I bit my lower lip and arched my back. Every time I involuntarily tightened up on him, Chris let out a hiss of approval. Knowing the effect I had on him only made me hotter. I could feel the longing in my loins growing and growing until I just couldn’t stand it any longer.
A cry of ecstasy filled the room and it took me a moment to realize the sound had come from me. I threw my head back on the pillow and pumped my hips, my thighs squeezing Chris’s midsection as my body shuddered in climax. All I knew in that moment was pleasure. My muscles rippled involuntarily as I rode wave after wave of pure joy, rhythmically squeezing then releasing Chris’s manhood.
Just when I thought I’d reached the apex of pleasure, his gentle yet insistent fingers drew a second, smaller explosion out of me. I whimpered and pressed my body up against his, wanting to be close to him. A flood of emotions overtook me as my body quivered and trembled in sexual satisfaction.
Chris buried his face in my neck and began to thrust into me harder and faster than ever. His movements were less controlled now and I knew it meant he was close. I clung to him like I was drowning and he was my lifeline. I concentrated on squeezing my muscles down there, determined to give him as much pleasure as he’d given me.
I knew the exact moment he tipped over the edge. He let out a grunt and thrust deep into me, as though he wanted our bodies to be one. And for a moment, they were. It felt like I was made for him and he was made for me. It felt like nothing else I’d ever experienced. All I could do was wrap my arms around him and hold on.
After it was over, neither of us spoke for a long while.
He made no move to get off of me or to pull out – which was fine by me. I liked feeling his body pressed against mine, his manhood inside me. It felt good. It felt right.
After a few minutes, Chris reached up to touch my face. Though I’d never said a word to him, he somehow knew to avoid the side where my birthmark was. I think he could sense how uncomfortable I became any time his fingertips or lips strayed too close to the source of my years of emotional pain.
When he touched my cheek, I knew he’d find it wet with my tears.
“You’re crying,” he said softly.
I nodded, momentarily forgetting he couldn’t see me.
“Michelle? Are you alright? Are you still hurting?” he asked anxiously.
“I’m fine,” I assured him even as the hot, salty tears streamed down my face. Actually, the truth was I was better than fine. The flood of emotion had caught me off guard but it wasn’t a bad thing. It was something beautiful, just like my relationship with Chris.
“Why are you crying?”
I smiled. “I’m just happy.”
Chapter 11
Chris slept over that night. We didn’t mean for him to, but at some point we both fell asleep in my single bed, limbs entangled. There must have been something soothing about lying there with my head on his chest listening to be rhythmic beating of his heart because I didn’t wake up until he was trying to get up.
“Morning,” I murmured, sleepy and still glowing with happiness over the previous night.
“I have to go,” he said. Okay, so maybe he wasn’t a morning person. I could work with that.
I sat up and peered out the window, checking to see if my mom’s car was home. It wasn’t. “It’s okay,” I assured him. “It looks like my mom’s already gone for work. So come here and kiss me good morning.”
“I have to get to the airport,” Chris replied tersely, feeling around until he located his pants on my bedroom floor.
I leapt out of bed as though the mattress was on fire. “Oh God, what time is it?!”
“I’ve still got a couple hours but I should get home and finish packing,” he explained. “Can you call me a cab, please?”
“Sure,” I replied, reaching for my cell phone. As I waited for the cab company to pick up, I thought to myself that today might be the day: the beginning of the end. But then I remembered Chris’s tenderness the previous night and, despite my tendency to focus on the negative, managed to push the awful thought aside.
*****
Later that day I met Chris at the airport because I wanted to see him off. I couldn’t imagine not being there to say goodbye and wish him well. After all, he was about to embark on what may very well be the single most important journey of his life.
What I hadn’t been counting on was his mother being there at the airport with him. I guess I hadn’t really considered that he’d be accompanied by anyone at all. Silly me! I should have known he’d need someone to help him navigate his way through a foreign country and since his sister had just given birth, Chris’s mother was the logical answer.
She was a pleasantly plump woman in her sixties with white hair, piercing blue eyes and a ruddy complexion. She was sitting in a wheelchair, which I also hadn’t been expecting. She and Chris made quite the pair, one unable to walk and the other unable to see.
I was immediately nervous about meeting her. I hated meeting new people in general because of the way they inevitably stared at my face, even when they tried not to. But to meet Chris’s mom was particularly terrifying. I hoped I’d make a good first impression. I desperately wanted her to like me.
Thankfully she had a warm smile and kind demeanor that helped put me at ease. I did see her gaze pause on the left side of my face, but only briefly. To her credit, she did a decent job of looking me in the eye instead of staring at my birthmark.
“So you’re the girl Chris is so taken with,” his mother beamed. “I haven’t seen him this happy since before his accident,” she confided, her hand clutching mine affectionately. “You must really be something special, Michelle.”
“Mom,” he mumbled, looking sheepish.
I grinned.
Chris’s mom looked at the two of us standing there together, our hands close but not quite touching. I could practically see the wheels in her head turning. “I’m going to go have a coffee before the flight,” she announced, shooting me a wink so subtle I may have actually just imagined it. “It was very nice to meet you, Michelle.”
