She gave her head a shake. “I must have been distracted or something. But I’m here now and happy we’re doing this. We should do one-on-one stuff more often. Like, partner maintenance.”
“That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Scheduling lunches?”
“Go on a date with me.”
Wait. That sounded like a different thing entirely.
“As in a real date. I pick you up. We go out on the town. You can choose where, and we see where it goes. No pressure.”
The way he was staring at her now had her heart in her throat. She didn’t want to hurt Jason. He was her friend, and her work husband, but at the same time, she had to be honest. “You mean a romantic date?” Ana asked. She wasn’t stupid. She knew what he was asking, but the question bought her a little time.
“Well, yeah. Probably not a secret that I’ve had a thing for you since the beginning of time. I happen to think we’d be good together, Ana. We are in every other aspect of life. You trust me. I trust you. See? Good for each other.” He slid his hand into hers, which rested on the table. “So what do you say?”
“We are good for each other. You’re right.” Oh God, how was she going to say this? Here went nothing. “But I’m not sure that the same…spark is there for me.”
He blinked back at her, and her heart squeezed painfully in her chest. “You’re not sure?” He said the words as if they didn’t seem quite possible.
She shook her head. “You’re great, Jase. The best. And I know you’re going to find the perfect girl for you, but I don’t think I’m her.”
“You don’t think,” he said, seizing the lifeline. “So there’s a chance. That’s all I’m asking for, Ana. A chance to show you what we could be like together.”
“It’s not that. I know I’m not the perfect girl,” she said delicately. “It’s early, so I hesitate to even say this, but I’m sort of involved. In a way.”
A combination of mystification and annoyance crossed his features in succession. “Since when?”
“I guess if we were going to pinpoint the exact moment—”
“I heard someone got some face sucking done in the elevator last night,” Helen whispered, passing their table with Audrey, followed shortly by Boomer and Marcus, who were apparently back in love for the ninth time. To oblige Helen’s comment, they made saucy kissy faces in a move that reminded Ana of the sixth grade. They meant well, though, and she wasn’t going to let anything kill her buzz.
Except maybe breaking Jason’s heart. That part, she could do without.
She turned back to him. He looked struck by this newest information, and then a thought seemed to flash through his mind. “No way,” he said, struggling with the timeline of events. “You were with Natalie last I left you. You didn’t have time to suck face.”
“Right,” Ana said purposefully, even pointedly. “I was with Natalie.”
“You made out with Natalie in an elevator?” He said it as a joke, but it only took a moment for understanding to settle. When it did, he didn’t seem thrilled, but she didn’t expect him to be. If anything, she hoped he’d find a way to understand.
Ana studied him with sympathy. “I don’t want to hurt you, Jason, but she’s starting to matter to me. I didn’t see it coming any more than you did.”
“You two drive each other crazy. I’ve watched it on the daily.”
“That hasn’t changed. She still drives me crazy, but there’s something to that, I think. It’s part of it. I wish I knew how better to explain.”
He shook his head as if to say unbelievable. “You know what? You didn’t hurt me. We’re fine. Let’s just talk about something else.”
“Okay,” she said, drawing the word out. “What shall we talk about?”
“How’s your dad?”
And it went from there. She and Jason discussing anything and everything as they always had, with the exception of the one topic they probably should be talking about. Ana decided to let Jason make that call. Set the pace. In the meantime, she stared longingly at his burger and hoped that in the end, they’d be okay.
*
Natalie walked offstage to reset herself for the same cue combination they’d run what felt like a hundred times. Technical rehearsals had started on Aftermath that afternoon, which, for the dancers, meant a series of long days made up of hurrying and waiting. Technicals, while not Natalie’s favorite, were a necessary evil. Because she was less familiar with the process at City Ballet than Ana, Bill Bradshaw thought it would be a better learning experience if she was the one to tech the show. On the plus side, the long waits in between cues did give the two of them some downtime, as Ana was there to learn the timing of each cue as well.
As Natalie exited the stage to the wings, she paused and looked to where Ana had been executing a series of stretches, but instead found her examining her foot. “How’s it feeling?” she asked.
Ana looked up at her. “How’s what feeling?”
“Your left foot. You’re preoccupied with it, and when you think no one’s watching, you allow yourself to limp.”
“I do not.”
“You do so.”
But then the music started and Natalie heard her cue, pausing the conversation she intended to revisit. Ana was one of the most stubborn people she’d ever encountered, and it was frustrating as hell. After a few leaps, and a pose-step-pose, followed by the complicated pas with Jason, in which she totally botched the flying shoulder sits, Natalie exited one way and he the other.
“Please hold,” Priscilla, the stage manager said, pausing the sequence once again while the creative team made some decisions in the house.
Ana was on her feet now and smiled as Natalie approached her in the wings. “I meant to tell you, Jason asked me out earlier today.”
“Seriously?” Natalie asked. “What did you say?”
“I said, yes, definitely. I’ve always wanted to have your babies. When can we start?” Ana passed her a look.
“Touché. How easily did you let him down?”
