“I guess.”
Mellenda blurted “Ricky doesn’t know about it.”
“What? You didn’t tell him? Did you lie to him and tell him you lost the baby?”
“He never knew there was a baby. Well, thanks for letting me talk to you Molli. You can go back to your homework now.” Mellenda turned back to her magazine. She wasn’t sure if she felt better or worse after sort of spilling her guts to Molli, but there was no way she could take it back now she thought.
She didn’t sleep well that night. She was worried that Ricky would find out about her abortion and felt like an idiot for telling Molli about it. She knew that even if Molli didn’t tell Ricky herself, she was bound to tell someone and that it would be around town in no time at all.
She was tempted to call him the night before Thanksgiving so that he could take her back to her parents’ house but decided against it. She was trying to give him his space but sometimes it was so hard. She loved him so much or at least she thought she must because it hurt like hell to think that she was losing him.
She ended up taking the bus back to her parents’ house. They were already asleep by the time she got there but she wasn’t looking forward to spending the day with them anyway, so she didn’t really care. Holidays had not been the same since Adrina had died.
The next morning, she helped her mother prepare dinner. It was boring and her thoughts drifted to Ricky. She wondered if she could talk her parents into letting her go see him after they had dinner.
There was no conversation at dinner. Her parents were busy getting drunk. It disgusted her, especially since she knew neither of them was supposed to drink with the medication that they took. Soon after dinner, she decided that she was going to ask to go see Ricky. She thought that she might be able to get him to talk his parents into letting her spend the night. She’d stayed there once before and it had felt so delicious to sneak into his bedroom and have sex with him while his parents were asleep down the hall. She thought that even if he was seeing someone else, she’d rather spend time with him than with her parents.
Her Dad was passed out on the couch and her mom was reading a book with the TV on. She looked at her mom and said “Mom, can I borrow your car? I’d like to go see Ricky.”
Her mother sighed without looking up. “You’re too serious about that boy at your age Mellenda. We don’t want you to end up like your sister.”
“Mom, I’m not going to get pregnant. I’m on birth control and we always use condoms too. Please.”
“Fine. But call if you decide you’re not coming home tonight and be sure to drive carefully. And fill up the tank before you bring the car back.”
Mellenda jumped up and kissed her mom. “Thanks Mom. I love you.”
Her mother gave her a dismissive wave and went back to her book. Mellenda went upstairs and packed a bag. Her mother handed her the car keys when she was back downstairs without a word. Mellenda went outside and got into her mother’s car. She was tempted to call Ricky, but she wanted to surprise him.
The drive was short. Her heart was pounding when she pulled up in front of his house. She knocked. His mother answered the door and gave her a bright smile. “Mellenda, it’s always so good to see you. Let me get Ricky for you.”
“Thank you.” Mellenda followed the older woman into the house. She returned with Ricky a few minutes later. He gave her a look she couldn’t read. Mellenda gave him a kiss. “Hi.”
“Hello Mellenda. Happy Thanksgiving.”
“Happy Thanksgiving Ricky. What are you up to?”
“Not much. Have you eaten? Mom can warm you up a plate.”
“I have eaten thank you.” She looked at the foil wrapped plate that Ricky held in his hand. “Are you taking that to someone?”
Ricky cleared his throat. “A friend of mine from school is stuck here for the holiday. I thought I’d take it to him.”
Mellenda smiled. “I’ll come with you.”
“That’s not necessary. You can stay here. Mom made pie.”
“I want to come with you Ricky.”
“Okay.” She could tell that he was hiding a sigh. He grabbed his coat and she followed him out of the house.
Once they were in his car, Mellenda leaned over and kissed him. ‘”I’ve missed you. I feel like I hardly see you anymore.”
Ricky pulled back. “We need to talk Mellenda, but it can wait.”
“Are you sure Ricky?”
He nodded and then started the car. “Yes.”
They were silent as he drove. When they showed up at his friend’s apartment, he seemed really surprised. Mellenda got the feeling that Ricky had been planning to take the plate to someone else entirely, maybe even the girl that he was cheating on her with.
She wanted to confront him when they were back in his car, but she decided to keep her mouth shut about that and instead said “Can I stay with you tonight? My parents depress me.”
“I’m sorry. I’m sure it will be fine with my parents.”
They grew silent again. Mellenda felt the distance between them. It really hurt. She wondered what she was going to do with herself if she lost Ricky. All of her plans since she’d been with him had revolved around him. Going to school with him, marrying him, having beautiful babies with him.
By the time they got back to his house, it was late. His parents were already in their room. He knocked on their bedroom door and asked if Mellenda could stay. They said yes. Ricky took her hand and led her down the hall to the guest room. Her heart beat fast when he shut the door behind them. She pressed him back onto the bed and kissed him with a passion that felt almost crazy even to her.
He gave her a strange look when he pulled back from her. “Mellenda, we need to talk.”
She reached around and unhooked her bra and then pulled her shirt over her head. Ricky had once told her that he couldn’t think about anything else when her breasts were bare, and she was going to use anything she could against him.
He drank in the sight of her breasts and then looked away. “Not now Mellenda.”
