When I get back downstairs, I go outside and see Blake’s driver waiting for me. I was expecting to see a car, but it’s a limo. The driver opens the door for me and I get inside.
“Garret!” the girls yell all at once.
There are four girls in the limo, including Ava. Blake and Decker are also there, along with two other guys from my school.
Ava crawls over one of the girls and sits on my lap. She’s wearing a very short skirt. So short that I’m sure her exposed ass is touching my jeans right now. She wraps her arms around my neck. “Hey.” She bites her lip, then leans closer and whispers in my ear, “I’m all yours tonight if you want me.”
See? It’s too easy. I like more of a chase. But I’m not stupid. I’ll take sex if she’s offering. But I’m not going to be her boyfriend. I never want a girlfriend. Or a wife. Marriage equals misery. Just look at my dad and Katherine. Couldn’t get more miserable than that.
My dad got lucky with my mom. She was his soulmate, and he somehow found her. But that almost never happens. And losing her almost killed him. He hasn’t been the same since she died. So falling in love? Getting married? It’s not for me. I’m going to be a bachelor forever.
Ava is kissing me now, trying to shove her tongue down my throat. She needs to work on her kissing. Again, she’s too aggressive. She needs to let the guy make the moves.
I back away.
“What’s wrong?” she asks.
I nod toward the rest of the limo. “I don’t like an audience.”
She smiles. “Oh.” She turns toward them, but remains on my lap.
One of the other girls is hanging all over Blake while Decker sits next to them, looking depressed that he can’t get a girl. He’ll drink his sorrows away tonight, and by tomorrow he’ll be fine.
We get to Blake’s house, which is huge, but not nearly as big as mine. He takes us to a big open room with couches, a pool table, two giant TVs, and a bar.
“Line up for shots.” Blake starts pulling liquor bottles out from behind the bar.
I’m first in line and do three shots of vodka, one after the other. I need to get wasted tonight. I can’t handle the pain I’m feeling right now. This is why my dad won’t talk about my mom. It’s too hard. It brings back memories, and those memories make the pain even worse.
Why didn’t I work harder to get her to stay home that weekend? Why didn’t I cry and scream and beg her to stay? It’s my fault she’s dead right now. It’s all my fault. If I’d just tried harder.
The guilt. The pain. It’s too much. I need to bury it before it consumes me.
Blake keeps pouring shots and I keep drinking them, the pain gradually going away and my mind drifting off into a hazy state of consciousness.
I feel Ava on top of me, kissing me, and I hear her asking me to go into a room. Maybe I will later. But not right now.
For now, I just want to keep drinking. Letting the pain slip away. The memories. Memories of my mom. My old life. Before it all went to hell.
CHAPTER FIVE
5
PEARCE
“Pearce.” Katherine appears in the dining room, holding Lilly. “Your son just took off and now we have no one to watch Lilly.” Katherine says it as though having to care for her own daughter is a huge inconvenience and something she has no interest in doing.
“Just give her to me,” I say. “She can sit here while we have dessert.”
“A toddler cannot be at a dinner party, Pearce,” she says.
“I agree,” my father says. “We can’t have an adult conversation with a crying child present.”
My father was the same way when Garret was a baby. He didn’t want him around. He can’t stand being anywhere near a child who’s under the age of ten, or any child who can’t sit still and be quiet.
“She’s not crying,” I say. “She’ll be fine if I hold her.”
“Pearce.” Katherine uses her warning tone. “Take her upstairs. It’s her bedtime. She’s all wound up because of your son and you’re the only one who can get her to sleep when she’s like this.”
“I can take her upstairs,” my mother offers.
“It’s HIS child,” Leland says. “HE should do it.”
I’m trying to control my temper, but I’d like to strangle Leland. He’s made rude comments about me all through dinner, but I’ve kept quiet because I told Katherine I wouldn’t argue with him tonight. But it’s difficult to keep quiet when all he does is put me down. Between him and my father, the insults have been nonstop all through dinner. And now Leland is ordering me to take care of Lilly when his daughter is perfectly capable of doing it herself.
