"I'm going to visit an old friend."
Ugh, she wanted to scream she thought. He hadn't seen his daughter in almost five years and he was going to visit some friend? What if it was a woman? That would take the freakin’ cake. But she couldn't bring herself to ask him who he was visiting.
"Oh, that's nice. Hope you have fun.” She knew that she probably didn't sound like she meant it but what the hell; she didn't mean it she thought. "So about spring break Dad I can't remember the exact dates, I think it's sometime in late March or early April. If you're not busy do you think I or maybe we; me and Tony, could visit you? I'd really like you to meet Tony."
"I have to go out of town sometime in March. I think it's towards the beginning of the month though, so we'll see."
At least he hadn't said no she thought. She remembered from her grandmother that it was the next closest thing, though. "I'll let you know when I get back to school about the dates. Well, I guess I better let you go now Dad. I guess you've probably got a lot to do to get ready for your visit."
"Tory.” He sighed. "Don't be angry with me honey. I can't stand thinking that you're angry."
Right, she thought. That's why he never bothered to have a real conversation with her. Can't get angry at someone when they never talk to you about anything more than the damn weather right? Ugh, she needed to calm down or she was going to blow up at Lindsey as soon as she walked in the door.
Every bad thing that had happened in her childhood, never feeling like she mattered or was really loved, all of that had been Lindsey's fault. If Lindsey hadn't been such a bitch maybe she would have had a normal childhood.
What the hell was she supposed to say to her father she wondered? 'Oh Dad it’s okay that I haven't seen you for five years. It's okay that you never want to talk to me about anything real. It's okay that you let Lindsey turn you into a coward. It's okay that you're making a trip to visit someone else when you never visit me.' It wasn't okay. None of it was okay.
Not that she'd had the worst childhood ever she admitted to herself. She hadn't been physically abused except the time Lindsey's husband smacked her with the belt, and she hadn't been molested. None of Lindsey's husbands had taken half an interest in her. She'd always had food and clothes and toys, she knew her father was. She could have had things a lot worse.
Look at Tony, his dad was dead and his mom was in a mental hospital. But then again look at Carl, whose mother and father not only loved and cared for him, but loved and cared for Tony just as much when he wasn't their son. What good did it do to think about all that shit she thought? Just tell him that you're not mad and get off the damn phone Tory, she thought as she reached for a cigarette off of the table.
"You still there Tory?"
"Yeah, I'm here. Look Dad, I'm not angry, not really." Yeah right she thought. "I'm just frustrated. Confused and not looking forward to dealing with Lindsey and Langston. I'm sorry I took it out on you. Thank you for the gift. I'm gonna send yours out to you later today probably. Tony picked it out."
"You didn't have to get me anything honey."
"Of course I did. I think you'll like it. Anyway Dad. I love you and I miss you. Have a nice Christmas. I'll give you a call in a couple weeks."
"I love you too, honey. You'll never know how much I miss you. Take care and Merry Christmas."
"Bye Dad."
"Bye Tory."
She clicked the phone shut and sighed, wondering what Tony was doing. He was probably still visiting his mother. She wondered what things were like at a mental home during the holidays. Did they have a Christmas tree and presents? What kinds of people were locked in there with Tony's mom?
Poor Tony, to have to visit his only living parent at a place like that. And then she was going to put him through visiting her mother and stepfather. Ugh she thought, maybe she shouldn't have asked him to go with her. Then again, she wanted to prove for once and for all that she was not ashamed of him. And what better way to prove that than taking him to visit her stuck up mother and stepfather?
She looked around the room, and figured that there was still a couple hours’ worth of work to do on the living room alone. There were still magazines and movies piled everywhere and laundry piled up that had been folded but not put away.
The kitchen looked okay. She should probably do the dishes and take the trash out, but other than that it didn't need much work. Tony had gotten his bedroom mostly in order. She didn't know if he'd started on the bathroom, but it shouldn't be a problem getting everything finished before they had to leave in the morning she thought. They still needed to go pick up the money that her mother was supposed to have sent. IF Lindsey had bothered to send it.
Finally lighting the cigarette that she'd picked up when she'd been talking to her father, she dialed the number that she knew by heart to check if she had money waiting. She put in the information, and waited while the system searched. She was surprised when it told her she had $350 dollars waiting. The round trip bus ticket usually cost somewhere around $250 during the holidays. It wasn't like Lindsey to send her anything extra.
That should cover gas and give her enough money to take Tony out and do something. She still felt guilty about letting Tony pay for all the gifts for her family and not getting him anything but what could she do she thought? It's not like she could walk to the mall.
She could probably take a bus, but by the time she got to the mall he'd probably be back from visiting his mom and she'd promised him she would work on the house while he was gone. She laid her cigarette in the ash tray on the table, and started picking up the game and DVD cases that were piled on the floor. She made sure that they were all in the correct case, and started lining up the DVDs in the entertainment center and putting the games in the hard plastic case that was sitting beside the game system.
It looked strange to see cartoons next to porn. She shook her head as she took the last drag of her cigarette and put it out in the ashtray. Why did he have cartoons she thought? Then she looked closer and saw that they were more adult cartoons with the kind of lewd content that barely put them above porn at times.
