Is it too much to ask?
3
Murphy
I showed up to work just in time. As I walk into my office, I notice Mom already there with a handsome man I would say is somewhere in his thirties.
I kiss my mother on the cheek, then shake the man’s hand.
“Hello, I’m Murphy Larussa. And you are?”
“Hello, I’m your father’s attorney. I must say, I never expected you were going to be so…so.” He shakes his head and cracks a smile. “Sorry, that’s unprofessional. My name is Mark Hebert.”
I giggle as my mother cuts in by saying, “You can tell her she’s beautiful. She already knows, but women do like to be praised.”
“Yes, well Mom, there’s no reason to embarrass Mr. Hebert.”
“I’m not embarrassed, Ms. Larussa, just thrown off. Your mother’s right, I never thought Murphy would have such a beautiful daughter.”
“Well, then thank you. Please sit down. Would you like a coffee? Mom, how about you?”
They both shake their heads, and then Mark speaks first.
“No, thank you. I was just telling your mother that I’m here at your father’s request. I have a letter for your mother.”
He hands her the letter, which she puts in her purse. Then he looks back towards me.
“Mr. Larussa is a very sick man. He has been told he doesn’t have much time left. He asked me to come here and beg you to come back to Louisiana with me to visit him before he passes.”
I lean back in my chair and notice my mother has tears slipping down her face. Why the hell should she shed a tear for a man she hasn’t seen or heard from in years?
“Mom, don’t cry. He doesn’t deserve your tears.”
“Murphy, that’s enough. You don’t know him like I do.”
“That’s right, Mom, I don’t know him at all.”
Mr. Hebert clears his throat and says, “That’s why you should come back with me before it’s too late.”
“Mr. Hebert, I promise you it is already too late. Please tell Mr. Larussa I am sorry he’s dying, but that has nothing to do with me. I will not be going to Louisiana to visit a man I don’t know.”
“Ms. Larussa, his death does have a lot to do with you. You are his only child. He never had any other children. So, besides his wife, you are the only other person in his will.”
Mom looks at me, and I at her, but then it hits me: it doesn’t matter. I don’t care about anything that would come from him.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Hebert, that doesn’t change my mind. I don’t want anything from him, and I am not about to let him shed his guilt for not raising me before his death.” I stand, telling him, “Thank you, Mr. Hebert, for informing us of his situation. Please have a safe journey back home.”
I shake his hand to let him know this conversation is over. As I start to walk him out of my office, he stops and says, “Ms. Larussa, please take my card. I’m staying until tomorrow. If you change your mind, call me. I will help arrange your meeting with your father. If, however, he passes without seeing you, we still need to discuss his will. Good evening, ladies.”
With that, he leaves. I stand there for a minute on shaking legs, looking at the card in my hand. Doubts are going through my mind. Am I making a mistake? Shit, I don’t know. Right now, I just need to sit and think.
As I sit, my mother starts, “Murphy, you need to do this. You have to go see him before he dies.”
“No, I don’t. Why should I?”
“For you, Chéri. Do it for closure.”
“Mom, I think twelve years is enough time for me to have closure.”
“You’re crazy if you think you won’t regret it if you don’t see him before he dies. You will always wonder why he wanted to see you. You need this, Murphy.”
“And why not you, Mom? Why don’t you need closure?”
“Baby, I had my closure a long time ago. I love your father, always have because he gave me you, but we were never meant to be.”
“Was it that easy to say goodbye to him?”
As she wipes her tears, she says, “No, Murphy, it wasn’t. He was the love of my life. That’s why I named you after him. But he was married, and I knew that going in. I never asked him to divorce his wife or accept you. However, he did accept you, and he has always loved you. His wife, on the other hand, never could accept that he had a child with me. So I left and never looked back, nor regretted having a relationship with him, because he gave me you.”
She kisses my head and walks out the door, leaving me wondering if I am making a mistake for not wanting to see him. How bad could it be? I mean, I could just go there and see him and know that I did what I needed to do for me. But then, why should I? Do I really need to see him one more time? Fuck, why couldn’t he just have stayed gone?
This is all too much. I need to start working to get my mind off him.
4
Murphy
Walking out of my office, I head straight to the dressing rooms to make sure everything is set for tonight’s event. We have an important client coming in to celebrate his son’s wedding. Bachelor nights are the worst; they all get drunk and sloppy. So, for tonight I ordered extra security to guarantee everything runs smooth.
To gain the girls’ attention, I whistle and yell out, “Okay, okay, girls, settle down. Tonight is a big tip night for all of you, but it’s also a very important night for the club. I don’t want any bullshit. You all know the rules, and I expect all of you to follow them, got it?” They all start to grumble. “I know I’m a bitch, but we have standards here. If you don’t like it, go dance somewhere else. Another thing, I hired extra security to keep you all safe. If any of you feel disrespected, let me or one of the men working security know. We will handle them swiftly and effectively. Just like with all of you, we have rules for our patrons as well. If they can’t follow them, they will be thrown out, no matter what. Okay, girls, enjoy the night.”