With that, she wheeled herself away.
“Did I do okay?”
“She likes you,” Chris informed me. “I could tell by the tone of her voice. She never liked any of my other girlfriends, you know. In fact, she hated them all with a passion…but not you. It’s kind of a big deal.”
Every time I looked at him, I blushed. It was as though I thought everyone in the vicinity would be able to take one look at us and know that I’d given my virginity to him. It was absurd, I know. But to say I had sex on the brain was an understatement. I wanted him like I’d never wanted anyone or anything before.
I just wished we had more time together.
We stood there awkwardly for a few minutes making small talk as I gazed around the busy airport. I actually did most of the talking but that was okay. I knew Chris must be nervous. After all, I was nervous and I wasn’t the one who was flying halfway around the world for experimental surgery.
All too soon, we heard the announcement over the loudspeaker that Chris’s flight would be boarding shortly. “I’d better get going,” he said, pulling his boarding pass and passport out of the duffel bag that was casually slung over his shoulder.
“Wait,” I blurted out. I wasn’t ready for him to leave just yet. Well, that’s an understatement. I kind of wanted to throw myself on the floor and wrap my arms around his legs and have a full out toddleresque temper tantrum right there in the middle of the airport. I didn’t want him to leave. I wanted him to stay by my side forever and make love to me every night for the rest of our lives.
But I couldn’t let my own selfish motivations hold Chris back.
I reached into the front pocket of my jeans and pulled a small object out. I rolled it around between my fingers like I’d done a million times before and then pressed it into the palm of Chris’s hand.
“What’s this?” he asked me, running his fingertips over it lightly. “It feels lik
e a coin.”
“It’s a lucky penny,” I told him. “I picked it up on the playground at school when I was eight and I’ve been carrying it around with me ever since. Maybe it’s stupid – I swear I’m not a superstitious nut – but I feel like it does bring good luck.”
“Oh yeah?” he asked curiously, a slight smile playing over his lips.
“Yeah…the day I found it was the day my mom brought Rufus home.”
“Rufus?” Chris asked, looking confused.
“He was my dog,” I explained. “He was a stray that had been hanging around the store where my mom works,” I said somewhat shyly. “At first my mom and her coworkers just fed him but then it started getting colder and they knew he needed a home. So my mom decided we’d adopt him. He died of old age last year but he was the best dog, playful and loyal to a fault. And the day I got him was like the best day ever until…”
“…Until what?” Chris pressed gently.
What I wanted to say was it was the best day ever until Chris had come along. Every moment I spent with Chris was exciting – some more than others, I thought as I felt my face heat up. I could practically feel his hands and mouth on my body, his hardness inside me… Oh God, I wanted him so bad.
But I felt like telling him that might be too much too soon. I’d heard guys joke about girls being insanely clingy after having sex for the first time. And even though this was all new to me, Chris had been around the block more than a few times. I wondered, with a pang of jealousy, how many other girls he’d deflowered or, for that matter, how many other girls he’d slept with. Quickly, I shoved those thoughts aside.
The last thing I wanted was for Chris to regret having sex with me or think I was annoying. So instead of telling him what was on my mind, I changed the subject.
“You’d better go. Listen, good luck with everything…”
“I won’t need it,” Chris said confidently, holding the penny up for me to see. “After all, I have this now. Thank you. I’ll see you when I get back, okay? Literally, I hope!”
Grabbing his hand, I guided it to my waist so he could wrap his arms around me. As he set down his duffel bag and took me in his arms, I heard him sigh heavily.
“It will be okay,” I murmured.
“I hope so.”
“Kiss, please!”
As we locked lips, I couldn’t help but wonder if it would be the last time I ever kissed him. I fully expected that when Chris got back, if his eyesight was restored, he’d take one look at me and be appalled that he’d ever been intimate with me. It was a heart wrenching thought but, I was afraid, it was also a very real possibility.
I left the airport with a heavy heart.
As the hours passed, I found myself growing increasingly restless. Over and over, I’d see or do something and think to myself, “I have to tell Chris!” Then I’d remember he was on a plane headed to the other side of the ocean. It was strange to think that I couldn’t talk to him.
I’d always been independent, resigned to my solitude and comfortable in it. I’ve never envisioned myself being a clingy girl – why would I be when I’d never had anyone to cling to? But now I hated that Chris was so far away.
I wanted to be excited for him – what he was doing was thrilling and I genuinely did want the best for him. Even though he said he’d tried to accept his blindness, I knew that regaining his vision would be the best thing that had ever happened to him.
Knowing how important Chris’s procedure was to him, I was nonetheless sad for myself. I wanted to be the best thing that had ever happened to him. But I was already trying to mentally prepare myself a breakup that I was sure was inevitable.
I went through the rest of my day in a daze, completely distracted and all messed up inside. When it was finally time for bed, I crawled under the covers gratefully, feeling a twinge of sadness as I recalled rolling around on that very mattress with Chris, both of us consumed by desire. All I could do now was hope that the funk I was in would pass by the time I woke up the next morning.
In the middle of the night, my phone rang, waking me from a fitful sleep.
“Hello?”
