She almost told him she loved him that night, but something was still holding her back.
Chapter 12
When Jess woke up the next morning, Daylin wasn’t in bed. She stretched and smiled, hoping he’d come back to bed soon. She had a feeling that today was going to be the day that she finally told him she loved him.
Daylin returned to the bedroom and they made love again. They made love half the day. Jess did tell him that she loved him. Things were good between her and Daylin until she happened to read a text message by accident on his phone the second week in December. He was still talking to Kateisha though he claimed he hadn’t seen her after the time Jess had caught them together. It was too much for Jess. She broke up with Daylin and made it her duty to figure out how she was going to get out of Welton and away from all her memories of him.
One night she was working with Starla when Starla looked at her and said “That guy is totally giving you the eye Jess. And man is he hot.”
Jess hid a sigh. The man she figured Starla was talking about was married. She’d seen the wedding ring on his finger when she’d served him a drink a few minutes ago. Jess was too depressed to think about men anyway, married or not. She’d been through so much with Daylin that she figured she’d had her share of man troubles for the next seven years though he claimed he hadn’t been with Kateisha again. She was seriously considering leaving Welton. She was afraid to admit that what was keeping her there was Daylin. She had fallen for him so hard that she felt pathetic even thinking about it. But the last thing to solve any of her problems was messing around with a married man.
“Why don’t you take his order next time then?”
Starla gave her a pout. “You’re no fun Jess. Yes, I know Daylin was a complete asshole to you, but everyone already Daylin was an asshole. Don’t say I didn’t warn you honey.”
All the more reason to leave Welton, Jess thought. “I know. But having sex with a married man never solved anything.”
Starla winked at her. “It has for me. Several times.”
The good looking man held his hand up. Starla turned brightly to a man that had approached the side of the bar they were standing on, leaving Jess to take care of the guy who was now definitely giving her the eye.
Jess let her sigh out before she approached him. He gave her an easy smile. “Can I get another beer please?”
“Sure.”
She refilled his glass from the tap and placed the glass back on the coaster in front of him. He handed her a bill and said “Keep the change.”
“Thanks.” She turned away from him, wanting to get away from him as quickly as possible. She wasn’t sure why, but she had felt something pass between her and the good looking married man. She didn’t like it and cursed Daylin once again for awakening her sex drive.
When she got to the register, she noticed that the bill the man had given her was a $50 bill. The beer he was drinking was $3 so he’d given her a $47 tip. Jess almost went back to him and insisted that she couldn’t take such a tip, but she didn’t want to face him again. She felt herself blushing when Starla approached her, a huge grin on her face.
“Jess, your face is as red as a tomato. Don’t tell me you’ve never wanted to know what it felt like to be with a married man. It sounds terrible, but it is such a delicious thrill knowing that you are with a man that belongs to someone else.”
Jess made a face. “Starla, why would I want to have sex with married man, especially after what Daylin did to me?”
“Kateisha is a slut. She probably hooked up with Daylin because she knew that he really cared about you but was scared to actually make a commitment. Amanda really was something Jess. It wasn’t just Daylin that felt her loss. The whole town felt it.”
“I know. I don’t think I could ever compete with her ghost anyway. I don’t think another woman will ever really be able to take her place.”
“So do it with the married guy and forget about Daylin. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad with what I said about Amanda. It’s not you that’s not good enough for Daylin. It’s Daylin that’s not good enough for you.”
“He gave us a $47 tip.”
“Gave you a $47 tip. He wants you girl. Go for it. In fact,” Starla said with a grin “I’m going to go over there right now and tell him that you want him as much as he wants you.”
“Don’t you dare.”
“When’s the last time you got laid Jess?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“I thought it had been awhile. I’d better hurry. Mr. Wonderful is leaving.”