“I don’t mind,” my mother says as she pushes her chair out.
“Eleanor,” my father says. “It is not your job to put that child to bed.”
I don’t want this escalating into a family fight, so I say, “I’ll take her upstairs. Go ahead and have dessert without me.”
I get up from my chair and take Lilly from Katherine, glaring at her as I do. The woman needs to stop neglecting our daughter and embrace her role as a mother. But she refuses to do so. When I’m not around, she makes Garret take care of Lilly, which isn’t fair to him. He’s not a live-in babysitter. He loves Lilly, and he’s very good with her, but it’s not his job to watch her all the time.
“Daddy.” Lilly hugs me as we’re going up the stairs.
When we get to her room, I get her pajamas out of the dresser and set her down to change her out of her dress.
“No, Daddy.” She won’t let me go. She clings to me, probably because she never sees me.
It reminds me of when Garret was a baby. The first year of his life, I worked all the time and hardly ever saw him, so in the rare times that I did, he’d cling to me just like Lilly is doing now. He was desperate for me to spend time with him, yet I kept working all those hours. It wasn’t until Rachel almost threatened to leave me that I finally woke up and put my family before my job.
Now I can’t seem to do that. I know Lilly needs me. I know Garret does too. Yet I keep working a hundred hours a week. I can’t stop myself, and Katherine will never tell me to work less. She likes not having me around. I could be gone for weeks and she wouldn’t even notice or care.
I’m doing my best to get along with Katherine but it’s nearly impossible. She starts a fight over every little thing. After everyone leaves tonight, she’ll fight with me over the fact that I allowed Garret to go out with his friends instead of babysitting Lilly. And instead of keeping quiet, I’ll fight back, because I’m sick and tired of her ordering my son around like he’s her servant. We’ll argue until I eventually give up because I can’t take it anymore.
That’s one reason why I work so much. To get away from Katherine and the constant fighting we do. I try not to fight with her but she knows which buttons to push to set me off. Those buttons are either Garret or Rachel. Katherine knows I can’t control my anger when she says bad things about my son or my wife.
I still consider Rachel to be my wife. She’s not my dead wife. She’s just my wife. She always will be. She’s the only woman I’ll ever consider my wife. Both my first wife and Katherine were arranged marriages so the ‘wife’ title is meaningless. Rachel was my real wife. The only woman I have ever loved and will ever love. My heart will always belong to her, even though she’s gone.
I still think about her all the time. I dream about her. I even sometimes talk to her in my head. I miss her to the point that I can’t even say her name. It hurts too much. I put all the photos of her in a box so I wouldn’t have to look at them, but I still do. I keep them hidden away in my office, and when I need to see her, I take one out and just stare at the woman who still owns my heart.
Garret thinks I threw her photos away. I told him I did because it would be too hard for him to see them. He misses her as much as I do and I’m trying to help him move on. I never will, but maybe he can.
“Daddy.” Lilly is now in her pink pajamas and lying on my chest as
I sit in the white upholstered chair next to her crib. She’s playing with my tie but her eyes are getting sleepy. If I keep holding her, she’ll eventually fall asleep, then I’ll put her in her crib.
“Go to sleep, honey.” I kiss her head and rub her back.
She’s a sweet little girl and very affectionate. She’s always trying to hug people. I’m sure Garret taught her that. He’s always hugging her, just like Rachel used to do with him. He’s still so much like Rachel that I struggle just being around him sometimes. He’ll say something or do something that she would do, and it sparks a memory of her. Garret can’t help that. It’s not his fault that he’s like her, and I need to stop blaming him for it and pushing him away because of it.