Mellenda took Ricky’s hand and brought it to her breast. Her nipple hardened and she could feel the start of an achingly sweet wetness between her legs. It felt like so long since he’d made love to her. She kissed him, pressing him to the bed once again. She reached down to undo his pants. He didn’t protest so she freed him from his boxers and took his manhood into her mouth. He let out a quiet moan, but stopped her with a gentle hand on her head.
“Mellenda. Stop. We need to talk.”
She removed her mouth from him, but continued to stroke her hand down his penis. “Can’t it wait? I have missed you so much and I’m so. . . You know what I am. I’ll let you go down on me. It’s not really disgusting when you do it.”
Ricky sighed. “I know it makes you uncomfortable. I’m not really in the mood to make any kind of love.”
Mellenda snorted. “Your penis says otherwise.”
“My penis sometimes has a mind of its own. Mellenda please stop. Put your clothes back on. I need to ask you a question.”
“Ricky you’re my boyfriend and I’m horny. You know how hard it was for me to admit that because I don’t like to talk about stuff like that. Make love to me and then we can talk all you want. I’ll answer any questions you have after you quiet this aching. I promise.”
Mellenda rid herself of the rest of her clothes. Ricky looked at her for a minute. She could tell that the sight of her naked body still got to him at least because his penis was really standing at attention now. She undressed him and then handed him a condom out of her purse.
He put it on, but she could tell that even if his body wanted very badly to make love to her, that his heart wasn’t in it. She straddled him and took him inside of her slowly. She found that she didn’t want to make love to him anymore, she just wanted to screw.
They both came quickly and she moved off of him. He discarded the condom in the wastebasket beside the door. She didn’t get dressed. She just lay
back on the bed. He dressed and put the blanket over her. She hid a smile.
“What do you want to ask me Ricky?”
“Mellenda did you abort our child?”
Mellenda’s face grew hot. “Who told you that?”
“It doesn’t matter who told me. I want an answer.”
Mellenda turned away from him. “What if I did?”
Ricky put his hand on her arm. “Look at me Mellenda.”
Mellenda turned to him. She could see so much disappointment and pain on his face that she started crying. He put his arms around her, but they felt stiff. She knew that he didn’t want to hold her, knew that he would probably never want to hold her in the same way again.
She cried until she had no more tears, then she pulled back. Ricky offered her a box of tissues. She wiped her face and blew her nose. “I’m sorry Ricky.”
“This isn’t something that is going to be solved with an ‘I’m sorry’ Mellenda. The decision to take our child’s life was something that should have been discussed with me.”
“It wasn’t like that Ricky. I didn’t want to ruin our lives. We had barely started going out. It wasn’t like it was easy for me. We are too damned young to have a baby. You know it.”
“Even if we are young, you had no right to take the decision away from me. There were other options Mellenda. I will never look at you in the same way again. I’m sorry. I have to go. If you want to shower, there are towels and toiletries in the bathroom down the hall.”
Ricky stood and quickly left the room.
Mellenda cried for what felt like hours after that. Then she got up, got dressed and took a long shower. She was sure that Ricky wanted to kick her out of his house.
She didn’t sleep well that night. She realized that she hadn’t bothered to call her parents and tell them that she was staying over. She didn’t care. Ricky was at the table drinking coffee when she went downstairs. He looked up at her and gave her a smile that held no joy.
“Good morning Mellenda.”
She gave him a bright smile. “Good morning Ricky. What do you have planned today?”
“I was going to go to the mall and see if there were any good sales.”
She laughed, though it felt like it held no humor. “Of course there are good sales. I’ll go with you.”
Ricky nodded, but she could tell that he didn’t want her to join him, that he probably wished she’d go away.
The ride to the mall was silent. He wouldn’t let her hold his hand. She felt like he was on another planet as they walked together through the mall. A silence between them had never felt so uncomfortable.
She did talk him into letting her stay with him until she had to go back to school though. She had a feeling that it was more because he felt sorry for her than that he wanted her to be there, but she didn’t really care. His family seemed oblivious to the tension between them and was as nice and welcoming as always.
She asked him to follow her back to her parents’ house when she knew it was time to go back to school so that he could give her a ride back to Brentwood. He agreed, but refused to come in when she gave her mother the keys back. It didn’t matter anyway since her parents were both passed out on the couch, an empty bottle of wine between them on the table.
The ride back to Brentwood was silent. Ricky stopped on the road outside Crestview. He tried to give her a quick kiss, but she pulled him in for a lengthier one. She was tempted to try to talk him into sex, but she wasn’t sure if she could get away with it anymore and she was afraid that they would get caught.
She did lift his shirt and trail kisses down his chest until she arrived at his crotch though. She unbuttoned and unzipped his pants and freed him, taking him into her mouth. His penis responded immediately. He ran his hand over her hair, and then brought his other hand up under her shirt and stroked her breast.
He stopped her several minutes later. “It’s time to stop now.”
She gave him a pout. “I wish I didn’t have to.”
He gave her a ghost of a smile. “I wish you didn’t have to too. But this is not what we need Mellenda. We need to be honest about where our relationship is going. We can’t continue to pretend that everything is fine anymore.”