Before Jess could stop her, Starla crossed to the man. She smiled at him and motioned for him to lean over so that she could whisper into his ear. Jess wanted to strangle her fellow bartender when she motioned to Jess. A smile crossed the man’s face. He looked at Jess, but she quickly looked away, her face feeling like it was on fire.
The bar got busy then and remained that way until the end of the shift. By closing time, Jess hoped that Starla would have forgotten about the married man. She hoped Starla hadn’t done anything as stupid as give the man her phone number.
Starla turned to her when the last customer had left. “So Miss Jessica are you going to take a chance on the married hottie? He said he’d be waiting for you at his motel room. It’s a dump but you’ll be able to forget all about that when he’s naked right there in front of you.”
Jess rolled her eyes. “There is no way in Hell I am meeting that man at his motel room. No matter how hot he is.”
“C’mon Jess, live a little. Don’t tell me you’ve never had a one night stand. If it had been me he was interested in, I wouldn’t be standing here right now.”
“Why don’t you show up at his room then?”
Jess turned away from Starla, busying herself with cleaning. Starla wouldn’t let up though. “Jess, why would you want to pass up being with a guy that looks like that? Do you know who he is?”
“I don’t care who he is.”
“He’s a song writer. A pretty good one too. He might even write a song about the mysterious beautiful bartender he had wild passionate sex with.”
Jess snorted. “Give me a break. If that guy told you he’s some famous songwriter he was lying. What in the hell would he be doing in Welton?”
“He’s not super famous, but he is a song writer. After I told him that you wanted to go to bed with him, it dawned on me that he looked familiar. He told me his name when he gave his room number so I searched it on the internet and this came up.”
Starla held her phone out to Jess. Jess found herself looking at a picture of the man on a website. It listed songs he had written. His name was Luke Stone. Some of the songs on the list even sounded familiar.
“I’ve heard some of those songs myself. The man’s got talent. I’ll bet he has all kinds of talent in the bedroom too. Tell me how he is Jess.”
Jess shook her head. “Yeah right.”
They finished the clean-up and then parted ways in the parking lot. Jess didn’t look at the motel Luke was staying in as she passed it on the way to her apartment. She was tired and was thinking about nothing besides going to bed. Her phone chimed a text message as soon as she had unlocked the door to her apartment. She ignored it until she was inside, then reading from Starla ‘I lied when I told you I didn’t give him your phone number.’
Jess wanted to scream. She texted back ‘Dammit Starla. Why in the hell did you do that to me?’
‘You’ve got sexual frustration building up girl. Take a chance for once in your life. Talk to ya later girl.’
Jess shook her head and wondered what she would do if Luke called her. Ignore him of course she thought, but when her phone rang a few minutes later as she was getting out of the shower she answered without thinking.
“Hello.”
“Is this Jess?” She recognized his voice even before he said “This is Luke.”
Jess had no idea what to say. She wanted to tell him that Starla had been lyi
ng to him, that she had no plans to go to bed with him. She didn’t think she could look at herself in the mirror if she slept with a married man anyway. Though if she wanted to be completely honest with herself, she had found herself even more attracted to him after she had found out some of the songs he had written.
“Hi.”
“I was pretty surprised when your friend told me that you were interested in me. I know I was staring at you, but it’s hard not to. You’re so beautiful.”
“Thank you. Luke, I think there’s been a misunderstanding. You’re an attractive man, but I saw the wedding ring on your finger.”
Luke sighed. “I’m sorry. I think I just need someone to talk to. I do find you very attractive, but as much as I had convinced myself that I was ready to make a move with you after your friend told me you were interested, I don’t think I would be ready to make such a move either. You do look like you need someone to talk to as well though. Would you like to have a drink with me?”
“Um, I don’t think that would be a good idea.”
“I see. Well, I am sorry I disturbed you then. Have a nice night Jess.”
“You too.” Jess started to hang up the phone, then said “Wait, Luke. Starla showed me your website, and the songs you’ve written. You’re really talented.”
