by Lance Berry
2a.m. Feedings, she left her door open so that the child’s cries would snap her awake. Mark got so used to her taking care of it, that after a while the baby’s cries barely caused him to stir.
Other than Mara’s subterfuge, life was good for the Elliot family. While they had not fully moved past missing Gloria, Mark spent every weekend with his children. They went on picnics, often to the southern side of the base, which had the best view of Earth. The family would sit close together, Mark holding Sara in his lap while wrapping his other arm around Mara, who in turn cradled Peter in her arms. They would stare up at the stars, watching DFC patrols fly by and Heavy Cruisers come and go. Mark would regale the girls with tales of Earth’s victories against the Calvorian Alliance, and promise Sara that one day he’d take her to see Earth.
It was a good time for the family… “Hello, Miss Elliot,” Doctor Tallworth said as he stepped out of the examination room. “How’s Peter doing?”
“Hi, Doctor Tall,” Sara exclaimed before her older sister could answer the man. Tallworth smiled affably and returned the young girl’s eager wave. “Hello, Sara. Having a good day?”
“Yep!”
“Good,” Tallworth said and returned his gaze to Mara.
“He’s doing fine, Doctor,” the young woman replied to the initial query. Tallworth nodded, then looked to his receptionist at the desk. “Emily, would you look after Peter and Sara? I need to talk to Miss Elliot a moment.”
“Sure,” Emily pleasantly replied, then went over to play a little with the kids while Mara followed the doctor into the examination room, closing the door behind her.
“How are the pills working out?” he asked in a somewhat conspiratorial tone as soon as he was certain no one could hear.
Mara followed his lead and spoke softly. “They’re just fine, they work great! But I’m almost out, I only have a couple left.”
“No problem,” he answered, and went to the medical cabinet, looking for another bottle. “How have you been? Any tenderness from breastfeeding?”
“A little. But I followed your instructions on how to massage and everything else, so I was fine after a while.” She was amazed at how easily she was able to talk about such a thing, whereas only a month before, she had been completely embarrassed to think about the process, let alone discuss it openly. She almost smiled; she felt like a typical mother talking to her child’s pediatrician.
Tallworth found a bottle of lactastisis and shook it tentatively. It didn’t sound like there was much inside. He opened it, taking a count as he asked, “Everything else okay?
Has there been any increase in your top size?”
“No,” she answered a little more awkwardly. He was a doctor, of course, but she was always a bit uncomfortable when men took note of her attributes. She was still a virgin, and didn’t know much about those ways.
“Well, I said it was only a possibility. You’re already ample, we wouldn’t really want to draw any attention to this.” A somewhat concerned look crossed his face. “I only have seven pills in here, just enough to last you the week. I should have more in a couple of days.”
Mara tried not to seem dejected. “Okay. Thank you,” she said and stretched out her hand. Tallworth didn’t put the bottle in it. “You know, we have to keep this secret. It’s important.
I’m not legally giving you this medicine, and I have to account for all the pills that go missing in inventory.”
“I’m sorry,” Mara replied. “I…don’t have a lot of credits on my Unicard, but I have some racked up from study points. I can pay you, if you like.”
“No, I couldn’t do that. Eventually, you might have to account for them to your father.”
“Well, I don’t know…” she said and shrugged helplessly. She felt bad, having placed Tallworth in this position, but she had to help her brother. She had no idea what to do.
Tallworth stepped forward, placing the bottle on the bio-bed beside them. He nibbled just a bit on his lower lip as he quickly sized her up. “I have an idea on how you can thank me for my services.”
“Sure,” Mara said eagerly.
Tallworth’s tongue briefly jutted from between his tightly pursed lips, moistening them just a bit. “Lift up your skirt. I want to see what color panties you’re wearing for me today.”
Mara blinked in puzzlement and took a step back as if she’d been slapped. She heard the words clearly, but couldn’t believe that they had been said. “I’m…I’m sorry, what—?”
He reached out, gently yet somehow firmly cupping her chin in his hand. His face took on a somewhat darker, slightly menacing, appearance as he told her, “You heard exactly what I said. Without this medicine, your brother won’t be ready to accept normal milk. And if you go back to formula which he can’t take, you’ll have to explain to your father how you’ve been incestuously breastfeeding your own brother.”
Mara began to pant heavily, not knowing for the life of her what to do. Tallworth’s grip on her chin grew tighter and he retracted his arm, pulling her forward, closer to him. “That’s it.
That’s it, baby…pant. You are so beautiful when you pant like that.”
“Please,” she whispered. “Please, it’s for my brother…he needs this, please don’t make me, don’t…”
“Then you need to decide how much you really love your brother. It’s all for him, like you said.”
