The door opened then and Torr walked in, fresh snow coating his cloak.
“Snow again?”
“Not heavy, but slow and steady.” He deposited his cloak on the peg and set the bucket he carried in front of the hearth. He placed a large, cleaned fish on the hearth stone and turned to look at Wintra and smiled. “I cleaned it outside.”
She returned his smile. “As I will remind you, blame my overly cleanliness on the nuns.”
“What else should I blame on them?” he asked, and though he meant it teasingly, the way she scrunched her face apparently had her taking his question seriously.
“My curiosity.”
He laughed. “I have a feeling you were always curious.”
“My mum would have agreed with you. She had told me that I asked more than my share of questions. But the nuns rarely if ever answered any of my questions and the few they did answer made no sense. So naturally—”
“Your curiosity grew,” he finished.
“How could it not?”
“I will not stifle your curiosity, so ask any question you wish.”
He made it sound so easy, but it wasn’t. She could not discuss just anything with him, especially when it came to intimacy. He wasn’t her husband. He was still very much a stranger, though perhaps not as much as before—not nearly as much as before.
She searched for a question that would be permissible to ask, though recalling the shocked reactions of the nuns when she had asked most any question, she had gotten the impression that none of her questions were appropriate.
She found one that had always perplexed her. “Why must a wife obey her husband without question?”
Torr could not help but laugh. “My mother certainly did not obey my father. She was strong-willed and kind-natured and my father loved her dearly. I think it depends on the husband and wife. My mum and da grew up together, and my da had once told me that he knew when he was only a lad that he loved my mum and they would someday wed. I think your brother Cree loved Dawn long before he ever admitted he did. He was just too stubborn to acknowledge it, though I see now that that runs in the family.”
She stuck her tongue out at him and damn if he didn’t want to kiss her and spar with the tempting little morsel. He ignored the thought and continued their discussion. “Then there are women who let their husbands think that they obey them when all the while they are the ones in charge. And then there are those who suffer badly at the hands of their husbands and can do nothing about it.”
The incident with Owen came rushing back at her, and she shivered at the thought of what life would have been like with him.
“Something disturbs you.”
It wasn’t a question. He was aware that something troubled her, and she wondered how he had sensed it.
He reached out as he did last night and rested his hand on hers. “Tell me.”
She glanced at the fish. “Isn’t the fish ready?”
“It can wait.”
“As can mine, until after we eat,” Wintra said.
“You will tell me then?”
Why not tell him? As he had reminded her, Cree would want to know, and she didn’t know if she could tell her brother what Owen had demanded of her. But she was beginning to believe that it would be easier to tell Torr.
“I will tell you,” she said.
“And I will take you at your word,” he said and turned to see to the fish.
At your word. Given one’s word meant one’s honor, so she would have no choice but to talk with him after they ate. Perhaps it would do her good to unload the burden she had felt since the incident with Owen. Unfortunately, she felt more burdened than ever since she had badly misjudged Owen. He had played her for a fool and that disturbed her even more.
The meal went faster than Wintra expected, though perhaps not. Perhaps she was simply anxious about talking with Torr. The more she talked with him and the more she watched him move around the room with such ease, the more comfortable she grew with him. The more she believed him a good man and the more she trusted him.
While Torr saw to cleaning his hands in the bucket, Wintra kept refreshed by the hearth, she hurried to get her bone needles from the hem of her cloak. Then she sat in the chair by the fireplace and carefully pulled a thread of wool from the hem of her dress to use to begin her stitching.
Torr thought of asking her what else she had hidden in her cloak, but thought better of it. It would take the conversation away from where he wanted it to go. Another time he would ask what secrets her cloak concealed. For now he moved his chair closer to hers, and waited.
Wintra stopped stitching when the silence grew too heavy for her to bear. She had given her word and he was waiting patiently—damn him—for her to honor it.
She finished a stitch and slipped the needle in the wool to keep it there until later when she could return and do more. She left the dress resting on her lap and looked up at him. Where did she begin? How did she explain? Color stained her cheeks as soon as she recalled Owen’s words.
“I will repeat it as many times as necessary,” Torr said. “You can tell me anything.”
Could she? There was only one way to find out. “Owen thought you had had your way with me and that I was now spoiled goods. He told me that when he returned I was to be naked on my knees and I was to—” She paused a moment at the image that played in her mind and spoke as fast as she could. “I was to take him in my mouth and pleasure him, and I was to do it at least twice a day from that day on.”
How Torr managed to maintain his anger, he didn’t know. If Owen was in front of him at that moment, he would have snapped his neck without an ounce of remorse. Someway, somehow, he intended to see the lecherous man pay for his actions.
“How could he expect me to do such a disgusting thing?”
“He had no right demanding that of you. It is a degrading act to force upon any woman. But since you forever want to know things, I will tell you this. It is a common act shared between willing partners, but the two people must be willing.” Torr said.