“I still turn you on. That’s obvious.”
“You’re undeniably beautiful and your body is a masterpiece of femininity. We have had some wonderful times together and making love to you is certainly quite an experience, but we have to look at reality. Our relationship has changed irrevocably.”
“Because I had a stupid abortion? You’re throwing everything away because I had a goddamned abortion when the last thing in the world that we needed was a baby?”
“No. It’s because you lied to me, you kept things from me that you had no right to.”
“Do you really believe that bullshit? It’s my body.”
“It’s takes two to make a baby. It’s always has.”
“It isn’t just because I didn’t tell you that I was pregnant. It’s because you are screwing someone else.”
“I am not screwing someone else Mellenda.”
“You’re lying to me. I can see it in your eyes. Goodnight Ricky.”
Mellenda grabbed her bag from the backseat and left the car. Tears pricked her eyes as she hurried through the woods. She felt disgusted and ashamed that she had resorted to giving Ricky blow jobs on the side of the road to try to keep him.
She pasted a smile on her face and went back to her room. Molli gave her a strange look and she almost thought that she caught her sniffing. She gave her a dirty look and then gathered her things and headed to the shower.
She showered quickly and returned to her room. She slept fitfully that night.
Chapter 4
December passed in an unhappy blur. She came back into her room one morning and thought she caught the smell of vomit in the air. She made a face at Molli and turned away, wondering if her brainless roommate had gotten herself knocked up.
It was soon time for winter vacation. Mellenda wasn’t looking forward to it. She and Ricky had been doing nothing but fighting. If she’d thought she’d seen less of him than before earlier in the school year, it only worsened as time went on.
She took the bus to her parents’ house. Being there, she was bored stiff and so depressed she could hardly stand it. On Christmas Eve, she called Ricky and begged him to come and pick her up. He agreed, though she certainly didn’t think he was thrilled about the idea.
They went to the mall. Mellenda talked him into seeing a movie. She felt her mood perk up when he went to the bathroom because he left his coat behind and she found what looked to be an engagement ring in the pocket. But when he returned, the tagline of the movie she wanted to see seemed to bother him. It was about a couple having a baby and then getting a divorce. They ended up in a huge fight and Ricky walked away from her. She went into the bathroom at the movie theater and bawled her eyes out.
She ran into a girl that she thought looked Tory Collins when she exited the stall. She gave the pretty girl an offhanded smile.
The girl looked closer at her and said "Mellenda?"
It was Tory. "Oh hey, Tory. I didn't expect to run into you here. And me looking like such a mess too."
"Are you okay Mellenda?"
"I'm all right. Just got into a big fight with my boyfriend. But then everybody's extra stressed over the holidays huh? Does your family live up here?"
"Yeah, well my mom and stepdad.”
"Oh that's nice. Well, you have a merry Christmas, Tory."
"You too Mellenda. Thanks. I hope things get better for you with your boyfriend."
"I doubt it Tor, but it's nice of you to say so."
Mellenda turned and left the bathroom. She was looking around for Ricky when she saw Tony. She ran over to him and threw her arms around him, too distracted to think about the fact Tony was going out with Tory. “Oh Anthony it’s so good to see you. I didn’t know you had family up here.”
"I uh, don't."
He turned to Tory who had appeared beside them. "My girlfriend does."
"Oh, Tory. I'm sorry. I didn't know you two were dating. I keep screwing everything up today." She had heard that they were dating of course and still thought that Tony had broken it off with her because he was interested in Tory, but she didn’t want to look like a total bitch.
"It's okay Mellenda."
"Well, I guess I'll let you two get to your movie then." Mellenda was starting to feel even more uncomfortable.
Tory gave her a kind smile. "Do you want to come with us? I mean, if you're not busy."
"Thanks Tory, but I'd better get out of here. Enrique took off a while ago, so if I don't want him to leave town without me, I'd better go see if I can find him."
"Do you need a ride somewhere Lin?" Tony said.
"No Anthony. He wouldn't really leave me here. I'm sure he's just wandering around the other side of the mall. We had such a terrible fight. I'd better go find him before he gets any angrier, thinking I left HIM. You two have a merry Christmas."
She gave them a wave, and took off out of the movie theatre, glad to escape.
She couldn’t find Ricky. She was starting to think that he really had left her. She called him and he said he’d meet her in front of the food court. It took him so long to get there that she was sure he had left her.
They went back to his parents’ house soon after. It was uncomfortable to spend the holiday with his family. She had never felt uncomfortable around his family before. Most of the time she felt more comfortable around Ricky’s family than she did her own. But the tension between her and Ricky was thick. She knew it wouldn’t be long before he broke up with her.
Chapter 5
Mellenda awoke early on the morning of December 26th. She knew that this was her last chance to keep Ricky. There was a part of her that knew she already lost him though, and her mood was dismal when she entered the guest bathroom at his parents’ house.
She used the toilet, washed her hands and face and brushed her teeth. She looked at herself in the mirror and wondered why if she was supposed to be so damned beautiful she couldn’t keep her boyfriend happy. Her heart hurt as she left the room.
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