A few minutes later, Lilly’s asleep. I consider staying up here with her so I don’t have to go back downstairs. But if I take too much longer, Katherine will be up here yelling at me. I set Lilly in her crib and put the blanket over her, then quietly leave the room.
When I get back to the dining room, everyone’s having after-dinner drinks.
“What took so long?” Katherine asks. She’s definitely in a fighting mood. I might have to go back to the office tonight just to avoid her.
I return to my seat at the end of the table. “I wanted to make sure she was asleep before I put her in the crib.”
“If Garret hadn’t riled her up, she would’ve gone to sleep right away.”
The room is quiet as my parents and her parents look at us both. They know we don’t get along. They know this marriage is a business arrangement. They also know we can’t get divorced, so they just smile and act like nothing’s wrong. Our parents don’t care if we’re happy or not, especially our fathers.
After I married Katherine, Leland used his connections with the military to help Kensington Chemical win several large government contracts. We didn’t need them. The company has already experienced substantial growth since I took over as CEO, but my father is chairman of the board and feels the need to interfere where he shouldn’t. He worked with Leland directly to get these government contracts, not even telling me it was being done. I was furious that he did that, but my father thinks I should thank him for it. I never did and I never will.
“So Pearce, have you started looking at colleges yet?” Leland asks.
I was just about to suggest we end the dinner, but then Leland had to open his mouth again.
“Are we talking about colleges for Garret?” I ask.
He laughs. “Well, obviously, given that Lilly is only two.”
“I realize that, but you normally don’t ask about Garret.”
“Pearce,” Katherine scolds. “Be polite.”
When she scolds me in public like that, I want to strangle her.
“Garret is going to Yale,” my father says. “It’s where I went and where Pearce went.”
“Maybe he’s more suited to Moorhurst,” Leland says, dabbing his mouth with his napkin.
Katherine glares at him. “What are you saying, Father?”
“I’m saying that not everyone can go to Yale. But Moorhurst is a fine alternative.”
Katherine and her sister are very competitive when it comes to pleasing their father, and Katherine is currently losing the battle. Caroline, Leland’s other daughter, went to Yale and graduated with honors. Katherine went to Moorhurst and barely graduated. So Caroline is currently Leland’s favorite child, but that doesn’t stop Katherine from trying to win that title.
“My grandson is NOT going to Moorhurst.” My father is trying to control his temper, but we can all see his anger as his face tightens and his eyes narrow. “He is going to Yale.”
Leland smirks. “We’ll see.”
My father hits the table with his fist. “That boy has a future! There are plans for him!”
“What plans?” I ask.
My father clears his throat. “I’m simply referring to the fact that Garret will someday be CEO of Kensington Chemical. A future CEO does not attend a school like Moorhurst.”
Katherine’s pouting at the other end of the table. She’s just been insulted by both our fathers. Good. Now she’ll know what I feel like on a daily basis.
“I think it’s time for us to go,” my mother says. “That last drink made me very tired, and it’s getting late.”
“Yes.” I stand up. “We should call it a night. But thank you all for coming. I hope you enjoyed your dinner.”
“The potatoes were overdone,” my father says as he rises from his chair. “You need to hire a different cook.”
“I could recommend one,” my mother says.
“Please do,” Katherine says. “We’ve been looking to replace Charles for months now.”
“We are NOT hiring a new cook,” I say forcefully.
Everyone stares at me. I guess I said it more forcefully than I thought. But I am not firing Charles. And for the record, the potatoes were not overcooked.
“Mother.” I offer her my arm and lead her out of the room so that the others will follow.
“Give Lilly a kiss for me,” she says as we walk to the door. “I didn’t get to say goodbye to her.”
“I will. But you also didn’t say goodbye to Garret.”
We’re in the foyer now and everyone is getting their coats from the maid.
My mother pulls me aside. “You need to get that boy under control. One of these days he’s going to do something to embarrass the family.”
“He’s just struggling right now. He’s still adjusting to not having his mother around and to all the changes he’s had to deal with.”
