by M. H. Soars
All the lies gnawed at me. The burden of carrying them was almost unbearable. But what could I do? I wasn’t free to choose my own path. My life didn’t belong to me, just like Alexia’s life didn’t belong to her. But the lies at least gave Alexia a few years of freedom, and if she could have that, it made them a little less ugly.
That fact didn’t keep me from wishing from time to time that my fake life was real, that I was indeed the carefree teenager who lived in a nice house in La Alta de Santa Barbara, and that my biggest concern was coordinating perfectly styled outfits.
I didn’t want to be the orphan alien girl who had been placed on Earth to protect an Earthling who was supposed to save her planet. I didn’t want to have a mysterious power that scared me more than anything else. And I didn’t want to be the hopeless girl who was in love with her former best friend.
I sat down on the sand, enjoying its warmth. Tourists and locals mingled in a colorful web of sounds and color, all trying to soak up as much sunshine as possible. It was the beginning of summer after all, and everywhere I looked I saw people infused with a light, joyful, optimism that unfortunately didn’t touch me.
A kid a few years younger than me threw a beach ball in my direction, maybe on purpose, maybe not. He tried to talk to me when he came to retrieve it, but I ignored him.
What was I going to do about Matthew? I shouldn’t have hit him, I knew that. I needed to go back home and apologize, talk it through like two mature people. But I needed some time to put my emotions in order first. They were all over the place.
I hated the way Matthew made me feel. Every time I looked at him, my blood felt like it was on fire and my stomach started to flutter. A relationship between us would be impossible; our carefully planned charade prevented that. Plus, there was the slight problem that Matthew didn’t feel the same way. He only saw me as a friend, and that was the real source of the problem, wasn’t it? So pretending to hate him had become my shield, my only way to cope.
I looked at my watch. I had spent way too much time on the beach contemplating my problems. Alexia would arrive in a few hours, and I wanted to resolve matters with Matthew before she got here. I got up and tried to remove some of the sand that had gotten stuck to my legs. I looked one more time at the sea, wishing its serenity would somehow find its way inside me, then turned on my heels and ran back home.
Thirty minutes later, I found Mia and Sean sitting at the kitchen counter having a snack. Sean looked me up and down, taking in my disheveled image.
“Are you training for a marathon or something?” His face was serious, his amazing blue eyes widely innocent, but the corners of his mouth quirked slightly upward.
I ignored his attempt to get a rise out of me. I had no time to waste with Sean’s antics, and he had plenty. “Do you know where Matthew is?”
“I haven’t seen him all day. He’s probably brooding in his room. He could give that vampire dude a run for his money. Nobody broods better than Matt,” Sean replied with his mouth half-full.
Before I could leave the kitchen, Mia stopped me with a question. “Is everything okay, sis?”
I hated when Mia called me that. We weren’t that close. Unfortunately, she had been more observant than usual. Out of nowhere, she had developed an uncanny ability to sense when I was in distress. I didn’t want to tell her anything about what had happened earlier today. She meant well, but I just couldn’t bring myself to share anything with her. It had always been like that. I felt closer to Alexia, an Earthling to whom I wasn’t even related, than to Mia, my own twin sister.
“Yes, of course. Why wouldn’t it be? I need to check with Matthew to see when he wants to leave for the airport.”
Mia looked disappointed, but Sean’s gaze snapped to attention. “So, are you and Matt on speaking terms now? I thought you hated his guts.” After making that helpful observation, he cooled his glass of water by using his powers. He just touched the glass, and it grew frosty from the cold. His elemental power was Water, obviously.
“Sean! What are you doing? We’re not supposed to use our powers needlessly.” Mia yelled at him. Sean rolled his eyes, and drank his ice cold water before dignifying her with a response.
“How are we supposed to get a handle on our powers if we’re not allowed to practice? Besides, there aren’t any Earthlings here, just us.”
