by G. A. Rael
"What kind of secret?" There was nervousness behind those words. Anger was flattering. It was when she made it clear she didn't trust him that the knives hit their marks. Reminding himself that he wanted it that way was little consolation.
"Just an irrelevant little thing from the past," he said, caressing her cheek. "Nothing to do with any of this."
She gulped. "Okay. What is it?“
Hermes leaned down and drew his arm tighter around her waist, nuzzling into her thick curls just enough to whisper in her ear, "This is not the first time we've danced, my love.”
Jordan stiffened in his arms and pulled back to gaze up at him in bewilderment. “If you’re talking about that night at the club, I’d hardly call that dancing.”
He smiled. “Neither would I.”
She looked utterly baffled, which was easily one of his top five favorite expressions to see on her face. He took her hand and spun her around, amused by the way her dress fanned out. He pulled her back to him sharply and kept her moving under his lead. "Did the forest animals give you a warranty just in case this dress turns to rags before midnight?"
She glared. "I thought you weren't going to comment on the dress."
"I said I didn't have a comment on the color," he corrected her. "The hemline and materials are fair game."
She rolled her eyes. "At least you're still your bitchy self."
"That's no way to talk to someone who crossed continents for your sake.”
“I fail to see how stalking the devil who wants me for his own purposes is beneficial to me in any way.”
“Then you’ll be happy to know I never found him.”
“Why were you even looking?” she demanded.
“I was hoping to cut a deal, now that we have some leverage.”
“Since when?”
“All five of your consorts have been assembled, have they not?”
“Yes, but how did you —?”
“I have my ways of keeping watch over you, even from afar.”
Something in her silence unsettled him. He liked their bickering. It wasn’t any fun when she refused to give as good as she got.
“You should have told me you were leaving. You’re still my familiar."
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“I mean it. If you run off again, I’m not going to be here when you get back.”
Her words were sincere, even if she didn’t have the power to back them up. Something in her tone kept him from reminding her of that. “What happened while I was gone?”
“A lot,” she snapped, looking away. “It doesn’t matter now. I just want to enjoy the rest of my wedding day in peace, so try not to cause any more trouble than usual.”
Hermes watched her, growing more concerned by the minute. It wasn’t like Jordan to reign in her temper. Especially not around him. “What’s the matter with you?”
“Nothing.” She wouldn’t meet his eyes.
Hermes was about to respond when he saw that Samael and Darren had spotted him. They were both making their way through the crowd and it would be only a matter of seconds before they closed in. “I’ll see you after the party. Make sure the whole gang is there.”
Her eyes filled with confusion, but the fact that she didn’t question him was more concerning than anything else. “Fine,” she said, stepping away from him. Hermes hesitated a second before he sank back into the crowd to disappear. Jordan stood there watching him with her arms crossed, but the look in her eyes was fixed on something much further away.
A few weeks without him in the company of five guardians who had the Heavenly host retreating in fear. He’d imagined his absence would come as a relief to her, but upon his return, he found himself wondering if she was the one who’d left, after all.
Chapter 30
Jordan
“I’m really sorry about this,” Jorden said to her new husband after helping load the gifts into Chase’s SUV and thanking the last of the guests for coming.
"Sorry?" He gave her that reassuring smile she knew so well. "You just made me the happiest man in the world. What's there to be sorry for?"
"I'm sure you weren't planning on spending our wedding night with Hermes and the others," she said, watching as he closed the trunk.
Chase walked over and bent down to kiss her forehead. "That's what I love about you, Jordan. Nothing ever goes as planned when you're around."
"But you love plans," she said, letting him lift her into the vehicle. She felt safer in his SUV than his sports car, but it was tall and she had long since swapped her heels out for flats.
"You never grow if you never leave your comfort zone," he said, driving back toward the house they would be sharing from then on. She hadn’t been able to come up with a sufficient reason for putting off the move, especially after he’d announced that he was building her a greenhouse out back and converting one of the downstairs rooms into an office for her. "Besides, we'll have plenty of time alone on our honeymoon. So, what did Hermes say about this meeting?"
"Not much," she admitted. "He was just being cryptic and weird, as usual.”
"Well, he is a demon."
She couldn't argue there. The ride home was a silent one and as they pulled up the driveway to Chase's home—their home—inexplicable sadness overwhelmed her. It was enough to tempt her to pack everything away in the box again, as neatly as the kitchenware and gadgets they had received to celebrate their nuptials.
"Come on, love," Chase said, helping her out of the car. He was so gentle that it made the memory of the real Chase even more traumatic by contrast. He wrapped her hand in his and led her toward the house. Darren's car was already in the driveway and so was a flashy gold car she didn't recognize. Her pulse quickened as she realized who it must belong to.
When she saw that the lights were already on inside and the door was unlocked, she grew wary. Chase's hand on her back at once filled her with dread and security. Dread because of the pleasure the monster inside him was probably deriving from the touch, and security because she knew that her Chase would never let whatever was in that house hurt her, even if he could make no such promises about what was in his head.
"It's fine," he said, leading her inside. "I gave Darren a key."
