“Mom, why? Why did you leave? If you knew about the plane, why didn’t you tell Dad? He would’ve kept you safe. He would’ve—”
“Garret, there was an order to kill me. I saw it. It was from the organization.”
“I know, but—”
“How did you know?”
“They told me a few years ago when they were trying to force me to be a member. They showed me the order. And then Grandfather—” I stop, not sure if she knows that part of the story.
“Yes. I know it was your grandfather’s idea.” She takes a deep breath. “I know Holton wanted to kill me. And I knew if I went back to you and your father after the plane crash, that I’d be killed.”
“Dad would’ve never let that happen. He would’ve done anything to protect you.”
“He couldn’t protect me from the organization. I know how they operate. They’re all about rules. They follow orders. And if there’s an order to kill, they do it. And I worried that in their efforts to kill me, you could be harmed. I couldn’t put you at risk. I would never do that.” She rubs my arm. “Honey, more than anything I wanted us to be a family again. But I knew that wouldn’t happen if I went back home. I knew my only chance of seeing you and your father again would be to go into hiding and wait until your father could find a way to keep me safe.”
“When Dad didn’t show up, and you found out he never got the message, why didn’t you leave? You could’ve at least hidden out here in the U.S. At least you would’ve been closer to us and then—”
“Garret, I tried. I tried to leave, but Holton stopped me.”
“What do you mean he stopped you? He knew you were alive?” I feel heat burning inside me. It’s rage. Pure rage toward my grandfather and all the things he’s done to destroy our lives. “What did he do?”
“He threatened me. He said if I tried to leave, or tried to contact anyone from my old life, that there would be consequences. Consequences for you, Garret. I was so scared. I didn’t know if he’d hurt you, but I couldn’t take the chance.”
If my grandfather were alive, I’d kill that bastard right now. He knew my mom was alive, but he didn’t tell us? How could he do that to us? All those years, he saw my dad and me grieving. Saw how her death destroyed us and tore us apart. And my grandfather still didn’t tell us. He purposely kept her from us.
“Holton was determined to keep me there,” she says. “He hired some men to keep watch on me, day and night. I couldn’t even leave the town. I was a prisoner there, and it was such a small rural town that it had no Internet access. I couldn’t get any information about you or your father.”
“Why didn’t you call him? I know you were worried about what Grandfather would do, but couldn’t you have at least tried to call Dad? At least once?”
She nods. “I did. I dialed your father’s number, but the call wouldn’t go through. Holton or his men were somehow able to block it. Then I tried calling Martha and the same thing happened. The call was blocked. After I made those calls, I got a warning letter delivered to my apartment, telling me never to do it again. So I tried a different approach to reach your father. Instead of calling him, I tried to get a message to him. Whenever Americans would come to the restaurant I worked at, I would ask them to call your father and tell him about me, but none of them ever did. At least, I don’t think they did.”
What is she saying? That she thinks my dad wouldn’t try to get her if he knew she were alive? That’s crazy.
“If Dad knew,” I say, “he would’ve been over there the second he found out.”
“But he was married, so maybe—”
“No. He would’ve dropped everything and went to get you.”
She nods, but she looks like she doesn’t believe me.
“So Grandfather had those men watching you, but what happened when he died? Did they leave?”
“No. They um…they robbed a bank in Naples and were shot and killed by the police.” She looks down as she says it and it makes me think that’s not the real story. “But I didn’t know they were gone until just recently, after I found out about Holton. I didn’t know Holton was dead until just a few days ago. When I heard the news, I wanted to leave but I didn’t have a passport. Holton’s men stole it a long time ago. Luckily, a friend of mine was able to get me a fake one so I could get home.”
My head is aching from all the thoughts running through my mind. I have so many questions and so much to tell her.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
15
GARRET
“So you haven’t talked to Dad yet?” I ask.
“No. I just arrived here today. I had planned to find a library so I could go online and look up information about you and your father, but then I ended up running into Grace at the grocery store. If I hadn’t, I’d still be looking for you.”
“How did you know to come to California?”
“An American family came into the restaurant I worked at in Italy and the two daughters were talking about you, saying you were on some TV show. I asked them about you and they said you lived in California. They thought you lived in Santa Barbara but they weren’t sure. I thought it would be safer to come here than to go to Connecticut where I might run into people who know me. If one of those people happened to be a member, I was afraid of what they might do to me.”
I wonder how much she knows about the organization. If she knows what they do, what does she think of my dad? He’s had people killed and done it himself. And he lied to her all those years. But she just said she loved him, so does that mean she’s forgiven him?
“So you didn’t know about the organization until Jack told you?”
“No, I never knew. And at first I didn’t believe Jack, but the more he told me, the more it made sense. I could never figure out why your father would sometimes leave late at night. Or why he always had these secretive phone calls he didn’t want me to hear. Or why he’d sometimes become very withdrawn and distant. I’d ask him what’s wrong and he wouldn’t tell me. And the next day he’d be fine.”