“It doesn’t matter!” Mia smacked the kitchen counter with both hands, startling Sean, who looked at her like she had lost her mind. “If we make a habit of using our powers all the time, one day we will slip up and do it in front of someone who shouldn’t see them, like Alexia!”
Sean looked from her to me. “Did you guys switch places or something?”
“I’m serious, Sean!” Mia continued.
She was right, but it was an argument she was never going to win with Sean. There wasn’t a rule in the book that Sean didn’t think was worth breaking. I figured that was my cue to escape, while they continued going at each other.
I couldn’t go see Matthew looking the way I did, all covered in sand and sweat. So I took a shower first, which made me relax and put my mind in order. But I was still too preoccupied to care how I looked, so I just picked the first things that I saw, which turned out to be an old tank top, cutoffs, and Havaianas. I was indeed depressed.
I walked silently toward Matthew’s bedroom, or as silently as one could walk on hard wood floors wearing flip-flops. The door was closed, as usual. I leaned on it trying to hear anything, but if Matthew was inside, he was brooding in silence. I knocked.
“Who is it?” He asked through the door.
“It’s me… Sam. May I come in?” He was silent for a moment, and I thought he was going to tell me to go away. But he finally said yes.
I opened the door slowly, and found him sitting on his chair facing the window. His room was a blend of earthy tones. For a guy’s room, it was pretty tidy. All the furniture was in dark wood with soft blankets, quilts, and pillows in chocolaty hues scattered around in an orderly manner. There was a lonely chair in one corner that I suspected Matthew used more often than not to read the depressing novels he cherished.
He had been writing in his diary but closed it as soon as I came in. Matthew had kept a diary since he learned how to write. We all teased him that one day we would steal it and read all of his secrets. I had actually felt tempted a couple of times, especially after my accident. But a secret had to be shared with someone voluntarily, not stolen.
I stayed where I was, near the closed door, ready to bolt. I could be such a coward sometimes. I was nervous, my heart was going a hundred miles an hour, and my fingers started to tingle. I took a deep breath. “Matthew, we need to talk about what happened earlier.”
He swiveled on his chair and faced me. His eyes were bloodshot, and I wondered if he had been crying.
“I know.” He replied as he looked at me.
“I’m sorry I slapped you,” I blurted out, taking a step toward him.
Matthew’s eyebrows arched and his lips opened slightly to take in some air. He closed his eyes, and the shaking of his head was almost imperceptible. When he spoke, his voice was strained, full of suppressed emotion.
“There is no need to apologize. I deserved that.” He opened his startling golden eyes, and I felt his intense gaze sear my soul. “I don’t know what happened back there. It was like I was possessed or something. I just…” He paused and looked down, his head tilted forward. “I could feel the Phoenix taking me over, but I wasn’t able to stop it.” He looked up to meet my eyes again, “You don’t know how sorry I am that I hurt you.”
There was so much grief in his eyes that it almost undid me. I had to use all my strength not to run into his arms. “Well, it seems that we both feel sorry for what happened. Can we put it behind us?”
He stood up and walked toward me. “There is nothing I would like more than to put all the crap between us behind.”
I took a step back and prevented him from advancing more with my han
ds. “Matthew, I’m talking about putting behind us what happened this morning, not everything! Do you think I can forgive you that easily when you’re still refusing to be completely honest with me?”
“Why can’t you let go? Why can’t you trust me when I say I’m sorry?”
I could hear the frustration in his voice. It mirrored my own.
I glanced at his desk, and then back at him. “Let me read your diary,” I said.
Matthew flinched, his eyes widening in surprise. Then it was his turn to take a step back.
“I can’t believe you just asked me that.” His voice was barely a whisper. He sounded hurt. But I couldn’t back down. If he had nothing to hide, then it shouldn’t be a problem, right?
“What's the big deal? If you're not keeping anything from me, then nothing you wrote should surprise me.”