“Thank you. I don’t feel that way so much anymore. I have been dealing with some mixed emotions lately and I have a bad feeling that it’s affecting my song writing.”
“That’s too bad.” Jess was sure she was probably going to regret it later, but she added “I’ll have a drink with you.”
“Great. I would offer to come to you, but I had a couple of drinks after I left the bar and probably shouldn’t be driving.”
“I’ll see you in a few minutes then. It’s room 120?”
“Yes. Thank you Jess.”
“You’re welcome.”
She dressed quickly in jeans and a t-shirt and headed out the door, lighting a cigarette on the way to her car. She wouldn’t let herself think about what she was doing as she drove the short distance to the motel. She almost turned and walked away when Luke answered her knock. He was dressed in nothing but a pair of drawstring pajama bottoms and he looked damned good.
Jess was sure she was blushing as he shut the door of the room behind them. He gestured for her to sit on the bed and then returned his attention to the drink he had turned to prepare at the desk.
When he sat down on the bed next to her after handing her a drink a few minutes later, Jess wanted to move. She was all too aware of Luke’s closeness. He smelled so good. What was worse, his scent reminded her of Daylin.
Luke cleared his throat. Jess took a sip of her drink. It was sweet and went down smooth. She knew she was going to have to be careful and not drink too much. She was feeling very vulnerable.
“Jess, I’m sure this all seems strange to you, but I was drawn to you at the bar. I am a mostly happily married man, but looking at you made me want to take care of you, even if it was only for the night.”
Jess swallowed hard. What was it about her that made men feel like they needed to take care of her she wondered? Besides the fact that none of the men in her life had ever been very good at taking care of her. Not her father, certainly not her stepfather and most definitely not Daylin. And it had been all too easy to fool herself into thinking that Daylin would take care of her.
“Luke, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come here. I’m going to go now.”
Jess started to get up, but Luke put a gentle hand on her arm. “I’m sorry Jess. I’ve had a little bit too much to drink and can’t seem to stop putting my foot in my mouth. I was telling the truth when I said I was drawn to you. I thought that you felt it too, but I won’t mention it again if you don’t want me to. Do you like your drink?”
Jess nodded. There were many things she wanted to say to Luke, but she didn’t think it would be a good idea to say any of them. She was sure that if she said half of what she was thinking out loud, they would both be naked on his bed within minutes.
“So you really like my songs?”
“Of course. Starla told me that you looked familiar. I guess maybe you were a little familiar to me too, but it didn’t dawn on me who you were until I saw the website.”
“Thank you.” Luke sighed. “Have you ever wondered if your life went in the wrong direction Jess? Even if you’re happy and things are good, do you ever feel like you’re not living the life you should be?”
Jess had to fight an urge to laugh. She took a sip of her drink and wondered if she should tell him. She had a feeling telling this virtual stranger the truth about her life would put her in an even more vulnerable position. She drained the rest of her drink and turned back to Luke, knowing that she was going to tell him the truth anyway.
“Yeah. I even felt that way sometimes when I was a kid. My Dad left us when I was three. My Mom married a man that paid me to leave the house when I was 18 because he wanted to have a family with my mom that I wasn’t a part of. So I tried to find my dad to find out why he left us, why he left me. I had no luck. I came here as a last ditch effort to find him because he grew up here. I end up calling my mom after six years and she tells me that my father is dead and that he went back to another woman when he left us. That he’d loved her all along, but that he’d wanted to see me when I was a kid and that she wouldn’t let him because she didn’t think I could handle it.” Jess let out a sigh of her own. “So yeah, I know how it feels not to live the life it feels like I should be living.”
“I’m sorry Jess. We try so hard as parents to do what feels like it’s right for our kids, but no matter how hard we try, we don’t always make the right choices or realize the consequences of the choices we make. Let me make you another drink.”
Jess nodded, though she knew another drink was the last thing she needed. “How many kids do you have?” She figured that at least was a safe subject.
