by Sue Shepherd
Beth was sweeping the floor, as usual. The radio was playing, and she was singing along. She wouldn’t go as far as to say that she enjoyed her job, but she’d gotten used to the odd smells and some of the old ladies were nice to her. Plus, Lisa was so incredibly bored that she tended to leave her to get on with it alone, which made a nice change.
The door opened, allowing in a pleasant waft of fresh air, accompanied by a young man. He made his way to the desk and stood silently waiting for someone’s attention. Beth could not believe that this creature, this young male, had come to Daphne’s for a haircut. There were a couple of perfectly good barbers in town, it was beyond her that he’d choose to come here.
No one moved. The stylists continued to apply their rollers, and Kath was extremely pre-occupied filing her nails and chatting to one of her regulars.
Lisa seemed to spring back to life. ‘Quick, you moron. He’s the first person to set foot in here who isn’t hovering horribly close to death. Go and see what he wants?’
Leaning the broom against the wall, Beth stepped towards the reception desk. ‘Um … can I help you?’
The guy smiled. ‘Maybe?’
Beth wasn’t sure where to go from here, his confidence made her nervous. Unsure of her next move, she simply stood staring back at him.
After a second or two, he continued, ‘It’s OK. I’m not here about my hair. I’m here to see my step-mum.’ With this revelation, he called to Kath, who looked up and acknowledged him.
‘Ah, sorry, sweetie. I didn’t see you. Naughty Mrs Sterling was keeping me talking.’ This comment caused Mrs Sterling to beam, delighted to be considered so enthralling.
Kath approached the desk and introduced them. ‘Beth – this is Mario, he’s my husband’s son. Mario – this is Beth, she’s our apprentice.’
Beth’s heart hammered in her chest. Her palms began to sweat. Mario! What a fabulously exotic name.
He leant forward and kissed her on both cheeks. ‘Nice to meet you.’
‘Yep. You too.’ She blushed.
‘He’s not bad. If you squint a bit,’ Lisa mused.
‘So, what are you doing back? I thought you were going ahead with living at your mum’s?’ Kath asked.
Mario shook his head, causing a dark wavy fringe to flop romantically onto his face. ‘No. Let’s just say – it isn’t the right place for me just now. Dad said I could come back and live with you two. Is that going to be OK?’
Beth silently prayed. ‘Please make her say yes!’
She did. ‘Of course, there’s always a home for you with us. What went wrong at your mum’s?’
Mario considered, and then shrugged. ‘She’s just not one for family, I guess.’
Beth was grateful this woman, whom she’d never met, was not one for family. Although she had no idea what he meant. Who wouldn’t want to be with their own family? She loved hers dearly, even Lisa, in a funny kind of way.
Mario’s clothes were stylish and much cooler than anything the boys at school had worn. Not one of them seemed as sophisticated as him.
As the radio began playing a love song, Beth decided, Lisa’s right, he is quite good looking. This is it. I reckon any second now I’m going to start falling in love.
‘You keep saying you’re glad you’re my girlfriend, but you don’t show me!’
Beth gazed at Mario, his sad, brown eyes, his downturned mouth. ‘I’m sorry … it’s just …’
‘What? What’s your excuse today?’
‘Don’t be like that. It’s not about excuses … it’s …’
‘You do know I’ve got other girls offering to sleep with me, don’t you?’
Beth’s blood ran cold. ‘Mario, don’t!’
‘I’m not saying I want to. You know that, you know it’s you I want. But all this waiting is …’
‘All this waiting? We’ve been going out a couple of months. I …’
‘Exactly.’ Mario sighed.
She hated to hear him sigh, hated to be responsible for his misery. But what could she do? She wasn’t ready. She was nervous. Besides, they never went anywhere romantic. At this point, when this current discussion was taking place, they were in the park. It wasn’t how the magazines had described a first time.
‘I told you he wouldn’t keep waiting, didn’t I?’ Lisa’s usual smug inflection.