“Hey, so I miss you already. We have to come back here someday, okay? The accents are the best thing ever! My mom tells me the scenery is pretty nice too, but I’ll have to take her word on that…for the time being, anyway. Michelle, I can’t stop thinking about you.”
My heart skipped a beat at Chris’s voice. He sounded so close that if I shut my eyes, I could almost believe I could reach right out and touch him. “I miss you too,” I said, my voice hoarse with sleep. “I wish you were here with me.”
“Whoa wait…were you asleep? What time is it there?”
I glanced at my bedside clock. “It’s almost four in the morning,” I replied, stifling a yawn.
“Oops, I didn’t even think about the time difference. Sorry. Go back to sleep, okay?”
“I don’t want to hang up,” I murmured, my eyelids growing heavy again.
“Okay, then don’t,” Chris said agreeably. “I’ll stay on the phone with you until you fall asleep, how’s that?”
“Good,” I murmured. Half in a daze, I reached out and grabbed my pillow, wrapping my arms around it tightly. I wished it was Chris. Being in his arms made me feel so secure and special and loved…
He didn’t say anything. I just listened to him breathe on the other end of the phone. That was all I needed. I just wanted to know he was there. As I slipped into a pleasant dream in which he was in bed next to me, I automatically murmured, “I love you.”
I didn’t even realize I’d uttered the words aloud until the voice on the other end of the phone replied, “I love you too.”
Chapter 12
The next morning when I realized the gravity of what Chris and I had said, my mind ran rampant. The cynic in me tried to make me crash back down to Earth, reminding me that Chris was a good looking, outgoing guy and I was the girl everyone stared at in horror, surprise or pity.
The only thing that had made our relationship work was his blissful ignorance as to what I looked like. If his sight came back, there was no way we’d last.
But I was nonetheless walking on air.
Chris had said he loved me! It was like something out of one of the romance novels I’d read obsessively growing up. I’d spent hours in the quiet back corner of the public library devouring them because I was too embarrassed to check them out. I’d fantasize that one day I, like the busty heroine, would meet a bare-chested, long-haired handsome man who’d fall madly in love with me.
Okay, so real life wasn’t quite like those books, but still…Chris had said he loved me!
And even the cynic in me had to admit it was a pretty amazing feeling.
I waited on pins and needles for Chris’s next phone call. I wasn’t sure when it would be. He was supposed to be meeting with the specialist to have a consultation. The doctor had warned that, although Chris seemed like a good candidate for the new corrective technique, there was no way to know for sure without personally assessing him.
When the phone finally rang as I was brushing my teeth, I lunged for it, knocking over a container of liquid hand soap in the process.
“How did it go?” I demanded, without even saying hello. Toothpaste dribbled down my chin. I wiped it away without even really noticing it and then spit the remainder of the toothpaste into the sink. My heart was pounding in my chest as I waited, holding my breath, for Chris to answer.
“Good,” he replied. “I just finished my consultation a few minutes ago,” he said. “I’m scheduled to meet the doctor again tomorrow afternoon. Michelle…this time tomorrow, I might be able to see!” He sounded like he could barely believe it. I think at some point he hadn’t dared to hope anymore, but now he couldn’t help it.
“That’s great,” I said, forcing myself to sound happy for him. I was happy for him – it was fantastic news, after all. But I wondered where that would leave me.
“If I was there,” he sa
id, “We’d be going out for celebratory cheesecake for sure.”
“Oh you and your cheesecake,” I groaned good-naturedly. “We’ll go get some when you get back, okay?” A little voice in my head corrected me. We’ll go get some if you still want to be seen in public with me.
“Definitely,” he said, “But that’s not good enough. What time is it there? This dumb time zone nonsense has me completely confused. It’s gotta be what, like nine?”
“Eight o’clock,” I replied, stealing a glance at my wristwatch.
“What are you doing?”
“Getting ready for bed,” I confessed sheepishly.
Chris snickered. “What are you, a hundred years old? Listen, here’s what I want you to do for me. Throw on some clothes, call a cab and head down to the cheesecake place. Order your favorite kind and take a picture of yourself eating it for me.”
“Uh, Chris…?”
“I want to see the picture after my surgery,” he explained. “Maybe I’m being too optimistic here but I’m a wreck inside, Michelle. I feel like the only way I can keep myself from going crazy is with positive thinking, you know? Does that sound crazy? Oh great, what if I’m already crazy and just don’t know it yet?”
“It doesn’t sound crazy,” I assured him. In fact, I knew exactly how he felt. I had a similar internal struggle going on over the future of our relationship. I desperately wanted to believe Chris would love me despite my physical appearance, but I was constantly at war with myself over whether I was being hopelessly, pathetically unrealistic.
I probably understood how Chris felt more than I could ever explain to him.
“So you’ll go?” he asked hopefully.
“Yeah, I’m getting ready right now,” I said as I screwed the cap back on the tube of toothpaste and picked the hand soap container up off the floor.
“Good.”
“Okay…bye?”
“No, don’t hang up,” Chris said. “I’ll wait.”
“Uh, Chris,” I pointed out, “this phone call is going to cost you a fortune.”
Love Is Blind Page 7