His face morphed into a mask of cold disdain, which brought back all the hurt from seven years ago. “I can’t believe you. You are so conceited! Do you think my entire diary is devoted to you? Has it ever crossed your mind that maybe there are other things about me that I don’t want to share with anybody else?”
He was furious, and his words stung. It would have hurt less if he had physically slapped me. Why did he have to be so cruel? I could feel my eyes watering up.
“I’m not conceited.” I said. My voice quivered, and I hated myself for it.
He placed his hands on his hips and stared at the floor. When he looked up again, all signs of his previous anger were gone.
“I’m sorry, Sam. I shouldn’t have said that, but you drive me insane!” He got close to me and tried to wipe off a tear that had run down my cheek. I slapped his hand away.
“Don’t touch me! Don’t ever come near me again! I hate you!” I turned and opened the door. I half expected him to try to stop me, but he let me go.
I ran back to my room and threw myself on my bed. What had I been thinking, asking to read his diary? It was awful. I was awful. Matthew was right to call me conceited. And it hurt, oh my God, it hurt so much. I just wanted to lie on my bed and die of self-pity. Suddenly, my door burst open, and Mia walked in.
“What the hell? Don’t you knock?” I wiped off my tears and rolled to my side. I couldn’t even be miserable by myself anymore.
“Sam, you gotta stop this. Control yourself.” My calm, level-headed sister was screaming at me. What had the world come to?
“What? Is it against the rules now to be upset?” I got up and went to my bathroom to splash some cold water on my face.
“Your powers are controlled by your emotions. You know that,” she continued.
“I don’t see anything exploding, do you?” After I pat-dried my face with a towel, I started to put on some makeup, trying to ignore her. “How did you know I was upset?” A thought suddenly occurred to me. “Were you eavesdropping on my conversation with Matt?”
Mia narrowed her eyes like she was considering something. She finally said, “You’re broadcasting, Sam.”
I dropped my lipstick on the sink and looked at her reflection in the mirror. “I’m what?”
She came into the bathroom and stood next to me. “You’re broadcasting. Your powers give you the ability to communicate with others telepathically.”
I looked at her, my mouth agape. “You’re joking. Am I sending everyone in this house my thoughts?” I was starting to panic.
“As far as I know, I’m the only one receiving your broadcasts. But I’m not receiving your thoughts, just some random images, and I know when you’re upset, like now.”
I put my hands on the marble countertop, leaning on it and closing my eyes. When were the surprises going to end? I looked at Mia’s reflection once more and said, “Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“I thought it would stop, and I didn’t want to freak you out.”
“So you know that something happened between Matthew and me this morning,” I said. If I broadcasted when I was upset, the showdown this morning would have been the news highlight.
Mia nodded. I walked back in my room and sat on my bed. She followed me.
“Did you fight again?” She asked, sitting next to me.
“Yep. Even when I have good intentions I end up aggravating him.” I smiled wryly.
“Who don’t you aggravate, sis?” She bumped her shoulder against mine. There she was again, trying to diminish the gap between us.
“Hey! I’m nice to everyone, most of the time. At least I don’t play Miss Know it All.” I tried to tease her back, but by the look on her face, I hadn’t succeeded. My relationship with Mia wasn’t as natural as my relationship with Alexia or Matthew. Matt. Thinking about him gave me another stab of pain.
“Well, I’ll let you finish getting ready. Please, just be careful the next time you feel you’re about to lose it. We can’t have Alexia getting suspicious now,” she said as she stood up.
She left my room and closed the door behind her. Matthew’s accusations still stung, but Mia had given me other things to occupy my mind.
CHAPTER 4
Matthew
The day could not get any worse. Two fights in a row with Sam, and they had both been my fault. She had come to apologize, and I had let my temper get the best of me by offending her. Now she would never forgive me.
I was at a loss, and hating everything about myself. I hated this stupid power that I could not control, and turned me into a monster. It was more a curse than a blessing. I hated that I couldn’t open up about my feelings to anyone.