Jordan relaxed slightly, but she still felt like a child as she clung to his hand and followed him into the living room to meet the uncertain gathering within. There were no strangers or threats, even if the assembly was not what she had expected. Darren was seated on the big upholstered couch not far from Max. Jordan was surprised he’d come to the wedding at all. And then there was Samael. The angel was leaning against the wall, carelessly propping his elbow against one of Chase’s beloved Renaissance paintings.
"Sam!" she cried, rushing to him. He caught her up in his arms and squeezed her so tightly her bones creaked in protest, but she didn't care. It felt good to be touched by someone who didn't seem convinced that she was a glass thing ready to break at any moment.
"There's my girl," he said, digging his callused hand into her hair as he held her close. She breathed deeply of his scent, an oddly comforting blend of cheap beer, cigars and the sky itself. It probably wasn't the way an angel should smell, but she wouldn't have it any other way.
He set her on the ground and gave her a big smile that was entirely divorced from his tired eyes. "Sorry I didn't get a chance to say hello at the wedding, but you made the prettiest bride I ever did see."
Jordan looked down at her jeans and hoodie. It was a white velour number with "BRIDE" printed on the back, embellished in gaudy pink rhinestones that Lilian had insisted upon buying her. "Probably the first and last time you'll ever see me that dressed up."
He laughed, glancing at the door. "So, did our mysterious host say anything about when he'd be showing up?"
"No," Jordan said, casting a nervous glance at Max. “Thanks for coming and I’m sorry in advance for the experience that is Hermes.”
Max gave her a goodnatured laugh, but he seemed as ex
hausted as all the others. She wondered how she’d never noticed the dark circles under his eyes before. Then again, she’d never had reason to fathom he was a werewolf.
“Speak of the devil,” Samael remarked, turning to look at something behind Jordan.
Jordan turned sharply to see Hermes perched in Chase's favorite chair, casually sipping at a glass of wine as if he had been there for ages.
"Oh, don't mind me," he purred. "I'm just enjoying the reunion and you know how I love being a topic of discussion.”
As unnerving as his presence was, Jordan breathed a sigh of relief. Even if he was only there to torment her, at least that gave him a reason not to leave again.
Jordan glanced at Max suddenly only to find that the outsider was less alarmed by the demon's sudden appearance than he should have been. His lip twitched slightly in agitation.
"As convincing as the guard dog routine is, I think you'll find me a bit harder to swallow than my colleague," Hermes said, looking directly at Max.
Max took a step forward and the demon waved his hand, sending him flying back into the couch. "Sit, boy. I've spent the last fourteen days trapped in a tin can with a redneck angel and I am not in the mood."
"Knock it off," Darren said, stepping between them.
"A boy and his dog," Hermes taunted. "Every bit as moving as a love story, I'd say."
“Enough,” Jordan scolded. This time, Hermes took notice. “I think you owe us all an explanation, so why don’t you just get on with it?”
The demon grinned a moment before clearing his throat and straightening up in his chair. "I suppose you're all wondering why I've gathered you here —”
"Hermes," Jordan said sharply.
He rolled his eyes. "Fine, spoil my fun. Nag. Where do you want me to begin?”
Jordan thought of asking him to explain what kind of deal he wanted to cut with Lucifer now that she had backup, but she decided it was better not to lead with the most important question. That way, he was guaranteed not to give her a straight answer.
“When you were gone, a demon came to visit. Or do you already know that?”
The way his eyes widened told her he didn’t. That came as a relief, at least. It was easier to accept that he was just negligent than that he would let something so awful happen to her if he was aware of it. “No.” He turned his ire on the men gathered around him. “Considering that I left you with four supernatural bodyguards, I didn’t think there would be any issues.”
Samael and Darren looked away. Chase looked crestfallen.
“Don’t you dare put this on them,” Jordan snapped. “This whole time, we’ve all been struggling to put together the pieces of the story you give us, and half the time, they don’t even fit together. If Max hadn’t shown up, I’d be dead because the demon was trying to get to you, so don’t pretend like it’s anyone else’s fault but yours.”
Hermes fell silent, to Jordan’s amazement. Even more shockingly, his eyes were full of guilt when they met hers. “I’m sorry. I never should have left you for that long.”
Jordan had no idea what to do with his apology. Part of her was convinced she had dreamed it, but she was sure this was just another act to manipulate her. “I don’t want your apology. I want a full explanation, and I want it now. Starting with why that demon didn’t know who you were.”
She expected that to be the very beginning of the argument, but the demon was short on energy that night. Either that or he actually felt bad, but Jordan wasn’t ready to entertain that possibility.
“Alright,” he said quietly. “The demon you encountered didn’t remember me because I’m not a demon.”
“Of course,” Jordan hissed. “I don’t know why I expected a straight answer out of you. It’s always a game, isn’t it? Everything is a joke.”
Rather than defend himself, Hermes held her gaze and took the scolding. Jordan’s anger grew as she realized this was probably just a new manipulation tactic now that the others had lost their novelty. Before she could call him on it, Samael interrupted.