Mara sobbed slightly, a small groan escaping her throat.
Tallworth released his grip and she almost fell into him before catching herself. At home, her father had taught her to run to the closet in his bedroom to get his gun for instances when a stranger might come to the house with the intent of harming her or her siblings—but this man was no stranger. He knew her, more importantly knew her secrets, and what could hurt her and damage her father’s love for her and the family’s reputation. She was a fast runner—for a second, she thought about turning and running out of the office, consequences be damned—but her legs were trembling, and she firmly believed that if she took a step away from him, her legs would refuse to carry her, and she would fall.
She reached down, trying not to think about what was happening, what he was going to do to her, as she took hold of each side of her pleated black skirt and lifted it up…
Tallworth was breathing a little heavier as he watched. “I love blue. It’s a great color for you,” he said admiringly. He stepped forward and reached out with both hands, cupping her breasts. “No,” Mara exclaimed, forcing her arms back up to push his hands away—
“You keep that skirt up,” he said sharply as he grasped her firmly by the arms, his hands clutching so tight that she almost cried out in pain. Instead, she quickly reached back down, obediently lifting her skirt once more.
She looked away from him, down at the floor, anywhere she could to avoid the penetrating gaze of those dark blue eyes.
Eyes that seemed to know every bad thing about her, and threatened to expose her as a slut to her father.
She felt pressure against her forehead, and realized he was rubbing his own forehead against hers. He let go of her arms, and as her legs nearly gave way, she found she could only hold onto his own arms for support. She sobbed quietly and cursed herself; since she had started nursing her brother, she had worn only button down blouses. Now Tallworth opened her blouse, greedily fondling her breasts. “Ssshhh…sshhh…” he gently intoned. “It’s okay, baby. I’m going to take care of you.
Ssshh…it’s okay, it’s okay.”
He wrapped an arm around her waist and she found herself helpless as she leaned her head against his shoulder and he led her to a chair. He sat down, staring at her a moment…looking through her again, seeming to judge her as she stood in front of him, blouse open, tears running down her chin and falling onto her chest as she cried openly now, like a child. She wondered why the receptionist, Emily, didn’t come in to see what was wrong.
Then it occurred to Mara that most pediatricians’ offices were soundproof, so as to
not have crying children disturb patients who were waiting their turn.
He patted his lap. “Come here. Come here, baby.” Mara stumbled forward and started to sit on his lap, but he placed a hand on her waist, holding her back. “No. I want you to straddle me.” She shook her head dumbly. “I don’t know what that is.” His eyes widened eagerly. “Are you a virgin?” Mara nodded, crying a little more. She was humiliated beyond reason now. “I can’t believe that a young woman with a body like yours is still a virgin. Wow,” he said, honestly astonished.
He raised his hands, gesturing for her to come forward. “Come here. I’ll show you.”
Mara shook her head. “Please, no…”
“Come here.”
There was no more arguing it, and so she did as he told her.
He held onto her waist and guided her onto his lap so that she faced him completely, in much the same way as her father used to sit her on his lap, bouncing her on his knees to play horsey.
Tallworth pulled her to him, and she felt a large bulge in his dark-colored pants. She did know what that was, and tried to move in such a way so that it wouldn’t touch her—but he quickly raised her skirt and slapped her lightly on the rear. She understood the intent of that, and stopped fidgeting. She gave in and sat astride him, feeling him throb eagerly beneath her as he held onto her waist with one hand and guided her face to his chest with the other. She sat on his lap, face buried against him and crying while he gently shushed her and rocked her slowly on his lap as if he were her father. He rubbed her back, stroked her hair and talked to her gently, letting her know it would be okay, just calm down, don’t worry, while all along he throbbed beneath her.
Finally, after a few minutes, she calmed down enough that her cries turned to light sobs. She looked up at him, and with a thumb he gently wiped away her tears. She had no idea what was going on, why he was doing this, what he was getting out of it, only that she wished it would stop …no, that it had never happened. That somehow, through some workings of fate or divine province, that time could be reversed and this moment skipped over, erased, wiped from all existence.
He leaned down and gently kissed her lips. Mara’s eyes went wide in surprise. “Was that really so bad?” he asked. She had no idea what to say; she was shocked by the action, but had no idea how to respond to it. If she answered yes, would he hurt her? If she lied and said no, would that only compel him to do more things to her that she didn’t want? It wasn’t the first kiss she had ever received, but definitely the first from a man old enough to be her father. Were they about to have sex? Was this how it was supposed to begin? If so, why was she so afraid?
