Let go of your bitterness toward others who have misrepresented God to you.
Let go of your unforgiveness of those who have hurt you.
Let go of your hardened heart toward those who have rejected you.
Let go of the overwhelming desire to justify what you did and explain what they did.
Let go of your vengeful spirit.
Let go of your offense with God because He allowed you to be wounded.
Let go of the life of your dreams that is less now because of them.
Just let go!
Never mind the injustice and hurt and confusion and fear and loneliness and emptiness and dryness and woundedness. Let go of yesterday.
That was then. This is now.
God is calling you today. I can hear His still, small voice echoing through the story of Hagar, an Egyptian slave, wounded by God’s people, a believer in exile, when she wandered in the wilderness: What’s the matter? Do not be afraid. I’ve heard your heart’s cry. Your cry has reverberated all the way up to heaven and back down into My heart. I’ve written this book for you.
God has a wonderful plan for your life from this day forward, just as He did for Hagar.3 To possess it, you must do what Hagar did. Let go of the past so you can embrace the future God has for you, especially when it’s different from the future you had planned. Come to the end of your healing journey by forgiving those who have wounded you. Those who have marred the picture you had of the life you had wanted to live. Love them, not just in word, but by doing something for them that’s sacrificial in nature. Then let go. Enjoy being free at last! Healed at last! Never mind them, whoever they are. It’s time for you to move on. Embrace all that God has for you from this day forward! Embrace the One Who Sees you. The One who’s been pursuing you. The One who even now is waiting for you to whisper His name …
EPILOGUE
Quarried Deep
The personal stories I have shared with you in this book are the small tip of a larger and ugly iceberg. The wounds in my life run deep in almost every area — family, church, ministry, and community. I have not shared some of the more severe ones out of concern that if I did, I would in turn become a wounder. Again.
I am convinced that were it not for the utter sufficiency of God’s grace, mercy, and power to bind up my wounds and heal my broken heart, I would be just a shadow of a person. But instead of lashing out, fighting back, or crumbling, I have embraced the pain. I have asked God to use it to furrow me deep. And He has. I am getting stronger in my faith and growing deeper in my trust of Him for this simple yet profound reason: God is with me, His Spirit is within me, and His Son is going before me.
I can honestly say that I love Him more and trust Him more, because I’ve been wounded. I know that at the end of all things, He will make everything right. He will sort out the motives, the accusations, the betrayals, the jealousies, the deceptions, the slander, the lies, the gossip. This frees me to get on with my life, living each moment for an audience of One.
But I will also admit that from time to time I have cried out to God, “Lord, did You see that? Did You hear that?” And I know that He has. His answer to me has been simple and repeated over and over again: “Vengeance is Mine. I will repay … You too be patient; strengthen your heart, for the coming of the Lord is at hand. Do not complain … against one another, that you yourself may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing right at the door.”1
The Judge is at the door. God will settle accounts. But perhaps not just yet. From time to time I remind myself of the two farmers who were gazing out at their fields of wheat that were ready for the October harvest. One farmer was an agnostic who didn’t believe in God, never went to church, and worked as hard on Sunday as he did the other six days of the week. The second farmer was a devout Christian who always went to church and never worked on Sunday. The first farmer mocked the second one because he said his field and seven-day work week had yielded more grain, proving that it did not pay to honor God. The second farmer thought for a moment, then drawled, “Well, God don’t settle all of His accounts in October!”
God may not settle His accounts on our timetable, but He will settle His accounts. The Judge is at the door. Jesus is coming! So I will be patient as I leave vengeance to Him. I, for one, do not want Him to return and find me licking my wounds, plotting revenge, holding a grudge, or trying in some other way to go forward by looking in the rearview mirror.
I am encouraged by the apostle Paul who said that he bore in his body the marks of the Lord Jesus — that he had been crucified with Christ and had a thorn in the flesh.2 Those are all wounds. But he didn’t get mired in his woundedness, because he was clearly pursuing his goal. While sitting in prison, arrested unjustly for preaching the Gospel, here is how he described his life’s ambition: “I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death … Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”3
Paul’s wounds furrowed him deep, and the faith that took root and grew in his life has borne abundant eternal fruit for two thousand years. Without wounds in his life — or in mine or in yours — he and we would remain shallow, living on the surface of our relationship with God, and barren of any eternal, spiritual fruit. One of the early Puritan writers was convinced of this, also, and his beautiful prayer, which follows, expresses my heart’s desire to be “quarried deep.” And that requires pain. Even as a field is wounded by the plough that turns over the soil in preparation for planting seeds, my life needs to be ploughed deep — wounded, even to the depths of “death.”4 So this is my prayer. Make it yours too …
Lord Jesus,
Give me a deeper repentance,
A horror of sin,
A dread of its approach;
Help me chastely to flee it,
And jealously to resolve that my heart
shall be Thine alone.
Give me a deeper trust,
That I may lose myself to find myself in Thee,
The ground of my rest,
The spring of my being.
Give me a deeper knowledge of Thyself
As Saviour, Master, Lord, and King.