“That’s no excuse. Death happens to everyone. It’s a part of life. And it’s been five years since she died. You can’t continue to let her death be an excuse for Garret to behave this way.”
She’s referring to his drinking. He’s been drinking with his friends and been drunk a few times. I don’t know how she knows this, but I’m assuming one of her friends told her. Their grandchildren go to Garret’s school and perhaps he’s getting a reputation there that is spreading to the parents and grandparents.
“Eleanor,” my father says, holding her coat.
“Yes. I’m coming.” She puts her coat on and we say our goodbyes.
Then Leland and Audrey leave. Luckily they’re not spending the night. Leland has a meeting in Manhattan tomorrow morning so they’re spending the night there.
As soon as the door shuts, Katherine whips around, her hands on her hips. “We need to discuss the incident with Garret tonight. He ruined our entire dinner!”
She sounds like a spoiled child. Next she’ll be stomping her foot and sticking her tongue out.
“Garret did not ruin dinner. It is not his job to babysit our daughter. He’s still a child himself, and he should be doing his homework or out with his friends, not caring for a toddler. Lilly is our responsibility, not his. And I’m sick and tired of you not doing your job as a mother.”
“I’m here with her all day!” she yells. “And all night because you’re never around!”
“You make the maids or Charles take care of Lilly during the day. And you make Garret take care of her at night.”
She pauses, probably wondering how I know this. I know because Garret told me. When I’m not home, he said Katherine treats the maids as if they’re nannies, even though childcare is not their job. And she makes Charles feed Lilly her meals.
“This isn’t about me,” she says. “This is about Garret. He was supposed to watch Lilly tonight and instead, he just took off. You need to deal with him, Pearce, or I’m sending him off to boarding school again.”
“Garret is not going to boarding school. He will continue to live with us and you will stop ordering him around. He does not work for you. He is not an employee. He is my son, and he is part of this family.”
“He is an irresponsible brat! And I’m not letting—”
“Stop!” I scream it so loud it echoes in the foyer. I go up to her and hold her shoulders, my eyes on hers. “You are DON
E putting him down. Ordering him around. Fighting with him. It all ends now. Do you understand me?”
“I’m not taking orders from you. Just because Rachel was submissive to your demands doesn’t mean I will be. I’m stronger than she ever was.”
I clench my jaw, trying to control my temper, but it doesn’t work. I turn and storm into my office and slam the door and lock it.
Another fight, instigated by Katherine. She said Rachel’s name and insulted her, two things she knows will make me furious. And she does this after insulting my son.
Her heels click on the tile as she walks away, likely with a big smile on her face for getting a reaction out of me. She loves making me angry.
I turn on my computer and try to do some work, but now my mind’s on Rachel. She’s all I can think about.
Hours pass and Garret still isn’t home. I told him to be home at ten and it’s now almost eleven-thirty. I’m worried. What if something happened to him? He won’t answer his phone if he sees I’m the one calling him. I’ll have to call Blake’s parents. As I’m looking up their number, I hear a car outside.
I leave my office and see Garret stumbling in the front door.
“Garret?” I close the door behind him, then help him to the stairs. He can barely walk. I’ve never seen him this drunk.
“Dad,” he mumbles.
“How much did you drink?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know.”
“Let’s go to your room.” I get a firm grip on him and drag him up the stairs.
How did this happen? Why is he so drunk? He said Blake’s parents would be home, but they obviously weren’t. I should’ve called them before he left to make sure they were there.
“Garret, we need to talk about your drinking.” I help him onto his bed.
He lies facedown, his arms spread out on both sides. I remove his shoes and get a blanket from his closet. He’s too drunk to change clothes or get under the covers. I lay the blanket over him. His eyes are closed. I’ll have to talk to him about this tomorrow, although I don’t know when I’ll have time. I have meetings from early in the morning until late at night.
Only Her Page 5