“Two. But there was a time when I wasn’t sure if my son was mine.”
Jess took the drink he handed her. “I’m sorry. That must have been hard for you.”
“It was, but it’s one of those things that makes me wonder if I’ve made some huge mistakes in my life. You see, I caused my wife to sleep with the other man.”
“Uh okay.” Jess took a sip of her drink. It was just as good as the first.
“It’s a long story. Is it your father’s death that makes you look so down Jess? You look as if there is something beneath your smile. Don’t get me wrong, you look even more beautiful when you smile, but it looks as if there is something that keeps you from really smiling.”
Did she want to tell him about Daylin Jess wondered? Ah what the hell she thought. She took another drink and then sat the cup aside on the nightstand. She brushed against Luke’s arm and had to hide a sigh. He really was an attractive man.
“Well, I met this guy the first night I was in town. We got involved pretty quickly. I fell for him pretty hard. That’s a pretty long story too.”
Luke smiled. “I don’t mind listening. I’ll even tell you my long story if you want.”
Jess smiled back at him. It felt good to talk to him. Luke was almost as easy to talk to as he was to look at. “Deal. Well, Daylin cheated on me pretty soon after we were together. I should have known it would happen. He was an admitted player when I met him. I guess once a cheater always a cheater huh? Oh, I’m sorry.”
Luke chuckled. “I guess I’m not the only one sticking their foot in their mouth tonight. It’s okay Jess. It can be hard to get past infidelity in a relationship. Especially when you feel as if you are torn between two people that you truly love, one from your past and another that is supposed to be your future. Can I make a confession to you Jess?”
“Sure.”
“There were times during my wife’s pregnancy that I hoped that the child she carried wasn’t mine. I love my children dearly, but sometimes it seemed as if things would be set right if the child Kimber carried were to be Paul’s
. Have you ever loved someone but knew at the same time that they weren’t the one you were meant to be with?”
“Not really. I thought I was in love with Daylin, and it felt right to be with him. But we weren’t really together long enough for me to feel like he was the one I was meant to be with. I’d sort of given up on finding that person. Romantic love wasn’t a factor in my life. I was just trying to find my dad while avoiding my mom and stepdad. I guess it doesn’t do a lot of good to run away from things though. They always have a way of catching up with you. I do kind of know what you mean though. I sometimes wondered if I’d ever live up to the ghost of Daylin’s dead fiancé.”
“Hmm. Dead fiancé huh?”
“Yeah. She was the perfect girl that he was with in high school that happened to die when she was pregnant with his kid. It’s such a sad story, and I always felt bad thinking that I’d never live up to his memories of her, but it’s hard to have a relationship when the ghost of someone else is between you.”
“Yes. I do know how that feels. I feel as if my wife has sometimes felt that way. When I said I caused my wife to be unfaithful, well, it was true in a way or more ways than one I suppose. I was once a player like your Daylin. Then I met Sierra. We had a wonderful time together. It wasn’t supposed to be serious. We didn’t think either of us even wanted a serious relationship, but we fell in love all the same. Then I screwed things up by putting too much pressure on her. She was only eighteen. I was only twenty-two but I knew that Sierra was the one I was meant to be with. Time passed and we moved on to other relationships. I married my wife Kimber. Sierra met Paul and they got married. She was pregnant when she walked back into my life. We started an affair. It felt so right. We tried to pretend that it didn’t, that we had made the right choices when we moved on with our lives, but we both knew the truth. Sierra and I fit together. It’s just right. I never really moved on. I don’t think she did either. I love my wife, my family, but Sierra is the woman I was meant to be with. Kimber had sex with Paul when they found out about our infidelity and Kimber confessed this to me during her pregnancy with our son. I felt so guilty when I had secret hopes that the child was Paul’s so that Sierra and I would get one last chance to make it right.”
Misty Reigenborn Romance Boxed Set Page 199