Give me deeper power in private prayer,
More sweetness in Thy Word,
More steadfast grip on its truth.
Give me deeper holiness in speech, thought, action,
And let me not seek moral virtue apart from Thee.
Plough deep in me, great Lord,
Heavenly Husbandman,
That my being may be a tilled field,
The roots of grace spreading far and wide,
Until Thou alone are seen in me,
Thy beauty golden like summer harvest,
The fruitfulness as autumn plenty.
I have no Master but Thee,
No law but Thy will,
No delight but Thyself,
No wealth but that Thou givest,
No good but that Thou blessest,
No peace but that Thou bestowest.
I am nothing but that Thou makest me,
I have nothing but that I receive from Thee,
I can be nothing but that grace adorns me.
Quarry me deep, dear Lord,
And then fill me to overflowing
With living water.5
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Lifted Up
In his love and mercy he redeemed them; he lifted them up and carried them…
Isaiah 63:9
This book has not been easy to write. As I have reflected on my life’s experiences to find examples to share with you, the Holy Spirit has brought wounds to mind that had long been forgotten. In each case, I had to revisit the scene and forgive the wounders — my fifth-grade teacher, the boarding school staff, and others I’ve written about. So writing this book has been something of a healing journey for me. But it’s a j
ourney that, in all honesty, lasts a lifetime. Because as wounds are healed, other wounds continue to be inflicted. During the four-year process of writing Wounded by God’s People, I have been wounded. Again and again. In fact, I’ve been wounded as severely as at any other time in my life. I have known, therefore, that God was allowing me to experience in a fresh way the insights that I have shared with you in these pages.
And He is continuing to teach me that living in my forgiveness from Him, and His for me, and mine for others, is a way of life.
In His faithfulness, God has brought people alongside who lifted me up during the writing process. While there is no room at the end of this book to name them all, I would like to specifically thank members of my Zondervan publishing team who have truly gone above and beyond what would have been required of their position to see this writing project through to a successful conclusion.
Cindy Lambert — because of significant writing delays, I was invited by Zondervan to return to Grand Rapids and present my vision for Wounded by God’s People to my publishing team for a second time. They gave me their blessing, but when the team had exited the board room, Cindy, the interim publisher at that time, slipped over beside me, took me by the hand, and said she wanted to pray for me because she knew that it was going to be a difficult writing project. Her thoughtfulness that prompted her prayer and her sensitivity as she prayed have stayed with me. Thank you, Cindy, for lifting me up, and, in turn, I pray as you read this that you will be aware that our God is a prayer-hearing, prayer-answering God.
Sandy Vander Zicht has been my editor from the beginning of my time with Zondervan. She is excellent, strong, professional, and has several other books she has edited currently on the New York Times bestseller list. We have become friends. But for Wounded by God’s People, she not only gave me the skill of her editorial pen, she gave me her heart. She poured herself into the process, getting much more involved, and to a much deeper level, than what was required or what I would have expected. This entire book, and I myself, have been lifted up as a result. Thank you, dear Sandy.
Dudley Delffs was the publisher at Zondervan who gave his blessing to my vision for this book when I first presented it. He has since left Zondervan to pursue other things, but when I was struggling with the second draft of the manuscript, I asked if he would help Sandy and me with the content editing. He did. With a kind, encouraging spirit, he gave me ideas, suggestions, criticism, and applause. He pushed me way beyond what I would have written on my own. Thank you, Dudley, for lifting me up and out of where I was before you came alongside.
Londa Alderink headed up the marketing and design team that dreamed up the cover for Wounded by God’s People. Her attentiveness to my suggestions, her hearing of my concerns, and her capturing of the essence of the book in the cover art lifted me up at the very end of the writing project, giving wind in my sails as I completed the manuscript. Thank you, Londa.
Scott McDonald, as the president of Zondervan, and Tracy Danz, as Zondervan’s publisher of trade books, both went out of their way to meet with me on multiple occasions, giving me their blessing and encouragement. As a result, over the extended writing period, the support of the team was never in question. Without them, this book would not have been published. Thank you, Scott and Tracy.
Bob Hudson was the last person on my Zondervan team to touch the manuscript before it went into typesetting. He polished the words, corrected the verb tenses, checked the references, verified the quotes … and did so with quiet and warm efficiency. Thank you, Bob. And thank you for sharing my love for The Valley of Vision.
Most of all, I want to thank Hagar’s God, the Angel of the Lord, for fulfilling what He promised in Psalm 147:3: “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”
Now my prayer is that you, dear reader, have been lifted up as a result of the combined efforts of all of us. May God bless you and bring you to the end of your healing journey.
Anne
About the Author
ANNE GRAHAM LOTZ is the president and CEO of AnGeL Ministries, a nonprofit organization that undergirds her efforts to draw people into a life-changing relationship with God through His Word. Called the best preacher in her family by her father, Billy Graham, Anne launched her Just Give Me Jesus revival ministry in 2000. She has spoken on seven continents, in more than twenty foreign countries, proclaiming the Word of God in arenas, churches, seminaries, and prisons. She is also the award-winning author of ten books, including The Magnificent Obsession, Expecting to See Jesus, and Fixing My Eyes on Jesus.