Ana glanced over her shoulder and lowered her voice just in case. “As easily as I could. He knows about the elevator escapade of last night, though. Audrey has a big mouth.”
“Fantastic. That explains why he’s super businesslike and short with me today.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry about that.”
“You know what?” Natalie said, shifting to a whisper when several stagehands passed them admonishing looks. “I’m not. I have no elevator escapade regrets. In fact, I’d escapade in an elevator with you right now.”
Ana laughed, but her smile then dimmed to the sexy kind. “Right now. Really?”
Natalie moved until her mouth was very close to Ana’s ear, and slid her arm around Ana’s waist from behind. “Right now.”
“We’re going again, everyone,” came the voice from the heavens.
The music started and Ana closed her eyes. “Right now, you have to dance.”
“Fuck my life. Excuse me.” She danced the sequence yet again, meeting Jason center stage and pretending that he was her mortal enemy, which maybe after everything, he was. Who knew? She also sent up a silent prayer that they could nail down these cues and move forward in the show, because God, this particular section was taxing.
“That was really good,” Ana said when Natalie returned. She gestured with her head to the stage. “You kept your chest back like we talked about. You’re looking killer out there. Better each day.”
“I listen when you tell me things. So, tell me about your foot. I’m all ears.”
“There’s nothing to discuss.”
“Lies. I feel we’ve avoided it long enough.”
Ana sighed. “Fine, Dr. Frederico. It’s tender and painful. Nothing I haven’t dealt with before.”
“How tender are we talking?”
Her face sobered and she seemed to make a decision. “Very.”
“Do you need to say something before we open?” Natalie as
ked, her concern escalating. “You don’t want to do serious damage.”
“I think the damage is done. It’s just a matter of getting through these performances and then I can rest, lay up during the winter season and let it heal.”
“I can do more of the shows if it will help. We can talk to Bill.”
“No way,” Ana said in playful mode. “As if I’m letting you steal more performances. All part of your evil plan.”
“And we’re going again,” Priscilla said over the God mic. Damn it.
“This isn’t over,” she told Ana as the music struck up again.
And it went on like that into the evening, the start and stop, the repetition of sequences until finally just before nine p.m., stage management thanked the company and sent them on their way. By the time Natalie changed and picked up a few notes from Roger, Ana was gone. Though when she returned to the dressing room, she did find a note on her mirror, folded and with her name on the outside.
Have a headache. Headed home early.—Ana
P.S. You looked hot today.
Natalie smiled and tucked the note into her jacket pocket, though worry pricked at the back of her neck as she made her way home. Ana shouldn’t be dancing on that injury. Natalie could tell it was more serious than even Ana was letting on. She went through her memory and added up all the winces, extended breaks, and extra wrapping Ana did in relation to her left foot. Things Natalie had written off as routine dancer wear and tear now took on new meaning.
This injury was a big deal.
Her gut was rarely wrong.
Chapter Twelve
“This is your thirty-minute call for third ballet of the evening,” Priscilla’s voice said over the loudspeaker. “This is your thirty-minute call for Aftermath.” Ana faced herself in the mirror, adjusting a tiny strand of hair that seemed to have a mind of its own. “Don’t do this tonight,” she told her wayward strand. “I need you to cooperate. There are some very rich people out there who paid big money for their seats, and they’re not interested in a ballerina with Don King hair.”
It was a big night for Ana. She’d danced in countless ballets with City, but never the lead. There would be write-ups in the paper that night. The critics would review her performance over Natalie’s, as she had been the dancer selected to perform on opening night. They were the final ballet of the evening, following two twenty-minute pieces all under the thematic heading of “Underworld.”
“Get it together,” she said under her breath.
Ana never got nervous. Opening-night jitters or even generic stage fright were conditions that other people dealt with. Certainly not her. She was a pro and always arrived for a given performance at ease and looking forward to seeing the work come together in front of an audience.
Until today, that is. Also known as her worst nightmare.
Ana took a seat at her dressing table, hardly recognizing her own face beneath the stage makeup that had every feature overdrawn and colored in to reach the fourth ring of Lincoln Center. Her stomach fluttered to the point of distraction and her breathing felt shallow, a surefire sign that she was scared. She’d never danced a part like Mira before, and in all truthfulness, wasn’t sure she could fully deliver. Not only that, but the pain from her foot hadn’t subsided at all, despite the anti-inflammatories she’d taken. She’d popped a second dose, just for good measure. While she’d become an expert at dancing through the discomfort, the pain was beginning to eat away at her and strip her concentration while performing.
A major problem.
Three sharp knocks on her dressing room door and Ana turned just as Natalie entered. Her eyes were bright and she smiled at Ana, which really did help. No other smile had anywhere near the same effect.
“Sorry about crashing in on you, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. I just wanted to stop in and see how you were. Got my house seat ready to go.” She held up a ticket proudly.
