by Nicole Locke
‘I went after the enemy who killed my friends,’ he said. ‘I was in pursuit of you when the King sent me to Swaffham to find an English traitor who traded secrets to the Scots. Imagine my surprise when I discovered the traitor was my childhood friend, Hugh of Shoebury.
‘Now I wouldn’t be very helpful to the King if I didn’t garner facts for myself. And I knew that Hugh was also a spy. I also knew that Edward had asked one more person in Swaffham to also find this traitor. That was Alice, whose family had the dance at Fenton Hall.’
‘Three spies in one small village?’
‘Yes, and Hugh and Alice? They had loved each other since childhood, though it wasn’t a love without some obstacles or separation.’
‘There’s a story there.’
‘Oh, yes, and some day I want to tell you how amusing it was watching those two realise their love.’
‘I was there.’
‘You were and we danced.’
Eldric was looking at her too warmly. Too happily. ‘We don’t have a story yet.’
‘Yet,’ he repeated. ‘I like that word.’
Too much! ‘Tell me more facts.’
He shrugged. The tunic did nothing to cover the breadth of his shoulders.
‘How to say this?’ he said. ‘Hugh was the spy I was sent to capture. Obviously because of our friendship and their past, I and Alice were compromised to ever report him.’
‘But you did anyway? After all, he was a traitor.’
‘No, because he had a good reason for trading secrets: he was protecting someone.’ He nodded. ‘I thought that might interest you.’
‘Who?’
‘A mutual friend, Robert of Dent, who fell in love with a Scottish lass of Clan Colquhoun.’
‘There seems to be a—’
‘Pattern? Perhaps. I like to think it’s fortune smiling down on my friends.’
No, this went beyond a mere pattern.
‘I also believe in contradictions and coincidences. You shouldn’t know these facts, yet you do. I, too, heard everything between you and your father. I think our understanding the rest will tell you whether to leave me behind or not.’
‘I am leaving you behind,’ she said.
‘And yet, you’re still here,’ he answered. ‘Now where were we...? Robert of Dent, who was nearby, travelled with Gaira of Clan Colquhoun and four adopted children to return them to the safety of her Clan’s lands. They’re a family now, but to be so he had to fake his death. To keep his family safe, in case Edward attacked Colquhoun land, he and Hugh of Shoebury exchanged messages sealed with a half-thistle. And you know Robert and Gaia took in that family, adopted them, loved them?’ he said.
She didn’t want to answer this question. She didn’t need to answer it because Eldric already knew the truth. Yet it was clear he wanted to say so much more, and she wanted to hear it.
‘Because my father massacred the entire village of Doonhill,’ she said. ‘He killed everyone except his one bastard child named Maisie, whom he was deciding the fate for before she was rescued.’
‘Her name is Margaret, actually. Her family calls her Maisie.’
She uncrossed her arms. ‘You told me to call her Maisie!’
‘Of course I did. After seeing your father, there is no doubt in my mind he sired her. It will cause more heartbreak when the truth is revealed as it must be to Robert and Gaira.’
To know Gaia’s sister had been forced and Maisie’s father was a madman and very much alive. Eldric even sounded concerned for them. Cressida couldn’t believe everything he said and yet... ‘And this half-thistle seal?’
He nodded. ‘I have one of my own. One I used when I sent a message to Clan Colquhoun. When that mercenary at the inn said there was a half-Scottish child, I had to take the chance and tell them. I paid Terric’s men to carry the message out before we sailed for France. It’s well on its way to Scotland by now.’
Cressida’s mind reeled with all the entanglements. And yet... ‘My father stopped trusting me when I shot him in the arm, but until that point, I was privy to information that also involved the Colquhouns.’
‘And thus you prove you’re a worthier human than I. You’d help them.’
‘They’re my sister’s family—why would my...hatred of you cause me to ignore them?’
‘When you want to tell me, I’ll use the seal.’ Eldric rested his hands on his knees. ‘So...these secrets would harm your father.’
‘More than you could know.’
‘Was it about his pursuit of the Jewel of Kings and that he intends to give it to the Warstones, though King Edward would very much like to have the legendary jewel that would give him true sovereignty over Scotland?’
‘How did you know?’
‘I killed those mercenaries quickly. Left them strewn about to get to you. I heard everything.’
‘All the more reason for him to kill you. If you’d have let me finish him, most of this would be over.’
‘I gave you a chance to return to him, to kill him, or capture, or whatever you want to do with him, and yet you’re here with me. You want to stay with me, want to listen to my apology, want to believe I love you. And I want you to, too.’
She did. Her defences were weak when it came to him. ‘Delusions only. I’m here because too much time has passed, he could be anywhere!’
‘Cressida.’
‘This is foolish and stop moving closer to me.’
He grabbed her hand. ‘I want you in my arms!’
She yanked her hand free. He let her. He hadn’t done that before and suddenly she had a mad desire to seize his hand again. Instead, she clutched her own in her lap.
‘He has powerful allies. They’re everywhere and could be anyone.’
‘So do we.’
‘We?’ she whispered.