‘Sometimes I think you don’t care about me at all,’ Mario delivered his well-rehearsed line.
Beth leapt to her feet. ‘Of course I do. You’re amazing.’
Actually, he wasn’t amazing. He wasn’t the sexy, half-Italian man she saw. He was a pimply seventeen-year-old, who was seriously pushing it when he declared there were other girls waiting to sleep with him. But Beth was young, she wanted to feel all the romance that was being sung about, and Lisa was egging her on. Lisa could probably have stopped her, she could have been honest and put her sister straight, had she been that way inclined. But she was just so impatient for something vaguely exciting to happen. Each day spent locked up in her sister’s head was torture. She was sure a little dalliance with Mario would liven up her otherwise unbearable existence.
Later that evening, Lisa tried again to persuade Beth. ‘I think maybe you should sleep with him; you’re going to lose him for sure if you don’t.’
‘But … in a park?’
‘OK. So, don’t do it in a park.’
‘Even if I take the park out of it, and I move the location to somewhere slightly less sleazy, are you sure I should do it?’
‘Definitely. You love him, don’t you?’
‘I … I suppose so. I do really like him, and I’d hate him to sleep with another girl.’
‘There you go, then. Decision made!’
Beth wished she was as confident about it as her sister was.
Not long after the twins had that decisive conversation, Mario told Beth he’d managed to get the house to himself. ‘Kath and my dad are going out for dinner tomorrow. It’s their anniversary. They won’t be back until after ten o’clock. It’s perfect.’ He rubbed his hands together.
What could she say? He seemed delighted. She didn’t know how to say no. Like it or not, the time had come.
Beth arrived at Kath’s house, nervous but also a little excited. After much discussion with Lisa, she was convinced it was going to be a wonderful night.
‘You look beautiful.’
‘Thank you. What are we eating?’
‘Eating?’
‘Yes, I thought you mentioned something about dinner first.’
‘Um …’ Mario shook his head. ‘I might’ve said make sure you’ve had your dinner first.’
Beth couldn’t hide her disappointment. The magazines had promised her the man would treat her like a princess. She figured she’d at least get a bag of chips. But evidently, he had already eaten, even if she hadn’t.
With no dinner to pass the time, they moved straight to the sex.
Beth reminded Lisa she’d agreed to take a back seat. ‘You won’t watch? You promised.’
Of course, they’d kissed before, and had a few gropes in the park, Beth wasn’t a complete innocent. However, nothing could’ve prepared her for what was ahead.
Eight
The first thing that bothered Beth was that Mario seemed to be ‘ready’ rather too quickly for her liking. From the limited knowledge she possessed, she’d been led to believe she would be all revved up and desperate by the time the actual act took place.
Unfortunately, it was impossible to be revved up after the small amount of fumbling she’d experienced on Kath and Beppe’s brown corduroy sofa.
‘Are you ready?’
‘Um …’
‘Good.’ Mario began pulling down her knickers.
‘Um …’
‘It’s going to be great. I ‒’
‘Do you have a condom?’
‘What?’ There were signs of alarm on his face.
‘We need one, don’t we?’ Beth had heard about sexually transmitted
diseases once or twice, but she had no clue what they truly were. All she knew was, people said you should make the man wear a condom if you didn’t want to die or get pregnant.
‘I thought you were on the pill?’
She grabbed her knickers and yanked them back up. ‘Why? Why would you think that?’
‘All girls are on the pill, aren’t they?’ Mario scowled.
‘No.’
‘Well, I’d have thought you’d have started taking it by now. I’ve arranged all this. I’m very disappointed.’
‘For goodness sake, Beth. You’re ruining it!’ Lisa scolded.
‘I thought you weren’t going to watch?’
‘I’m not watching. But I can hear you making a fool of yourself. You’re acting like a bloody baby.’
