They were numerous and started from when he was very young. Most had Cameron in them. The ones from what looked like high school had Lucy in them later on. The last few showed Daylin with a pretty girl with light brown hair. What looked like a prom picture showed Lucy and Cameron gazing at each other in adoration. The girl with Daylin was the only one who was looking at the camera. He was staring at her like she was the only girl on the planet. The graduation picture was a different story. It showed Lucy grinning brazenly, Cameron with a more subdued smile and Daylin looking like his whole world had crumbled. Where was the girl and what had happened to make Daylin so sad Jess wondered?
When she was studying the picture he snuck up on her again. His voice was right in her ear when he said "She was beautiful wasn't she?"
"Yeah," Jess said softly. "She was."
It wasn't that she was someone who could walk into a room and have every male within 20 feet turn like Lucy. Like Jess herself, something she dreaded to think about. She was pretty enough, but there was something different about her. Something that you could see even in the pictures. She was happy. She shone with a light that was different and much more important than just physical beauty. Her beauty was the kind of beauty that lasted when the wrinkles came and body parts that were once toned started sagging.
"Her name was Amanda," Daylin said softly. There was pain in his voice, but something more as well. Jess wanted to turn and look at his face, to catch a glimpse of something she'd never come anywhere close to feeling, but he put his arms lightly around her waist. She had a feeling he didn't want her to see what he was feeling.
She was exhausted, but wanted to hear his story, wanted to hear the sound of his voice. Against her better judgment, she let herself lean lightly into him. His hands tightened around her waist. She closed her eyes as he continued, trying not to think about the way his hard body felt pressed against hers.
"When she transferred here Junior Year I wanted her so bad I could taste it. But I never thought I would be good enough for her. That a girl like her could ever want anything to do with a guy like me. I was a football player chasing tail, grades just good enough to stay on the team. I'd never met anyone like her. I'd had plenty of girls, Lucy included, though that's something Cameron hasn't heard about and never needs to. She was different. Amanda was like this bright light that everyone could see just by looking at her. She was so good it was almost funny. You'd have thought she had these really great parents. A PTA cooking baking mom and a hard working dad who never missed the school plays, a family who went to church every Sunday. But it was nothing like that. She was good in spite of them. In spite of her alcoholic mother who yelled at her and her half brothers and sisters and her third stepdad who beat the shit out of her mom and spent half the day passed out on the couch when he was supposed to be out looking for a job. She truly saw the good in people. She said hello to everyone, always had a kind word. When she asked someone how their day was it wasn't because she was being polite. It was because she really cared. She made everyone around her want to be a better person just by being around. She tutored kids for free, helped people get jobs who really needed it. There was this guy, he'd been on the streets or sleeping on people's couches for like fifteen years because he had a drug problem. She helped him turn his life around. You'd remind her of something really special she did for someone and she'd think of something even better she could do. She was like an angel. It took me six weeks to get up the courage to ask her out. I thought she'd laugh at me. And she did laugh at me, but it was because she could see how nervous I was. In the year and a half that I knew her I went from wanting to be a professional football player and bed every hot woman I could find to wanting to change the world. She taught me that there could be so much more to life than what we're taught to want. I was still going to play ball, but instead of spending the money on stupid shit like a big house and fancy cars sitting in the garage, she was going to use the money to make people's lives better. And she could have done it too. That girl, all hundred pounds of her, could have changed the whole fucking world."
His arms tightened briefly around Jess's waist again, but then he let her go. He kissed the side of her neck and then took her hand, leading her to the couch.
"Sorry," he said. "I hope I'm not boring you."
"No.” He wasn't boring her. He had such passion in his voice that she had to hear more. He sighed, putting his head in his hands. "Daylin. What happened to Amanda?"
He looked at her, his eyes so intense that she had to look away. "I lost her. I lost the only woman that I ever loved to some drunk fuck who never should have been on the road. I should have been with her too. I would have been with her if Cameron's piece of shit car hadn't broken down. A week and a half before graduation she was gone. We were going to get married. I'd given her an engagement ring. She had it hidden in her sock drawer at home. But that's not even the worst part of it. I had to hear from some bottom feeding gossip that I not only lost my future wife, but our child too."
His voice cracked when he said the last word. She wanted to comfort him, wanted to bridge the gap between them on the couch, but she couldn't do it.