‘We, Cressida. Despite your words to the contrary. I know your hand feels as empty as mine. And it’s not foolish to stop pursuing him. I won’t have you releasing arrows unless you must to protect your life.’
‘He will try to kill everyone around me.’
‘You’re not unprotected. For all his power, he still preys upon the weak. Do you think they’d let Maisie have any freedom for the next twenty years? I almost feel sorry for your sister.’
‘I don’t want him haunting her.’ She raised her chin. ‘What if, as a test of your love for me, I asked you to kill him?’
Chapter Nineteen
‘Then I’d argue with you why we shouldn’t,’ he said.
‘I’d love you again if you did it.’
‘You love me now; I don’t need to kill your father to prove it. You just don’t know when to stop.’
It unnerved her that he knew her so well. She’d had years of observing him to understand the man he was. She’d only been talking to him for a few days.
‘You can’t know my feelings!’
‘I only had to take your hands and pull you down to sit with me and listen to know you loved me. In truth, I didn’t think it would take this long. Don’t get up.’
She already stood. ‘Will you stop me?’
‘I told you I wouldn’t. You choose this time.’
His words, the way he said them. Tears pricked her eyes and she blinked them away. ‘I wish for his death.’
‘You wish it was over. So do I. But to simply go after him? There’s too much between you two. You feel too much right now and I won’t put that burden on you.’
‘You’re angry with him. But you’re not burdened with being his child.’
‘Oh, yes. Always and for ever I will burn with hatred for that man, but...he brought me you. Because of all his deeds, he forced me to be with you. To see you.’
‘And I don’t know what benefit that’s been to me.’
‘I’m so, so very sorry for my words. I wish a
thousand times to take them away or at least to explain.’
His voice. His eyes. She was believing and this time was different, more real, so she gave him a truth right back. ‘I haven’t exactly been a benefit to you.’
‘You’re my heart!’ he declared, standing up. ‘Don’t you see? It will always be we. I regret not knowing of you sooner. Of not recognising you for what you’d be to me. I regret letting you go that night we danced in Swaffham. I had you in my arms.’
‘We barely touched.’
‘My fingertips never forgot you.’
‘That’s a ridiculous thing to say.’
‘But truth.’
He almost smiled.
She almost gave in.
‘I can’t believe you let him go.’ She turned to pace. The room hadn’t got any bigger. ‘He killed your friends.’
He stepped back. ‘I won’t kill him, Cressida. Because of his deeds, he brought me you. What other miracles in the world would I be stopping if I killed him? What other wonders?’
‘You’re saying you’re grateful he asked me to kill you.’
‘I can see, touch—know you. Grateful is the least of what I am feeling. He is also Maisie’s father. She may have questions some day. How do you want to answer them?’
She stopped, stilled, bowed her head. ‘She is young. I cannot think of that man as her father.’
‘I won’t—’
‘She’s my sister, Eldric. I’m related to her and I can’t suppress my feeling of joy, though for her it will only be horror.’
He took the step towards her, placed his hand gently on her arms. ‘No! Never think that. She will be proud she is related to you. Proud.’
‘You know what I am. What I have done.’
‘And I know what you are trying...what you have become.’
‘But you said that didn’t matter. You implied that I am what I am and will carry their blood on my hands for ever.’
‘I’m a fool for saying anything close to that. I was absolutely wholeheartedly wrong. Your father isn’t good, Cressida, but you...you shine. You’re good and all this time you’ve been fighting what he was trying to make you.’
‘I still did his deeds.’
‘Forget his deeds. Let the past be gone...no. No. Not even that. The past simply is, good, bad, up, down, it doesn’t have to be anything other than what it has been. We can’t change it and I don’t know whether I would want to.’
She stepped away. ‘You lie.’
‘No, there was pain, but there was joy, too. You watched over me for years though I didn’t know it. Why would I want to take that away?’
‘Because it hurt me? You were there and I could do nothing about it.’
His heart broke all over again and a large part of him wished he could thrust a sword into Howe’s entrails and gut him. But it wouldn’t be enough to end the need to harm him. Eldric wished he could take him in to King Edward and demand justice, but that would risk Cressida’s life.
‘I’m sorry if I hurt you back then.’
She shook her head, wiped at her eyes. ‘You didn’t know. I just had my father and you.’
Maybe, just maybe he would want to change that part of the past. ‘What would have happened if we’d met earlier?’
‘I would have trained you.’
‘What?’
‘You crook your head to the left a bit when you run.’
His mouth gaped and he was quick to close it. This woman was a terror at observation. ‘I do what?’
‘When you run and you’re full out, your head tilts a bit to the left. It changes your even stride and puts more weight on your left foot. That’s why when you attack someone you’re always a little off-centre from them.’
He felt off-centre now, with her. Their words exchanged were lighter. He felt she was believing him now. It wasn’t enough, he knew, and he still had secrets to tell her, but it was good to talk to her of this. Almost fun.
‘I want to be off-centre, it gives me greater arch with my sword.’
She pointed at him. ‘It also tells your enemy what direction you’re going.’
