannah. If he doesn’t kill himself, they’ll kill her.” Bay didn’t even sound like his blood pressure was up, and Darek didn’t understand how the man could remain so cool-headed.