“Truly?” she asked, surprised and intrigued. And then the thought hit her. “Do you mean a man does the same to a woman?”
Torr didn’t hesitate to answer. “Yes, couples do enjoy tasting each other.”
A shiver ran through Wintra at the image of Torr between her legs tasting her. A blast of tingles shot through her, and she felt herself grow wet. Good Lord, she was going to hell.
“Owen had no right to say that to you or to force you to do such a thing.”
“But it is an acceptable act?” she asked wanting to make certain she had heard him right.
“Between two agreeable people it is.”
“Then husbands and wives do that?”
“If they agree upon it.”
She stared at him for a moment, and then blurted out. “Has someone ever tasted you?” She slapped her hand over her mouth soon after the words slipped out.
“You truly are inquisitive. And the answer is yes and more than once, and I quite enjoyed it”
Why the thought annoyed her, she did not know, but she was quick to ask, “And would you expect your wife to taste you?”
“If she wished to, I would quite welcome it.”
“And would you taste her?” This time she was too curious to be shocked by her own words.
“I look forward to it.”
She grew annoyed again. Why? Was she jealous of what Torr would share with the woman he loved? While what of her? Would her future husband expect that of her? Would he be tolerant if she refused to taste him? The questions raised more questions in her head until she didn’t want to think about it anymore. This wasn’t something that could be settled right at this moment. At least now she had some prior knowledge and when the time came...
She shivered.
“Cold or did I upset you?” Torr asked.
“I am not sure what to think,” she answered, and then smiled. “The nuns would faint dead away if they knew I disc
ussed an inappropriate subject with you.”
“I am sure your curious questions probably caused them to almost faint numerous times. And I would not be surprised if they still pray for you daily.”
“I was a bit of a problem to them,” she admitted. “It was probably the reason they kept reminding me to mind my curiosity and manners when Owen would visit.”
“I am surprised that he was allowed to visit with you without Cree’s permission.”
“It wasn’t me he came to visit. He had admired the abundant gardens I so painstakingly tended and asked if he could speak to me. Mother Abbess granted his request and when we spoke he inquired about some of the herbs I grew. We talked briefly, and he bid me good day.”
“And did you fancy him when you met him?” Torr wanted to know exactly how Owen had worked his way into meeting Wintra and convincing her that he loved her and wanted to wed her. Something did not seem right about the whole thing, and he knew Cree would be just as curious.
“I thought nothing of it. I simply enjoyed our brief discussion and thought that was the end of it. He returned and requested to speak with me about the garden again, though he mostly discussed the herbs with me, and Mother Abbess granted his repeated requests. There were always nuns nearby. We were never alone.”
“Did he ever tell you why he visited the abbey?”
After a moment of thought, Wintra said, “Now that I think of it, he never did, but then I had been warned time and again not to question visiting patrons.”
“So he was paying a stipend to Glenburgh Abbey?”
“The nuns were very secretive of abbey patrons, but from what I could gather in snippets of conversations I caught it would seem that he was.” She scrunched her brow. “I wonder why?”
Torr wondered the same, though said nothing.
“I was a blind fool for not seeing Owen’s true nature,” Wintra said annoyed at herself.
“Owen is a man of many talents while you are young and had been cloistered.”
“You know him?”
“I know of him. Owen cares about money and power. He takes what he wants and discards what is no longer of any use to him.”
Wintra shivered again. “He would have discarded me when he was done with me.”
“Cree would have never allowed it, and if anything had happened, your brother would have killed Owen and not quickly.” Torr did not add that Cree would have to have been quick about it because he would have seen to it himself.
Wintra turned her head to stare at the fire’s flames. “Dear Lord, I came so horribly close to making a costly mistake. I let Owen convince me that he was in love with me and that we would be happy together. But worse, I let him convince me that I was in love with him.” She turned to look at Torr, locking her tears away, refusing to let them fall. “Never again. Never will I let another man make a fool of me.”
He smiled. “I would say it was you who made the fool of Owen since you escaped him and freed me.”
Her chin went up. “I certainly did.”
“And now that you know more about men and love, the choice of who to love will be yours.”
“No, no,” she argued shaking her head. “I do not know near enough about men or love. You must teach me.” She nodded. “That is what we will do while waiting to return home. You will teach me about men and love.”
Torr burst out laughing. “Princess, you do not truly want to know about men. And love? I need to learn about that myself.”
Wintra took hold of his hand and squeezed it. “But I do want to know about men. I never want to be that vulnerable to a man again. You have been good to me. Honorable. You want nothing from me. I trust you, so who better to teach me? And love? Perhaps we can figure it out together.”
Torr yanked his hand away, stood, and walked around to the other side of the table. “You do not know what you ask of me. You told me you found me appealing. I have intimately touched almost every part of you, and we have kissed. I am not a monk who lives a celibate life. I am a man with needs and desires.” He slapped his hands down on the table and stared straight at her. “And seeing desire in your eyes for me does not help.”