"I'll never know why she didn't tell me. Maybe she didn't know. Or maybe she was waiting for the right time to tell me. I went crazy after that, was drunk at her funeral, drunk at graduation, and drunk and high all summer until I went to school. My parents threatened to disown me. Never mind that I never did anything as bad as my older brother who's been in and out of jail. Or that my sister's bisexual and has a live in lover that the kids think is nothing more than their nanny. I was the bad one because I got my girlfriend pregnant. It didn't matter that I was going to marry her, that I knew I wanted to marry her as soon as she said yes to our first date. It only mattered that she was knocked up and that I was drunk all the time. Her piece of shit stepdad bought the booze for me. I went to college, the college that we were supposed to go to together. For a while I thought I could do it by myself in her memory, give her something to be proud of me for. But I blew my knee out in my first college game and that was the end of that idea. I started drinking again, skipping class, almost got kicked out of school. I came home for Christmas, got into a huge argument with my parents. My dad told me that if I didn't start straightening up, he didn't want me to be his son anymore. I was pissed at first, walked out and went back to school even though it was only the day after Christmas. But I looked at myself and it dawned on me how messed up I was letting shit get. So I started going back to class, got my grades up. But that wasn't good enough for Dad. By the time I came home from school it had been eight months since I'd said more than hello to a girl. Now I was gay. I was pissed as hell again but I said screw it and got myself a girlfriend. It lasted all of two weeks. I couldn't look at a girl and not compare her to Amanda. And there was no way in hell anyone was going to live up to her. So I gave up and started screwing around, any woman that would have me. That lasted for about a year. Things didn't go well. I had a half dozen pregnancy scares, some STD scares, and gave up. I was celibate for another six months and then I dated again. It's pretty much been like that ever since. I'm never with a woman too long, never get too close. I'm sorry if I come on too strong Jess. It’s habit. Old habits die hard."
She didn't know what to say. She started to reach for a cigarette from her purse but stopped. He saw her and seeming to read her mind again, said "Go ahead and smoke. Lucy does it all the time. Not that she ever bothered to ask."
She nodded. He watched her light her cigarette and said "Why did you start smoking?"
"It's a long story.” And not something that she wanted to explain Jess thought.
"Humor me.”
She started to shake her head but sighed, and since he'd spilled his guts to her said "It reminds me of my Dad."
"Is he dead?”
"No. Um well, at least I don't think so. I haven't seen him in twenty-one years."
"I see. How come he and your mom got divorced?"
"I do
n't know. Well, they didn't get divorced right away I don't think. They obviously got divorced at some point because she married my stepdad, but I don't really know when they actually got divorced. He just sort of walked away." Now this was really something she didn't want to discuss she thought.
"And he never visited you?"
"Uh, no." She was really uncomfortable now, even more uncomfortable than when she'd been listening to him bicker with Cameron and Lucy at the diner.
"That sucks."
"Yeah, it really does."
She put her cigarette out in the ashtray he'd pushed across the table to her and said "I think I'd like to go to bed now."
"Okay."
He looked disappointed, but simply watched her get up off of the couch and head towards the bedroom.
When she’d reached the doorway he said "You might want to leave the door open a bit. It gets stuffy in there at night."
She nodded and then went in to use the restroom. When she was back in the bedroom, she cursed herself for forgetting to take her pajamas with her when she'd been in the bathroom and was headed back in that direction when she paused. Daylin was undressing in the living room. Her breath caught as he pulled his t-shirt over his head. His body looked even better without clothes. She felt herself blushing as he stripped off his jeans, wondering if he was going to take off his boxer briefs as well, but he slipped his drawstring pajama bottoms on over top of them. She didn't know whether she was relieved or disappointed.
She turned back towards the bathroom, but stopped. Would he try to peek at her and catch a glimpse of her undressing like she'd done with him Jess wondered? She stayed where she was and took her clothes off slowly, heart beating fast. But his head didn't turn even slightly. Again she didn't know whether she was relieved or disappointed.
She tossed and turned for over an hour, wondering if it was all the caffeine that was keeping her from sleeping or the thought of Daylin's half naked body on the couch. Finally she sighed and sat up, wishing that she hadn't left her purse with her cigarettes in the living room.
"Can't sleep huh?"
Either Daylin had super sensitive ears, or he'd been listening to her toss and turn Jess thought.
She swallowed hard and went out to the living room.
He was grinning. "Are you an insomniac or is it just tonight?"
"A little of both, I guess," she said, feeling uncomfortable.
He threw the blankets over the back of the couch and gestured for her to sit down.
She reached for a cigarette. He said "You smoke too much."
"I do it when I'm nervous." She turned away from him.
"And what's making you nervous Jess?” His voice was silky smooth, like he knew exactly what was making her nervous.
She tried to play it cool. "I don't know Daylin. It couldn't possibly be that I'm in a strange man's house."
He made a face. "You don't have to be nervous Jess. I'd never hurt you."
Yeah right, she thought. Like her father had never hurt her, like her stepfather had never hurt her.
"You don't know me Daylin."
"We could change that.”
"No.”
"Jess, give me a chance. What happened baby, that you won't let anyone care?"
She snorted. "Care Daylin? All you care about is getting down my pants."
"You're wrong Jess. My first instinct was to do everything I could to get you into my bed, but it changed. You're walking around with the weight of the world on your shoulder's babe. I can tell. Take some of the load off. Talk to me."
She didn't want to talk to him. But she suddenly wanted very much to kiss him. She moved back, afraid of what she was feeling, what she knew Daylin wanted her to feel. She wanted to get into her car and drive away as fast as she could. But she knew once she was on the road there wouldn't be anything to stop the exhaustion from taking over, not to mention the fact that it really didn’t make much sense to leave Welton at this point.