With that being said, I head towards the bar, where Joe is sitting. As I make my way towards him, I look over the club. It actually is very beautiful. My mother wanted it to be high end, and she accomplished it. The club is the largest in the state, and we have everything covered. The entrance of the club looks like a very elaborate foyer. My mother had contractors install rich colored wood wall panels to give it the feel of a smoking room. Once you’re in the club, you notice the dance floor, which is large and expands through the whole club. She installed it that way because not only do we have strippers, we have good old-fashioned burlesque shows. They are very popular; a lot of men love to come and watch the shows to get just the hint of a tease. We have low lit, massive chandeliers throughout the space, and the floors are covered in a rich colored carpet in cougar print. Red curtains line the walls where the wood panels aren’t exposed. The bar is grand, with expensive leather covered high-back stools. We also have a room that is roped off for clients who want to do business and not only entertain. They can see the stage, but the room is more private for their business conversations. Then we have side rooms for private showings or lap dances that are supervised. It really is amazing how Mom put everything together.
“Hey, Joe, is everything ready for tonight?”
“Sure is, you know I got this.”
“I know. I’m not doubting you, it’s just my job to ask.”
“Hey, Murphy, I saw your mom leave a little while ago. Is everything all right? She looked like she was crying.”
“Yeah, she just got some upsetting news. She’ll be okay once she processes it all.”
“All right, well, I better get to work. Let your mom know if she needs something to give me a call.”
I lean in and give him a kiss on his cheek. “We love you, Joe. You know that, right?”
“I love both of you, too. I’ve been around here a long time. Your mom and you are family to me. I hate to see either one of you crying.”
I give him another kiss before I walk back to my office to collect myself. Joe is a big, bur
ly guy who has been the only man in my life I could ever count on. He’s getting older, and I’m planning on promoting him to manager status. He shouldn’t have to be doing mundane security anymore. He needs as much advancement as I can give him.
An hour later, we open the club and begin the night. Two hours later, the bachelor party arrives and the night becomes one hell of a party. Testosterone runs rampant, the boys are rowdy and abrasive. Several times, they get out of hand until I have one of them thrown out. Then they start to take me seriously.
All of a sudden, I spot David; shit. He must be here for the bachelor party. I haven’t seen him in months. David is the last lying bastard I dated. Before he notices me, I try to make an escape, but unfortunately, he spots me.
“Murphy, Murphy, stop!”
Fuck. All right, I can do this. I stop and turn towards him. “David, what an unpleasant surprise. I didn’t think you had the balls to show up at my place again.”
“Baby, don’t be that way. I haven’t seen you in forever. I just wanted to say hi and ask how you’ve been?”
“Fine, David. Hi. I’ve been fine. Bye.”
I try again to make a run for it, but David grabs my arm. “Wait, sweetheart, come on, have a drink with me.”
“Get your hands off me, David, or I swear to God I will remove them myself – and you won’t like it, I promise.”
He laughs out loud and says, “What are you going to do, sweetheart, call your security in and have me removed?”
I offer him a beautiful smile and then throw my knee into his balls as hard as I can. He falls down, crying in pain.
“No, David, I don’t need to call anyone to take care of your pesky ass. I am quite capable. Now get out of my club, or I will have to show you exactly how I take the garbage out.”
I return another smile down at him, then leave him lying on the floor in pain. He’ll leave as soon as he can stand. He’s not stupid enough to try anything else.
I finally return to my office for a little peace and quiet, but that’s not what happens. My mind goes back and forth, trying to figure out what to do about my father. It should be an easy answer, and it pisses me off that it’s not. How the hell does he expect me to be at his beck and call just because he’s dying? Why does he even want to see me? Is my mom right? Will I regret not going?
Before I can find any clarity in my deliberation, my door opens and in walks Kylie – or rather Kyle. Kyle is my best friend and our costume designer. He also exclusively designs all my clothes. He’s very gay, a true queen, and I love him. He’s tall and lanky with brown hair and eyes.
“Kyle, what are you doing here?”
“Your mom called, she said you could probably use a friend tonight.”
“Really? Well, I don’t.”
“Come on, Murph, enough with the tough act, it’s just me and you. Tell me what you want to do?”
“So, she told you what’s going on?”
He sits his ass on my desk. “Yep. So again, what do you want to do?”
“I don’t know. It’s not as easy as it should be. I immediately said hell no, but then Mom told me that I’ll regret it. I’m scared that she might be right.”
“Honey, then that’s your answer. You always think way too much for your own good. Just relax, go with it. Do what your heart tells you to.”
I start laughing. “Really? My heart? Come on, Kyle, you know that’s not me. A lot of people would even say I have no heart.”
He starts wiggling a finger at my face. “That’s fine for everyone to think that, but I know the real you. You can put on a big act for everyone else, but don’t try that shit with me. You have the biggest heart of anyone I know. It’ll be okay. Just go, see what he has to say, and then walk away knowing that you did it. You conquered your fear.”