“That’s it,” she said excited. “That is what you must teach me—how to control my inappropriate desires until I find love. I saw for myself what uncontrolled desire can do to a woman, and I will not let that happen to me.”
“What did you see?” he asked.
“A woman was brought to the abbey one night and secluded in one of the many small cell-like rooms. I was not permitted to go near her, but as the weeks and months passed the nuns told me about her, especially since—” Wintra’s cheeks flushed.
“Why stop now? If you want to learn, then you need to share everything with me.”
She continued before she could stop herself. “Thinking there was something wrong with me, I had spoken to the nuns about a sudden affliction that worried me. I was told to pray whenever I suffered it and that my husband would take care of it when I wed. The nuns made a point of explaining to me that the woman who had arrived at the abbey had surrendered to the affliction before she wed and was now with child. She would give birth to the child, and then take her vows at the abbey. The child would be given to a local peasant family to raise.”
Torr was beginning to believe that Cree had made a terrible mistake leaving Wintra at the abbey with the nuns.
Wintra cringed, drawing her shoulders in as she did. “I can still hear her endless screams when it came time to deliver her baby. It made me think that I never wanted to suffer such pain and what would be the point when—” She turned her head away to once again stare at the flames.
“What happened?” he asked gently.
“She and the baby died, and the nuns said it had been for the best.” Tears coated her eyes when she turned to face him, but once again she refused to let them fall. “How could they say that? And what of the man who got her with child? Did he not care about her at all? Or had she been a blind fool like me? Only I was lucky—you came along and rescued me.”
Chapter Ten
Wintra bewildered Torr. She was unlike other women; beautiful, stubborn, thoughtful, so very curious and so very innocent that he wanted to wrap her in his arms and protect her. But that wouldn’t be what she wanted, and he not only wanted to give her what she wanted, he wanted her to realize her own courage.
“You also rescued me,” he said.
She laughed this time. “I have no doubt that you had already determined your escape. If I had not come along when I did, we may have missed each other.”
She was a perceptive one, for if she had arrived only a few minutes later to free him, he would have been gone. “I would not have left without you.”
“I never doubted you would. Cree sent you and no one disappoints Cree.”
“Cree had nothing to do with it.”
She stared at him wide-eyed, and her heart beat a bit faster.
He reached out and took hold of her chin. “Know this, Princess, I would have never left you to suffer at Owen’s hands. Cree or no Cree.”
He would have rescued her no matter what. Her heart filled with joy, though she did not know why, and she did not care. She only knew that it felt good, very good, and she wanted the wonderful feeling to linger.
“I will always protect you,” he said and gave her a quick kiss, let go of her chin, and walked around the table not trusting himself to do more than just give her a quick kiss.
Her lips tingled and ached for more. Not to mention the tingles that ran through her and settled between her legs. This was desire and she had to learn to control it, even though she would much prefer to surrender to it.
A thought struck her, not unusual since she was constantly struck by thoughts, though this one truly caught her unaware and startled her. What if her relentless desire for Torr was the fact that she was actually falling in love with him? She had never felt such feelings for Owen. What if this was love? How would she know it?
“W
hat heavy thought has hold of you now?” Torr asked concerned, Wintra having paled suddenly.
She shook her head. “How do you learn about love when you know nothing about it?”
Torr walked back around the table, to sit, though he moved his chair a bit of a distance away from Wintra. Being close to her, simply touching her hand or looking upon her lovely face never failed to arouse him. And it was damn hard being in an almost constant state of arousal.
He settled himself in the chair and said, “I suppose we learn from watching others love. My mum and da loved each other dearly and one would have to be blind not to see it. Cree and Dawn share the same enduring love as does Dawn’s friends Paul and Lila.”
“I have had no such opportunity to see what you have seen. My da died before I was born, though Cree and my mum told me time and again what a good and loving man he was. And though I was curious to know more about my da, I did not ask my mum since tears always filled her eyes when she spoke of him. And being confined at the abbey certainly did not allow me to learn about love.”
She looked away for a moment and Torr knew she was thinking and let her be since his mind also had him deep in thought. This petite woman had changed his life in so many unexpected ways that he was still reeling from the shock of it. He had a duty to do, and he had planned on doing it, but now he wanted more.
“So do you think it is possible to fall in love at first sight?”
Her sudden question startled him, though he had no time to answer since she went right on talking.
“From what you tell me of your parents, it would seem that they both fell in love right away. And I do recall my mum telling me once that she had always loved my da. So that has me thinking that she loved him when she first saw him. Love at first sight then is possible,” she concluded.
“Unless of course it is lust one is feeling and once that is satisfied there is nothing else to feel.” She wanted to learn, and he wanted her to know the difference, so she could make the right choice when the time came.
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