She shook her head, biting her lip. "I don't want to talk Daylin."
"What do you want baby? Tell me and I'll give it to you."
So charming she thought. Like he could give her what she wanted when she didn't really know.
"I have no idea what I want Daylin.”
"Sure you do.”
He reached out to intercept that hand that she'd used to put out her cigarette. He brushed his knuckles over the back of her hand and then moved up to her arm, opening his hand, sending shivers down her spine.
She almost jumped when his hand moved up to her face. "What I want is you, right?"
"It would be nice." He chuckled. "But." He was suddenly serious. "If you want me to stop, I'll stop."
She wanted him to stop. She wanted him to keep going. She just wanted to be able to make up her own damned mind she thought.
He took her silence for a yes and pulled his hand away.
"No," she said, her voice so low she could barely hear herself. She cleared her throat and went on. "You don't have to stop Daylin. Please don't stop."
"You are so beautiful Jess.”
"Just shut up and kiss me before I change my mind."
And he kissed her. Kissed her like she'd never been kissed before. Her only high school boyfriend hadn't been very good at it and there hadn’t been a man in her life since then. Her head was spinning. Her palms were sweaty. She wanted so much more that she was afraid of what she was going to let him do to her. What she suddenly oh so badly wanted him to do to her.
He pulled back and took her into his arms. She could feel her heart pounding. It felt so good to be held. It had been so long. It felt strangely right to have his strong arms around her.
Then she was crying. She had never been more embarrassed in her life, not even when her mom had walked in on her and Levi making out in the basement with his hand in her bra.
"Oh baby," Daylin murmured. "What's wrong?"
"You don't want to know.”
"Darlin' you can talk to me."
"No, I. . ." She didn't want to talk. She wanted nothing more than to lead him back to his bedroom as she brushed the tears from her face. "Daylin will you um. . ." She swallowed hard. "Will you come back to your bed with me?"
"Are you sure Jess?" His voice was throaty. There was a slight catch in it like maybe he did want more from her than sex.
She nodded, biting her lip. She couldn't say anything more or she was going to lose her nerve.
He took her hand and led her back to his bedroom. Clothes were soon on the floor and then they were lying naked together on his bed. Even though he had a condom in hand, and she was practically panting, he said "One last time Jess. Are you sure?"
She wanted to laugh. She was sure, sure that her whole body felt like it was tingling. Sure that his naked form did things to her that she hadn't thought any man's body was capable of.
"Oh yeah," she said. "I'm sure."
He laughed softly. "I thought so."
And then he was inside her and she almost groaned because it had been seven years. Seven years since she'd been this close to anyone. He took it slow like she was breakable, and she wanted to tell him to move faster but she was too shy. But again it was like he was in her head because he started to move faster.
She bit his shoulder when she came. It was her first orgasm. She was embarrassed when she noticed she'd left marks. She'd also left nail marks on his back.
She turned away from him when he moved off of her and tossed the condom in the trash. It had been incredible, but two thoughts were circulating uncomfortably in her head. The first was that she wished they hadn't done that, and the second was that she wanted to do it again. She didn't know which disturbed her more.
She didn't like to think that she'd had her first one night stand. But what more could it be she thought? She had no idea how long she was going to be in town. Though if she didn’t find what she was looking for, running away from Daylin would be as good an excuse as any to leave Welton.
"Jess." He cupped he
r face in his hands and made her look at him. "You don't regret it do you?"
She shook her head, biting her lip. "No. I just. . . Can we um, do that again?"
He laughed. "I think I can probably manage." His face softened then. He brushed her hair back from her face. "You are so beautiful."
"You're pretty damned beautiful yourself Daylin.”
"That's a new one. I've been called a lot of things, but never beautiful."
"Men can be beautiful. Your body is like a work of art. You must work out a lot."
“Not so much anymore. Or not like I used to. But you must get told that all the time huh? How gorgeous you are?"
"Uh yeah.” She turned away from him again.
It had never mattered, because her beauty, her intelligence, hadn't kept her dad from leaving and hadn't kept her stepdad from doing what he'd done
"Jess." He kissed the top of her head. "Who hurt you? Tell me his name and his address. I'll kick his ass."
She laughed, but she felt like crying again. "It's not like that Daylin."
"Then what is it like Jess? Tell me. You can tell me anything and I won't judge. I promise."
"Daylin."
"Yes love?"
He was driving her crazy with all his sweet words that she'd learned could all too often mean absolutely nothing. "Can we take a shower and go to bed?"
"Of course.”
He took her hand and led her to the bathroom. The shower was almost more intimate than the sex. He washed her hair, her back, he washed her everywhere. He was so gentle she almost couldn't stand it.
When it was her turn, she took so long washing him that the water got cold. She couldn't get enough of the feel of his skin, his chest, his arms, and his back. He had a tiny tattoo of a rose right above his ass. It turned her on like she couldn't believe. She wanted to seduce him again after they got out of the shower but she was tired and Daylin was shivering from standing under the cold spray.
Misty Reigenborn Romance Boxed Set Page 189