He leaned toward her again, and she withdrew slightly. He smacked her buttocks in response, and so she acceded to his wishes. He kissed her and she kissed him back, not knowing to do anything else. She groaned in displeasure as his tongue entered her mouth, and then abruptly moaned in discomfort as she felt his hand slide beneath her blue undies and head toward a point he had no right to explore.
“No…no,” she said desperately as she pulled her mouth away from his. “Stop, you can stop, please stop…”
“You either earn your medicine, or we call your father and
I’ll tell him what you’ve been up to.”
Her mouth worked silently, no words coming out. He grasped her left hand and placed it firmly on the throbbing thing beneath her. “Just hold on and squeeze every couple seconds. It’ll be alright. I promise.” He looked into her watering eyes, and added, “Say ‘yes, Dan’.”
She sobbed helplessly, then nodded. “Yes, Dan.” She lay her head back upon his chest and let him kiss her again. She didn’t resist, and did as Dan told her, squeezing firmly every couple of seconds while his fingers found their purchase within her. It didn’t take long, and after a few quick movements, they shuddered together.
And she felt very wrong and dirty.
Chapter 5
Mara was in shock. Numb, to the very core of her being. In all her young life, she had never imagined that something like this could happen to her, especially carried out by someone she had trusted. When she came out of Tallworth’s office, he followed close behind, making small talk as if everything were normal and right with the world. Mara nodded as he had instructed her, so that neither the receptionist nor Sara would know anything was wrong. Tallworth went back into his office with another patient, and Mara quietly took Sara by the hand and pushed Peter’s stroller with the other. She started when Emily said goodbye, but managed to fake a smile and offer a farewell in return.
On the walk home, Sara was happily chirping a mile a minute, talking about how nice Emily was to her, how much she was looking forward to playing with her dolls when she got home, and that she wanted to see all her friends in kindergarten on Monday when classes resumed for the new semester. She let go of Mara’s hand and skipped happily a few feet ahead, oblivious to her older sister’s silence.
At one point, Sara stopped skipping and turned to Mara, a giddy smile on her face. “Mommy—I mean, Mara—”
“I’M NOT MOMMY!” The loudness of Mara’s yell reverberated throughout the street like the echo of a concussion blast. Passersby briefly stopped and stared at Mara, who in turn couldn’t believe she had that much volume in her. Sara shuddered in place, mouth agape at having been yelled at by her sister, whom she loved so much. Peter, who had drifted off to sleep, was startled awake by the noise and began to cry fearfully.
“Look what you’ve—” Mara began, than caught herself.
“No. No, it was me. It was all me. I’m sorry, Sara. I’m sorry…”
She knelt down and gestured for Sara to come to her, which the young girl did hesitantly. Mara wrapped her arms around her, pulling her close and holding her tight.
“Mara, what did I do?”
Mara pulled back slightly, looking at the shocked child through watering eyes. “I’m sorry, baby. You didn’t do anything. I’m…I’m just not feeling well. I…I love you. I’m sorry. I love you.”
“I love you too,” Sara replied easily. “You’ll feel better. It’s okay.” Mara scooped Sara up in one arm and with her free hand took hold of one of the stroller’s handles once more. She rocked it back and forth gently, trying to lull Peter back to sleep. It didn’t work, so the best she could do was hurry home with her siblings, trying to avoid the accusing stares of strangers along the way.
When they got home, Mara locked the front door securely behind them, and set Sara down. She looked around the immediate area: kitchen, living room, through the double doors to the garden out back, and was inexplicably fearful. Even here at home, she found no comfort in her spirit. She sighed in a forlorn manner, wondering if she’d ever feel right again.
“Do you want me to feed Peter? I can get the formula,” Sara offered, then raced to the refrigerator where the useless bottles of product were kept. Mara couldn’t help but smile just a bit at her younger sister’s eagerness to aid her, and was gladdened for it. She took the bottle and lovingly tousled the little girl’s blonde hair. “No. Thank you, sweetie…but it’s my job. Why don’t you just go play? I’ll take Peter to my room. Everything will be just fine.”
Sara stared at Mara a moment, considering, then nodded.
“Okay,” she said, and ran over to her doll house in the middle of the living room floor. Mara exhaled lightly and lifted the crying infant out of his stroller. She took him in back to her room and closed the door. She shushed him gently, trying to get him to calm down, but it only worked a little bit. He would quiet a little, snuffle for a few moments, then begin to cry again. This repeated itself all the while as Mara took one of the pills Tallworth had given her and waited the ten minutes for it to take effect.
As she waited, she sat at her desk and took out a dsp. Her shoulders slumped with the weight of the awful task she had to perform. As she laid Peter’s head against her shoulder, letting him cry, she did as Tallworth had ordered her, and made a list on the dsp of all the different colored underwear she ow
ned.