“You never asked him about those things?”
“He always blamed everything on work. And given how demanding your grandfather was, I assumed your father was telling me the truth. But now I know it was all because of this group. I assume your father’s still part of it?”
“Yes, but he’s not as involved as he used to be. He doesn’t have to do their assignments anymore. He just has to give them access to the company.”
“But you’re not part of it?”
“No. I’m out of it. Forever.”
“I don’t understand. Sons are forced to join. It was never a choice before. Did they change the rules?”
“Like I said before, it’s a long story. And probably one I shouldn’t tell you. You’re better off not knowing.”
She nods. We both know how this works. The secrets, and why they must be kept, even from each other.
“Mom, how do you feel about Dad? I mean, knowing what you know, does it change anything?”
“Your father is the only man I’ve ever loved, and that will never change. As for what he’s done, I know he wasn’t give a choice but—”
“Mom, he never wanted to do those things. After being with him all those years, you know he’s not the type of person who would willingly do those things.”
“Yes, I know, but I still don’t like it. But I’ve had a lot of time to think about this and I understand that your father did what he had to do to keep them from harming us, or himself.”
“So you don’t hold it against him?”
She shakes her head. “No. Although it hurts me to know that he lied to me all those years.”
“He didn’t have a choice. If he’d told you anything, they would’ve come after you. Dad was just trying to protect you.”
“I know that, honey, but it’s still hard when the person you love lies to you, even if they’re forced to do so. Your father was living this whole other life that I didn’t even know existed.”
“I heard your father has a daughter,” my mom says.
“Yeah, Lilly. She’s 12. Dad has custody of her. Grace told you he’s divorced, right?”
“Yes. And I know he was married to Katherine.”
“It was an arranged marriage. He never loved her. They fought all the time. Now she’s remarried. He hardly ever talks to her.”
“And your dad’s okay? He’s happy?”
“Yeah, he’s okay.”
She holds my hand. “And how about you? Are you happy, Garret?”
“I wasn’t for a long time, but I am now.” I smile. “I’m married.”
“That’s what Grace said.” She smiles. “When did you get married?”
“When I was 19.”
She laughs a little. “Nineteen? That’s so young.”
“It’s not what I planned, but you can’t always plan this stuff. Her name is Jade. We met in college. You’d love her, Mom. You two are a lot alike.”
“And it wasn’t arranged?”
“No. She’s from Iowa. She never had money. She grew up without anything. Sometimes she didn’t even have food. But she got through all that and did really well in school and Dad gave her a scholarship to the same college I went to.”
“I don’t understand. Grace said Jade is her granddaughter. So how could she grow up without money?”
“Jade didn’t know she was a Sinclair until she was in college. Royce had an affair with Jade’s mom when he was in Iowa working on a political campaign.” I’m not ready to tell my mom the real story, about how Royce raped Jade’s mom, then tried to cover it up. It’ll take too long to tell her all that, and really, it’s Jade’s story to tell, not mine. “Royce didn’t help Jade’s mom out financially so she struggled to pay their bills.”
“That’s so sad. The Sinclairs have more than enough money. I can’t believe Royce would be that selfish.”
“Royce was more than just selfish. He’s—never mind. He’s dead now. I assume Grace told you that.”
“Yes. So does Jade ever see her mother?”
“Her mom committed suicide when Jade was 15.”
“Oh, that’s terrible.”
“Yeah, but Frank took her in. He went to college with her mom. He’s like a dad to Jade. He walked her down the aisle at our wedding.”
She puts her hand to her mouth, and tears fall from her eyes. “I missed your wedding.”
I hug her. “I know. But I imagined you there. And I know Dad did too.”
“I missed your graduation. Both of them.” She pulls away. “You finished college, right?”
“Yes. Jade and I both graduated.” I glance down, then look back at my mom. “And I have a daughter.”
“You’re a father?” More tears fall down her face.
“Yeah.” I smile. “You have a granddaughter. Her name is Abigail.”
She’s smiling as she wipes her tears. “How old is she?”
“She just had her first birthday. And, um…I haven’t told anyone this but—” I smile even more just saying it. “We’re having another one. Jade’s pregnant. We just found out.”
“Oh, honey. That’s wonderful. Congratulations.”
“Yeah. We’re really excited.”
“I’m so happy for you, Garret. All I ever wanted is for you to be happy and it sounds like you are.”
“I am. And I’m even happier knowing you’re alive. I still can’t believe this. Dad’s not going to believe this either. We need to call him and let him know. Or, actually, it would probably be better if we tell him in person.” I get my phone out. “He needs to get here right away.”
“Wait.” She stops me before I make the call. “I don’t know if I’m ready to see him.”
“Why not?”