If Beth had simply told Lisa to butt out, she would have come to her senses and drop kicked that stupid boy right into the next week. But stupidly she allowed herself to be swayed by her sister. Lisa told her she didn’t want Mario to be disappointed. If he was unhappy, he’d no doubt go and sleep with one of the other girls who were offering themselves so readily. Afraid of losing what she now considered to be her one true love, Beth took a decision, the kind of decision that certainly shouldn’t be left to a naïve sixteen-year-old girl.
She found herself saying the ludicrous words, ‘I think I read that you can’t get pregnant the first time.’
Mario looked surprised. ‘Oh yeah, I read that too,’ he lied.
‘So, I guess the only thing we have to worry about are these diseases.’ She figured she ought to bring them up.
‘Well I know I don’t have any. Do you?’
‘Oh God, no.’
‘Right, then.’ His hand made its way back to her knickers.
The whole event was over within a couple of minutes. It was excruciatingly painful. Every thrust caused her to flinch. It was also rather messy; the magazines had failed to prepare her for that! Beth could not for the life of her see why anyone would wish to repeat the process.
Mario seemed keen to do it again, before Kath and Beppe came home. Fortunately, Beth was able to remind him it was only the first time that a girl couldn’t get pregnant, so they mercifully didn’t go ahead with round two.
With no food on offer, and little else to do, it wasn’t long before Beth decided to head home. As she left the house, Mario kissed her briefly on the lips. ‘Cheers for that.’
She wanted to say, ‘I love you.’ She wanted him to tell her he loved her too. But it was all a bit awkward and forced.
‘Should I tell him I love him, Lisa?’
‘No way!’
‘But …’
‘Boys are different once they’re in a sexual relationship. Just act cool.’
Beth walked away. It didn’t even cross her mind to question how Lisa would know this.
Heading home, she figured she ought to be a bit more jubilant. Surely I should be excited? I’ve ‘made love’. I’m a woman now. But in reality her fanny was sore and she’d just experienced a huge anti-climax.
‘Well that was shit.’ Lisa voiced Beth’s disappointment.
‘It was private. I asked you not to hang around.’
‘I thought it would be interesting. If I’d known how crap it was going to be, I’d never have talked you into doing it in the first place!’
The next couple of times they met, Beth managed to avoid sex. But it was difficult to put Mario off. A week after she had so unceremoniously lost her virginity, they were in the park, and he asked if they could ‘do it’. She tried changing the subject, but seventeen-year-old boys have strong urges when it comes to these things.
‘Didn’t you like it?’
She knew if she told him what she really thought he’d leave her for sure. So she told a slight lie. ‘Yes, of course it was …’ She searched her mind for phrases from the magazines, ‘… wonderful. I’ve never felt closer to you.’
‘Good …’ His hand snaked up her skirt.
‘But I haven’t been to the Family Planning Clinic yet. I’m scared Mum and Dad will …’
With a sickly grin, Mario held up a small square package. On closer inspection, she saw it was a condom.
Bugger! She forced a smile. ‘Great!’
He began unzipping his jeans, ready to slip into the recently acquired condom.
Beth was torn. If she told him what she truly thought – that she really didn’t want to have sex again, he would leave her and, no doubt, badmouth her to his mates. But the alternative seemed to be to endure more of the same, only this time there was the added turn off of a rubber jacket.
The seconds ticked by. As Mario fumbled with his jeans, Lisa shouted in her ear, ‘You’re not going to do it again, are you? For fuck’s sake! Don’t you remember how bad it was?’
‘I … um.’
‘Tell him to get lost.’
‘I’ll lose him.’
‘Some loss!’
‘But … I love him.’
‘No, you don’t!’
‘But we agreed ‒ he’s exotic, he’s sexy, he’s …’
The sound of Lisa’s cruel laughter filled Beth’s head. ‘You idiot, he’s none of those things. Ditch him!’
‘I thought you wanted me to be in love?’
‘Um … yeah, I thought I did too. But that was before we found out sex with Mario was crap. He’s been playing you like a game of charades at Christmas. If you do it, you’re an even bigger mug than I thought.’