Praise for
WOUNDED by God’s People
Friendly fire. It’s the term used to describe soldiers killed in the line of duty by their fellow fighters. In every war, the percentage of deaths attributed to this phenomena is shocking. Yet it pales in comparison to the number of human hearts that have been disparaged and broken by fellow believers — people who were supposed to be fighting with us not against us. In Wounded by God’s People, Anne bravely and with vulnerability brings this issue to light and then gives us a solution; a salve to soothe the wounds of the offended. This book is a much-needed, long-anticipated tool that will change the future of the body of Christ.
Priscilla Shirer, New York Times bestselling author of The Resolution For Women
It’s important to talk about our wounds this honestly. Anne has done a beautiful job using the pain of her past to tell the story of a loving, healing, and redeeming God. This book is a testimony to a God who never gives up on us, never stops chasing us, and loves us more than we ever thought — even if His people don’t.
Kyle Idleman, author of Not A Fan and Gods At War
I so appreciate Anne writing these honest words about the deep hurts of being wounded … betrayed … rejected … and accused. I know these hard places personally. And it’s doubly hard when it comes from within the body of Christ. But we don’t have to just stew and suffer alone. With great wisdom and deep empathy, Anne has given all of us wounded warriors a place of sweet grace to turn to when we get knocked down.
Lysa TerKeurst, New York Times bestselling author of Made to Crave and Unglued
Enemies cannot betray you. Only a friend can. And sometimes, that friend can emerge from your inner circle of closest confidants. It’s why the wounds we suffer at the hands of other Christians always run deep and leave scars. Thankfully, my friend Anne Graham Lotz provides wise words of comfort and encouragement in Wounded by God’s People, one of her finest works. She answers the prophet’s age-old cry “Is there no balm in Gilead?” reminding us that Jesus restores, heals, and gives us the heaven-sent ability to forgive. I heartily recommend Wounded by God’s People for every follower of Jesus!
Joni Eareckson Tada, Joni and Friends International Disability Center
Anne has written a deeply personal book. You will be moved by her transparency and vulnerability as she shares her most hurtful wounds, inflicted by those in the body of Christ. But ultimately, as the story of Hagar shows and Anne illustrates so eloquently, God is the Great Healer of your wounded heart.
Mark Batterson, New York Times bestselling author of The Circle Maker
Anne Graham Lotz has boldly taught God’s Word and stood courageously for biblical principles. Even in the face of wounding criticism, she has never wavered in her convictions. There is no one I respect more than this godly woman.
Shirley Dobson
Anne’s extraordinary new book encourages us to find our “inner Hagar” and set her free by the power of forgiveness. She has turned her own deep wounds into profound healing for others.
Kathie Lee Gifford
Wounded by God’s People is a book that we have needed for a long time. I know so many people who have been hurt by the church — and too many have hit back. I left the church for years because of one comment one elder made about me. It was two decades before I came back. I highly recommend this love-saturated, Scripture-based, long-needed combination of straightforward teaching and poetry, bot
h convicting and healing, rich and deep. I am ordering multiple copies.
Francine Rivers, bestselling author of the Mark of the Lion series
Ouch! It hurts to be maligned by some in the world who believe we Christ-followers are haters and bigots. But that pales in comparison to the hurt we feel from wounds inflicted by those who also purport to follow Jesus. Those are the deepest cuts. Anne Graham Lotz knows that pain full well. But she also knows where to go to bind those sharp wounds. Open this book and let Anne guide you to forgiveness and restoration as she shares the pain that she has known; that Hagar experienced; that, perhaps, you too have encountered. Let Anne walk you right to Jesus, for He too knew those wounds — and He can heal your pain.
Janet Parshall, nationally syndicated talk-show host
Why are we surprised when another follower of Christ wounds us? God’s people — as all people — are broken beings who hurt others with our actions. Anne Graham Lotz brings good news to both the wounded and the wounding children of God: God redeems our pain through his own. By his wounds we are healed. Read and be restored.
Elisa Morgan, publisher, www.fullfill.org, speaker, author of The Beauty of Broken, www.elisamorgan.com
When Christians cause harm to other Christians, there is often a ripple effect: you have the injury itself, then an inability to trust God’s people, and then even an inability to trust God Himself. Anne Graham Lotz provides hope and transformation for this issue in her book. I highly recommend it.
Dr. John Townsend, leadership consultant and psychologist, coauthor of Boundaries
I love this book because it’s wise, humble, and remarkably transparent. Whatever your pain, you will find that Anne Graham Lotz understands. With candor and grace, she offers the kind of help that may well heal your soul.
Ann Spangler, author of Praying the Names of God
Wounded by God’s People is a remarkable book that sheds light on the devastating problem of being wounded and inflicting wounds within the Christian community. Speaking from experience, Anne brings clarity and understanding to those who have suffered through seasons of great loss. Insightful and authentic, she pulls back the veil on the darkness of betrayal by God’s people and offers alternative, godly responses to the wounding that has been done.
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