“You didn’t have to do that,” Ana said, but just having Natalie there seemed to right her lilting ship. Natalie was dressed for the theatre, more conservative than her normal attire. Sophisticated even, which captured Ana’s attention. She wore a simple form-fitting black dress, black heels, and a thin red scarf that added a pop of color to the whole look. That was one part of the ensemble that screamed Natalie.
“I did have to. It’s in my contract that I have to be within four blocks of the theatre whenever you’re performing.” That part was true. Ana had the same clause in her contract, just in case they needed her to go in for Natalie.
She shook her head. “I meant you didn’t have to pop in. But can I confess that I’m happy you did?”
“You look killer,” Natalie said, taking her in. “They’re gonna eat it up. It’s a beautiful piece. You know that, right? Roger knows what he’s doing.”
“He does. As much as I fought the idea, he did the right thing bringing you here. Without everything I’ve learned from my time spent with you, I wouldn’t have half my performance.”
“Now you’re just being nice,” Natalie said, standing behind Ana’s chair and placing her hands on Ana’s shoulders. “It’s like you want to get me into bed or something. God, you have to stop pursuing me so vehemently.”
“Vehemently?” Ana laughed. “Is that what I was doing? Stalking you?”
Natalie nodded in the mirror. “It’s exhausting how much you like me and want to make out with me.”
“Now, that part I can agree with.”
“Aww, do you say that to all the girls?”
“I do,” Ana said, laughing. “All of them. That’s me. So many girls, so little time.”
The smile faded slowly from Natalie’s lips and her voice softened. The mood had definitely shifted. “So, how are you feeling really? Tell me about your foot.”
“Foot’s fine.”
Natalie studied her in the mirror. “Is it?”
“Uh-huh. Feeling much better actually.”
“Okay. That’s good news. What about the rest of you?”
Ana decided to level with her. “Between you and me? I’m a little all over the place. Nerves. Which is new for me. I don’t quite know what to do with them.”
“Do you know what I do for nerves?”
“I would love to know.”
“I tell them to go fuck themselves.”
Ana laughed at the irreverence. “I’m not sure how they’d take the language.”
“Doesn’t matter. They’re gone.”
“While I love that you do that, I’m not sure it will work for me.”
“Well, of course you’re not. You haven’t tried it. Here. Stand up.” Natalie took a step to the side and Ana followed her instructions. “I want you to look in that mirror, and despite the fact that I’ve never heard you properly curse, tell your nerves to go fuck themselves.”
“I’m not really someone who swears a lot.”
“Then it’s time you give it a try.”
“I don’t really think—”
“Do it!”
Ana turned to her reflection in the mirror. “Go fuck yourselves,” she said with authority.
Natalie nodded seriously. “That was very good. And how did it feel?”
“Really amazing actually.”
“Now, come on. We’re going to stand like superheroes for two minutes.” Natalie inflated her chest, placed both hands on her hips, and looked skyward à la Superman. It wasn’t as if Natalie’s first suggestion had been a bad one, so Ana complied, mimicking the ridiculous pose.
“And this is effective how, exactly?”
“If you pose like a superhero for several minutes, it’s chemically proven to manufacture confidence. Is it working? Are you crazy-confident?”
“Let’s give it the full two minutes,” Ana said, focusing on her pose.
“Good call.”
So they stood there in silence, both posing for all they were worth.
“Ms. Mikhelson, ten minutes until—oh, I’m sorry,” the assistant stage manager sai
d, her eyes doing their best saucer impersonation at the sight of what she’d just walked in on. “I didn’t realize you were…otherwise engaged.”
“I think you mean saving the universe,” Natalie said without moving a muscle beyond her mouth. “Because that’s what we’re doing.”
“That’s okay, Henrietta,” Ana said, also not breaking her pose. “Almost ready.”
“I’ll leave you alone, then,” she said and backed out of the room slowly, as if her movement might disrupt the mojo.
When she felt the allotted time was up, Ana relaxed and turned slowly to Natalie. “I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but pretending to be a superhero works. I feel like a superhero. A fucking superhero!”
Natalie shot a fist up in victory. “Look at you. A two for one! Told you. Now I’m going to go and find my seat, Supergirl. Is it possible I’ll see you after? Because I was really hoping to see you after.”
Ana smiled at the clear flirtation, and her stomach fluttered for an entirely new reason. They hadn’t spent much alone time together since the elevator escapade, as the show had taken its toll on their stamina. Now that the ballet was in performances, however, Ana hoped that dynamic might change. “I would like that. Afterparty?”
“I will find you there. Merde,” Natalie told her and kissed her cheek for luck.
“Natalie?” Ana stopped her just before she closed the door.
“Yeah?”
“If you hadn’t stopped by, I don’t know what would have happened to me out there. So thank you.”
“You would have been awesome. That’s what would have happened. I just helped you realize it. You’re a pro, Ana. The best there is. Now, show everyone.”
Ana heard those words repeated in her head a hundred times over as she walked to the stage. For the next forty minutes, she put her heart and soul into her performance in front of 2,500 people. This, for her, was the culmination of so many things. And instead of concentrating on each precise movement, she trusted that her body innately remembered how to dance the combinations.
First Position Page 15