I was waiting in the living room when Sam came down the stairs looking like nothing had happened. She had changed her clothes. Now she was wearing a snug, peach-colored cotton dress that accentuated her tan and made her look like a goddess.
“Shall we? I don’t want to leave Alexia waiting. Her flight seems to be on time.” She spoke with detachment.
I stood up, watching her. The combination of her long, white hair, and sapphire-colored eyes mixed together with her confidence and attitude made her one the prettiest girls I knew. Sometimes I would catch myself staring at her out of the blue and then wonder why. I loved Sam like a sister, nothing more. It had always been that way between us — until the accident, of course.
I followed her silently to the garage and got into the Jeep that I shared with my sister Melanie. Zach and Sean’s Audi wasn’t there, so I assumed one of them was out. Gary wasn’t home, either. I wasn’t sure if he was in Arcadia or if he was actually at the zoo, where he had a real job as a geneticist. It was common for animals in captivity to have problems breeding; at that point, Gary's skills would come into the picture. We had to blend in, and Gary having a real job was part of the charade.
I felt awful about the fight with Sam. Even though she had no right to ask to read my diary, I shouldn’t have called her conceited. That had been a low blow on my part, and I hadn’t meant it. I thought maybe we could talk during the ride to the airport, but judging from the way she was behaving, the notion had “bad idea” written all over it.
Sam had the power to bring the best and the worst out of me. Lately, it was always the worst. My uncontrollable temper was caused by the awakening of my powers, but I had only lost complete control with Sam. It was like she put me on overdrive. Everything that I felt, my fears, my despair over her absence in my life, intensified when I was near her.
As soon as she got into the car, she turned on a radio station that played heavy metal. She raised the volume to the max, probably trying to prevent me from making an attempt at conversation. I was glad for it. When the radio station played Iron Maiden’s The Number of The Beast, I thought it quite an appropriate song for me.
Samantha
The ride to the airport was painful. It was hard for me to stay so near Matthew and not be able to say anything to him, or touch him. He was tense, that much I could tell. I thought that he was going to say he was sorry for what had happened in his room, but he stayed quiet during the entire trip. I knew that he wasn’t the only one to blame,
but I had raised the white flag before, and look at what had happened.
He seemed to be content with the radio station I had picked. Heavy metal wasn’t really my thing, but it definitely fit my mood today. It took us forty minutes to get to the Santa Barbara Municipal Airport, but it felt like much longer than that. By the time we arrived, my body hurt from all the tension.
I checked the arrivals monitor. Alexia’s plane had already landed. Matthew mumbled something about going to get a magazine, and I walked to the arrivals hall by myself. He was really trying to avoid my company. One part of me was glad, but another part was hurting because of his indifference. I had been pushing him away for the longest time, and I knew that one day he would give up on me, but it hurt nonetheless.
Alexia emerged five minutes later. We hugged each other and laughed. “I am so glad to see you, cuz. You have no idea,” I said.
“Me too!” she replied and then looked around. “Where is Matt? I thought he was coming too.”
“He’s here. He went to get a magazine.”
Alexia seemed to be on cloud nine, and she looked really good. I half expected to find her pale and tired. The whole deal with Thomas had hit her hard, and I was glad she didn’t look worn out. Maybe she was finally getting out of her funk.
We found Matthew in front of the magazine stand. He wasn’t alone. I immediately recognized the guy he was with, Julian Mackenzie, a sort of a celebrity at LJM Prep. Not only was he the quarterback, but he was also the great-grandson of the founder of our school. I didn’t know that Matthew was familiar enough with him to have a conversation.
Julian would be a “celebrity” no matter what, considering his credentials, but the fact that he was really good-looking only added to his appeal. He had curly, dark hair cut short and properly styled, baby blue eyes, and lips made for kissing. He was almost as tall as Matthew but more muscular, thanks to football.