Would he want the porn out in his living room though? Or should she put it away in the bedroom she wondered? Not that Tony made it a secret to anyone that he was a very sexual person but. . . She'd let him decide where he wanted it when he got home.
Looking at the porno mags next to the gaming magazines piled on the edge of the coffee table, she sighed again. With the DVDs, you could read the titles, but the graphic pictures on the front were hidden. With the magazines you could see half naked women on the cover. Maybe those at least would be better off in the bedroom.
She separated them from the Video game magazines, and carried them into the bedroom. Now where to put them she wondered? There was a drawer in the night stand that looked big enough to hold them. She opened it and noticed a picture of her sitting beside a couple pieces of crumpled notebook paper.
She picked up the picture, and she could remember exactly when he'd taken it. On one of their rare trips out of the house that didn't involve a trip out for cigarettes or condoms, he'd taken her out to the lake for a picnic. It had been chilly. She hadn't remembered to bring a jacket so he'd taken off his long sleeved shirt and given it to her, though he hadn't been wearing anything underneath.
She'd been trying to roll up the sleeves and tuck it into her jeans so that it didn't make her feel like she was wearing a dress when he'd called her name. She'd flipped him off as he took a picture of her, knowing she must look ridiculous. And she did look pretty funny she thought. Like a little kid who was trying on Dad's shirt. But there was color in her cheeks and a half smile on her face as she flipped him off.
No matter how exasperating he could be or how big of a pervert he was, he'd always had a softer side when it came to her she thought. There had always been an undercurrent of a deeper affection even when she'd fooled herself into thinking their relationship was about nothing more than sex.
She put th
e picture down on the surface of the nightstand, picked up the crumpled pieces of paper and slid the porno mags into the drawer. She took a seat on the edge of the bed, and smoothed out the first piece of paper on her lap.
'Tory,' it said at the top. She took a deep breath, wondering if she should continue reading. She listened for the sound of a car door signaling Tony was home, but she heard nothing. So she turned the lamp on and started to read.
'I don't know what it was I did to you that made you so damn ashamed of being with me. Was it that I never really asked you to be my girlfriend? I didn't think I had to. We're both adults right? I mean you're almost legally an adult and I am an adult. Or was it the sex? I never pressured you into doing anything you didn't want to do. Or at least I didn't think that I did. Even that first night if I would have seen any indication that you didn't want to do it I would have backed off. I wanted you. I wanted you since the first time I saw you, but I respected the fact that you were with that loser Jude. He was never good enough for you. I think that there's a part of you that always knew it. It's not because he lives in a trailer or because his parents have four kids. It's because of who he is deep down. He just doesn't deserve someone like you. So beautiful and so smart. You are easily the most beautiful girl I've ever seen and also the smartest. I wish I was as smart as you. You try to hide your beauty. It's like you don't want anyone to see who you really are. I guess I'm probably not good enough for you either, being nothing but a drug dealer, but I meant it when I told you that I would have stuck by you if you'd have gotten pregnant. It would have made me so proud to have a baby with you. I know why it freaked you out. You're still young and you've got your whole life ahead of you. But there's always been a part of me that hoped that you'd decide to make that life with me. I guess I was fooling myself thinking that you'd ever really want anything from someone like me other than sex. So I guess this it then? 'Cause I can't stand the thought that I'm nothing more to you than a hell of a good lay. I love you Tory. I think there's a part of you that believes that you don't really deserve that. But you're wrong, because it's always been me that never deserved you. Take care Tor. You have a good life. Maybe someday, when I can prove to you that I'm better than all this, you'll find it in you to give me another chance.' It was signed simply, Tony.
She wondered why he'd never given it to her, why he'd kept it. Though it had had its moments of Tony's usual cockiness and sarcasm, it was easily the most beautiful thing she'd ever read.
How could she have ever believed that Jude was the one for her when she'd had someone in front of her who felt this way about her she wondered? She must have made him feel so bad when she talked endlessly about Jude
What an idiot she was she thought. She was going to do her best to make it up to him. Tony didn't deserve her? Hell she'd never deserved HIM.
She heard her cell phone ring in the other room. She read the title at the top of the second page, 'Broken' which looked like a poem, and shoved the papers and the picture back into the drawer, barely remembering to crumple them up before she pushed the drawer shut and raced towards the living room.
It stopped ringing as she got to the living room, breathless and chastising herself for smoking too much. It started to ring again, as she heard a car door shut outside.
"Hello?"
"Hey Tor."
Oh shit she thought. Jude could not have picked a worse time to call with Tony about to walk in the door. She almost slammed the phone shut, because she heard the keys in the door but figured it wouldn't do any good. He'd probably call back.
How she could get him off of the phone without Tony knowing who she was talking to?
"Now's not really a good time. Do you think you can call back? Wait Jude, don't bother calling back."
"Huh?" She heard him say as Tony walked in the door, scowling at her as he sat two plastic grocery bags down on the floor.
"Tor," he said carefully. "I didn't hear you say what I think you said did I?"