Beth couldn’t bear her sister’s judgemental tone. By now she was extremely confused. Had she really loved Mario or had she just been tricked by Lisa? All she knew for sure was she didn’t want to have sex. Placing her hand over his fly, she said, ‘Actually, please stop doing that. I don’t want to have sex in a park. I’ve told you already.’
Anger flashed across Mario’s face. ‘You want me to wait until my dad and step-mum aren’t home, is that what you’re saying? ’Cos, they only just went out last week, they won’t be going again for ages.’
She shook her head. ‘No. I don’t mean that. I guess what I’m saying is …’
He shoved the condom back in his pocket and fumbled to do up his fly. ‘What are you saying?’
‘I’m saying I don’t want to have any more sex. Not for a while, anyway.’
‘Why the hell not?’ His face took on a mean snarl.
‘It wasn’t what I’d expected … I …’
Mario’s pride was hurt. Standing, he declared, ‘You’re just a kid. You don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘I’m nearly seventeen. I’m not a kid.’
‘Well, you’re acting like one now.’ He began walking away. Shuffling his feet with resentment.
‘Don’t go … please.’ Beth reached out for him, panicking.
‘Look, if you don’t want to sleep with me, that’s fine. I’ve gotta go now.’
‘Will I see you back here tomorrow?’
‘Maybe,’ Mario called over his shoulder.
‘I’m going to lose him!’
‘Some loss. He’s a dickhead. Let him go.’
Beth was getting ready to meet Mario in the park. She wasn’t sure he’d be there, but she planned to go to their usual spot, at their usual time, and hoped she’d get the chance to talk to him. ‘Maybe I’ll just tell him I still want us to go out, but … no more sex.’
‘I have no idea why you’re bothering with him.’
‘Perhaps if I leave it a while and then try, the sex will get better.’
‘How do you work that one out?’ Lisa scoffed.
Beth shrugged. ‘I don’t know, I just can’t believe it was so bad. Michelle told me she’s sleeping with her boyfriend and she seems to quite like it.’
‘Why do you even want to keep seeing him? He’s a prick.’
‘I told you already. I can’t just stop seeing him. He’s my boyfriend. He’s sexy and nice and …’
‘He’s neither of those things. Admit it. You know deep down that he’s a use
less boyfriend. You’re just worried about what he’s going to tell people.’
‘I hate to think of him talking to his mates about me. Boasting he slept with me and then we split up. Or worse, telling people I’m frigid.’
‘Beth, you’re such a bloody people pleaser. Who gives a shit what the stupid prat tells people?’
‘I just wanted to be in love. Like the magazines said …’
‘Well it ain’t gonna happen with that idiot boy. You must see that, surely?’
‘Fine. But I still have to meet him. I have to be sure he’s not going to gossip about me behind my back.’
‘Just say – if he tells a single one of his cronies that you and he shagged, you’ll tell the whole world that he’s crap at it.’
‘Maybe everybody is crap at it. Maybe that’s just what sex is like.’
‘The human race would’ve died out hundreds of years ago.’
‘I guess so.’
‘Right. We’re agreed. You’re gonna tell him to keep his big mouth shut. Yes?’
‘It’s all right for you. You don’t have to speak to him. You’re full of bravado because you don’t have to face him! It’s easy for you, isn’t it? You get to sit back there, wherever it is you actually are, and tell me what to do. You act like everything is easy. You’ve never had to DO anything. How would you like to go and talk to Mario and tell him a few home truths?’
‘I’d love it. I’d love to do anything.’
‘Well you bloody well go then!’
‘OK.’ There was excitement in Lisa’s voice.
‘Pardon?’
‘OK, I’ll go instead of you.’
‘You can’t … I wasn’t …’
‘How do we know? We’ve never really tried.’ The excitement was building. ‘Why don’t you let me out?’
‘Let you out. What the hell does that mean?’
‘Let me be in charge for a change. I’ll talk to him. I’ll tell him what he needs to know. You can watch from the wings.’
‘Do you actually think it’s possible?’
‘It is possible. I mean … maybe it is.’
‘But you have to …’