‘Then you’ll fix me.’
She snorted.
‘It’s too ingrained. Maybe when you were being trained, a quality knight could have helped you, but doing anything with you now would be too arduous to comprehend.’
She made him sound like the very worst of warriors. He’d survived several battles—did she give him no credit?
‘I was trained at Edward’s court by the very best men. By Edward himself!’
‘That was your weakness. You needed a woman to train you.’
He wanted to laugh, especially when he saw her lips twitch. He feared he’d never see a true smile again. Still, it irked him and gave him a twisted sense of pride that she had noticed.
‘So I’m flawed.’
She looked at him, her eyes gleaming with something he didn’t think he’d see again. Amusement. ‘With certainty.’
‘Well then, for our future, after we return Maisie, you’ll train me.’
It wasn’t the correct thing to say, again. He could see it because the light in her eyes went out, because she turned her back to him again. Because he’d reminded her that a sister she thought she’d never have wasn’t hers. Cressida couldn’t keep her.
‘Cressida, look at me.’ When she didn’t, he continued. ‘You haven’t forgiven me yet.’
She shook her head. He knew that was the answer. He could feel it. If she’d forgiven him, he’d be kissing her.
But...she hadn’t left the room yet either. She was still willing to listen to his apology.
‘I’m glad you haven’t forgiven me because I have more to confess. I made a vow to the King about you. I took a hunting horn as promise. I carry his seal as insurance and clout.’
She did turn then. ‘When?’
‘After Swaffham.’
‘So...’ She waved around the room. ‘So what’s the point of any of this? You want to make these confessions. Tell me you love me, then take me to the King anyway. You can’t avoid him. Why are you looking at me that way?’
‘You look as though you’re about to notch an arrow into your bow and go to war for me. I think that shows you care for me still.’
‘Stop looking so smug and tell me what you mean to do. I’ll have more facts before we ever talk of feelings.’
‘I have a feeling our facts are too enmeshed in our story. But at least you know there are stories of love as layered as ours. Look at Hugh and Robert, they, too, had obstacles, and now are secretly living happily—’
‘Eldric.’ Cressida didn’t want to hear about happy married couples any more. She wanted to be one and, with everything Eldric said, she was starting to believe she might be able to until he told her King Edward would be after them both if she didn’t go to the Tower.
Why couldn’t, for once, just once, some happiness come her way?
‘Whether you acknowledge it or not, we have our own story,’ Eldric said.
‘And it ended when you said those things to me!’
‘Not hardly, you’re sturdy. I simply need to tell you more.’
‘You’ve told me enough. More than enough to interest the English King. Maybe he’ll hang you instead of me.’
‘Yes, if you wanted to send me to the Tower now, you could.’
He looked so pained, there was a part of her that wanted to tell him it was all fine now. He’d swayed her, but though so much of her doubt was gone now, it was still there. But what more could he say to make it go away? Ah, yes, he needed to tell her there wouldn’t be proclamations by the King of England for the death.
‘What do you intend to do with the King?’
‘I haven’t unravelled that conundrum yet.’
‘You were told to bring th
e Archer to the King himself. That person is me.’
‘I suspect the King knows who you are, your gender and who your father was. I think he found it convenient that I, too, was after the Archer and planned to use me. Since he wasn’t exactly truthful with me, I am not under any obligation to be truthful to him.’
‘You can’t do that. That won’t be safe.’
‘Are you protecting me again?’
He said he loved her. She believed him. The way he had kissed her, all of that was true. It was also true she loved him still and a thousand times before now she could have told him.
Now, however, it seemed harder to say the words, probably because this dream could never become true. It wasn’t only the King of England that would separate them. It was her past.
‘Storming into an enemy’s camp,’ he said. ‘Bringing a swift death to everyone you faced and you can’t answer a simple question. Or are you scared to?’
‘I loved you before you knew I existed, Eldric. You hurt me, but I know why; I killed Thomas. It may have been an accident, but my arrow still—’
‘Stop,’ he said. ‘Don’t even carry any more burden on it. Thomas would never want you to. And as for the other two—they would have given me a terrible time about my fumbling with you. They would have loved you.’
He breathed deeply. ‘I do miss them. They were good men. I did not say it lightly when I said I would have died for them. But after everything, I wonder if you would have notched your arrow if you had known them. Known that Philip made crude jests and Thomas separated his food in his trencher. Would it have made a difference?’
She would answer him honestly. ‘It would have made the decision harder, but not changed the decision I made. I chose you.’
He clenched his eyes. ‘I feel as though I killed them...’ His voice broke. He waited, took a breath and looked at her again. ‘Do you understand? Not because they were protecting my back as I first believed long before meeting you, but because I existed. Because you chose me.
‘I think that was why I was so angry. I hated myself. Who am I to even question your decisions? I am a coward and I was a fool to say those hateful words to you.’
‘No, you’re not. We’ve only known each other for days. Though our lives have connected many times over. You were justified in your anger. It makes no difference whether I killed your friends or not. The fact is I killed.’