“Because everything is so much more complicated now. Just a few days ago, I honestly never thought I’d see him again, and now here I am, and I’m not sure what to say to him.”
“Just tell him how you feel.” I set my phone down on the table that’s in front of the couch. “You still love him, right?”
“Yes. With all my heart.”
“Then tell him that.”
“But if he doesn’t feel the same way then—”
“Mom.” I hold her shoulders. “Dad still loves you. He still thinks about you and talks about you all the time. He has pictures of you in his office and on the dresser in his bedroom. He misses you. If he knew you were alive, he’d be here as fast as possible. And he’d never let you go.”
“Garret, you don’t know that. A lot has happened in fifteen years.”
“Yes, he was married and he has another child, but that doesn’t change the fact that he still loves you. Mom, I swear to you, he would do anything to have you back in his life. When you died, or when we thought you died, he shut down. He buried himself in work, trying not to think about you. And he—” I stop before I tell her how he gave up being a father to me. She doesn’t need to know. It’ll just upset her. And it’s the past. He’s a great father now.
“He what?” she asks. “What were you going to say, Garret?”
“That Dad hasn’t been the same since you left. He still misses you.” I pause. “Do you want to get back together with him?”
“Yes. But I don’t know if it’s possible.”
“Why wouldn’t it be?”
“Because things are different now. I know things I didn’t know before. Things about your father that I have to learn to get past.”
“He’s not doing that stuff anymore. He’s not even allowed to go to the meetings.”
“Yes, but he’s done things. Bad things.”
“But he didn’t want to. He only did those things because they made him. Mom, you just said you were okay with this.”
“I’m not okay with it. I’ve just told myself I have to accept it.”
“Are you mad at him?”
“I’m upset that he kept this from me all those years, but no, I’m not mad. I was angry when I first found out, but enough time has gone by that I’ve forgiven him. But I worry that I might feel differently about him when I see him again, now that I know he has this whole other side.”
“That other side isn’t him. It’s like when you left here and lived in Italy. You became someone else, right?”
“Yes, but I didn’t hurt anyone.” She glances down.
“I’m just saying that you can become someone else if you have to. If you’re forced to. Mom.” I wait until she looks at me. “If you love him and want to be with him, then don’t let this get in the way.”
“It’s not just me, honey. Your father has to want this too.” She pauses. “And maybe he won’t.”
“Are you kidding? Dad loves you. I told you, he would do anything to get you back. He’s going to be so freaking happy when he sees you. But…”
“But what?”
“When he finds out you know about the organization, he’ll be afraid you won’t want to be with him. That’s why I’m asking if that’s what you want. If you really want to be with Dad. Because I don’t think he’ll survive having you back and then having you leave again.”
“Garret, I want to get back together with your father. There are just so many things he and I have to talk about, and so many things we have to figure out in order to make this work. For one, everyone thinks I’m dead. Your father can’t be seen with his deceased wife.”
“You’re not deceased. You’re alive, and we’ll find a way to explain why. We’ll make a fake story to tell the media. Believe me, it’s been done before.”
“We also have to deal with the organization. If they know
I’m alive, they might try to kill me. Or do something to you or your father. I don’t want to put either of you in any kind of danger.”
“Nobody is going to come after us. Grandfather is dead. And William Sinclair will make sure they don’t harm you. I don’t know if you know William but—”
“Yes, I know William. But I don’t know how he could help.”
“William is now at the highest level at the organization. He won’t let any of the members come after you. All I have to do is make a phone call and he’ll take care of it. They’ll never bother you.”
She looks as if she doesn’t believe me. I don’t either. I’m not sure if William can protect her, but for now I’m going to pretend that he can.
“Still, I can’t be seen with your father. He’s well known and he can’t have the media seeing him with me.”
“We’ll worry about that later. For now, just let me call him and get him out here. You two need to talk.”
She nods. “Okay.”
I pick up my phone and call him. “Dad, what are you doing right now?”
“Catching up on some paperwork. Why?”
“I need you to get out here. Where’s Lilly? Is she with you?”
“No, she’s with Katherine for the week. School ended yesterday and Katherine wanted to have Lilly visit now instead of in June as we’d planned. I wasn’t going to agree to it, but Katherine’s decided to spend the summer in France, so this is the only time she’ll see Lilly until the fall.”
“Then head to the airport. You need to leave right away. Call me when you get here.”
“What’s wrong?” He sounds panicked. “What happened?”
“Nothing’s wrong. I just need you to get out here.”
“Garret, I can’t just drop everything and fly out there.”
“Dad, I’m serious. You need to get out here. You don’t have to worry. This isn’t bad. It’s good.”
“Are you and Jade having another baby?”
I laugh. “Shit, how did you know that?”
“I didn’t. I was just guessing. Congratulations. That’s wonderful.”
“Yeah, it is, but that’s not why I called you.”
Only Her Page 15