Jude was saying something to her as she looked at Tony with wide eyes. "I don't know Tony, what did you think I said?"
She heard Jude mutter "Oh shit."
"I thought I heard you say Jude. That prick wouldn't have the nerve to call you would he?"
She didn't know what to say. She couldn't lie to him. If Jude was smart enough to hang up which she was silently praying that he was, Tony could still take her phone and dial the last number that she'd received a call from and know that she'd lied to him.
Tony took a step toward her, looking at the phone clutched in her hand with fire in his eyes. "Give me the phone Tory."
"But. . ."
"No buts Tory. Give me the damn phone."
She could hear Jude breathing on the other end, so she knew he hadn't been smart enough to hang up. Mutely, she handed Tony the phone.
"Hey Jude?" There was a false note of friendliness in his voice. "It's Tony. You remember me right? You had the balls to come to my door and tell me that you tricked my girlfriend into sleeping with you. I know that even when she thought she was still in love with you, she had too much pride to go looking for you. So I know all that bullshit you told me about how she called you and then seduced you was a big fat lie from a little boy who needed an ego boost from sleeping with his old girlfriend. You listen to me kid, and you listen to me good, because I'm only going to warn you once. You are going to stay away from Tory. If you see her in town, you cross the street. If I hear that you were stupid enough to call her again, you'd better watch out. Even if she keeps it quiet to protect you, I'll find out. And I'll come to your house. I'll wait until your mom and dad and your little brother and little sisters aren't home so they don't have to watch their son and their prick of a big brother getting the shit kicked out of him. And I promise you one more thing asshole. If I have to end up in jail for beating the shit out of your sorry ass, I'm gonna make it worthwhile. So just busy yourself with your new girlfriend and forget that Tory exists. I know it’s hard dude, because she is one hell of a girl. But you had your chance with her and you done fucked it up good. One last thing bro." Tony took on the faux friendly tone he'd had when he'd first taken the phone. "She didn't think that you were that good in bed, so you really never stood a chance. Merry Christmas asshole."
He handed the phone back to her. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry when the phone was back in her hand.
He walked into the kitchen without a word and started to put the groceries away.
"Um Tony, about Jude, I didn't ask him to call. I didn't know he had my new number. I didn't give it to him."
"I didn't say you did babe. Sorry I grabbed the phone from you, but it's better for both of you if you make a clean break once and for all. You sure as hell don't need him screwing with your head anymore."
Biting her lip, she nodded. She held the back door open for him as he passed by with two overflowing trash bags.
"So what happened to your last phone?"
"I broke it," she said sheepishly, not looking at him.
"Cell phones break all the time, nothing to be embarrassed about.”
"No I mean I BROKE it. When you called me after Jude told you that stuff I threw it down and stepped on it until it was in like a thousand pieces."
"Temper, temper. Why didn't they give you the same number?"
"It's my mom's account and she probably didn't bother to ask."
"I'll get you a phone on my plan if you want. Then you won't have to worry about Jude calling you. I'd make damn sure he couldn't get your number."
She laughed. "I have a feeling you scared the crap out of him Tony. I don't think we have to worry about him calling me again."
"His mom used to buy weed from me. And Carl used to be friends with his little brother."
"Wow, small world isn't it?"
A knock sounded at the door. "That must be Carl and Andi.”
"Oh shit. I talked to my dad and then I was straightening up in here. I never bothered to shower or get dressed."
"You go on beautiful." He reached up under the robe and patted her bare ass. "I'll keep them occupied out here while you shower."
When she had showered and dressed and returned to the living room about twenty minutes later, she saw Andi shaking her head at the DVD Carl was holding in his hand. Looking at Tory, she said "Do you understand the concept of porn Tory?"
"Well, the concept maybe." She glanced at Tony. "But it's all made for men."
Tony laughed. "Are you kidding me?" Then he shook his head. "We don't want to get into the subject. Have some respect for your girl kid. If she doesn’t wanna look at that shit, you don't make her, right Tor?” He winked.
She rolled her eyes at him, thinking of all the times he's tried to get her to watch it with him. "Right Tony."
"We're gonna be here for New Year's Tory, isn't that great?" Andi said, smoothly changing the subject.
"It is.”
"And my mom called Crestview and talked to some lady I think her name was Marcume. She said that they're giving out three scholarships next fall. When Mom told her about my grades and my activities she said she thought I'd be a great fit and that she was going to send out an application right away. I'm so excited."
She was beaming. Carl was still walking around in the perpetual daze of a teenage boy who still couldn't believe he'd caught the eye of a girl like Andi.
"I know you'll get in Andi. I'm sure of it." She smiled at Andi. “I'll put in a word for you with Marcune if you want." She inwardly cringed at having to talk to the woman though.
"That would be so great Tory. Thank you." Andi gave her a hug.
"No problem." She turned to Tony. "Are you going to finish up the bedroom and bathroom while I finish your laundry and the rest of the living room?"
"Sure. You wanna help me Carl?"
"No problem Tone. You mind helping Tor out here Andi?"
"Of course not.” She gave him what could only be described as a killer smile and a brief kiss.
Misty Reigenborn Romance Boxed Set Page 113