“Actually, he’s telling the truth.”
Jordan turned to him. “What?”
“Hermes is an angel,” Sam answered. He was rarely somber, but Jordan found herself wishing this was just another of his poorly timed jokes. “I had a feeling the night of the engagement party, but I didn’t know for sure until I found him down south.”
“That’s not possible,” she insisted. “Of course he’s a demon. I saw him in his true form when he came to rescue me in Paradise.”
Samael hesitated. “That, you’d better let him explain.”
“What you saw was real,” Hermes said, still so quiet and serious Jordan hardly recognized him. She was starting to think that he hadn’t come back from Venezuela at all. Maybe he’d been replaced, too. It made as much sense as anything else in her world. “When I came to Earth, I took the oath of transformation to disguise myself. It was the only way to mask my features. I have both a demonic form and an angelic form.”
Her head spun and her stomach twisted in knots. She’d been nauseous the whole week leading up to the wedding, but she’d hoped the ceremony would be the end of it. And they hadn’t even gotten to the honeymoon yet.
The others listened in rapt attention, no one willing to interject. It took Jordan a moment to realize she was the one they were all staring at with fear in their eyes. She looked down at her hands and realized they were aglow with pale orange flame. She quickly doused it and folded her arms over her chest to keep her hands bound.
“So which one is real?” she demanded.
Hermes hesitated. “These days, the answer is somewhere in between.”
“Why would you bother hiding at all?” She couldn’t think of a reason that wasn’t purely self-serving, and with Hermes, she was sure the truth would find new ways to disappoint her.
“You saw what happened to Samael when he fell,” Hermes answered. “When he killed his brethren.”
The other angel shifted uncomfortably. He refused to speak of that night or what he’d done, and Jordan hated herself for being too preoccupied with everything else to get him to try. She’d failed all of them in some way or another. Even Max’s life had been ruined because of her, even if she’d only just come to realize it. As much as she wanted to blame Hermes for all of it, she knew there was an equal amount of blood on her hands.
If she had to share in the guilt, she was going to demand her share of the knowledge, too. She would get her answers that night, one way or another.
“You mean what happened to his wings?” she asked, struggling to keep her anger in check long enough to get those answers. She stuffed it away like the fear and the pain and everything else, and told herself there would be plenty of time to deal with it all later.
This time, it was different. She felt it even as the last traces of her weakness fled her for somewhere hidden deep inside, but any longing she might have had to chase after it disappeared in the same breath.
Hermes’s demeanor shifted suddenly and he watched her closer. Could he sense what she’d done? Either way, he didn’t call her out in front of the others. She decided that was one thing she had to be grateful for.
“It’s called graying. It happens when we partake in grave sin,” he answered. “Life on earth changes us. It corrupts and diminishes our power. If we stayed for long enough, we’d become like you.”
“Weak?” asked Max.
“Mortal,” Hermes answered. “We have two choices. We can let ourselves continue to fade until we live out a human lifespan without the benefit of reincarnating when all is said and done, or we can pledge our loyalty to Lucifer and take the oath of transformation to become a demon.”
“If Lucifer is a fallen angel, why hasn’t he already died?” asked Darren. “How can he help the rest of you?”
“When he fell, he took enough of Heaven’s light with him to keep himself and an army powered till kingdom come. Literally,” Samael muttered. “But it comes at a cost.”
>
“The light became corrupted when Lucifer fell,” said Hermes. The fact that they were both telling the same story was hardly comforting. “It requires sustenance. That’s why demons tempt humans to sin. We feed off their energy and their life force to sustain our own, but in order to gain any real power, normal human energy isn’t enough.”
“You need magic,” Jordan murmured.
His silence told her enough.
“Is that what’s going to happen to you?” Jordan asked, turning to face Samael. “Are you going to fade if you don’t become a demon?”
“I’d rather go out with a bang than join his ranks,” Samael snorted. “Not that he’d have me. But don’t you go frettin’ about me, little lady. I figure as long as I’m on good behavior, I’ve got another thirty years in me at least. That’s more than enough time to keep you out of trouble.”
His answer would have overwhelmed Jordan with grief and guilt. Instead, all it did was add a weight to the numbness.
“I won’t let that happen,” said Hermes.
Jordan’s eyes narrowed. “Is that why you were looking for Lucifer?”
She sounded hopeful, despite her best efforts. It wouldn’t change the fact that she was furious with him, but it was a start.
“Part of it,” he conceded. “I don’t have faith in our feathered friend’s virtue, but he’s right. It’s nothing for you to worry about right now.”
“No one asked you to do that,” Samael snapped.
“That’s enough,” Darren interjected. “You two can duke it out later.”
“He’s right,” Jordan said, realizing she had already let herself get distracted. Keeping Hermes on track was damn near impossible. He had more layers to his deceptions than his personality. “There are still questions you haven’t answered. Namely, if you became a demon, how the hell are you still an angel?”
His lips twitched a little, and the only thing that kept Jordan from reaming him out was the fact that he seemed to be genuinely trying not to betray his amusement. “You wouldn’t like the answer.”