“Fear? What fear?”
“Murphy, your fear of intimacy and love. You’re scared you still feel something for him. You’re scared you still want your daddy.”
I sit back in my chair and stare at the papers on my desk. I’m staring at anything to take my mind off what he just said because I don’t want to let him know that somewhere in his statement lied the truth.
“I’ll go, but you’re coming with me, or I’m not going.”
He lays his hand on his chest, feigning shock. “What, me? A free trip to New Orleans during Mardi Gras? First-class, right?”
“Of course.”
“When do we leave? My bags are already packed and waiting in the hallway.”
“What the hell, Kyle? How did you know I was going to go?”
“Hello, honey, it’s me. Why do you think your mom sent me? Oh, and by the way, those first-class tickets are already bought for the day after tomorrow. All you have to do is call Mr. Hebert and let him know to arrange the meeting.” Kyle comes around my desk and gives me a kiss and hug. “I will see you at home. I’m going to stay with you till we leave so you can’t change your mind. I’ll wait up for you, but I need you to call Mr. Hebert now, okay?”
“Yeah, okay, I’ll call him, love you.”
He blows me a kiss as he leaves. I guess it’s time to call dear old dad’s attorney. I pick up the phone before I can change my mind. As it rings, my nerves are a wreck.
“Hello.”
“Mr. Hebert, it’s Murphy Larussa. I hope you weren’t sleeping.”
“No, Murphy – I mean Ms. Larussa, I was just relaxing. How can I help you?”
I giggle at his slip with my name. I remember the way he looked at me. “Please, Mark, call me Murphy. I wanted to let you know that I’ve decided to follow you down to Louisiana to meet with my father. Tickets have already been bought for the day after tomorrow.”
“That’s great, Murphy. I would prefer if you were traveling back with me, but I understand you have a business to situate. Call me when you get in, I’ll make reservations.”
“I think I can handle my own reservations for a place to stay, but thank you.”
“I was talking more about reservations for dinner, if you would be willing to join me one night?”
“Oh, that was smooth, Mr. Hebert.”
“At my age, smoothness has been perfected. So, is that a yes?”
“Yes, Mark, I think I would like that. I’ll call you when I get settled.”
With that, I hang up. He’s definitely smooth, but I saw him coming. I just didn’t realize he would act that quick.
On my way home, I call my mom in the car, using Bluetooth, of course.
“Hey, baby, are you on your way home?”
“Yes, Mom. By the way, nice trick sending Kyle to convince me to go.”
“Well, I figured if you didn’t want to listen to me, then you would listen to him. You’re so damn hard headed.”
“All right, Mom, so now that I’m going, what do we do with the club?”
“I am still capable of running my own club, Murphy. Don’t worry, I have everything worked out. You just go and enjoy your time in my hometown.”
“Love you, Mom. I’ll see you tomorrow at work so I can show you everything we have planned for the next couple of weeks.”
“Love you, too, Chéri. Goodnight.”
I make it home and go straight to my bed, where Kyle is sleeping. I change and try to quietly lay down without waking him. Lying straight on my back, I stare at the ceiling, feeling way too many emotions.
“You just got home?”
“Yeah, sorry for waking you.”
Kyle turns, facing me in bed. “You know, it’s all right to be scared.”
“I’m fine, Kyle, go to sleep.”
Kyle, knowing I don’t want to talk about it anymore, says, “Come here, let me hold you.”
I do. I turn sideways, letting Kyle spoon and comfort me. Just being in his arms, knowing he cares brings me so much comfort that my mind slows down enough to fall asleep.
5
Murphy
Kyle and I kiss my mom goodbye and head to the airport. We arrive on time and find our seats on th
e plane.
“Fun, girl! We’re going to have so much fun.”
“Okay, okay, settle down. This is not a vacation.”
“Oh yeah, sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I just always wanted to go to New Orleans. While you’re busy with your dad, I might go see some sights.”
Knowing he means partying, I say, “You mean like Bourbon Street and some parades since of course it’s Mardi Gras, right?”
“Only if you don’t need me, but if you do, I’ll stay with you. Whatever you need.”
“Go have fun, don’t worry about me, I barely know the man.”
Kyle doesn’t respond; he just closes his eyes and tries to get some rest. I, on the other hand, am anything but relaxed. My mind drifts back to a time when I was younger, waiting for my father to come for a visit.
“Mom, when is daddy coming?”
“He’ll be here, Murphy, don’t worry.”
I stomp my feet as I storm away from my mother to go sit on the sofa to watch cartoons. Wiping my tears away, my mind wonders why my dad’s not here, not only today, but every day? Why can’t he love me enough to stay? I see other girls with their daddies, and all I want is to be one of them. I even want to be one of the girls who only sees their fathers on the weekends.
I must have fallen asleep in my new pretty pink dress because my father wakes me up by kissing my cheek.
“Daddy!” I scream from excitement, throwing myself on him. “I’ve missed you so much, Daddy, where have you been?”
Art of War Page 2
